Renegade Craft Fair: Just As Awesome As You’d Expect

I don’t know about you, but I fancy myself a bit of a renegade. Not the kind who “deserts one faith, cause, or allegiance for another” but rather the kind who “rejects…conventional behavior.” Also, the kind who loves crafts. So when a friend told me about the Renegade Craft Fair, I knew immediately that I would love it. I was right—-my girlfriend and I even showed up late to Dyke March because we had such a hard time leaving the fair on Saturday! Now I want to share the love and strongly encourage you to check out this fair if you can.

If you live in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, or London, UK, you’re in luck because The Renegade Craft Fair is coming your way in July and September. If you live in Austin or Brooklyn unfortunately this year’s fairs have passed, but you can start planning for next year the way I’m planning to meet Tegan and Sara at NYC Pride 2013 because I missed them this year and I can’t really talk about it because I’m so devastated.

 

Anyway, back to crafts! The Renegade Craft Fair started out with 75 vendors in Chicago in 2003. According to its website, the founders, a creative bunch themselves, felt like all the major craft shows focused on fine arts rather than DIY culture, and were not ideal for emerging new talent. The organizers wanted to target a younger, alternative demographic that would be interested in cheaper prices, DIY community, and contemporary designs. This obviously sounds like the best idea ever, so it’s no wonder that the fair has grown in size and popularity each year, not to mention expanded to a total of six cities.

The fair opened in Brooklyn in 2005, San Francisco in 2008, Los Angeles in 2009, Austin in 2010, and London, England in 2011. Each fair hosts different artists, a variety of hands-on crafting workshops, and some kind of musical performance. The Brooklyn fair featured over 300 artists, had an amazing free photobooth (with props!), and took place at the Williamsburg Waterfront, but who knows what magical unicorns might appear at the other fairs.

I walked away with one print, one postcard, a goofy photo strip, and a silk-screened t-shirt. Some of my favorite items I did not purchase include a teacup planter, cutting boards in the shape of your favorite state, and Magic Unicorn salt. If I were a millionaire I would have bought something from every vendor.

Attendance is completely free, prices are reasonable, the artists are super friendly, and the mascot is an owl. Fellow renegades, what I’m trying to say is, this is a craft fair you do not want to miss. You’re welcome.

 

The MTV Movie Awards Liveblog and Harry Potter/Hunger Games/KStew Feelings Marathon

Hey you Straddlers, it’s the MTV Movie Awards! The place where Oscar-winning movies lose year after year after year to Twilight. Is it just me or did I just liveblog these five seconds ago? Nope, that’s just an emotional conflation of liveblogging the 2011 VMAs and recapping the 2011 Teen Choice Awards. Regardless they’re here again, hosted by Russell Brand, and bound to illuminate nothing about movies and everything about the falling standards of young people in America. I’m honestly deeply emotionally conflicted about whether I’m rooting for Harry Potter or the Hunger Games. It’s like choosing between your first love and your current love; they’re both so meaningful, how do you even compare them?

There are a lot of nominees but writing them all out seemed like a waste of everyone’s time, so I made this handy graphic from MTV’s full list of nominees.

Tonight I’m gathering with a bunch of queermos to watch/drool over the inevitable KStewpalooza, and plan to steal the snarky comments my friends make and claim them as my own here for your reading pleasure! I prepared for this epic night by quitting my job, moving out of my apartment, signing a lease in my new apartment and forgetting to cancel my gym membership. So you know this is going to be good.

Meet me back here at 9pm EST and we’ll all get through this together. Don’t forget to tweet me all of your Harry Potter/Hunger Games/KStew feelings @Ohheyitslizz!

8:50pm: I showed up early for pre-show glamour and Punk’d is on?! Where is the red carpet respect?!

8:55pm: I couldn’t be more excited about this preview for The Perks of Being a Wallflower if I read an instruction manual on how to be excited. I’m calling it, this might be the best part of the night.

9:00pm: OMG it’s happening!! Starring FUN. I love this song. Because tonight I am young. Actually technically.

9:01pm: Wait. Are the guys from FUN. wearing capri pants? I can’t support this decision.

9:03pm: I love Janelle Monae in a tux and that chorus of women in bow ties. Sigh.

9:08pm: Something about the timbre of Russell Brand’s voice makes everything he says sound the same.

9:12pm: I’m bored. This is boring. Will someone make me a cocktail?

9:14pm: Look how uncomfortable Mila Kunis looks next to how drunk Marky Mark is.

I don’t care about this. I forgot to see the movie. I need another cocktail for this.

9:20pm: I just saw a preview for the new movie “Ted” about Mila Kunis and Marky Mark and a magically alive teddy bear. I thought it was an MTV spoof. But no. This is really happening.

9:20pm: Russell Brand is not funny.

9:24pm: I support the existence of the new Spiderman movie. Emma Stone just said YOLO. YOLOOOO

I don’t know who she is but she’s kind of adorable. I like her the most out of everyone so far. Everyone ever.

9:30pm: Emma Watson can do no wrong. I give her permission to do anything.

9:32pm: Oh G-d. Best Male Performance. This is our first Harry Potter Hunger Games stand off. I don’t know who to root for. JK this time it’s Harry Potter.

Okay, mixed feelings. On the one hand I want to support Josh Hutcherson because he really loves gay people. On the other hand, I wanted Daniel Radcliffe because of the Harry Potter. On the other other hand, I wanted KStew dressed in menswear to win this category. So.

9:40pm: First KStew sighting for the announcement of Best Female Performance!

Why do I feel like we won a thing?! We won a thing!! Too bad Jen didn’t show up to receive. Somehow that makes her even cooler.

JLaw [looking at the golden popcorn]: I can’t eat this.

9:43pm: Who let Charlie Sheen on stage? I’m palpitating.

9:44pm: So I guess this is some sort of clip show of party movies? What I’ve gleaned is that cult classic comedies have to star men. All men all the time. Only men are funny. Only.

9:47pm: Can I be honest about how I don’t know who this musical artist is, but am I crazy or is Joan Jett on his shirt?

9:50pm: Liveblogging MTV award shows is really easy since the show is 90% commercials.

9:55pm: Leighton Meester is presenting best kiss. I think the real question is why isn’t she nominated for any kiss ever?

Also if Hermione/Ron don’t win this shit is rigged.

Boooo. But wait. Who is that white T-shirt lezzie looking girl KStew is sitting with? And no RPat? Okay for those of you playing at home who can’t see this, KStew just tried to get someone, anyone to come on stage and kiss her. Including but not limited to super homoerotic call out to Charlize Theron. KStew, why didn’t you just call up the hot chick you were sitting with?!

KStew: Huntsman? Huntsman?

10:04pm: Awesome. Two old men to present an achievement award (“The Generation Award”) to Johnny Depp. I totally appreciate and love Johnny Depp but there hasn’t been a single gay on stage yet. Didn’t the producers of this see the Emmys? Gay sells people.

Also this is tragically boring.

10:08pm: So Johnny Depp is playing the guitar with the Black Keys. Reactions from around the room:

My Friend: Johnny Depp was cool, he just got so much cooler
Me: Are you kidding? He’s playing guitar at the MTV Movie awards. He just got 100% lamer.
My Friend: Well… he’s only lamer if he tries to launch a full music career after this.

10:12pm: Sometimes I feel like Johnny Depp speaks with a pseudo fake british accent.

