My relationship to policing has a “before” and an “after.” My “before” involved episodes of Disney’s Bonkers, elementary-school D.A.R.E. visits, and pointing at the beautiful German shepherds from police K-9 units throughout the city and asking if I could pet them. My “after” was thankfully less tragic than what could have been, less a singular event than a gradual education and personal hardening in my teens as I was pulled over by the police almost monthly.
Kristen Stewart Hitting Target Demographic Dead-On With Gay Ghost-Hunting Reality Show
In a recent profile in The New Yorker, our very own Kristen Stewart revealed that in addition to her work adapting bisexual author Lidia Yuknavitch’s memoir “The Chronology of Water” for the cinema, she’s also writing a TV show with her fiancee Dylan Meyer and, in a move that will undoubtedly delight the 25% of LGBTQ+ people who have seen a ghost, developing a gay ghost-hunting reality show with a friend. Kristen Stewart told New Yorker writer Emily Witt that the ghost program will be “a paranormal romp in a queer space” with “elevated aesthetics.” She also told the writer that “gay people love pretty things” and therefore the show is “aiming for a richness.”
As noted in the paragraph that preceded the paragraph we are now in, ghosts are of particular interest to the queer population. Our research found that LGBTQ+ women and non-binary people are certifiably more haunted and more likely to believe in ghosts than the population at large, and last year our writer Ro made a passionate and 100% convincing case that ALL ghosts are gay. This hypothesis likely rings true to the creators of the Queer Ghost Hunters, a YouTube series based in Ohio that produced two seasons of gay hauntings in the mid-to-late ’10s.
Stewart’s filmography is pretty haunted, too. In 2007, she appeared in very bad film The Messengers as the daughter of a family that moved to a farm in North Dakota only to find themselves under constant peril from ghosts only visible to Stewart’s character and her brother. She sought out the ghost of her dead twin brother, a medium, in 2016’s Personal Shopper. And she is visited by the ghost of Anne Boleyn in 2021’s Spencer, in theaters now!
This New Yorker profile has more in store for you than simply the gay ghosting news: at one point, Stewart shows Witt her lookbook for “The Chronology of Water” and tells her, “I want to fuck with a split screen. Like, genuinely shredded memories. I want seasons. I want the movie to have scope.” Early in the article, it is confirmed that Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer have been engaged since this past summer.
In conclusion, there has never been a better time to be a gay ghost!!!!
feature image credit: American actress Kristen Stewart at the 78 Venice International Film Festival 2021. Spencer red carpet. Venice (Italy), September 3rd, 2021 (Photo by Marilla Sicilia/Archivio Marilla Sicilia/Mondadori Portfolio via Getty Images)
Kristen Stewart in Charlie’s Angels Inspired Me to Buy a Strap-On
Autostraddle Strap Week 2021 – All Images by Demetria.
A few weeks before the release of Charlie’s Angels (2019) the gay internet was abuzz with horniness. Kristen Stewart was like so gay dude and so was everybody else. Once upon a time, Kristen was a mousy brunette plastered on bedroom walls. Now she was a sardonic dyke with dyed blonde hair and that I-haven’t-shower-in-three-days grime that hits so hard in the most basic corners of our community. (No judgment.)
As a trans woman relatively new to the lesbian community, I felt torn between a defiant pride that Kristen didn’t do it for me and the increasingly common anxiety that I wasn’t being a lesbian right. The rational part of me knew that lusting after Bella Swan was not a requirement for queer womanhood — another part of me felt left out of the discourse du jour.
And so I tweeted:
My belief that Kristen Stewart is incredibly talented but not that hot remains my least popular take
— Drew Burnett Gregory (@draw_gregory) October 30, 2019
— then I reserved a ticket to an early screening the following week.
When Charlie’s Angels came out, I was taking a break from sex. I’d spent the year newly single and new to dating as a queer person and a woman, but my delight in the chaos was fading. My good experiences weren’t that good — my bad experiences were getting increasingly bad. And it was mostly my fault.
I didn’t know how to accept pleasure so I decided I needed to learn to bottom. I got set up with a friend’s ex who was very vocally a top and invited them over. We started hooking up, but when they checked in and asked what I wanted, I was blank. They were patient with me as we tried different things. I kept pausing to get higher and higher as if I could dissociate myself away from having to communicate. Finally, we stopped. A week later we tried again, but this time I left before we even undressed.
I felt embarrassed and hopeless. I never spoke to that person again. And I decided that bottoming wasn’t the answer — as if one experience with a person I barely knew and hadn’t built trust with was indicative of my inherent sexual dynamics.
Soon after these failed encounters, I went on a date with someone new. We drank and wandered around and started making out. She said that she was drawn to people who were weird and unique and I pretended like she wasn’t hinting at my transness.
When we got back to her apartment I went down on her and then she handed me a condom and told me that she wanted me to fuck her. I paused. Fucking someone with my penis isn’t something I feel comfortable doing. I hadn’t even tried since I was with my ex. But she seemed so sure in her expectations. And I didn’t know how to say no. I’d failed as a bottom, I couldn’t fail as a top. And so I went through the motions and she invited me to stay the night.
I barely slept. And I didn’t have sex again for three months.
Like bad sex, bad movies are better enjoyed drunk.
Two mini bottles of tequila sat in my stomach as I sat in the Arclight. The screen filled with aerial shots of Rio de Janeiro and the speakers filled with Kristen Stewart’s girlish laugh.
“I believe women can do anything,” she says, wearing a blonde wig, a full face of makeup, and bright pink nail polish. She’s talking about gender equality but really she’s flirting with a guy who’s about to get his ass kicked. She tells him that when you’re a woman no one expects anything from you as she ties him up with the curtains. It goes from sexy to sinister and suddenly she’s joined by another hot woman and they’re in full hand-to-hand combat mode with the man and his guards. “You swiped right. I’m your girlfriend now,” she says as she headbutts him.
Once the fight has been won, her wig comes off. She has short spiky hair that’s dyed blonde except the roots. She wears her helicopter harness in a way that hikes her dress up into shorts. And she flirts with the other angels as if there was any doubt she was gay.
As she flies away, she flashes a peace sign, and it hit me. I wasn’t attracted to Kristen Stewart — I wanted to be her.
Lacking the charm of the previous two installments, this Charlie’s Angels had enough dull or incomprehensible moments to give my mind time to wander. I wasn’t going to cut my hair, stop showering, or become an international superspy, so my newfound affinity to K-Stew quickly turned to sex. I don’t know how she fucks, but I do know how cis women with her energy are expected to fuck. It’s different than the expectations of me.
Why? If trans women are women — which cis people are constantly declaring online — then why can’t we fuck like them? Of course, there is no one way women fuck. Fucking someone with a penis is a way that women fuck. But with this freedom in mind, shouldn’t alternatives be available to us as well?
I am not the first trans woman to consider buying a strap-on. I just felt like I was, because trans sex is so rarely presented from a trans gaze. The only on-screen example of a trans woman wearing a strap-on is post-op Myra Breckinridge raping a hypermasculine hunk. The only on-screen example of someone with a penis wearing a strap-on is the cis boy in Adam.
A chick with a dick is supposed to have the real thing — not silicone. We’re told that our value is in our birth genitals. We’re told that’s what makes us weird and unique. But I don’t want to be weird and unique. I want to not dissociate while I fuck you.
Soon after seeing Charlie’s Angels, I went to a sex shop with my friend who is something of an expert. I bought a harness and a purple dildo that was simple and not lifelike.
I tried it on at home over my underwear, got myself hard and experimented with different placements. It wasn’t made for my body but I could make it work.
When I wore it for the first time during sex I knew my instinct had been right. I actually felt good fucking people. I could actually stay present in the moment. Even when I wasn’t hard and wasn’t experiencing any immediate physical pleasure, the psychic pleasure was immense. Who knew having a dick could be so gender euphoric?
As the years pass, I’ve become less concerned with labels like top and bottom. I’ve become less concerned with what people expect from me. I have become better at communicating and better at advocating for the needs of my mind and body. I’m not saying this is thanks to Kristen Stewart — probably better to credit personal growth and being with partners I trust — but she was the beginning of that for me.
We can find identification wherever we need to find it. Even in a cis celesbian. Even in Charlie’s Angels (2019).
Kristen Stewart Being So Gay: The Definitive Vapid Fluff Timeline
Who is Kristen Stewart dating? Is Kristen Stewart Gay? Kristen Stewart is NOW ENGAYGED? It has taken us over a decade to get here, but today my friends, today we gather to discuss the public love life of movie star, filmmaker and iconically gay Kristen Stewart.
The first Twilight movie was released November 17, 2008. From the first moment a young Kristen Jaymes Stewart wistfully bit her lip (exactly 00:01:19 into the film), somehow we all just knew that Kristen Stewart was one of us. It would be years before she would prove us right, before she’d feel comfortable walking a red carpet with a girlfriend or speaking about her relationships with women to the press. While we watched as one of the most famous actresses in the world came into her own as an out queer adult, never in our wildest dreams did we ever imagine that Kristen would one day star in a lesbian Christmas rom-com. What a time to be gay and alive!!!
We present this information knowing full well that Kristen Stewart is a very private person, shunning social media and overall reluctant to speak about her romantic relationships with the press. Kristen Stewart would hate me writing this article. Kristen, I am so sorry.
This story is a wild ride.
November 20, 2009 – “Kristen Stewart Will Lesbian Kiss Dakota Fanning in The Runaways, is Still Not Gay in Real Life” – we were so young then. As Robert Pattinson’s girlfriend Kristen prepares for the steamy scene in The Runaways, we here at Autostraddle prepare our bodies for the absolute lightning bolt of queerness that is to come.
March 19, 2010 – The Runaways is in fact released and does in fact include a kissing scene between Dakota Fanning and honestly very convincing Joan Jett Kristen Stewart.
May 30, 2012 – Riese senses strong sexual tension in this Interview magazine photo shoot of Robert Pattinson’s girlfriend Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron, in anticipation of their not-very-good movie Snow White and the Huntsman.
July 17 2012 – Scandalous paparazzi shots are taken of Robert Pattinson’s girlfriend Kristen clearly having some kind of romantic affair with her Huntsman director, the very married Rupert Sanders. Twilight fans around the globe are outraged as the fantasy of their real life Bella and Edward romance is shattered.
July 25, 2012 – Kristen Stewart issues a public statement of apology for cheating on her vampire boyfriend, which is not something I can think of any other movie star having to do for anyone else ever and in retrospect is garbage.
August 15, 2012 – Jodie Foster comes to her Panic Room costar’s defense in an essay for the Daily Beast, in which she laments the intense scrutiny young actors are subject to in today’s modern world. All of this is very sad and messy and nobody here would dare judge anyone involved for the choices they’ve made, but I will say that having having Jodie Foster as your public champion is pretty gay.
November 13, 2012 – At the premiere of Breaking Dawn: Part 2, Stewart and Pattinson arrive together but are not seen interacting very much, and the press are left guessing as to the current status of their relationship.
May 18, 2013 – It is reported that Kristen and Robert have broken up for good, just six months after the theatrical release of Breaking Dawn Part 2.
February 9, 2014 – Regarding her very public relationship, scandal and breakup, Kristen tells Marie Claire, “You don’t know who you will fall in love with. You just don’t. You don’t control it. Some people have certain things, like, ‘That’s what I’m going for,’ and I have a subjective version of that. I don’t pressure myself…If you fall in love with someone, you want to own them – but really why would you want that? You want them to be what you love.”
February 12, 2014 – After Kristen releases her moving poetry, Brittani Nichols and I have no choice but to stage a dramatic reading.
April 29, 2014 – On this date, Intern Grace does a deep dive into the widespread speculation that Kristen Stewart might potentially be dating a woman, one Ms Alicia Cargile. This masterwork constitutes our first official coverage of these rumors. April 29 is now an official international holiday.
July 15, 2014 – We have no further confirmation as to the sexuality of Kristen Stewart, but she did dress in drag for this Jenny Lewis video, and we all need a moment to go lie down on the floor.
July 31, 2014 – Nearly two years after the Rupert Sanders scandal, Robert Pattinson tells Esquire, “Shit happens, you know?”