10:20pm: Joel McHale is so fucking hilarious. Also a fake archery instructor is a stupidly funny concept. That was the funniest thing of the evening. That’s really unfortunate. Why is Community being canceled? Whyyyy?

10:23pm: Wow totally real fight scene between Charlize Theron and some guy.

Friend A: Wow great fight scene.
Friend B: Oh. Get ’em girl
Friend C: Huntsman? Huntsman?

There is not enough booze in the world to make me care about this category.

This is correct! Go team! Only Emma Watson bothered to show up! Womp Womp. Just in case anyone is curious, she goes to Brown where I am going in the fall. I think we all know what’s going to happen when we meet. Love forever. That’s what.

10:34pm: Awesome more white guys presenting awards. And making illiteracy jokes.

10:36pm: Am I supposed to know who Big Dick Richy is? Is this a thing?

I love Elizabeth Banks. We have the same name. Also her outfit looks like what a spider wears after it gets magically turned in to a woman.

10:40pm: So Emma Stone is getting The Trailblazer Award? I think it’s a joke but I also don’t understand if maybe this is a joke. I do love a good montage though.

My Friend: Wait. Oh. For that whole time I thought they were talking about Emma Watson.

10:44pm: Okay even post-acceptance speech I have no clue what this award is for. Is this because of The Help? Is this because of Spiderman? Does Emma Stone go around the country giving emotionally inspiring speeches to high school students?

10:47pm: Okay so a preview for Channing Tatum’s new movie where he plays a male stripper just came on and now I understand that man-stripper joke before. Sorry guys, I’m just trying to stay on top of everything.

10:49pm: Joseph Gordon Levitt dresses the way I wish all hot butch chicks dressed. All of them. Love his red watch.

10:50pm: Seriously though, I don’t think I can move on from Joseph Gordon Levitt’s outfit. That’s what everyone should wear to weddings this summer.

10:52pm: Yeah I’m still not over it. With the red button? With the corresponding but not too matchy tie? This is a win guys.

10:53pm: I was so distracted by Joseph Gordon Levitt’s outfit that I forgot to point out how fucking weird this whole Batman END OF THE STORY worship thing is. I mean, it’s Batman not Harry Potter — it doesn’t actually ever end.

I mean, I’m not arguing with exclusive footage, I just didn’t realize this movie series was such a bit deal. I mean I love these movies but I’m a giant nerd-face.

11:00pm: Okay we’ve finally reached best movie. Thank G-d.

11:02pm: Finally! A gay on stage! Jodie Foster! Her jacket looks like a futuristic motocross situation?

Oh wow. That’s a fucking shocker.

11:05pm: MTV should go back to the days when they used to stage controversies. It was actually somehow more entertaining.

You Should Go: NYC Dyke March Benefit Concert This Saturday!

Jamie’s Team Pick:

June is gay pride month in NYC, which means all sorts of enticing events for us queers to celebrate how far we’ve come and how much further we expect this country to evolve in the future. One event I’m definitely attending this Saturday in Brooklyn is the Dyke March Benefit Show at Public Assembly, and it’s not even just because my friend organized the event (though full disclosure, my friend organized the event). In case you didn’t catch it, check out Carmen’s post from earlier this month for more about all the goodness that is the Dyke March.

Doors open Saturday at 3pm and the line up for the day includes Mitten, Allison Weiss, Julia Welden and Sierra. Also look – look at all those cats on the event flyer! 

This year is the 20th NYC Dyke March, so here’s hoping we see at least 20,000 dykes marching down Fifth Avenue on June 23. Follow @nycdykemarch on Twitter and on Facebook. And if you can’t make the show, maybe check out the NYC Dyke March happy hour fundraiser at Stonewall on June 7th.

So You Want To Be A Pen Pal?

In response to last week’s pen pal post, approximately 27 of you commented that you’d like to see be a part of some kind of Autostraddle pen pal fandango. How could you not? You are such a interesting, smart and funny group of perfect weirdos and it’d be a crime if we didn’t do our part to help you all find each other.

Enter: Autostraddle Air Mail. We want queer girls all over the world to have a reason to bounce excitedly out to their mailboxes. If you want to be one of those lucky ladies, all you need to do is sign up! Send me your vital stats at laura [at] autostraddle [dot] com sometime before June 11th and I’ll match you up. I’ll need your:

Name
Home Address
Age
Language(s) Spoken
Desired age range/language of your pen pal, if you want
That’s all (really and truly, because part of the fun of getting a pen pal is knowing nothing about them)

Depending on how many responses we get, we’ll be getting back to you guys sometime during the week of the 11th with everything you need to know about your new friend. If you’ve got any questions about the safety of giving your address to strangers (anthrax is so 2001), how to write a good letter (a flashy postage stamp is always a good start) or my secret desire to be Patti Stranger (the answer is yes. Only without the archaic gender roles and artificial collagen) hit me up below, I’m all eyes.

Updates:

If you’re a babygay or otherwise closeted, please let me know in your email! I want you to to get in on fun and not have to worry about discovering a giant gay envelope in your mailbox.

If everything goes smoothly, we’ll do a second round later in the summer, so don’t worry if you’re moving or busy right now. We’ve got ya.

You Should Go: Dyke March NYC Photoshoot

Carmen’s Team Pick:

We all know Sunday is my favorite day of the week. But this Sunday, well — this Sunday will be even more special than the last! This Sunday, I’m packing my bags and going to New York City, and almost 50% of the reason why is the Dyke March Photoshoot.

Dyke March NYC is holding a photoshoot this Sunday, May 20th, at 1 PM in Prospect Park in anticipation of the actual Dyke March. A “real photographer” (to the best of my knowledge, not Robin, but what can you do really) will be taking photos there, and if you’re the dykiest of all the dykes hoping to later march in dykedom like a superdyke at Dyke March with your dyke friends, they’ll even pick your picture for their “Every Dyke is a Hero Campaign,” and then put your face on a postcard to celebrate the New York march’s 20th year. It’s all going down on Sunday – and oh, what a fun day it could be.

(Plus, the tagline on this event invitation in my inbox is “we’re makin’ you famous!,” and I know you can never go wrong with a promise like that.)

If you haven’t heard of the Dyke March, just know that whether the number is 15,000, 20,000, or 163 – a lot of dykes in one place is a good place. The Dyke March movement began in 1993, and was organized by the Lesbian Avengers (read our Herstory on the Lesbian Avengers!). It was based in Washington, DC and took place during the March on Washington. Later that year, in June, the first Dyke March NYC would occur.

Dyke Marches occur each year all over the world, and they’re all equally badass in mission:

The Dyke March is a protest march, not a parade — we don’t ask for a permit, because we have the right to protest.  We recognize that we must organize amongst ourselves to fight for our rights, our safety, and for visibility.  Thousands of dykes take over the streets every year in celebration of LBTQ women and to protest against ongoing discrimination, harassment, and anti-LBTQ violence in schools, on the job, in our families, and on the streets.

Even if you can’t make it to the photoshoot, be sure to show up at the actual march on Saturday, June 23. Stay involved online via the website, Facebook, and Twitter – or just your super lesbian friends.

The Calendar Girls Art Show: It’s A Real Thing And A Big Deal And You Should Go!

Our very own Robin Roemer is being featured at the Long Island City Arts Open this month and she’d love to see your queer little face in the crowd! You can get a sneak peak at the fine ladies of the 2013 calendar who are the subjects of Robin’s solo exhibition, check out pieces and performances from more than 200 other artists and perhaps even chat with Robin herself. What exactly will you be seeing? Think dreamy beachy scenes of bodacious and badass babes.