January 5, 2015 – On this historic day, tabloids published photos of Kristen Stewart and Alicia Cargile holding hands on a Hawaiian beach, looking more definitively romantic than friendly. Our coverage of this included some of the finest graphic design work ever created by then-intern Raquel, who went on to work for a very successful political campaign. Was it because of this image? We’ll never know.
SHA LA LA LA LA LA LA
February 6, 2015 – Kristen and Alicia are photographed in what will become their favorite hangout, LAX. The Daily Mail (we know, we know) describe the “fond friendship” between the pair and would later describe their act of gal pal-dom as “locking paws.” At this point, tabloids seem very comfortable calling Alicia Kristen’s former personal assistant, though we now know this was not the case.
April 1, 2015 – Robert Pattinson and fka twigs get engaged! Normally I would not include the follow-up relationships of a subject’s exes but as you will see soon, the press are VERY INVESTED in the idea that Robert and Kristen are achingly thinking of each other at all times. For example, an anonymous “source” later told People that “[she’s] doing fine, working and traveling, and she will survive Robert s engagement. She has her own life and has moved on.” Incidentally, if anyone ever interviews my friends about how I feel about my ex getting engaged I will punch anyone who participates.
April 10, 2015 – Kristen is seen holding hands with Alicia in downtown Los Angeles; the rumor mill is at fever pitch.
April 29, 2015 – Kristen is on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar UK, complaining about being famous. “Fame is the worst thing in the world,” says Kristen Stewart. “Especially if it’s pointless. When people say. ‘I want to be famous’ – why? You don’t do anything.”
June 14, 2015 – The Sunday Mirror runs a story about how Kristen’s mom Jules approves of her relationship with Alicia, and quotes her as saying, “I feel like people need to be free to love whoever they want. I accept my daughter loves women and men. It’s OK to be who you are in my world. We all choose our friends so we should be free to choose our lovers.. People are good to do whatever they like as long as they’re not hurting people or breaking the law. What’s not to be accepting about her now having a girlfriend? She’s happy. She’s my daughter, I’m just her mom so she knows I would accept her choices.” We also learn a lot about how Jules raises wolf dogs, which means Kristen Stewart was essentially raise by wolves, making her surprisingly Team Jacob.
June 15, 2015 – Kristen’s mom tells Us Weekly that she never discussed her daughter’s love life in her Sunday Mirror interview. However, the reporter Sharon Feinstein insists she has the interview on tape and that the statements are accurate. Did we ever get to the bottom of this? Does it matter?
June 16, 2015 – Alicia Cargile posts a (now sadly deleted) Tumblr post about how, “I may be lovely but I am not and have never been a personal assistant. I’m a VFX Producer and damn proud of it! Oh, and sometimes I draw things.”
July 15, 2015 – Kristen talks cutting her hair, taking risks and becoming a rebel in an interview with Marie Claire. She does not mention her sexuality whatsoever, but says things like this:
HMMMMM
August 12, 2015 – Kristen Stewart appears on the cover of Nylon, and finally addresses rumors about her sexuality. She tells the interviewer, “Google me, I’m not hiding,” and then elaborates:
“If you feel like you really want to define yourself, and you have the ability to articulate those parameters and that in itself defines you, then do it. But I am an actress, man. I live in the fucking ambiguity of this life and I love it. I don’t feel like it would be true for me to be like, ‘I’m coming out!’ No, I do a job. Until I decide that I’m starting a foundation or that I have some perspective or opinion that other people should be receiving…I don’t. I’m just a kid making movies… I think in three or four years, there are going to be a whole lot more people who don’t think it’s necessary to figure out if you’re gay or straight. It’s like, just do your thing.”
October 13, 2015 – Did Kristen and Alicia break up? We don’t know, but HollywoodLife insists that this rumor is nonsense – in fact, the pair have a “very smooth, understanding relationship.”
October 19, 2015 – DID Kristen and Alicia break up? As rumors continue to swirl that the pair have separated due to Kristen’s busy jetsetting lifestyle, we finally take the time to address everyone’ concerns.
October 20, 2015 – Turns out Kristen is rumored to be dating Lyndsey Gunnulfsen, aka Lynn Gvnn, lead singer of the band PVRIS. Stewart had been spotted at PVRIS’ New York show two weeks ago, and the pair had been seen leaving together. Kristen is also rumored to have cheated on Alicia with model Agathe Mougin, although this has not been substantiated.
October 29, 2015 – Kristen continues to ride a Vespa around Paris. Just continues to do it! Try to stop her, you can’t! We also learn that Kristen is set to feature in a Chloe Sevigny movie about Lizzie Borden, as Lizzie’s maid and apparent lover Bridget Sullivan.
November 17, 2015 – Is Kristen gonna date her Equals costar Nicholas Hoult? Probably not!
January 10, 2016 – Seriously, is Kristen dating Nicholas Hoult? Still probably not!
February 11, 2016 – You may find it hard to believe, but Kristen is also not dating Liam Neeson. These rumors got started when Neeson announced in an interview that he was dating an “incredibly famous woman,” and since there are so few of those, the tabloids settled on Kristen. But like, imagine if they were?
February 12, 2016 – Where did French musician Stéphanie Sokolniski aka Soko get this hickey? A mystery!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BBrbPN2QcZU/
March 8, 2016 –
March 14, 2016 – Kristen is seen on the streets of Paris with her apparent new girlfriend, Soko. I do not know these people, but I do know that Kristen Stewart professes to hate paparazzi and publicity (ie she would hate this entire article), and during the time in which she dates the significantly less famous Sokolinski, she is photographed almost every single day. Here they are very much in love on the streets of Paris! That sounds like a nice place to be.
March 16, 2016 – Kristen Stewart’s new girlfriend whispers secrets into her mouth. Later that day, they “put on a playful display” with a frisbee.
March 17, 2016 – Were you wondering how Robert Pattinson feels about this relationship? Nobody was! “Rob is very happy for Kristen and only hopes for the best in all her relationships and career goals. He doesn’t have any ill will towards her, they did their time together and is happy knowing she is happy,” a source tells HollywoodLife. In the meantime, Kristen and Soko continue coordinating outfits on the streets of Paris, unbothered. It’s a very good time for Kristen and her leather jacket.
March 19, 2016 – After being greeted with flowers, Stewart is photographed kissing Sokolinski in Paris. The next day, they visit Kristen’s favorite hangout, LAX, and Gossip Cop announces that Kristen is “not mocking Rob” with her new romance. We catch up with these nerds in No Filter.
https://twitter.com/KaylaGildore/status/711705932514758656?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
March 28, 2016 – The world learns that Soko had at one time gone on a blind date with Kristen’s ex, the supernaturally well-adjusted visionary pasta entrepreneur Robert Pattinson. Although the relationship apparently did not go much further than the one date, eyebrows are still raised.
noMarch 30, 2016 – Soko is photographed sucking Kristen Stewart’s thumb through a car window in the parking lot of a Los Feliz sandwich shop and I’m still not entirely recovered. We also learn that Soko is putting together a zine about people sliding into her DMs. This relationship makes me nervous.
April 12, 2016 – Kristen and Soko take in the sights at LAX. At the same time, I consult with an anonymous source from the Bushwick DIY scene who assures me that Soko is batshit crazy but that “their relationship is very real.” The next day, Kristen fails to button her blue jeans. In the meantime, Celeb Dirty Laundry reports that Alicia is still not over Kristen. A source tells them, “
April 17, 2016 – While DJing an afternoon party at Coachella, someone asks Kristen if she’s Soko’s girlfriend. “Yeah, dude,” responded the media-shy Twilight actress.
May 2, 2016 – Kristen is spotted walking alone, prompting an immediate freakout from the tabloids. She also wore the SAME EARRING as Rob at the Met Gala, sparking even more freakouts! What does it mean!??!?! To me, it means they both made some interesting decisions on St Marks Place, but you be the judge. Apparently Kristen and Rob even HUGGED EACH OTHER. This was a very big day.
May 3, 2016 – Sources report that Kristen hooked up with Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell after the Met Gala?!?! O to be Kristen Stewart in May 2016.
May 4, 2016 – Kristen presents her Panic Room costar Jodie Foster with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Later that evening, she is seen partying in West Hollywood at a friend’s birthday party – with her ex Alicia Cargile. You’d be hard pressed to have a gayer 24 hours.
May 7, 2016 – Why did Kristen Stewart break up with Soko? Grazia thinks it’s because of Stella Maxwell, while Hollywood Life thinks that seeing Robert Pattinson made her miss their “soul bond.” For what it’s worth, Kristen chooses to miss her soul bond with Rob by getting coffee and walking around LA with Alicia. In the meantime, Soko tweets angrily about not wanting to be with a cheater.
May 9, 2016 – In an interview with Variety, she delves into her romantic life a bit more freely than she had in the past.
When I was dating a guy, I would never talk about my relationships to anyone,” she says. “I feel the same way now.” She doesn’t use the word “girlfriend,” though she’s been photographed in public with women she’s reportedly dated. “I’m not hiding shit,” she says. “And I’m very obviously …” She leaves the last word of that sentence in ellipses.
Stewart says she’s inspired by the way young people view love without labels. “There’s acceptance that’s become really rampant and cool,” she says. “You don’t have to immediately know how to define yourself.” Stewart didn’t feel that way growing up, but she’s come to adopt this outlook. “I had to have some answer about who I was. I felt this weird responsibility, because I didn’t want to seem fearful. But nothing seemed appropriate. So I was like, ‘Fuck, how do I define that?’ I’m not going to. Plus, I didn’t want to fuck with other people,” she says, referring to teenagers who struggle with their sexuality. “I didn’t want to be this example: It’s so easy. I don’t want it to seem like it was stupid for them to have a hard time.”She says she wants to be a proponent for the LBGT community. “I find the movement that’s occurring to be so important, that I want to be part of it,” she says, without using the word “gay.” (When asked to confirm if that’s what she means, she jokes with a Variety reporter: “Like, say it so [you] can print it?”) “Me not defining it right now is the whole basis of what I’m about,” she says. “If you don’t get it, I don’t have time for you.”She’s made the decision to appear in public with girlfriends — in front of the paparazzi — because she’s comfortable with the images being published. “That’s really important to me,” she says of young fans seeing them. “As much as I want to protect myself, it’s not about hiding. As soon as you start throwing up so many walls, you cannot see over them yourself, so you just start isolating in a way that’s not honest. I definitely found where I’m comfortable. I don’t take credit for that.” She says that times have changed, and her publicist doesn’t even need to ask her how she’ll handle these questions. “Things have really shifted in this wonderful way. I’m reaping the benefits.”
May 16, 2016 – Kristen and Alicia walk the red carpet in Cannes, while Alicia holds Kristen’s checkered vans casually under her arm for later. Easily the most triumphant return I’ve ever seen for anyone’s ex girlfriend in history. Soko is seen around Cannes looking miserable, but it turns out in the end that nobody really liked Kristen’s movie much anyway. The paparazzi snap Kristen, Alicia and some pals cavorting in a pool.
May 20, 2016 – Alicia Cargile and Kristen Stewart march hand in hand through LAX, in a move I can only describe as “victory lap.”
June 14, 2016 – Kristen softens up her look to attend something called the Thirst Gala, as though the previous several months do not constitute her own personal Thirst Gala.
June 20, 2016 – Alicia goes with Kristen to her dad’s house for Father’s Day. Things are serious! Are these two trying to get married before Robert and fka twigs? Probably not, but this article thinks so.
July 12, 2016 – My notes here say, “Kristen went blonde, loves recreational pain.”
July 20, 2016 – Paparazzi snap Kristen and Alicia out for coffee in Los Feliz. Click through for a shot of the pair kissing behind a telephone pole, upon which we can clearly see a notice offering kittens for adoption. Inquisitr thinks they’re getting married next weekend!
July 27, 2016 – Kristen finally publicly calls Alicia her girlfriend in Elle! “When I was dating a guy I was hiding everything that I did because everything personal felt like it was immediately trivialized, so I didn’t like it. We were turned into these characters and placed into this ridiculous comic book, and I was like, ‘That’s mine. You’re making my relationship something that it’s not.’ I didn’t like that,” she explains. “But then it changed when I started dating a girl. I was like, ‘Actually, to hide this provides the implication that I’m not down with it or I’m ashamed of it, so I had to alter how I approached being in public. It opened my life up and I’m so much happier.”
August 1, 2016 – Is Robert Pattinson trying to win Kristen back from her girlfriend? Almost assuredly not. Alicia and Kristen refute this rumor by continuing to walk around Los Feliz, getting all manners of coffee and green juice and looking surly.
August 17, 2016 – In a profile in T: The New York Times Style Magazine, Kristen reveals that she has had a private Instagram this whole time in which she posts adorable pictures of herself with her girlfriend, and gushes about how cute they are. “I would never talk about any of my relationships before, but once I started dating girls it seemed like there was an opportunity to represent something really positive,” she says. “I still want to protect my personal life, but I don’t want to seem like I’m protecting the idea, so that does sort of feel like I owe something to people.”
August 20, 2016 – “Out and proud” Kristen Stewart gets coffee and juice with her paramour.
August 28, 2016 – Area women run errands, buy dog food, get dinner.
August 31, 2016 – Kristen is spotted getting dinner with Cara Delevingne’s current girlfriend Annie Clark (aka St Vincent) in West Hollywood. Later, they are seen leaving an improv show together.
September 14, 2016 – “Kristen Stewart spotted looking glum after declaring love for her girlfriend.” Relatable! In the meantime, the Christian Times let us know that Robert Pattinson was unlikely to get back together with Kristen any time soon.
September 21, 2016 – A busy Kristen Stewart is seen conducting business in Hollywood without properly buttoning her shorts.
October 4, 2016 – Kristen Stewart attends the premiere of Certain Women in New York with Annie Clark, amid rumors that Clark and Delevingne have split. This burgundy blazer situation Kristen’s wearing is a direct attack upon all who gaze upon her.
October 9, 2016 – Comedian and noted celesbian gossip enthusiast Liza Dye spots Kristen and Annie backstage at a gig and snaps a photo, leading to even more widespread speculation that the two are an item. The folks at Oh No They Didn’t present a compelling case for Kristen being a serial cheater.
October 10, 2016 – After Stewart and Clark are seen roaming the East Village in matchy outfits, we realize we can only ignore this issue for so long. The Vapid Fluff department finally examine the evidence and we determine that yes, Kristen and Annie are in fact dating, has anyone checked on Alicia?
October 14, 2016 – Annie and Kristen casually drop by the Bowery Ballroom in New York City for a party attended by Annie’s recent ex Cara Delevingne and all her fancy friends. According to HollywoodLife, Annie is “torn” between Kristen and Cara, and not ready to fully commit to her new relationship yet. “It really is a love triangle in the classic sense… Annie is torn between Kristen and Cara, but her focus is on Kristen right now. Kristen is proceeding cautiously because she knows she could get hurt.”
October 17, 2016 – Kristen and Annie are seen leaving their hotel, and model Stella Maxwell is seen leaving that same hotel later that evening! Anne and Kristen are seen walking around with Annie intimately massaging the back of Kristen’s neck! But lo, a fan spotted Annie also meeting with her ex Cara earlier that day, so honestly the private lives of these people we absolutely don’t know at all are anybody’s guess, really.
October 21, 2016 – Annie and Kristen are seen looking “smitten” at the American Pastoral afterparty. A couple of days later, they are spotted buying dog food together, a classic lesbian bonding ritual.
October 24, 2016 – Is Kristen Stewart sending subtle messages with her outfits? We seem to think so.
October 27, 2016 – Annie and Kristen appear on the red carpet together at the Chateau Marmont for the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund Show. In the meantime:
![Screenshot of Slack conversation - text is "[redacted] just had coffee next to Alicia. She thinks Alicia seems OK, has maybe moved on, wore a Hawaiian shirt, forgot her lighter."](https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/source.png?w=1106&resize=832%2C155)
October 30, 2016 – Consummate gentleman Kristen Stewart drops Annie Clark off at her hotel.
December 2, 2016 – Kristen Stewart cements her status as queer heartthrob of the moment by driving erratically through Los Angeles in the Rolling Stones’ video for “Ride ‘Em On Down.”
December 14, 2016 – Photos surface of Kristen Stewart seen standing awfully near Victoria’s Secret model Stella Maxwell. Apparently Stella had flown to Georgia to visit Kristen on the set of her lesbian Lizzie Borden movie! My notes here say “Kristen and Stella oh Jesus.” I also did not realize that Stella had been namechecked in a G Eazy song; G Eazy is currently dating Ashley Benson, who recently split with Cara Delevingne, who used to be in a relationship with Annie Clark, who was just walking red carpets with Kristen a few weeks ago. Small world.
December 22, 2016 – A source confirms to People Magazine that Kristen is dating Stella Maxwell. “Kristen is dating Stella Maxwell,” says the source. “They are having fun.”
December 28, 2016 – Kristen and Stella are seen hiding their faces together in a parking garage, a sure sign that this romance is one for the books.
January 5, 2017 – Kristen starts the new year out right, introducing her new girlfriend to her second favorite hobby. If she’s not marching through LAX, Kristen loves to walk around Los Feliz, usually with either a coffee or a green juice; in this case she took her lady love to Qwench for a smoothie.
January 25, 2017 – The pair are seen kissing in the back of an SUV in Milan.
January 26, 2017 – Kristen and actress Chloe Grace Moretz hang out a bunch, get dinner together and walk back to their cars in a parking garage; the Daily Mail is sure to note that, “There are few thing more enjoyable than an evening spent eating out.” Touché.
January 30, 2017 – Kristen and Stella have a date at Knott’s Berry Farm and hold hands and it’s very cute!
February 5, 2017 – As host of SNL, Kristen Stewart makes a bold announcement during her opening monologue. Kristen Stewart is gay. “So gay.” History is made.
AAAAAAAAA
Before you even ask, no, Robert Pattinson did not have flowers delivered to her before the show, but I’m sure he was very happy for her.
February 9, 2017 – Stella walks in Tommy Hilfiger’s second annual TOMMYLAND fashion show in Venice Beach, and Kristen comes to support. One of my favorite things about tabloid articles about queer women is the way they delicately describe the fashion, ie Kristen “[donned] a more grunge-inspired look, pair[ing] black jeans with a black hoodie, topping it off with a black beanie,” which is a standard uniform for an edgy celebrity girlfriend and/or a cat burglar.
February 14, 2017 – Kristen and Stella are seen running errands or whatever on a casual Valentine’s Day; this is notable because Kristen is wearing THE checkered Vans and my heart ached a little.
February 18, 2017 – The National Enquirer keeps it classy by profiling an “insider” who claims that Kristen smells bad, which again, is the National Enquirer. I like to imagine that the source is real and is a vengeful ex girlfriend, but that is unlikely.
March 7, 2017 – Kristen speaks to the Sunday Times about her relationship with – you guessed it – Robert Pattinson. She explains, “I wasn’t hiding anything – I didn’t talk about my first relationships that went public because I wanted things that are mine to be mine. I hated it that details of my life were being turned into a commodity and peddled around the world. But considering I had so many eyes on me, I suddenly realized [my private life] affects a greater number of people than just me. It was an opportunity to surrender a bit of what was mine, to make even one other person feel good about themselves… When I was dating Rob, the public were the enemy — and that is no way to live. It wasn’t this grand statement, ‘I was so confused! Now I’ve realized who I am!’ I have not been struggling.”
March 8, 2017 – Rachel and Laneia of Autostraddle.com are victimized by Kristen Stewart’s outfit and new buzzcut.
March 9, 2017 – “You’re not confused if you’re bisexual,” Kristen tells The Guardian. “It’s not confusing at all. For me, it’s quite the opposite.” Louder for the people in the back!
March 11, 2017 – Notorious nervous fidgeter Kristen Stewart can’t stop trying to push back her hair even though she’s recently buzzed it, and it’s very charming.
March 23, 2017 – Kristen and Stella are seen walking while both wearing jeans with rips in the ass, because they are in love.
March 25, 2017 – Stella Maxwell makes a public comment about the Dream Angels bralette she likes to wear to bed (?!), which obviously leads the New York Post to announce that it’s a special outfit she wears for Kristen. “It’s sexy and has a nice detailing that’s a little different,” she explains. “…It gives you nice cleavage. And I love blue. It’s nice to have a pop of color in your wardrobe. Especially for lingerie. It’s a little sexy.” I mean, congratulations to everyone all around, it sounds great.
April 9, 2017 – Stella and Kristen are seen walking around, and this time they’re both wearing crop tops, tiny shorts, tube socks and Vans. It’s Kristen’s 27th birthday and they spend it at the grocery store.
April 14, 2017 – Eternally thirsty actress person Bella Thorne comes out as having a crush on Kristen Stewart.
April 21, 2017 – Our heroes are seen strolling through New Orleans; Kristen has combined her crop top with her ass-ripped jeans and has her hand delicately placed on Stella’s hip. Vogue thinks they have couples fashion down to a science.
April 28, 2017 – Why date Kristen Stewart if you can’t rub her buzzed head?
Image: MEGA
The Mirror reports that “Kristen – who famously dated Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson – appeared to be sending a subtle yet sweet message to her girlfriend. The Personal Shopper star wore a white slogan tee with the shirts rolled up, and possibly in a nod towards what a day out with Stella would do for her, it read: ‘Make my day.'”
May 3, 2017 – We learn that Kristen and Stella are moving in together after roughly five months and change, which is honestly admirable restraint.
May 12, 2017 – Kristen Stewart is seen dining with some people who are not Stella, with notable large bruises up and down her legs. I would assume these were from filming Underwater, a sea monster movie that was not very good, but the Metro think it’s suspicious and that maybe her relationship with Stella is in trouble.
May 30, 2017 – The reputable publication the International Business Times reports that Kristen has started referring to Stella as her “wife.” The next day, Kristen and her wife are seen dangerously hanging out of an SUV so Kristen may take a sexy photograph of Stella with a cold coffee beverage.
June 2, 2017 – Believe it or not, Kristen and Stella are photographed getting coffee together while wearing cool, edgy outfits. This research has led me to believe that Kristen has an entire room of her mansion set aside just for her bomber jackets.
June 7, 2017 – TROUBLE IN PARADISE?!?!?!?? Kristen is seen leaving the home of her ex-girlfriend Alicia Cargile on a pleasant summer morning, suspiciously wearing clothes that look a whole lot like the clothes she wore yesterday. Obviously we had a list of theories as to what could be transpiring between the two. Whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to be bothering Stella. The pair remain as casually, effortlessly cool and publicly affectionate as ever.
June 21, 2017 – Kristen and Stella are NOT fighting about cats and dogs, so don’t even ask.
June 27, 2017 – Maxwell and Stewart are seen walking with coffee, and Stella seems to be whispering in Kristen’s ear. What is she whispering? Probably, “Goddamn it; there’s a photographer over there.” A few days later, Maxwell is seen in Los Feliz, and then later they eat vegan Mexican food together. Gripping stuff. Because things are going so well, Kristen takes Stella to her favorite place, LAX.
June 2, 2017 – Kristen is NOT seeing Alicia behind Stella’s back! Move along.
June 7, 2017 – Somehow, Kristen, Stella and Robert Pattinson all wound up in first class on the same international flight; apparently the other passengers were all abuzz, though Rob and Kristen nodded greetings to one another and kept to themselves. Rob’s bodyguard stopped him from walking off the plane at the same time as Kristen and Stella, lest they create an even larger tabloid nightmare. Being famous sounds fun. Gossip Cop followed up with a very elaborate rebuttal to another tabloid rumor; apparently fka twigs did NOT ask Robert to stop calling Kristen and everyone should just stop asking! These people broke up five years ago.
July 14, 2017 – Kristen and Stella have adopted a rescue dog named Trip. Good thing they didn’t fight about cats or anything, I guess.
July 23, 2017 – Oh no.
Never stopped!!! Not even once!!!!!!
According to Radar, Kristen has continued to “dip into the lady pond” with Alicia, even despite her live-in supermodel girlfriend matching all her outfits. “Kristen and Alicia are obviously still having sex and they have never stopped. Kristen has cheated on every woman she’s dated with Alicia,” says their source.