This is a portrait series shot of during one whole day at the beach of queer and lesbian identifying women. The project began as a calendar for Autostraddle.com, a lesbian pop culture website, but grew into an annual portrait introspective. I sought to capture images that would reflect feelings of freedom and comfort in their own skin. I was particularly interested in natural moments. I chose a simple expanse of sand and water where the horizon line is sometimes indistinguishable, and it was the perfect setting for a very personal and introspective look at each of these extraordinary women, among them a Miss California pageant contestant and a former Olympian.

As a photographer, documenting an entire day at the beach is a great challenge. The drastic change in light throughout the day and the ebb and flow of the tides adds an interesting contrast to an otherwise consistent series.

I loved coming away from this shoot knowing that many of these women are now friends, and I hope that these images reflect those bonds formed.

You can come to a reception on May 12 from 2:00 to 6:00 pm or check out Robin’s work any time from May 12th to the 20th, with the exception of the 13th which is Mother’s Day, at the Eleven11 Lofts in Long Island City, Gallery #303

GLAAD Awards 2012: May The Odds Be Ever In Your Gayvor

Saturday night fellow Words With Girls person Lauren Neal accompanied me to the Ellen DeGeneres-hosted 23rd Annual GLAAD Media Awards, Los Angeles edition, where we worked the red carpet (video to come!), ate a lot of rolls, and tweeted frequently.

Dressing for this event was a special treat because my wardrobe is focused around the premise of being comfortable, and award show wardrobes are generally focused around the premise of looking good. This is how that went:

This was my first trip to the GLAAD Awards and I noticed that the presenter-to-award ratio is horribly askew and that nobody made any GLAAD/glad puns (probably used those up during the inaugural show). Naya Rivera did not host which might be my life’s greatest tragedy, but nevertheless, a fantastic time was had by all.

Also, Ellen DeGeneres did host and everybody loves Ellen and she came out dancing. Ellen Degeneres opened the show… much like she opened the minds of minds across America! Awwwww.

“Betty White is here. I didn’t know you were gay. Welcome sister.” – Ellen

Jason Mraz was slated to perform but couldn’t because he’s sick. This doesn’t surprise me as he looks like he’s been hanging out with feral cats. In lieu of a performance, he spoke about being bullied as a kid and having gay besties.

“Some of my best friends are L, G, T. I skipped B because I think all people have the potential to be B.” – Jason Mraz

Herndon Graddick took to the stage to testify as GLAAD’s newly appointed president. It was pretty cool. He cursed a lot in his speech so I think he should run their Twitter account.

“It’s 2012. We’re sick of this shit.” – Herndon Graddick

Then Jennifer Tyrrell told the touching story of being removed as den leader of her son’s Boy Scout troop and everybody cried a lot. I was really hungry at that point and was wondering why Boy Scouts didn’t make cookies, but it was also really moving and important.

“I don’t know why people are interested in same sex marriage. I’ve been having the same sex in my marriage for 30 years and it’s really fucking boring.” – Lisa Vanderpump

Modern Family continued their domination of any and every award show by taking home the award for Outstanding Comedy Series. Jesse Tyler Ferguson accepted the award from the cast of Hot in Cleveland. He seemed pretty excited about meeting Betty White. I think he enjoyed the award as well but I don’t think it was his top priority. Drop Dead Diva‘s “Prom”  (which was based on the Constance McMillen situation, apparently) and Hot in Cleveland’s “Beards” tied for Outstanding Individual Episode. This tie made me curious about their voting process but not curious enough to actually look it up. Beginners won Outstanding Film – Wide Release.

Molly Shannon did an Angelina Jolie tribute by showing us her leg and undies, Sara Gilbert wore silver pants, and the opening montage included about .2 seconds of Pariah, which is not enough.

The Kolzak Award is presented to an openly lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender media professional who has made a significant difference in promoting equality and this year the winner was Chaz Bono. I think by the end of the night I’d seen the entire documentary.

During Chaz Bono‘s introduction, Cher made a surprise appearance. Cher is one of those people that doesn’t sound like an actual person. She sounds like an imitation of someone doing a Cher imitation. It’s really weird. Also, she’s rocking a giant fro these days, although I suppose she could’ve been rocking a giant ‘fro for a while now, but I don’t really keep up with Cher’s day-to-day.

“My pronouns for my child just jump all over the fucking place.” -Cher

Josh Hutcherson from The Hunger Games received the Vanguard Award from GLAAD and the Perfect Person Award from me. The Vanguard Award is given to media professionals who have increased the visibility and understanding of the LGBT community. The Perfect Person Award is given to whomever I decide to call a perfect person. I have given myself this award many times so Josh is in good company. He is the youngest recipient of both awards.

Hutcherson, who is the co-founder of advocacy group Straight But Not Narrow, lost his two gay uncles to AIDS and has been outspoken on the issue of LGBT equality for as long as he’s been in the public eye.

Other people in attendance included Portia de Rossi, Sara Gilbert, Linda Perry, Kim Wayans, Molly Shannon, Max Adler, Joshua Jackson, Milla Jovovich, Benicio del Toro, Ali Larter, Michelle Paradise and Grant Gustin.

Here are our photos from the Red Carpet:

Miami is Nice for Aqua Girl ®

this post has been sponsored by the beautiful ladies of Aqua Girl ® 2012

April in South Beach is the sweet spot between hoodie-weather and the steamy sub-tropical temperatures we’re best known for — those balmy days that inspire Floridians to quickly remove their clothing and jump into the nearest body of water. Thus, the first weekend in May becomes a kind of farewell to pleasant air and the jump-start of our speedy descent into the stickiness that’ll require me to spend the next three months with the air conditioning on blast. And this year, the first weekend in May is also Aqua Girl® weekend. This is very exciting news.

The lesbian community in South Beach often plays second fiddle to the more visible gay male scene — it’s usually men packing the rooms and the outdoor dance spaces at the annual Winter Party and all the gay boys flock here in November for the infamous White Party (which actually has women’s events now, I promise!), as featured in a fantastic episode of Queer As Folk.

I know there are girls here and I know that because I’ve made out with a lot of them, but there’s something extra-special about that one weekend in South Beach when girls so clearly run the world. When Aqua Girl® happens, we’re everywhere. We’re packing the clubs, we’re dressed in our Friday night best and we’re making our community better and stronger; dollar by well-intentioned dollar.

What is Aqua Girl®? Well, Aqua Girl® got born in 1999, when the legendary lesbian event doyen Alison Burgos teamed up with Shescape and other South Florida ladies-in-the-know to throw together a one-night breast cancer benefit called Sweet Charity. Over 800 women came and over $15,000 was raised for Cancer Link and Gilda’s Club. Inspired by their success; in 2000, Sweet Charity became “Aqua Girl®” with a full weekend of events from which every single solitary penny goes towards causes that impact women.

Now Aqua Girl® is the largest charity women’s week in the country. All proceeds go towards the Aqua Foundation for Women, “a not-for-profit foundation whose primary mission is to serve as a funding catalyst for lesbian, bisexual and transgender wellness and equality in South Florida through grants, scholarships and initiatives.”

Basically, Aqua Girl® is the absolute most honorable way
to be drunk on margaritas at three in the afternoon at a pool
sufficiently packed with girl-on-girl culture.