July 26, 2017 – Kristen and Stella crashed a lesbian wedding, and Aunt Linda was very excited.
August 2, 2017 – Kristen is interviewed for Harper’s Bazaar, and opens up about her sexuality and relationships – she makes a metaphor about grilled cheese, which is very close to my heart. When asked if she’d ever date men again, Stewart appears completely open to the possibility. “Yeah, totally. Definitely… Some people aren’t like that. Some people know that they like grilled cheese and they’ll eat it every day for the rest of their lives. I want to try everything. If I have grilled cheese once I’m like, ‘That was cool, what’s next?'” As Grazia points out, she seems to decide to discuss her sexuality openly with major magazines around this time every year. Must be something Zodiac-related.
August 7, 2017 – I know you’re not going to believe me, but please bear with me when I tell you that Kristen Stewart is not trying to get back together with internationally renowned piccolini cuscino inventor Robert Pattinson.
August 31, 2017 – Lo, a passionate makeout session on the streets of New York City. The next day, Stella and Kristen held hands while they went to buy some fresh ravioli in Little Italy.
September 6, 2017 – Apparently now that Robert Pattinson and fka twigs have ended their relationship, Life & Style thinks he’s trying to get back together with Kristen! Everyone needs to calm down!
October 15, 2017 – Kristen is spotted at El Condor in Silverlake, getting drinks with Stella and a friend. She has a leather jacket on and smokes a cigarette. Classic Kristen.
October 27, 2017 – Ah yes, and here they are “flashing their abs” on a shopping expedition.
January 13, 2018 – Not a lot happened for a few months, but here’s Kristen getting Stella some coffee.
January 22, 2018 – We find out that this Lizzie Borden movie is going to be gay.
February 7, 2018 – Kristen and Stella head out for a spa day together.
February 14, 2018 – Robert Pattinson and Kristen are seen having a drink in a bar together.
February 15, 2018 – Here’s Gossip Cop shooting down a very weird rumor about Stella and Kristen planning to have children together. They’re not planning on it at this time, if you were concerned.
February 17, 2018 – Apparently there is yet another rumor that Robert and Kristen continue to ache for one another, and Gossip Cop says it’s bullshit.
February 20, 2018 – Is Kristen Stewart making Kaia Gerber gay? I mean, if anyone can.
March 9, 2018 – Kristen “flaunts her taut tummy,” walks around with a matcha latte. She continues to haunt the same few blocks of Los Feliz, as it seems like she does every single day. She sleeps… she wakes… she walks.
March 16, 2018 – Oh no! It sounds like Stella Maxwell maybe kissed Bella Hadid at a party several years ago! Is this relationship doomed?!?!?!
March 21, 2018 – Interestingly enough, Kristen and Stella seem to be holding it together, despite Stella having maybe kissed another person sometime before they were together. Has anyone asked Stella how she feels about Robert Pattinson???
March 27, 2018 – Kristen and Drew Barrymore are NOT flirting with each other, despite what my imagination wants to think.
March 29, 2018 – You know what else? Kristen and Stella are NOT breaking up because of this dumb Bella Hadid rumor.
April 3, 2018 – Oh, you know what ELSE???? Kristen and Rob don’t seem to be getting back together, even though they maybe hung out at some point. Maybe next time.
April 9, 2018 – It’s Kristen’s 28th birthday and Stella got her an Instagram story:
April 15, 2018 – Oh look, here they are at Coachella.
April 18, 2018 – Here are those Drew Barrymore rumors I saw debunked before I ever heard anything about them! “Everybody notices there is chemistry between them,” says an anonymous source.
May 9, 2018 – Kristen goes to Cannes, wears a cute outfit, gazes adoringly at Cate Blanchett, as we all would in the same situation. Could it be that she yearns to enter into a romantic relationship with Ms Blanchett? Gossip Cop wastes no time in shooting down this rumor.
This is the adoring stare of someone who will have the poached eggs with the creamed spinach.
May 25, 2018 – After returning to Los Angeles from Cannes, Stella and Kristen enjoy some sushi together. Things are pretty quiet for these two lately.
June 5, 2018 – Kristen Stewart is seen outside a party at the Chateau Marmont with – GASP – Robert Pattinson. Although they have been rumored to have seen each other a couple of times over the past few months, somehow this has convinced the tabloids that there is hope for this relationship that ended almost six years ago!!! You never know!!!!! Some people think a grainy picture of Robert depicts him holding Kristen’s hand, but eagle-eyed observers are quick to note that unlikely Batman Pattinson is actually holding a paper bag. Didn’t Fiona Apple sing about this once?
https://twitter.com/anticultrobsten/status/1003837094811164672
June 14, 2018 – Perhaps in an attempt to truly relive all her tabloid nightmare nostalgia, Kristen is seen dining al fresco with her Snow White and the Huntsman costar Charlize Theron. Haha, remember when they were in a movie together? That was weird.
June 17, 2018 – Kristen and Stella are then seen dining with Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid; if Kristen is bothered by Stella allegedly kissing her three years ago (which would be a weird move), she doesn’t look it. Stella, Kendall, and Bella are all walking for Versace in Milan Fashion Week.
June 29, 2018 – Were you worried about Stella and Kristen? You shouldn’t be. Here they are snuggling in public while out to dinner with friends in LA.
August 12, 2018 – Not only are Kristen and Stella fine, they’re also TOTALLY FINE.
August 14, 2018 – I appreciate the shade of this article about Chanel muse Kristen stepping out with Stella to buy some Dickies and “sturdy workwear.” This is because they are gay.
September 4, 2018 – It’s time for Kristen’s once-yearly tradition of addressing her sexuality to the media! She tells Mastermind Magazine, “Yeah, ambiguity is my favorite thing ever. In terms of sexuality? For sure – and also in making films, if you perfectly answer every question, you don’t allow for people to have their own experience and really indulge in thought. I feel that same way about how we fuck each other. You don’t want to know everything all the time.”
September 28, 2018 – You know who’s not going through a rough patch? Kristen and Stella. They’re A-OK! You can tell because this rumor keeps coming up.
October 14, 2018 – This doesn’t have anything to do with Kristen’s relationships, it’s just a bunch of pictures of her running around in leather pants on the Charlie’s Angels set.
December 6, 2018 – Stella is seen getting a “serpent massage,” which is a thing I guess! The papers all report that she’s still with Kristen, but we now know that the pair actually split sometime around November.
December 21, 2018 – In a move I literally forgot had ever happened until I was putting this together right now, Kristen starts appearing in public with a Los Angeles-based “style visionary and artistic influencer” named Sara Dinkin. That’s pretty much how everyone found out Kristen and Stella had parted ways. Don’t worry; Us Weekly put together a post-mortem on Maxwell and Stewart’s relationship, with an anonymous source claiming that the pair had “stopped seeing eye to eye and were living very different lives.” It is believed that Sara had acted as Kristen’s stylist in the past.
Whoooo’s that giiiiiirl
December 22, 2018 – Now that the public’s been aware of this relationship for a full 24 hours, Kristen and Sara feel comfortable going for a morning hike with their dogs. They hold hands, it’s very sweet. In the meantime, Blind Gossip publishes this blind item that seems to suggest Kristen and Stella’s relationship ended because of infidelity, but not on Kristen’s part. Some commenters speculate that the third party could be model Langley Fox.
December 24, 2018 – Sara and Kristen are seen at the local health food store, buying health food! Stars! They’re just like us.
December 28, 2018 – Did you ever wonder what your ex from six years ago thought about your new relationship? I was just thinking that what this story really needed was more of Robert Pattinson’s alleged opinions! According to HollywoodLife, “Rob is surprised to see Kristen move through so many girlfriends so quickly. Seeing Kristen move from Stella to Sara has Rob wondering what it will take to keep Kristen happy, satisfied and interested.”
January 4, 2019 – Radar announces via an anonymous source that Sara Dinkin will be living with Kristen “in no time,” and that the breakup between Maxwell and Stewart was less than amicable. “Kristen was burned by Stella very badly, – She really wants nothing to do with her at this point because she knows now that Stella was using her to make a name for herself.” The source also added that Maxwell became “obsessed with fame,” claiming that “everyone told Kristen that, but she didn’t believe them.”
January 9, 2019 – Nobody loves walking around Los Feliz with a green juice, holding hands with a pretty girl who is also holding a green juice even HALF as much as Kristen Stewart.
January 11, 2019 – Kristen’s abrupt choice to go public with Sara Dinkin is apparently making Stella Maxwell FURIOUS (though honestly, Stella seems like she’s doing fine). In the meantime, Sara is apparently blocking Instagram users who tell her she will be cheated on in 2019, which seems like probably the right move.
January 22, 2019 – Just wanted to make sure you knew about this outfit.
February 7, 2019 – “Kristen Stewart is embroiled in a vicious love triangle involving old girlfriend Stella Maxwell and new love Sara Dinkin, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned.”
April 13, 2019 – Kristen attends Coachella with her girlfriend Sara “Dunkin;” those two just can’t get enough of each other.
May 8, 2019 – Kristen Stewart’s friends are NOT worried about her partying too much, but thank you for asking.
May 23, 2019 – The National Enquirer report that Stella Maxwell and Miley Cyrus are hooking up again, and that Liam Hemsworth is into it; Gossip Cop refutes these claims. In fact…
June 5, 2019 – Suddenly Kristen is seen walking the streets of LA with a barefoot Stella Maxwell. Wait, are these two back ON???
July 16 2019 – Here’s Kristen topless on a yacht with her arm around a bathing suit-clad Stella Maxwell, and they’re even seen kissing while Kristen wears a captain’s hat. Things are over with Sara now, I guess!
Surprise, bitch. Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me. (Image via Backgrid)
July 30, 2019 – It’s that time of year again; Kristen appears on the cover of Vanity Fair. Stella accompanies Kristen to the shoot, and Stewart tells the interviewer, “I only date people who complement me.” Later, when asked if she believes in ghosts, Stewart replies, “If I’m in a weird, small town, making a movie, and I’m in a strange apartment, I will literally be like, ‘No, please, I cannot deal. Anyone else, but it cannot be me.’ Who knows what ghosts are, but there is an energy that I’m really sensitive to. Not just with ghosts, but with people. People stain rooms all the time.”
August 14, 2019 – Remember two weeks ago when we were dating Stella because she complements Kristen??? Autostraddle is literally the first news outlet to break that Kristen Stewart is ALLEGEDLY swapping spit with screenwriter Dylan Meyer.
August 19, 2019 – AND LO, Dylan and Kristen are spotted wrapping limbs around one another on a stoop in Manhattan. According to resident body language expert Stef Schwartz, “Kristen’s hand on Dylan’s thigh combined with Dylan’s wry smile seem to indicate a playful relationship. Maybe they’re not serious yet, but they look pretty damn content together. Also, Dylan is drinking a hot coffee in August in Manhattan which is a crime against humanity.”
August 27, 2019 – Dylan and Kristen are seen cuddling and kissing on the street! Kristen looks happy with this one, I like it.
September 3, 2019 – Kristen speaks to Harper’s Bazaar and reveals that she was once told to tone down her sexuality in hopes of scoring a big role in a Marvel blockbuster.
There are people in the world who don’t like you, and they don’t like that you date girls, and they don’t like that you don’t identify as a quote unquote “lesbian”, but you also don’t identify as a quote unquote “hetero-sexual”. And people like to know stuff, so what the f*** are you?’ ‘I just think we’re all kind of getting to a place where – I don’t know, evolution’s a weird thing – we’re all becoming incredibly ambiguous. And it’s this really gorgeous thing,’ she added.
September 7, 2019 – Time for Kristen to talk about Rob for a change! While many are uh, surprised that Pattinson has been chosen to play Batman in an upcoming film, his ex girlfriend is extremely supportive. “I feel like he’s the only guy that could play that part. I’m so happy for him,” she tells Variety. Also that day, Gossip Cop shoots down a rumor that Irina Shayk (recently separated from Bradley Cooper) and Stella Maxwell are drowning their sorrows together.
September 9, 2019 – You know this relationship is a big deal because they’re at Kristen’s favorite hangout LAX together.