The Aqua Foundation is a huge force in South Florida. In 2011, the Aqua Foundation helped fund the Pride Center’s initiative to connect the community with LBT-friendly health care professionals, Safe School’s South Florida “Women in Training” program which fosters leadership skills and provides employment help for LBT women, the University of Miami’s study of health risks of transgender women in South Florida and PFLAG of Fort Lauderdale’s awareness campaign.

Basically, Aqua Girl® is the absolute most honorable way to be drunk on margaritas at three in the afternoon at a pool sufficiently packed with girl-on-girl culture. Also, it’s hands-down the most ethnically diverse lesbian party I’ve ever been to AND in addition to being heavily populated by locals, it attracts women from all over the world — last year I made new friends from London, Austin, New York City and Atlanta… and my best friend met someone who got her a job a few months later, so!

Don’t get me wrong — these things aren’t typically my scene, and I was a bit skeptical when my then-girlfriend dragged me to my first Aqua Girl® in 2010 (I was lured in by the promise of Elvira Kurt, a hilarious lesbian comedian from Canada who performed at Aqua Girl® that year), but I almost instantly found Aqua Girl® really refreshing. The aforementioned diversity is a huge bonus, of course, but it was more than that — it lacked the cliquiness, pretension and celesbian hierarchy that makes me feel like an alien at many other lesbian events. It’s just pure fun, and it’s pure philanthropic fun at that.

This year, Aqua Girl® will be jamming 14 events into its wet weekend, with amazing hosts like The Real L Word girls, Tracy Young and Jessica Kirson (more on her in a bit!). I will tell you about those events now.

Wednesday May 2nd

MGLFF Centerpiece Women’s Film & Afterparty
The Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival will be premiering Girltrash: All Night Long — yes, it’s finally happening! — and hosting a fancy after-party promising “celebrity appearances.” The cast of Girltrash, if you’re not already familiar, includes Tasha, Molly and Nikki from The L Word AND Spencer & Ashley from South of Nowhere. Angela Robinson is in charge. Movies! Fun!

Thursday May 3rd

Traffic Jam
It’s the first big dance party of the weekend, with equal numbers of sexy go-go dancers (not my thing, really, but it’s everybody else’s) and drag kings (totally my thing). You can play the dating game by sporting glow-necklaces announcing your availability — green for single, yellow for approach-with-caution, and red for totally taken.

Friday May 4th

Rachel Rachel Rachel
You love Rachel Robinson, right? Once upon a time when I was young, she was that sexy gay girl from Road Rules and now she’s that sexy gay girl who hosted Autostraddle’s 2010 Rodeo Disco and will be teaching “BODYTONING” at 10:30 AM at the Surfcomber Resort (more about that place later). I was too hungover last year but am holding out hope that this year will be the year that I make it.

Splash Pool Party
The theme is “sporty” and there will be “poolside games” and “eye candy.” Also, beer. Beer is a thing.

Happy Hour at The Palace
The Palace, Ocean Drive’s only gay restaurant and bar, is probably best known for its Sunday Brunch drag races. You go here for the experience moreso than for the food (however if you’ve ever been to New York’s Lucky Chengs Drag Queen Cabaret Restaurant, I can tell you with confidence that The Palace is way more reasonably priced and has much better food!), but Aqua Girl® promises “yummy drinks and great drink specials” at The Palace from 4 to 7 on Friday.

A Night of Comedy with Jessica Kirson
I’ve seen Jessica Kirson live once and she’s pretty effing funny — you should check out her videos (like this one, in which she ostensibly is shopping for an Aqua Girl® outfit) You’ve probably seen her on Comedy Central, HBO, Nickelodeon, Noggin, VH1, Showtime, LOGO and/or Oxygen. Also I have endless wells of respect for anyone who dated Susan Powter.

Havana Nights
This party plays tribute to “Latin flavors that have made Miami famous.” I think by that they mean “Hot Latin Girls.” This is always my favorite party.

Saturday May 5th

Aqua Beach House Pool Party
Pretty self-explanatory. DJs, music, Tracy Young, Miami Heat dancers (!!!), and “3,000 hot scantily-clad women.” That’s a lot of scantily clad women!

Sip & Savor Wine & Cheese Reception
Wine and cheese! Two of my favorite things! Followed by dinner at BLT Steak!

Catalina Hotel & Beach Club Happy Hour
Drinking on the waterfront at a super-cute hotel with Romi and Rose from The Real L Word. No debs allowed.

Space Odyssey
Saturday night is definitely when the energy is at its peak. The website says “get ready to go on a musical journey of house, hip hop & dance music with live performances and sexy shows,” which sounds like Space Mountain, except better and with more scantily clad women. Oh and everybody’s favorite party favors, The Real L Word cast!

Sunday March 6th

Brunch Serenade
Free Bloody Marys!

Aqualicious Tea Dance
This is the one you can bring your gayboy friends to. Ladies are still healthily in the majority, and its’ a good time for everyone.

Afterglow
Your last chance to dance for charity to the “ultimate blend of dance, electro, freestyle and Miami Bass.” It’s like a three-layer dip of music.

Most out-of-towners shack up at the official host hotels, but so do a lot of in-towners too because it makes it easier to walk everywhere and sometimes you can get into pool parties for free — this year’s official host hotels are The Surfcomber Oceanfront Resort and Lord’s. Both are really trendy and fun places to stay.

Accommodations

The Surfcomber just had a big makeover, it’s right on the ocean and the pool is amazing. It had a big renovation last year and is a Kimpton hotel now (The Hotel Palomar Los Angeles is another Kimpton hotel I’ve heard great things about).

Lord’s South Beach is a gay hotel. Like a lot of things in Miami, I imagine Aqua Girl® will populate the place with more ladies than usual. I’ve never stayed there, but it has a really cute lobby and pool with funky decor reflecting a distinctly gay sensibility. It’s about a fifteen minute walk from The Surfcomber.

They both have special rates for Aqua Girl®ers, so be sure to tell them you’re with Aqua Girl® Weekend when you book your room or enter the promo code: AQUA GIRL if you’re booking at Lord’s South Beach only.

You can buy tickets individually or buy a pass for the entire weekend (that’s the best way to do it, in my opinion.) So come on down to South Beach this May and bring sunscreen!

We’ll be there liveblogging! Don’t miss it.

The Aqua Foundation for Women

Aqua Girl®

Get Tickets to Aqua Girl®

Like Aqua Girl® on Facebook

This post has been sponsored by:

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Eileen Myles is Coming to DC, Will Most Likely Be Best Thing To Happen Here All Year

Carmen’s Team Pick:

On Wednesday, March 28, Eileen Myles is coming to American University in Washington, DC, and nothing in my life will ever be the same. Will you please come along?

Wave Books contacted me about reviewing Eileen’s new book Snowflake/different streets in November, and me being the complete and total unabashed fangirl that I have always been, I followed up with a “yes” and a “can I maybe arrange for Eileen to speak on my campus?” Days later I got an email from Eileen Myles called “Hi Carmen.” She said yes.

Myles will be hosted by Women’s Initiative at American University, the most badass feminist group on a campus ever and the designers of the best free v-necks of all time. (The event is also cosponsored by the campus queers and so on.) She’ll be reading from Snowflake/different streets and, really, whatever other books she might want to read from, since she knows best. The event will start at 6:30 PM, is completely free, and is going to be outside in the Amphitheater, meaning it will go something like “I went to this poetry reading and laid in the grass.” The event is part of Women’s History Month, and Myles will take questions from the audience following her presentation.