October 27, 2019 – Well,
November 6, 2019 – Kristen goes on the Howard Stern show and announces that she is basically ready to propose to Dylan at any moment, which is how you know this two-month-old queer relationship is legit AF. Stern also asks if she’d have married Robert Pattinson when the two were together, to which she replies, “I don’t know. I’m not a super duper traditionalist, but at the same time, every relationship I’ve ever been in, I thought that was it.” Pressed to answer the question, she continues, “We were together for years. That was my first [love]. I was super in love with my high school boyfriend. Super, super f***ing in love with him. But me and Rob were a little older, and it was just like, ‘Guh-gung!’ He’s the best. He’s the best.”
November 13, 2019 – Kristen Stewart tells the world that she really wanted her character in Charlie’s Angels to be gay, and boy did she deliver. Unrelatedly, In Touch claims that Kristen Stewart hates Stella’s ex girlfriend Miley Cyrus! A source tells them, “Kristen feels like Miley used Stella – and she just has these high-profile romances for attention. She can’t stand it!”
November 18, 2019 – Wait, actually, is Miley Cyrus in love with Kristen Stewart? A source tells NW, “Miley left Liam because she’s never been able to get Kristen out of her head.” Honestly, extremely plausible! However, Gossip Cop thinks this rumor is FALSE.
November 26, 2019 – Kristen is seen running errands with Dylan in LA.
December 2, 2019 – Here’s Dylan and Kristen post-pedicure in Hollywood.
March 3, 2020 – Again, this has nothing to do with anything, just Kristen Stewart helping a friend move, stretching languidly in a crop top. Is she helping her friend move a sex bench? Most likely.
March 8, 2020 – Kristen and Dylan walk around Los Feliz in pursuit of lunch. They have no idea how precious these moments are about to become.
March 12, 2020 – As the entire world descends into chaos, Kristen heads to Tarzana to shop for rare guitars. Did she buy this banjo? Do you think Dylan Meyer is really fucking sick of hearing Kristen pick out Tegan and Sara songs on the banjo? I bet she is.
April 9, 2020 – A good birthday.
April 11, 2020 – During a particularly slow news time for tabloid gossip, OK claim that Dylan and Kristen’s relationship is not long for this earth. A source tells them, “Kristen has this nervous energy and impatience, it’s reflected in all of her failed relationships. She can’t sit still with one person, she needs attention from multiple sources. She rarely wants to even plan a date night with Dylan. It’s like she has one foot out the door,” Friend, what you just described is literally everyone quarantining in a relationship right now. Anyway, Gossip Cop (and I) conclude that this story is absolutely false.
July 10, 2020 – Kristen and her friends pick up wine, a wiffle ball and a plastic bat, as poignant a comment on Covid-19 quarantine than any think piece I’ve read in the last several months.
July 12, 2020 – Dylan and Kristen have Japanese food outdoors and later are seen walking with iced coffees.
September 7, 2020 – “Their romance was getting severe.”
September 22, 2020 – Kristen takes over Dylan’s Instagram with an important message.
October 7, 2020 – Quarantine has messed with everyone’s schedules, so Ms Stewart has to wait until October to do her Big Gay Interview. To make up for it, she does this one with Clea DuVall.
“The first time I ever dated a girl, I was immediately being asked if I was a lesbian. And it’s like, “God, I’m 21 years old.” I felt like maybe there were things that have hurt people I’ve been with. Not because I felt ashamed of being openly gay but because I didn’t like giving myself to the public, in a way. It felt like such thievery. This was a period of time when I was sort of cagey. Even in my previous relationships, which were straight, we did everything we could to not be photographed doing things — things that would become not ours. So I think the added pressure of representing a group of people, of representing queerness, wasn’t something I understood then. Only now can I see it. Retrospectively, I can tell you I have experience with this story. But back then I would have been like, “No, I’m fine. My parents are fine with it. Everything’s fine.” That’s bullshit. It’s been hard. It’s been weird. It’s that way for everyone.”
Just popping in to point out that Kristen was 21 years old in 2011, mid-Twilight. I have many follow up questions!
October 17, 2020 – Dylan and Kristen are seen shopping at Gelson’s, a very nice if pricey grocery store chain in LA. They both look like they’ve spent their time in quarantine practicing leaning on things and being aloof.
November 3, 2020 – An Election Day treat:
November 14, 2020 – Kristen opens up to the Advocate about her sexuality. “I was really comfortably functioning conventionally,” she says. “Only in retrospect [do I] see that if I had just had my eyes opened to more ambiguity in a way that wasn’t weird, I probably would’ve had more crushes on girls when I was little. I just genuinely didn’t… I know now that [I was affected by] the world opening up for me a little bit more as I got older. The more artists that I met, people that I met, friends that I had, and different examples of things and ways to love and know each other presented themselves, I was like, ‘I can do that.’ I didn’t want to be called a lesbo. And I didn’t want to be that weird, gross, ‘d***y’ girl. And that sucks. It’s terrible. But I was always really attracted to, sort of, weirdness and otherness. I would’ve loved to have had more examples of that not being ridiculed and a point of scrutiny.”
November 25, 2020 – Clea DuVall’s holiday rom-com Happiest Season is released on Hulu. The film stars Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis as a queer couple returning to Davis’ family’s home for Christmas, and wackiness ensues. Somehow this feels like the anti-Twilight, and it feels right. Stewart even spoke to our very own Heather Hogan about how excited she was to break the Christmas movie mold with this film, and how jealous she’d have been if anyone else got to play her character.
November 2, 2021 – We are pleased to report that Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer are ENGAGED, and also very gay. Just so gay. “We’re marrying, we’re totally gonna do it,” Kristen told Howard Stern for some reason. “I wanted to be proposed to, so I think I very distinctly carved out what I wanted and she nailed it. We’re marrying, it’s happening.”
February 22, 2022 – Kristen Stewart tells The Los Angeles Times that she is so excited for her wedding she worries she will somehow blow it. “The thing is, I always kind of blow presentation,” she told them. “I have all these big ideas, like I will get a friend a beautiful present that I’m so proud of. And I just think they’re going to love it. But instead of wrapping it up and like putting a bow on it and giving it to them at the right time, I’m like, ‘Oh, my gosh, I have this thing and I know it’s like a week before your birthday, but just f— have it because I love it and I love you.’ And if I had just wrapped it and put this in their hands on the right day, the impact would have been greater.”
Well, That Was Fast! Kristen Stewart Is Engaged!
Feature image of Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer, who are now engaged, via Dylan Meyer’s Instagram.
After about two years of dating, Kristen Stewart and Dylan Meyer are engaged. Given that KStew said “I love you” to Dylan after just two weeks of dating, their relationship seems to be unfolding in Gay Time, which we all know is like warp speed on Star Trek.
According to E!, Stewart announced the engagement on The Howard Stern Show, which has somehow become the place where she delivers all of her gay love press releases. You may recall Stewart declaring back in 2019—also on Howard Stern’s show—that she was definitely totally ready to marry Dylan. Her exact words were that she couldn’t “fucking wait” to become engaged. “They’ve been dating for five minutes, which is five years in lesbian time,” Riese astutely observed at the time. Again: Gay Time.
Indeed, Stewart has a bold lack of chill when it comes to romance. “I’m really impulsive,” she said in the 2019 interview. “The day that I met her, all bets were off.” That first confession of love early on in the relationship happened at a shitty bar late at night, which is extremely relatable content if you ask me. Here’s your occasional reminder that Kristen Stewart is an Aries sun and a Gemini rising.
Stewart did go on to suggest in 2019 that she would be the one popping the question, even teasing that she had a couple different plans that would be “just the coolest things to do.” But in the end, the roles were reversed. “We’re marrying, we’d totally gonna do it,” Stewart said. “I wanted to be proposed to, so I think I very distinctly carved out what I wanted and she nailed it. We’re marrying, it’s happening.” Wanting to be proposed to but also specifying in detail how you want to be proposed to? I repeat: Aries sun and Gemini rising. Also a Libra moon.
Stewart has kept a steady stream of Tall Girlfriends and various love interests through the years, and Autostraddle first reported on her then-rumored relationship with Meyer, who is a screenwriter, in August 2019. For all we know, they were already picking out rings. I mean, please refer back to above photo of matching outfits (and matching-ish hair, but Laneia rightfully has some questions about the shade of Kristen’s).
Anyway, congratulations to Kristen and Dylan on this gay-time-warp-speed relationship! Romantic comedy adaptation of this real-life love story WHEN.
I Visited the “Happiest Season” Set to Chat With Kristen Stewart and Clea DuVall About Their Holigay Rom-Com
In February, I found myself sitting in a folding chair in a country club just outside of Pittsburgh, directly across from Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis. They were dressed for Christmas. The country club was dressed for Christmas. I was wearing headphones plugged into a little microphone pack that allowed me to hear everything Clea DuVall and the actors said when the cameras started rolling. Two days earlier, the Happiest Season PR team had emailed me out of the blue and asked if I’d like to visit the set of the upcoming queer holiday romantic comedy before they wrapped. I thought, “Finally, someone has seen my artistic masterpieces promoting this film!” (They had not.)
And so I put my two nicest shirts in a suitcase and hopped on a plane and next thing I knew, Clea DuVall herself was shaking my hand and thanking me for dropping by. Her handshake was just the right amount of firm, and her hands were slightly calloused, like a carpenter’s. I made a note to tell you that specifically. “Like a carpenter’s.”
I actually made a lot of notes, but it turns out I don’t need them: The thing about being sandwiched in a corner with Kristen Stewart is you don’t really forget it.
LACEY TERRELL/Sony Pictures
The story of Happiest Season is the story of Clea DuVall: Harper, played by Mackenzie Davis, is in a loving, committed, healthy, happy longterm relationship with her girlfriend, Abby, played by Kristen Stewart — but Harper hasn’t yet come out to her parents, which Abby doesn’t know. Harper doesn’t reveal this small snafoozle to Abby until they’re in the car on the way to spend Christmas with Harper’s family. Clea wanted to write the movie because she’d lived it, and she wanted it to be a Christmas rom-com because where are the queer Christmas rom-coms, and also because she wanted it to be timeless in the way only holiday films ever really are. So she called up comedic writer and actress Mary Holland, who plays Harper’s sister Jane in the film, and they wrote it and pitched it to Marty Bowen and Isaac Klausner, who’d produced the gay rom-com Love, Simon to great acclaim, and they snapped it right up.
Kristen Stewart signed on because Clea’s story, Harper’s story, is her story too. A young gay woman perfectly content with who she is, in a loving relationship, just not yet ready to talk about it to other people who might not be as supportive as she needs them to be. Only in the case of Kristen Stewart, I suppose, Harper’s loving parents, played by Mary Steenburgen and Victor Garber, were the seventy gazillion readers of the gossip blogs that hire the paparazzi that dog her every step. Kristen Stewart said she didn’t just want to play Abby, but that she’d have been jealous if anyone else got to play her. She said, with genuine excitement, “A movie like this has never existed!”
These are the other things I don’t need notes to recall: Kristen Stewart listened with her whole face, to whoever was talking, and talked with her whole body, and the experience was like being ensconced in some kind of supernatural energy-exchange. I had to shake my head like a cartoon character with bumblebees in my ears to clear my brain when the handler came to take her and Mackenzie Davis back to filming. She was generous with her laughter, and her eyes brightened expectantly when it was clear you were going to make a joke, like she wanted you to say something funny for her and for you too. She was relaxed, on that set where Clea DuVall was in charge and the script was queer and she was playing a lesbian and Mackenzie Davis smiled like twinkle lights and Aubrey Plaza was so effortlessly hilarious. And she was happy. Really happy. That’s what she told the little clump of reporters gathered around her, but she didn’t even really need to say it. She was radiating it.