You can RSVP on Facebook to get reminded about the event constantly, but most importantly you should just make sure you show up. Plus the posters are so good:

 

Go To ‘Dress Up/Get Down’ In NYC!

If you’re in the NYC area and need something to do next Tuesday night, I suggest you get all spiffed up and make your way to Dress Up/Get Down because you like being spiffy and having a good time.

Dress Up/Get Down is the first event of a new themed art show series, Something New, which is billed as “an underground creative showcase featuring a monthly hand-picked roster of our favorite brilliant creators from the NYC and surrounding areas,” and will more than likely be amazing.

The whole shebang is hosted by The Lowbrow Society for the Arts, an NYC-based art collective that provides resources to help people of color, women, and LGBTQ emerging artists show their work, including local designer Klub Kid Vintage, who will be featured in a mini pop-up shop. (Sidenote: how sweet is this plaid blazer from Klub Kid Vintage’s Etsy shop? Very.) The show also promises roaming stylists, DJ Nolita Selector, burlesque, a photobooth, prizes for best dressed, and cheeky readings by Thought Catalog editor Ryan O’Connell.

You should totally go.

It’s $10 at the door, or RSVP and subscribe to the mailing list for a nice little discount!

2012 Academy Awards Liveblog and Open Thread

Well here we are again at the Oscars. Did I see all the nominees this year? Nope. Not even close. But I gave it an awful good try. In case you forgot, these are some of the top nominees.

Best Picture:
The Artist
The Descendants
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
The Help
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Moneyball
The Tree of Life
War Horse

Actor:
Demian Bichir- A Better Life
George Clooney- The Descendants
Jean Dujardin- The Artist
Gary Oldman- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Brad Pitt- Moneyball

Actress:
Glenn Close- Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis- The Help
Rooney Mara- The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep- The Iron Lady
Michelle Williams- My Week With Marilyn

Supporting Actor:
Kenneth Branagh- My Week With Marilyn
Jonah Hill- Moneyball
Nick Nolte- Warrior
Christopher Plummer- Beginners
Max von Sydow- Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close.

Supporting Actress:
Berenice Bejo- The Artist
Jessica Chastain- The Help
Melissa McCarthy- Bridesmaids
Janet McTeer- Albert Nobbs
Octavia Spencer- The Help

Directing:
Michel Hazanavicius- The Artist
Alexander Payne- The Descendants
Martin Scorsese- Hugo
Woody Allen- Midnight in Paris
Terrence Malick- The Tree of Life

Adapted Screenplay:
Alexander Payne, Nat Faxon and Jim Rash- The Descendants
John Logan-Hugo
George Clooney, Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon- The Ides of March
Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin and Stan Chervin- Moneyball
Bridget O’Connor and Peter Straughan- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Original Screenplay:
Michel Hazanavicius- The Artist
Annie Mumolo and Kristen Wiig- Bridesmaids
J.C. Chandor- Margin Call
Woody Allen- Midnight in Paris
Asghar Farhadi- A Separation

You can read the full list of nominees and some of my feelings from a few weeks ago here.

Preshow start at 7pm EST!

Melissa McCarthy always looks so elegant at these things. Rose Byrne should have her hair in a long bob forever.

Rooney Mara looks just a little bit like she attached a gown to the bottom of a bra from the 40s.

Calling it right now: Jessica Chastain: Best Dressed.

Follow-up Question: Who is Jessica Chastain?

Oh Maya Rudolph. Maybe I should have given Up All Night a better shot.

Emma Stone is beautiful and amazing.

It’s not that I have a problem with what Gwyneth Paltrow is wearing, it’s just that I wonder if anyone else knows that she’s wearing a cape.

Meryl (we’re on a first name basis) is dressed like an Oscar to win an Oscar.

8:29pm: My clock says 8:29. Let’s get this show on the road.

8:35pm: Am I a sellout if I like Billy Crystal’s opening montage?

8:40pm: Wait. That wasn’t the whole opening? Billy Crystal is… still opening the Osars? Well I suppose it’s still 1000 times better than James Franco and Anne Hathaway.

8:43pm: What on earth do I have to do to become a Celebrity Seat Filler?

8:44pm: Can we be honest about the fact that I couldn’t care less about the awards Tom Hanks is presenting? Can we be honest about the fact that I couldn’t care less about Tom Hanks?

8:50pm:

8:54pm:
Me: Wait. What the hell was that movie montage about?
Roommate: Uh. Movies? Hash tag filler.
Dog: Woof

8:55pm: I love what they just did with the costume designers nominations. Such an important part of movies and soooo overlooked. Whatever I can be pretentious if I want to.

Excellent. Jane Eyre rocked.
**Update: Apparently Jane Eyre didn’t win. Apparently I just wanted it to so badly that I created an alternate universe where it did.

8:59pm: Is there a not-dumb way of saying that make-up is amazing? Also I can’t even handle how fucking funny that turn-pose joke fail was.

9:02pm: The first movie I saw in theater… just kidding I don’t remember and this montage is too boring for me to even make one up. Um. Are movies doing really badly these days? Is this PSA for going to the movies?

9:04pm: YESSSS! A commercial. I really have to pee.

9:06pm: Just checking. The joke was that Sandra Bullock was just speaking in German?

9:09pm: Where is Christian Bale from? Like I know “England” but I’m seriously confused by his accent. He’s dressed like black tie batman.

9:10pm: Oh. That’s who Jessica Chastain is.
Also I think that Melissa McCarthy just laughed at her own scene. Awesome.

9:13pm: FUCK YEAH OCTAVIA SPENCER

9:17pm:
Roommate: So wait, Glenn Close plays a man in Albert Nobbs?
Me: Nah I think she’s supposed to be a woman
Roommate: No… I think she plays a man…
Me: No I think we just have no idea what this movie is about

9:20pm: This fake focus group is filled with actors who’s names I can’t place. This isn’t that funny.

9:20pm: There’s an impostor on stage. Someone offered the real Bradley Cooper candy to get in a van and now he’s tied up somewhere.

9:29pm: 10,000 Galleons for anyone who can tell me the difference between Sound Editing and Sound Mixing.

9:34pm: Ms. Piggy has a lovely dress on. I think she borrowed that hairstyle from that episode of Gossip Girl where Serena is Blair’s maid of honor.

9:35pm: Meryl Streep was just so unimpressed with that popcorn gag.

9:38pm: I would never want to see Circ du Soleil on drugs because I would never want it to freak me out anymore than it already does.

9:40pm: Robert Downey Junior’s gag doesn’t hold up. It’s not “The Artistss” and The Descendants

9:40pm:

9:48pm: THIS IS SO MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE OSCARS

9:49pm: For the first time in my entire life, I’ve not seen a single movie in this category.

9:51pm: Seeing previews for Brave makes me super excited. Oh, not for the movie, but for my trip to Scotland. I mean, the movie too.

9:54pm: Emma Stone is perfect. Also she has like four inches on Ben Stiller. Also she can wear that dress every day for the rest of her life. Jonah Hill: #NotImpressed

9:56pm: I just absolutely teared up when they talked about the witches and goblins and visual effects of Harry Potter.

9:57pm:
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. WHO THE FUCK DIDN’T MAKE HARRY POTTER WIN. SOMEONE NEEDS TO SEND A MEMBER OF THE ACADEMY TO THE REAPING FOR NOT GIVING THIS TO HARRY POTTER. WHAAATTT.

When Hugo won I made a gasp so loud I woke the dog.