LACEY TERRELL/Sony Pictures
That was true of every single person I spoke with, actually. Victor Garber was delighted by how calm and generous and collaborative everything was on Clea DuVall’s set. Mary Steenburgen, who believes this film will be an all-time Christmas classic, was thrilled to realize that every gay person for the rest of forever will be watching her at least twice a year at the holidays, now — once with Elf and once with Happiest Season. (She was also delighted by Dan Levy, just in general, and said she was considering adopting him, since her own son keeps posting photos of Andie MacDowell on his social media and pretending he thinks it’s his mom.) Mary Holland said the set felt like actual Christmas. Costume designer Kathleen Felix-Hager side-eyed me when I asked her if it was hard to find enough distinct flannels to fit multiple lesbian characters in the same Christmas movie, but then relaxed and laughed when I told her I’m a lesbian and it was a joke (but also my wife and I do actually have this problem with both flannels and beanies, so it’s not really a joke).
When Kristen Stewart said that a movie like Happiest Season doesn’t exist yet, her eyes, which had been giving equal attention to everyone with a recorder out, landed on me and Sam Manzella, a writer for NewNowNext, and stayed there. We were certainly the gayest-looking people in that tiny gaggle of journalists, and we were the ones writing for gay publications. I smiled and I nodded that Kristen Stewart was correct, and Sam smiled and nodded too, and Kristen Stewart half-smiled back at us — you know the smile I’m talking about — and continued what she was saying, moving her steady gaze over our little group.
The funny thing about Kristen Stewart saying a movie like Happiest Season doesn’t yet exist is that of course a movie like Happiest Season doesn’t exist yet, because without Kristen Stewart it couldn’t exist. Her presence is the thing that makes it the thing it is. Kristen Stewart, the Charlie’s Angel. Kristen Stewart, the star of the 3.3 billion dollar Twilight series. Kristen Stewart, stated enemy of Donald Trump who went onto Saturday Night Live and said, “I’m like so gay, dude” to the President of the United States. Kristen Stewart, who has her own Awards and Nominations page on Wikipedia, who is the muse of countless directors and designers, who cannot take a single step in Los Angeles without being assailed by paparazzi, who has been profiled repeatedly by every newspaper and magazine, and whose every public word becomes an SEO clickbait headline (yes, even here). She has one of the most — if not the most — famous gay millennial faces on the planet earth.
In the totality of the lesbian film canon, there are very few movies with actresses as famous or lauded as Kristen Stewart. And there are even fewer movies with out actresses as famous as Kristen Stewart that are also written and directed by queer women. And gay Christmas rom-coms, with warm and well-worn plots that feel like your favorite flannel pajamas? That’s never happened because most gay movies are made by straight people who cannot imagine our stories as anything other than miserable. (And actors who sign on for well-made tragedy for Oscar’s sake.) Toss in Tegan and Sara headlining the soundtrack, and you can drill down all the way and this thing is nothing but gay.
LACEY TERRELL/Sony Pictures
And while Clea DuVall was quick to point out — and Kristen Stewart was quick to echo — that this story is her story, and that she’s so proud that it’s breaking down one door, she knows there are still so many more queer movies that need to be made by other queer writers and directors and actors who haven’t yet seen themselves on-screen.
Five years ago, Happiest Season would have been the apex of queer cinema — and now it’s a celebratory pause along a continuum. It’s all I want this Christmas! But I also want Janelle Monáe’s gay rom-com following that classic enemies to lovers Pride and Prejudice plot. I want Janet Mock’s New York City gay career woman comedy. Give me Indya Moore as a Disney Princess. Give me Sara Ramirez as an action star. And where’s Alice Wu’s blockbuster money, and where’s the studios wooing Desiree Akhvahn, and who’s adapting N.K. Jemisin’s three-time Hugo-winning fantasy series for the big screen?
Clea DuVall really seemed to understand that her new film both stands alone, and is also part of a much larger and essential cultural conversation.
I laughed a lot on the set of Happiest Season, because that kind of joy is contagious, because the script is very funny, because Kristen Stewart knocked a painting off a wall between scenes at one point and tried to play it cool but of course there’s a person on set whose entire job is to make sure nothing in-frame changes between takes so he had to come fix it. I also laughed because when I started watching lesbian movies, I did it in hiding, and they were all terrible and tragic. And because when I started writing about gay TV and film, I couldn’t get a single actress who played a gay character to talk to me because they didn’t want to do interviews with a gay publication and get pigeonholed or typecast (and they definitely didn’t want anyone to think they were gay). And here I was on the set of Clea Duval’s latest film, surrounded by wreaths and fir trees and golden fairy lights, and Kristen Stewart was holding my gaze, and she was saying, “I fucking belong in this movie.”
For all the hand-wringing that journalists who profile Kristen Stewart do about whether or not she even wants to be talking to them, and what it means that she ordered this to eat or drink, and was wearing that, and glanced at her phone, or stared out the window pensively for more than five seconds, or the way she tilted her head, or the tenor of her voice, or whatever perpetual judgment that she’s not walking around smiling every second of her life like a circus clown, the vibe I got from her on that rainy, foggy, bitingly cold day in Pittsburgh was that there was nowhere else she’d rather be.
Kristen Stewart’s “Happiest Season” Trailer Makes the Yuletide Gayer Than Ever
The trailer for Clea DuVall’s lesbian Christmas rom-com, Happiest Season, starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis, just dropped and wow wow wow the yuletide has never been so gay.
In case you haven’t caught the Happiest Season hype yet, here’s the official synopsis: Meeting your girlfriend’s family for the first time can be tough. Planning to propose at her family’s annual Christmas dinner — until you realize that they don’t even know she’s gay — is even harder. When Abby (Kristen Stewart) learns that Harper (Mackenzie Davis) has kept their relationship a secret from her family, she begins to question the girlfriend she thought she knew. Happiest Season is a holiday romantic comedy that hilariously captures the range of emotions tied to wanting your family’s acceptance, being true to yourself, and trying not to ruin Christmas.
I think I can tell you this at this point without getting in trouble — we’ll see! — that I visited the set of Happiest Season in Pittsburgh in February. It was the last thing I did before COVID lockdown, actually. I met everyone making the film, except Dan Levy, and I’m so excited to tell you about it later this week!
Happiest Season lands on Hulu on November 25th.
Listen to Tegan and Sara’s Holly Jolly Holiday Single From Kristen Stewart and Clea DuVall’s “Happiest Season”
I have two rules about Christmas music: 1) I do not listen to Christmas music until Thanksgiving Day. 2) The first two Christmas songs I always listen to are Dolly Parton’s “Hard Candy Christmas” and Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” because I don’t want to start taking them for granted by listening to them all year long and also I want to honor them by giving them the top spots on my holiday playlists. However! This year I broke my rule because Tegan and Sara just released a song called “Make You Mine This Season” from Clea DuVall’s upcoming queer Christmas rom-com Happiest Season, and, frankly, I needed the burst of serotonin.
And I am pleased to report that this holly jolly ditty did it for me! I actually don’t really remember any happy lesbian Christmas songs ever blessing my ears before!
Look, Tegan and Sara also know you’re not supposed to release Christmas music before Halloween but they also know we’re living in a pandemic hellscape right now and the last song they wrote for a movie — “Everything Is Awesome” — just does not apply!
https://www.instagram.com/p/CG-aGSBlES_/
The Happiest Season soundtrack was produced by Justin Tranter; the film lands on Hulu on November 25th!
Pop Culture Fix: Clea DuVall and Kristen Stewart’s Christmas Rom-Com “Happiest Season” Drops Its First Promo Pic
A Monday Pop Culture Fix upon you, friends!
+ Happiest Season, Clea Duvall’s forthcoming queer Christmas movie starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis (and Aubrey Plaza and Mary Steenburgen), released its first promo pic for Pride and it sure is gayyyyy.
Happiest #Pride from @HappiestSeason. 🏳️🌈 In theaters this Thanksgiving. Photo by: Lacey Terrell pic.twitter.com/t63Ib7Ixm1
— Sony Pictures (@SonyPictures) June 26, 2020
+ The BET Awards aired (virtually) last night on BET andCBS. For the queers: Lizzo won Best Female R&B/Pop Artist and Lena Waithe’s Queen & Slim won Best Movie (read Jehan on Queen & Slim if you haven’t already).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPWrV4jKKK4
+ Michelle Obama presented Beyoncé with the Humanitarian Award. In her speech, Beyoncé urged fans to vote like our lives depend on it and to continue to dismantle a racist and unjust system.
+ Speaking of Beyoncé:
+ Syfy has pulled the plug on Vagrant Queen.
+ Harley Quinn’s animated series (which I’ll be posting about this afternoon!) is making its way from DC Universe to HBO Max.
+ Supergirl‘s Nicole Maines is a Golden Girls stan (just another thing she and I have in common!).
+ Jordan Calhoun over at The Atlantic: Saying Goodbye to Law & Order.
+ Sandra Oh and Kerry Washington on what they learned from Shonda Rhimes.
+ Dee Rees’ Pariah is screening live today on Focus Features Facebook page at 5 pm PST/ 8 pm EST! (Pariah snagged the #3 spot on our 200 Best Lesbian, Queer & Bisexual Movies Of All Time list, a masterpiece by Drew Gregory that you should check out if you haven’t already!).
+ Kristen Stewart’s Princess Diana movie has already been acquired by Neon.
+ Why are musicals so beloved by the LGBTQ+ community?
+ Ellen DeGeneres won some more Daytime Emmys.
+ The Indigo Girls dropped three new songs on The AV Club’s House Shows video series yesterday.
+ Ava DuVernay is making a scripted series about Colin Kaepernick for Netflix.
+ Noelle Stevenson talked to Kristen Lopez at IndieWire about making She-Ra so dang gay.
Pop Culture Fix: Watch The Alternate Ending to Kristen Stewart’s Sea Monster Movie and Enjoy it Way More
A Pop Culture Fix upon you this Monday, friends!
+ If you’re one of the fifty people who went to see Kristen Stewart’s sea monster movie, Underwater, you’ll be pleased to hear there’s actually a better alternate ending that you can now watch and enjoy much more than the original ending.
+ Here’s what Sandra Oh thinks actually happened at the end of Killing Eve season two.
+ Little Fires Everywhere‘s Megan Stott on the LGBTQ importance of Izzy.
+ The trailer for Starz’s new queer murder mystery series, Hightown, starring bisexual actress Monica Raymund, is here! It premieres May 17th.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naIEfaBJTLk&feature=emb_title
+ Atomic Blonde 2 is in development.
+ Michelle Obama and Julie Andrews are going to read some beloved stories to you.
+ Ellen Pompeo has fucking had it with fake doctors who don’t know they’re fake doctors.
+ These are the best Finoa Apple “Fetch the Bolt Cutters” memes.
+ Ryan Murphy’s hooked you again!
+ Ellen’s crew is furious with the way the Coronavirus shutdown has been handled on the show.
+ Freeform cancelled their brilliant Party of Five reboot. ☹️
Pop Culture Fix: Tank Top Twins Mackenzie Davis and Kristen Stewart Will Fall in Love in “Happiest Season”
Happy Pop Culture Fix day, pals!
+ Mackenzie Davis has joined Clea Duvall’s Christmas rom-com, Happiest Season, as Kristen Stewart’s love interest. What if they both keep their butch action movie hair! What if I never stop making bananas feature images for this movie! Update: This article is from January 2019, ONE ENTIRE YEAR AGO, hahaha. Lord have mercy. Hey, but thanks to Kristana, here’s an update from this actual year.
https://twitter.com/jetgirl78/status/1221091032491798528
+ Queen Latifah will star in the title role in the new Equalizer reboot!
This “reimagining” of the classic series stars Queen Latifah as “an enigmatic figure who uses her extensive skills to help those with nowhere else to turn.” Castle executive producers Andrew Marlowe and Terri Miller will pen the pilot, and original series co-creator Richard Lindheim is also onboard as an EP.
+ Motion to give Lizzo’s flute a Grammy.
+ Finally! An official still of Rosie Perez as Renee Montoya in Birds of Prey!
+ Also: Birds of Prey director Cathy Yan on the advice Wonder Woman’s Patty Jenkins gave her.
+ More sports! Team USA pulled out a victory over UConn on Monday night (don’t laugh, they lost to Oregon) and of course there was plenty of Sue Bird/Diana Taurasi chatter around the big event.
+ This lesbian couple met competing on Jeopardy and now they’re married!
+ Lesbian DJ Tracy Young makes Grammys history.
+ Rachel Slawson is the first openly bisexual Miss USA contestant in the pageant’s history.