10:03pm:
I want Jonah Hill to win best supporting actor just for playing such a different character.

10:05pm:
Me: Can you imagine being named Ewan Mcgregor? Going your whole life being named Ewan? With Ew in your name?
Roommate: …Dude, I think it’s pronounced “Yew-an”
Dog: Woof

10:06pm: What are you doing April 4th? ‘Cause I’ll be sobbing my eyes out at the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking a.k.a. the day Titanic comes out in 3D.

10:07pm: FYI my roommate and I are playing the Screan Actor’s Guild drinking game. You drink every time someone says “Scorsese.”

10:10pm: Thank god they panned to that dog because this voice over bit with the actors in the audience is so boring.

10:14pm: Oscar Break!!! This is more important!!

10:15pm: I think we all know John Williams is going to win Best Score because he’s John Williams.

Guess not.
Roommate: Fuck The Artist
Me: Fuck The Artist
Roommate: I wish we’d seen it so we could more properly hate it
Dog: Woof

Sorry guys. Still haven’t made it through the trailer.

10:17pm: Wait. Are Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis seriously just smashing cymbals in Brangelina’s face? Is this a metaphor for their first time at the movies? I’m going to stop now because there’s no joke I can make as funny as Zach Galifianakis mispronouncing his own name. I have DVR and rewinded to watch it again.

10:20pm: Obviously Man or Muppet should win here. On a related note, are we seriously not going to get to see this performed live?

10:22pm:
Original Song:
WINNER: Man or Muppet from The Muppets- Bret McKenzie
Real in Rio from Rio-Sergio Mendes, Carlinhos Brown and Siedah Garrett.

Until this very moment I really thought Jason Segel wrote Man or Muppet

10:26pm: Somehow, Angelina Jolie just doesn’t feel like the same person anymore.
I love that they’re showing the script below the images for Best Adapted Screenplay

10:29pm:

Jim Rash is totally the dean on Community isn’t he. As a side note, The Ides of March was weird because the writing was so good and the acting was truly just terrible. Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual blew it for the team.

Midnight in Paris deserves 100% the win for best screenplay. Midnight in Paris. Midnight in Paris. Midnight in Paris.

YES. That’s how we do it Woody style!

10:37pm: Sorry for the delay. This just crashed the server a little bit.

10:40pm: I’m really tired of everyone parading the women from Bridesmaids around like they’re the first funny women in the world.

10:43pm:

10:46pm: Guys, guys, guys. I actually watched all of the short animated films. Except La Luna which no one was allowed to watch. The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore deserves it by leaps and bounds.

Wow I can’t believe The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore actually beat Goliath a.k.a. La Luna a.k.a. Pixar. Win.

Also, my parents are really proud of me about the whole Weblog of the Year situation!

10:51pm:
They’re presenting for Directing. My biggest concern is whether we should open another bottle of wine.

10:55pm:
The Artists? Fuck the Artist. I hope nothing interesting happened during the acceptance speach because I used that time to use the bathroom.

Also, for those waiting in suspense, we opened another bottle.

11:01pm: It took me an additional five minutes to figure out what exactly Oprah won and James Earl Jones won. Honorary Award type things.

11:03pm: I never ever ever ever want to watch the In Memoriam part of the show. Now that I’m old enough to know who they’re talking about it’s just sad.

But yo. Who is that biddie singing? ‘Cause she can Get It.

11:06pm: Is it disrespectful to wonder why thats the only picture of Steve Jobs anyone has?

11:07pm: Obviously that In Memoriam was just for the 2011 calendar year because it didn’t reference Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard.

11:13pm: I could not be more bored of the Magic of the Movies montages.

Also, apparently that was Esperanza Spalding. My bad.

11:18pm: Best actor is boring. The again, I’d watch Natalie Portman read the dictionary. Also Brad Pitt needs a haircut like nobody’s business.

11:20pm:

I wish The Artist would stop winning things because I’m so so obviously never ever going to see it.

11:20pm: Carly speaks my feelings:

11:23pm: How is this still going on? I almost wish the creepy circus would come back. Can’t we just have John Williams conduct a few numbers?

11:25pm:
[re: Albert Nobbs]
Roommate: Wait. So wait. She’s pretending to be a man because she’s a lesbian or to be a business owner?
Me: Dude. We still haven’t seen the movie.

11:27pm: I think I just really like Colin Firth for no reason. Also Meryl Streep should be the leading lady in all films.

11:29pm:

Psyched to see Meryl Streep take it! She’s so amazing. I just want to take this moment to remind you guys about her overalls in Mama Mia!

Roommate: But you just know Glenn Close is thinking, “WHAT? But I played a woman playing a man!
Me: Or something.
Roommate: True. I guess we still don’t know.
Dog: Woof.

11:33pm: I’m rooting 100,000% for Midnight in Paris even though Woody isn’t even going to show up to collect. Don’t care. I actually, technically, legally seen Midnight in paris five times. Next time I really should just buy it for myself.

11:35pm: Seriously what’s my game plan here if The Artist or Hugo wins? Seriously.

11:36pm:Well I guess I’m going to have to make one.

11:38pm: Gotta love that they brought the dog on stage.

11:40pm: So what did Team Oscar Liveblog think of tonight?

Roommate: No. I’m not going to take a picture with a sideways thumb in front of my face. I’m not having that on the internet.
Dog:
Me:

Alrighty. Well that was the Oscars. This shit was boring. I hope next year they can get Billy Crystal form 20 years ago to host.

Autostraddle Live! Come See Me Talk About Stuff in Chicago Next Week!

In my continued tour of “colleges that wouldn’t have granted me admission in 1999 despite my superior GPA and overall excellence,” next week I’ll be hitting up The University of Chicago to give a talk sponsored by “Queers & Associates,” which is a campus group for LGBTQI nerds!

Fun fact #1: You know that shady photograph of me I use as my “gravatar” here on Autostraddle? Although it’s too small and dark to make out, I’m actually wearing a Chicago Cubs hat in that photo. They really do have the cutest hats.

When: Thursday March 1st, 8:00 PM (they’ll be serving an actual dinner at 7:30, though, so you should probs show up for that.)
Where: HARPER 140 at The University of Chicago
Who: Me!
Facebook Page for Event: Right here
How Much: Free, duh

What will this talk be about, you may be asking yourselves. Well, now you and me have something in common, as I’m presently asking myself the same thing. Rest easy that I have a strong track record of producing last-minute brilliance and to be honest I do have an outline and some vague ideas but nothing that I’m married to. Because I can’t get married, it’s illegal! (Expect lots of jokes like that.)

Anyhow, you should come! If you have any feelings about what you think I should base my talk around, please share in the comments, you know how I do.

Fun Fact #2: My Mom grew up in Chicago.

Fun Fact #3: I was birthed in Champaign-Urbana, which is in the same state.

Fun Fact #4: Coming to this event will make you a better person.

Introducing Camp Autostraddle

In July 2010, I woke up at 3am and wrote “CAMP – THIS WILL BE OUR THING” on a notepad I keep by my bed for nocturnal moments of genius. I can’t remember precisely what thoughts I was thinking before I thought the thought about camp, but I remember all the thoughts we’ve had since as the project has expanded and become a team effort.

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What Would Autostraddle Look Like in 3-D?

Here’s the idea: a few hundred of you, 20 of us, and a beautiful group retreat site in the mountains. We’ve cherry picked the things we like about other queer women’s events and vacations — hilarious comedy, diverse panels, the occasional dance party and the chance to revel in one another’s awesomeness — added heaps of our own original ideas, and found a way to serve it to you for a fraction of what those other events cost.