+ GLAAD and the Black List announce the most promising unmade LGBTQ-inclusive film scripts.
+ The L Word: Gen Q showrunner breaks down the finale cliffhangers.
+ The brilliant messiness of Showtime’s Work in Progress.
+ Watch the first 99 seconds of the season seven of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
The New “Charlie’s Angels” Delivers Fights, Fashion, and Friendship
Elizabeth Banks’ entry into the Charlie’s Angels canon has palpable reverence for all the versions that come before it, seen both in references to previous films and the original TV show but also in the way it blends action, comedy, and camp all at once. But Banks’ film also adds some more serious moments to a mostly silly world, making for a tremendous balancing act of tone, style, and story.
To me, the marker of success for an action-comedy is in not just its ability to deliver both sides of this hyphenate genre over the course of the film but also on a more micro level. Individual fight scenes should have both, and the weaving together of the two should be rhythmic. This Charlie’s Angels accomplishes that over and over again. The action scenes are exquisite, and they have little pops of humor at just the right moments.
And all three leading women have been perfectly cast. As the hyperactive and filter-less Sabina Wilson, Kristen Stewart harnesses both the swagger and humor that’s at the surface of this movie perfectly. She brings a weird physicality to the role, and some of her funniest moments aren’t actual written jokes but just her casual delivery of things or the way she moves and makes sounds, like a moment when she’s running through a party and just shouting. Naomi Scott, playing the smart but in-over-her-head scientist and Angel in waiting Elena, also understands the movie’s playful tone. And the movie makes an extremely compelling case for Ella Balinska, who plays the tough and guarded Jane, to become a huge action star. She, too, has funny moments, but she’s especially captivating in the action scenes. And her monologue during her most important fight scene at the movie’s climax, doled out between punches and shattering glass, is one of the most quotable non-joke moments in the film.
Charlie’s Angels uses all the weapons in its arsenal to craft distinct, engaging fight scenes: there’s hand-to-hand combat, there’s use of the flashy gadgets, there’s improvised use of found objects, which is always my favorite thing to see in an action movie. There are occasional guns, too, but Charlie’s Angels goes the route I wish more modern action movies would by featuring more of guns scuttling across the floor than actually firing.
It wouldn’t be a Charlie’s Angels film without delivering on the fashion front. Sabina’s cheetah print leisure set and Jane’s sparkly purple suit are knockout numbers. Even the gold collar Elena wears goes from being a symbol of her capture to a statement jewelry piece once the threat is eliminated. A choreographed dance sequence just before the movie’s climax is also perfectly in-tone for this universe.
The movie is escapist action fun, and it never takes itself too seriously, but there’s still a little more happening under all the flash. For starters, it’s the rare action film that acknowledges that people die. Casualties happen in action—and even action-comedy—all the time, but unless it’s a significant character, there’s little by way of acknowledgement let alone processing. In Charlie’s Angels, Elena has a brief but discernible reaction to harming someone. Sabina and Jane are protective of her throughout, knowing that she hasn’t seen the same things they have. It’s a rare display of emotional realism for the movie, and that continues into some of the quieter scenes that actually get at these characters’ vulnerabilities.
After all, the real central character arc at play in the movie is the relationship between Sabina and Jane. They both become aware of their own flaws and are able to acknowledge them to each other. They’re the classic comedy duo, opposites in every way, but both good at their jobs despite their different approaches. Eventually, they learn from each other and can work together. An emotional scene between them happens at the heart of the movie, just after a literal explosion, and that juxtaposition of a big action moment with their bonding is unexpected and special. Their storyline is the closest thing to a traditional romantic arc in the film, and more movies should treat friendship with as much care and detail as romance.
And I’m going to go ahead and say it: Stewart’s Sabina is absolutely queer, even if it’s mostly subtextual. For some, there won’t be enough “evidence” to declare her a queer character, and I understand that to a degree. She’s certainly not out here kissing women between fight scenes (honestly, Cameron Diaz and Demi Moore come closer to kissing in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle than any two women in this movie do), but that shouldn’t really be the sole marker of a character’s queerness. We see Sabina rather obviously check out a woman at the gym, and a lot of what she says about her past is seemingly intentionally ambiguous about her sexuality. Also, I’m not so sure Elena doesn’t have an ex-girlfriend, too, but I don’t want to give too much away.
The movie’s plot follows a straightforward action narrative with effective, if not necessarily shocking, twists and just enough tension to thrill even when you know the Angels are going to win just about every fight. But the specificity of each of these three women and the importance their relationship dynamics adds another layer to the simple but satisfying action-comedy payoff of the film. Its corny pop-feminism detracts more than it adds to the film’s landscape (seriously, what is up with that stock footage Girl Power intro?), but overall, it hits all the right buttons for its genre and for the Charlie’s Angels canon in general while still standing on its own and playing to the strengths of its three stars.
Pop Culture Fix: Kristen Stewart Truly Out-Gays Herself Eating Hot Sauce With the Other “Charlie’s Angels” IRL
Hello, a happy Pop Culture Fix day upon you!
+ Kristen Stewart slapped a backwards baseball cap on that gay head of hers and brought the rest of the Charlie’s Angels into the studio to eat a bunch of hot sauces and wings.
+ Elsa sings a lesbian duet in Frozen 2, except it’s with her dead mom. (????)
+ The unmistakable Black roots of Sesame Street.
+ Astral Chain says I’m a cop, but I’m clearly a lesbian biker cat mom vigilante.
+ EXCUSE ME WHAT
Hitmen – the new sitcom starring Mel & Sue – is coming to Sky in early 2020. Here's the first look image. More info: https://t.co/WAXNtVtCJk pic.twitter.com/bWxCyHvvLt
— British Comedy Guide (@BritishComedy) November 20, 2019
+ Gentleman Jack has created a Halifax pilgrimage for lesbians.
+ Ellen surprises a lesbian couple whose family won’t attend their wedding.
+ I love these Cats trailers, I don’t care.
+ The first look at Steven Universe‘s future!
+ Lizzo racked up on 2020 Grammy nominations.
+ A new Motherland trailer is here and so weird.
+ Regina Hall will be a queer “Master” of students in a new Amazon occult drama.
+ Lesbian DP and cinematographer Rachel Morrison will direct her first feature in Barry Jenkins’ Flint Strong. (She was the first woman to be nominated for a cinematography Oscar last year for Dee Rees’ Mudbound.)
+ Brooklyn Nine-Nine has been renewed for an eighth season already.
+ Jamie Clayton has joined Rosewell, New Mexico for season two.
+ The trailer for the third (and final) season of Marvel’s Runaways is here.
+ Meagan Tandy knows Sophie’s not being real with herself on Batwoman.
+ Dolly Parton and the cast of Heartstrings on the best Dolly songs to sing at karaoke
No Filter: Kristen Stewart’s 100% Ready To Marry Her Girlfriend and Hayley Kiyoko Has Bangs Now
Welcome to No Filter, a weekly walk in the park wherein we pass a lot of pictures of queer celebrities and then look at them, describe them, and discuss them. This week is all over the place, just like my brain!
Listen I know this isn’t Kristen Stewart’s instagram because she doesn’t have one but ladies and gentlepeople WE WILL HAVE TO SETTLE FOR IT. The first pic is snagged from her girlfriend’s instagram of last week, but please do click through to the additional slides to witness Kristen Stewart on The Howard Stern Show announcing her intention to propose to Dylan. They’ve been dating for five minutes, which is five years in lesbian time.
Hayley Kiyoko has bangs now
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Ymvv6gamv/
Asia Kate Dillon doesn’t have a shirt now
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4dRacAgaOt/
Amandla Stenberg is ready to go home and watch maybe the end of that ep and share a joint and then maybe just like cuddle if that’s ok now?
If my high school journal was on a jacket I hope one side would say “The whole Aaron thing is completely unlike any other thing. It’s just that we are soulmates” and the other side would say “I don’t like Aaron anymore. Hmmm… I just don’t. I lost interest.” That way people would know right away that I’m a woman who has always known what she wants.
Halloween happened to fall upon us directly after last week’s No Filter, which means there were a few notable costumes I was unable to note last week. Let’s fix that:
“Listen up, cause I’m only telling you this once. I’m not bedtime story lady, so pay attention. It’s 2033. The world is *screwed* now. You see, a while ago this humongous comet came crashing into the earth. Bam, total devastation. End of the world as we know it. No celebrities, no cable TV, no water. It hasn’t rained in 11 years. Now 20 people gotta squeeze inside the same bathtub – so it ain’t all bad.”
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4XwIuYnr36/?igshid=11m7jrk489ccv
Tell me about it, stud.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4VKPPwhnQA/
You’ve won the battle but I’m about to win the wardrobe.
https://www.instagram.com/p/B4WpMHHgUpF/
UM
Pop Culture Fix: Kristen Stewart Does Fingerplay With Kate McKinnon In “SNL” Promo and We’re Like, So Gay Dude
Welcome to your weekly pop culture fix!
+ Aha so! It seems that our dearest So Gay friend Kristen Stewart will be bringing some gay attention to Saturday Night Live this weekend and Kate McKinnon has something to say about that:
+ Stumptown has secured a full season pick-up!
+ Emily VanDerWerff on how she’s rethinking her job in 2020: “…what’s interesting to me increasingly isn’t straight-up reviews. It’s much more common for me to be taken with the idea of writing a reported feature, or a critical essay, or something like that. I now prefer to take the long view, and taking a look at my traffic stats, my readers prefer that too.”
+ Jill Soloway will be directing a (lesbian astronaut) Sally Ride biopic for Lionsgate! The film will explore Ride’s life and her 1983 mission on the Challenger space shuttle.
+ Olivia Wilde heard about how Booksmart has been edited for Delta and she is rightfully pissed off:
There are certain words and certain scenes that are cut out, that aren’t the swear words. It’s ‘fuck, fuck, fuck’ all day, but they removed the word ‘masturbation,’ they removed the word ‘vagina.’ So I’m just curious what a woman is supposed to take from that. That it’s an obscenity. That it’s inappropriate.
There’s insane violence of bodies being ripped in half and yet a love scene between two women is censored from the film. It’s such an integral part of the character’s journey. My heart just broke. I don’t understand it. It’s confusing.”
+ Run don’t walk, Australians: Supermarket giant Kmart is selling adorable same-sex family dolls for kids – and they’re almost sold out
+ Tanya Saracho, Mj Rodriguez discuss changing tide for queer Latinos in media
+ Tig Notaro, Wife Stephanie Allynne To Direct Lesbian Coming-Of-Age Film in which “two thirtysomething women who have been best friends their entire lives” have “their friendship is tested when one of the women embarks on a personal journey.”
Pop Culture Fix: Kristen Stewart Still Looks Gay as Heck in This New Terrifying Ocean Monster Movie
A happy Wednesday upon you; here’s your Pop Culture Fix!
+ Kristen Stewart still out here looking gay as hell in all her new movies.
+ GLOW season three made the case for a great season four.
+ Wanda Sykes has a new multi-cam series coming to Netflix. Also! Sykes was on John Oliver this week to talk about medical bias.
+ There’a a Latinx void at the heart of video games.
+ A Practical Magic prequel is on the way to HBO.
+ Portrait of a Lady on Fire, which won Best Screenplay and the Queer Palm at Cannes this year, finally has an official subtitled trailer.
+ Janet Mock stopped by NPR to chat about Pose.
+ Lana Wachowski will write and direct another Matrix; Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss are back too.
+ And finally, the season three trailer for Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.
SPOTTED: Kristen Stewart Canoodling With New Love Interest Person Dylan Meyer
feature image via Backgrid
We told you first – a claim I don’t often get to make – that avowed sourpuss and Charlie’s Angel Kristen Stewart was no longer dating Victoria’s Secret shopping bag Stella Maxwell and was instead involved with screenwriter Dylan Meyer! We have our fingers on the pulse! We’re hip! We’re with it!
On Thursday, Stewart was photographed kissing Meyer on a New York City stoop, a sign that things are heating up between this person I’ve heard of and this other person I haven’t.
Gals being pals! via Backgrid
Kristen appears shooketh / image via Backgrid
I touch my friends’ legs like this, I don’t know about you. / via Backgrid
Although the folks at Lainey Gossip are not convinced these two are more than gal pals, noted body language expert Stef Schwartz weighs in: “Kristen’s hand on Dylan’s thigh combined with Dylan’s wry smile seem to indicate a playful relationship. Maybe they’re not serious yet, but they look pretty damn content together. Also, Dylan is drinking a hot coffee in August in Manhattan which is a crime against humanity.”
See Exhibit B:
What’s next for these two lovebirds? Will they walk up Hillhurst and down Vermont Ave together in search of green juice? Will they be spotted exiting a spa? Will they appear miserable to be photographed as they hold hands outside a grocery store? Will they take Kristen’s dogs on a hike???? STAY TUNED.
Sunday Funday Defines American Lesbianism With Kristen Stewart and King Princess
Hello friends! I’m on vacation! I saw my mom and I went to the beach and I went on a walking tour and I made challah (literally) with my hands and NO HANDMIXER. I love vacation. I love beling like “oh, we were gonna leave at 1, but now 2:30? No problem! I have zero plans! Also, because I’ve been on vacation for almost a week, I’m convinced that the good news I found for the Funday is the ONLY news there is this week. Right? Right.
+ Kristen Stewart explains her whole career for us. God, remember Panic Room???
+ “Roll+Heart is an earnest LGBT tabletop visual novel” I don’t know what any of those words mean when placed in a sentence together, but it felt like it might be something a few of you would get excited about.
+ A Chicago mosque is broadening the norms of Muslim life by having women and LGBTQ+ prayer leaders.
+ Brazil’s trans influencers are changing the marketing game.
+ Ten more YA books starring queer girls.
+ As I was looking for links for this week’s post, I thought “why don’t you check your ‘Meryl Streep’ google alert?” and I am glad I did. King Princess included a Meryl Streep scream into her newest techno song.
https://twitter.com/KingPrincess69/status/1156091783052484609
And an update:
https://twitter.com/KingPrincess69/status/1156328123031531520
+ How Peppa Pig became an LGBTQ+ icon.
+ Sleater-Kinney on St. Vincent
That’s all the news fit to print folks. Enjoy it, let it make you happy to be alive and then go do something fun and gay with your friends!! Love you, see you soon, etc etc etc.
Pop Culture Fix: Kristen Stewart Just Wants to Be Loved, Man
Happy Pop Culture Fix day, you gays!
+ Here’s a first look at Stewart on the set of that forthcoming Jean Seberg film.
+ How Vida showrunner Tanya Saracho became a leading voice for Latinx creators.
+ The cast of Black Lightning previews season three.
+ Kelly McGillis knows why she’s not in the Top Gun sequel and it’s not because she’s gay; it’s because she looks “age-appropriate for what my age is, and that is not what that whole scene is about.”
+ Ellen Page and and Ian Daniel’s documentary, There’s Something in the Water, draws attention to the Indigenous and African Nova Scotian women fighting to protect their communities, their land, and their futures.
+ Carmen’s working on a review and some interviews for HBO’s nearly-here (this Friday!) A Black Lady Sketch Show. In the meantime, it’s getting great press
+ Rita Moreno is finally getting her American Masters documentary!
+ The Handmaid’s Tale has been renewed for a fourth season.
+ How Peppa Pig became an LGBTQ icon.
+ More openly gay women than ever played in last weekend’s WNBA All-Star Game.
+ Jill Ellis is stepping down as the USWNT’s coach after her second World Cup victory.
+ A Little Late With Lilly Singh will debut on September 16th.
+ Stephanie Beatriz would really love to be the lesbian viking in the Catherine Hardwick-directed adaptation of Natasha Alterici’s queer/feminist comic series, Heathen.
+ And Jaimie Alexander would really love to be Tessa Thompson’s queen.
+ Well.
Kristen Stewart Kicks Ass, Looks Gay as Hell in the First “Charlie’s Angels” Trailer
The trailer for the new Charlie’s Angels just landed and I’m more convinced than ever that Kristen Stewart is going to be gay as all hell in it. First of all, why are you dropping it the very day World Pride starts, on the 50th anniversary of Stonewall, if that’s not true? Second of all, her hair. Third of all, her swagger. Fourth of all, the way she says to another woman, “How did that feel, because it looks like it felt really good.” Fifth of all, the trailer kicks right off with Janelle Monae’s “Make Me Feel,” the gayest song ever recorded. Sixth of all, half of all gay women over the age of 30 are gay because of Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, so the only place to go from there is maintext. Seventh of all, it’s 2019 and it’d be bananas to have three women on-screen together without one of them being queer. Eighth of all, I want what I want.I REST MY CASE.
See you in the theater in November, ya queers.
Queer Art of Failure: Notes on Camp and the 2019 Met Gala
Last night, the baddest bitches went to the Metropolitan art museum in their baddest bitch clothes. This year’s Met Gala was arranged by Anna Wintour and was hosted by Lady Gaga, Serena Williams, and Harry Styles. Lena Waithe also sat on the planning committee.
As a whole, people didn’t read the essay and had no clue what “camp” was. There were lots of earnest trials and failures, however, and I think that’s the embodiment of camp! Straight people failing at camp is campier than I could’ve hoped for, friends. So overall, I’d say it was a success. Here are my favorite looks paired with my favorite sentences from Susan Sontag’s 1964 essay, “Notes on Camp.”
Also, Ciara and Big Freedia did…this together. It’s so campy I could quote the whole essay under it, so instead, here it is without commentary:
Janelle Monáe
“The whole point of Camp is to dethrone the serious.”
Billy Porter
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxIxp8zBW7A/
“So, not all homosexuals have Camp taste. But homosexuals, by and large, constitute the vanguard — and the most articulate audience — of Camp.”
Lady Gaga
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJQjb_nHsU/
“For Camp art is often decorative art, emphasizing texture, sensuous surface, and style at the expense of content.”
Harry Styles
“To perceive Camp in objects and persons is to understand Being-as-Playing-a-Role.”
Céline Dion
“That way, the way of Camp, is not in terms of beauty, but in terms of the degree of artifice, of stylization.”
Katy Perry
“Camp is art that proposes itself seriously, but cannot be taken altogether seriously because it is ‘too much.'”
Gigi Hadid
“Camp is a woman walking around in a dress made of three million feathers.”
Miley Cyrus
“Without passion, one gets pseudo-Camp — what is merely decorative, safe, in a word, chic.”
Jared Leto
“The hallmark of Camp is the spirit of extravagance.”
Danai Gurira
“Camp is the answer to the problem: how to be a dandy in the age of mass culture.”
MJ Rodriguez
“One is drawn to Camp when one realizes that “sincerity” is not enough.”
Janet Mock
“Camp taste is, above all, a mode of enjoyment, of appreciation – not judgment.”
Robyn
“Camp is the triumph of the epicene style.”
Natasha Lyonne
“Camp responds particularly to the markedly attenuated and to the strongly exaggerated.”
Dominique Jackson
“To camp is a mode of seduction — one which employs flamboyant mannerisms susceptible of a double interpretation; gestures full of duplicity, with a witty meaning for cognoscenti and another, more impersonal, for outsiders.”
Yara Shahidi
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJBnd0gg7U/
“Camp involves a new, more complex relation to “the serious.” One can be serious about the frivolous, frivolous about the serious.”
Dee Hilfiger
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJEp9tB6rH/
“The Camp sensibility is disengaged, depoliticized — or at least apolitical.”
Tiffany Haddish
“Camp… makes no distinction between the unique object and the mass-produced object.”
Saoirse Ronan
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJAAqKHB4p/
“Camp is a solvent of morality. It neutralizes moral indignation, sponsors playfulness.”
Jordan Roth
“It seems unlikely that much of the traditional opera repertoire could be such satisfying Camp if the melodramatic absurdities of most opera plots had not been taken seriously by their composers. One doesn’t need to know the artist’s private intentions. The work tells all.”
Zoe Saldana
“What the Camp eye appreciates is the unity, the force of the person.”
Awkwafina
Shine bright like @awkwafina #MetGala2019 #MetGala pic.twitter.com/mJ2KLLCn0J
— NYLON (@NylonMag) May 6, 2019
“Camp is the glorification of ‘character.'”
Whembley Sewell
MY KWEEN @whembleysewell <3 <3 pic.twitter.com/DXhafzCFCY
— gabe bergado (@gabebergado) May 6, 2019
“What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine.”
Caroline Trentini
Caroline Trentini has amazing bone structure #metgala pic.twitter.com/EJ2tpDuyL1
— Margaret Cho (@margaretcho) May 6, 2019
“Only that which has the proper mixture of the exaggerated, the fantastic, the passionate, and the naïve.”
Hamish Bowles
“All Camp objects, and persons, contain a large element of artifice.”
Regina Hall
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxIz7GQnieP/
“Many examples of Camp are things which, from a “serious” point of view, are either bad art or kitsch.”
Serena Williams
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJA_O3DypY/
“…In their relative unpretentiousness and vulgarity, they are more extreme and irresponsible in their fantasy – and therefore touching and quite enjoyable.”
Kacey Musgraves
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJCjgUhhT5/
“Camp is as well a quality discoverable in objects and the behavior of persons.”
Tracee Ellis Ross
“Camp is either completely naive or else wholly conscious.”
Alicia Vikander
“Camp taste nourishes itself on the love that has gone into certain objects and personal style.”
Emma Stone
“It incarnates a victory of “style” over “content,” “aesthetics” over “morality,” of irony over tragedy.”
Zazie Beetz
“The androgyne is certainly one of the great images of Camp sensibility.”
Diane von Furstenberg
“Style is everything.”
Kerry Washington
“There is seriousness in Camp… But there is never, never tragedy.”
Sarah Paulson
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJXQJXjFEI/
“There is a sense in which it is correct to say: “It’s too good to be Camp.” Or “too important,” not marginal enough.”
Kristen Stewart
“Camp refuses both the harmonies of traditional seriousness, and the risks of fully identifying with extreme states of feeling.”
Lily Collins
https://twitter.com/ohmazerunner/status/1125561095207444480
“[Camp]…is not a natural mode of sensibility, if there be any such.”
Jennifer Lopez
“Some art which can be approached as Camp… merits the most serious admiration and study.”
Dua Lipa
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJYnOynFay/
“Camp asserts that good taste is not simply good taste; that there exists, indeed, a good taste of bad taste.”
Ciara
“Camp taste transcends the nausea of the replica.”
Hailee Steinfeld
“Camp introduces a new standard: artifice as an ideal, theatricality.”
Cardi B
“Pure Camp is always naive. Camp which knows itself to be Camp (“camping”) is usually less satisfying.”
Rupaul
“If tragedy is an experience of hyperinvolvement, comedy is an experience of underinvolvement, of detachment.”
Solange
“The new-style dandy, the lover of Camp, appreciates vulgarity.”
Cara Delevingne
“Camp proposes a comic vision of the world.”
Ezra Miller
“Camp taste identifies with what it is enjoying.”
Michael Urie
“[Camp] is the love of the exaggerated, the “off,” of things-being-what-they-are-not.”
Lena Waithe
“The relation of Camp taste to the past is extremely sentimental.”
Zendaya
“So many of the objects prized by Camp taste are old-fashioned, out-of-date, démodé.”
Tessa Thompson
“But since no authentic aristocrats in the old sense exist today to sponsor special tastes, who is the bearer of this taste? Answer: an improvised self-elected class, mainly homosexuals, who constitute themselves as aristocrats of taste.”
Lala Anthony
“Time liberates the work of art from moral relevance, delivering it over to the Camp sensibility.
Lizzo
“Camp is a tender feeling.”
Bette Midler
“Things are campy, not when they become old – but when we become less involved in them, and can enjoy, instead of be frustrated by, the failure of the attempt”
Lupita Nyong’o
“Successful Camp… even when it reveals self-parody, reeks of self-love.”
Indya Moore
INDYA MOORE.
thats it. thats the tweet. pic.twitter.com/g11XBBmauu— cuzzy (@cudegracah) May 7, 2019
“…The Camp sensibility is one that is alive to a double sense in which some things can be taken.”
Hari Nef
“And Camp is esoteric — something of a private code, a badge of identity even, among small urban cliques.”