It’s an opportunity for you to discover new things about yourself, enhance your relationships within the international queer community, make new friends forever, support Autostraddle, and, you know — get away from your laptop for three days!

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A-Camp: A Place Where You Can Be Yourself

We feel like there’s a void out there for awesome queer women who desperately wanna meet each other and experience the magic of communing with like minds, but aren’t into beer-soaked pool parties and can’t swing cruises to the Bahamas. Our original idea was to hold Camp a few times a year, for 4-7 days each time, in different locations, but that seemed like a huge thing to dive into, thus . . .

The First Ever A-Camp Weekend was born!! It’s a pilot run that gives all of us a chance to determine the website’s future!

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Details:

When: Thursday April 26th – Sunday April 29th, 2012

Where: Alpine Meadows Retreat Center in Angelus Oaks, California. It’s 1.5 hours from Palm Springs, 2 hours from Los Angeles, 2.5 hours from San Diego, 4 hours from Las Vegas, 5 hours from Phoenix and 8 hours from San Francisco. We’ll be running shuttles from LAX to the campsite all day on April 26th and shuttles back to LAX on April 29th.

Lodging: You’ll be having the bestest biggest surprise slumber party of your life in fully insulated, carpeted & heated cabins with private bathroom/showers/baths and generously-sized bunk beds.

Just $50 down reserves your spot!

Cost: $300

Your Cost Includes:

* 3 nights lodging
* 3 meals a day and snacks (with vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free and kosher options)
* Full access to a variety of daytime programming situations, including typical camp stuff like crafts and sports as well as workshops and panels with AS Teamasters
* World-Class Night-time Entertainment: The entire event will be MC’ed by world’s funniest duo, Julie Goldman and Brandy Howard
* Gift bag with exclusive Camp-Only Autostraddle T-shirt you can sell on ebay in ~4 years

Also:

* Memories that will last a lifetime, probably longer
* Staff dedicated to all of your feelings or lack thereof
* Be an active part of the group that determines the future of A-Camp

Who: You guys! You guys are really gonna like each other! All ages welcome/encouraged! ALSO:

Also — Camp TeaMasters will be Robin & Marni/bcw, and your “counselors” and workshop leaders presently include, confirmed: comediennes/actresses/writers Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard, actress/singer Haviland Stillwell, actress/producer Sarah Croce, actress/writer Ashley Reed, Internet Superstar Chef Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen, Stylist Sara Medd, DJ/filmmaker Carlytron, Fashion Icon Fitforafemme and world famous photographer Robin Roemer as well as Riese, Laneia, Crystal, Annika, Taylor, Katrina, Emily, Whitney, Intern Hot Laura, Alex, Lizz, Brittani, Bren, Gabby, Jess S., Intern Grace, Carmen, Kelsey and Stef.

In addition to having life-changing conversations around a campfire with some of the coolest girls you’ll ever meet, you’ll have tons of activities, workshops, groups and panel discussions to choose from every day.

We’re here, you’re queer, it’s family.

We’ll roll out information and take requests regarding programming over the next several weeks, but rest assured there will be so many fun things to do if you wanna do stuff, like:

 Lesbian Feminist Jeopardy

Writing workshops with Rachel & Riese

Basketball! Hiking! Arts & Crafts! Cooking! Yoga! Speed-Dating!

Photography with Robin

High Ropes Course, Climbing Tower and Zip Line

Unicorn Plan-It Hollywood Show

Queer Women of Color Panel

 Formspring LIVE! with Riese, Laneia, Rachel, Crystal, Taylor, Lizz and Alex

The diversity in our programming will reflect the diversity of our content — shit that makes you laugh, shit that makes you think, and shit that makes you wanna change the world.

YES I’M IN. WHAT DO I DO?

1. Put down a $50 deposit and/or put down the entire $300 to secure your spot ASAP. There’s limited space, and we expect this’ll fill up quickly. Deposits are non-refundable, but they are transferrable. (This also makes a great last minute Valentine’s Day present!)

2. You’ll provide us with some basic information while making your deposit or payment this week. In two weeks, you’ll be asked for a lot more information about things like your t-shirt size, flight times and bunking needs/concerns/requests (cabins sleep between 6 and 20 people). Then all kinds of updates will keep happening until you arrive!

3. Start making travel arrangements!

If you’re flying, we recommend flying into LAX, because we will be running shuttles from there, but arrangements could also be made from the Palm Springs or Ontario airport, depending on demand. We will request flight information from you before camp begins.

If you are flying and will need transportation, please  fly in on Thursday April 26th before 6pm and book your return flight for Sunday, April 29th (we recommend flying out after noon, but can make other arrangements if necessary)

If you’re driving, then sweet! If you’re looking to carpool or caravan, you can coordinate with other campers via the ASS Camp group or Facebook Page (both will go up this week.)

4. You’ll also have access to the event website after making your payment, and can enjoy updates there.

FAQ:

Q: But I’m really socially awkward! What if I go there alone and don’t make any friends?!
A: Oh girl, we ALL feel you, which’s why we’re committed to 100% social comfort. I can tell you who doesn’t make that claim and her name is Dinah Shore. Firstly, Autostraddlers are the most amazing, kind, inclusive people in the world and Secondly, we’ll be prepared for Shystraddlers and the team will be prepped on how to ensure nobody will feel weird or awkward at camp. This is our top priority. You have my promise and honestly I rarely promise things. We got this shit on eight kinds of lock.

Q: I’m really super poor but I want to go so bad!
A: Firstly, this is a once-in-a-lifetime Utopia-esque situation, I recommend getting your emergency funds out. But we get that hard times are here for some of you, and that’s why we’ve set up a “pay it later” system. Let us know when you put down your deposit that you’ll need to pay via installment plan. No fees, no gimmicks, no credit checks. We’ll work with you to get you there. That’s just how much we want you to come.

Q: Is there Wi-Fi?
A: NOPE! I know it’s scary!

Q: Will there be any free time?
A: Yup! I mean you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Go read by the river or go videotape your friend hiding in a tree like a monkey or just lie on the grass or in your bed. You can do whatever you wanna do, you’re a grown-up!

Q: Are there extra charges for any activities?
A: Yes, there is a $15 fee for those requiring transportation to/from LAX, $20 fee for the Ropes Course or Climbing Tower, $25 for a private voice lesson with Haviland and $10 for a private writing tutorial with Riese.

Q: Do you need any more speakers/activity leaders?
A: If you’re either famous, internet-famous or have a strong background in queer activism/social justice issues and experience talking to groups about that, we could use some more of both of those kinds of people. Hit us up – robin [at] autostraddle [dot] com & autostraddle.merch [at] gmail [dot] com.

Q: Me and all my friends want to go together, can we stay in the same cabin?
A: Yes.

Q: I got so inspired by your State of the Union yesterday that I donated my last 50 bucks!
A: Shoot us an email and we’ll work out a transfer.

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You guys, this is the closest thing you’ll ever get to magic.

Register Now. You Don’t Wanna Miss This.

I’m from Driftwood Shares Black LGBT Stories Online and in NYC This Week

“I’m From Driftwood” is a nonprofit project that’s dedicated to bringing the stories of the LGBT community, the experiences of people “from all walks of life,” to the world. Their most recent initiative, the Community Spotlight, aims to devote a week to stories specifically from people that belong to typically underserved members of the queer community. The week of February 6th will be the Black Community Spotlight, in recognition of the fact that “there has been less progress for the black LGBTQ community in terms of workplace discrimination, housing discrimination, HIV/AIDS prevention, homelessness and general acceptance from both the straight community and even from the non-black LGBTQ community.”

These intimate stories from black LGBT individuals will take you through an array of emotions: a bisexual woman is graciously lead out of the closet by her mother only to be asked whom she would look at walking down the street: Halle Berry or Denzel Washington; a 70-year-old gay man remembers the beginning of the HIV/AIDS epidemic and while he lost many friends, it brought the black LGBT community closer together; a transgender woman, accomplished actress Laverne Cox, shares an empowering story about the secret to overcoming bullying, both as a child and as an adult; and a lesbian shares words of wisdom she received from an elder that dramatically changed her life less than 48 hours after hearing them. While the video stories have all been collected, members of the black LGBT community are encouraged to continue sharing their written stories on the website.

If you’re in NYC, you can get an extra-special preview of the Black Community Spotlight on Tuesday, the 31st. Besides a sneak peek at the featured stories, there’s also a silent auction, raffle, and a one-hour open bar!

Autostraddle Live!: Come See Me Talk About Sex at Yale For Sex Week

My senior year of high school when I learned the uniform requirement had been lifted for Halloween and needed to throw together a quickie costume (read: find a way to wear a hoodie and call it “a costume”), I strapped on some khakis, slipped on some boat shoes and fake glasses and donned the Yale Hoodie my then-boyfriend had brought me from his campus visit and said I was going as a “smart person.”

In the twelve years since that Halloween, I have clearly evolved into a genuinely smart person and therefore will be addressing a room of other smart people this Sunday, February 5th at 6:00 PM. I will probably not be wearing a hoodie. You should be there, it’s only a hop/skip/jump away from New York City.

If you had plans to watch the Super Bowl, you should probably change your plans.

“Writing Sex”: A Panel on Sex-Positive Writing @ SexWeek 2012

Date and Time: Sunday, February 5, at 6:00 PM

Student Co-sponsors: Sappho (queer women’s social group and blog), Q Magazine (Yale’s LGBTQ magazine)

Speakers: Riese Bernard, Lena Chen, Miriam Zoila Perez

Event Description: Let’s be honest, talking about sex can be really difficult. Talking about sex in an inclusive, sensitive, and informative way is even more difficult. This panel, made up of prominent feminist and queer writers who tackle the world of sex with their words on a daily basis, will provide a space in which to explore the question of sex-positive advocacy through writing, a highly relevant issue for many students on this campus. Panelists will offer their own experiences of the challenges and successes of writing about sex, and then enter into a discussion of relevant questions: what is sex-positive writing? How can we write in sex-positive ways? And, perhaps most importantly, how can writing about sex be a form of activism in and of itself? The panel will be moderated by a writer from Q Magazine.

As you may remember from when Yale Alum Brittani (aka an actual real life Smart Person, not just one who dresses up like a smart person for Halloween) wrote about it, Yale cancelled Sex Week this year. This decision seemed primarily inspired by a Title IX lawsuit filed against Yale last year which cited Yale as a sexually hostile environment for women which prevents women from participating in campus life as fully as men. Canceling Sex Week was a really bizarre way to address this, as Brittani pointed out in her piece. One consistent complaint about Sex Week was that it had become too porn-focused.

But Sex Week‘s passionate believers seduced the administration back into their harem via a revamped, revised and very-well-written Sex Week 2012 Proposal. They promised to focus less on porn and more on queer and female sexuality and, most importantly, planned to put on the program without corporate sponsorship. A group called Undergraduates for a Better Yale are still against Sex Week and will be hosting an alternative event called True Love Week which “will feature fun events, great speakers, engaging student panels, and abundant opportunities to meet and interact with other Yalies and grow in fulfilling friendships.”

My fellow panelists will be Feministing Editor Miriam Zoila Perez and my cyber-acquaintance “reluctant sexpert,” feminist and queer advocate Lena Chen.

Here’s what we’re all about:

Lena Chen is a Boston-based writer and the author of the blog Sex and the Ivy, which she wrote as an undergraduate at Harvard, which she graduated from in 2010. She has contributed personal essays and reportage on sex and gender to a variety of online and print publications, including The American Prospect, The Boston Globe Magazine, The Sydney Morning Herald, Glamour, and Salon. She produces Sex Really with Lena Chen for Bedsider.org, a project of The National Campaign To Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy, and hosts Sexy Times, a web series about health, sex, and relationships debuting in January 2012 on gURL.com, Alloy Digital’s award-winning alternative web portal for adolescent girls. She organized the Rethinking Virginity Conference, is the co-founder of Feminist Pride Day (formerly Feminist Coming Out Day) and the Feminist Portrait Project, which have since become incorporated into the Feminist Majority Foundation’s national campus programming. Lena has served on the Leadership Council for Bitch Magazine, been recognized as a young feminist leader by More Magazine, and named a Progressive Women’s Voices fellow at the Women’s Media Center. Her current blog, The Chicktionary, is a chronicle of her daily life and likes, as well as all things feminist, queer, or otherwise radical.

Miriam Zoila Pérez has been working in the reproductive justice movement for over seven years, both online and off, including more than five years working with the National Latina Institute for Reproductive Health (NLIRH). She works as a consultant for NLIRH and other social justice non-profits, focusing on online communications. She is the founder of Radical Doula, a blog that covers the intersections of birth activism and social justice from a doula’s perspective. You might also know her from her work at Feministing.com, where she is an Editor. Her writing has appeared in Bitch Magazine, The Nation, RH Reality Check, Alternet, The American Prospect and she is a frequent contributor to Colorlines. Pérez’s work has appeared in a number of anthologies, including Click, Yes Means Yes and Persistence. She was chosen as a 2010 Lambda Literary Foundation Emerging LGBT Voice in Non-Fiction.

Riese Bernard is the founder, editor-in-chief and CEO of Autostraddle.com, the world’s most popular independently-owned lesbian website. She’s an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, got wise in New York City, and now lives in the San Francisco area. Her work has appeared in ten books, magazines including Marie Claire, GO, Curve, $pread, Interlude, Listen, NeXt, The Sarah Lawrence Review and College Bound Teen; and all over the web including Nerve.com, Jezebel, OurChart, Emily Books, The L Word Online and Suspect Thoughts. She has produced videos for Autostraddle, Broadway World and Wingspan Pictures and starred in Showtime’s record-breaking Lezberado webseries. Her personal blog, This Girl Called Automatic Win, is a thing and won a lot of awards. A graduate of Interlochen Arts Academy, The University of Michigan and The Olive Garden’s week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell.

This is the description of Sex Week:

Sex Week 2012 (SWAY) seeks to cultivate a forum for engaging and meaningful discussions about sexuality, intimacy, and relationships. Our goal is to provide students with events and resources that increase self-awareness and understanding of sexual topics. We hope to promote students’ agency in making educated decisions and to foster a sexual environment that is respectful, well-informed, and intellectually engaged.

We recognize that this is not a goal that can be achieved in one week. This conversation is and should be ongoing because sex and sexuality are contextualized within the dynamics of our personal and social lives. However, Sex Week 2012 is an opportunity to shed new light on this conversation and share a common space for the multiplicity of discourses that engage the wide diversity of our student body.

Sexual culture is not homogeneous. We differ not only in the way we understand sexual culture, but also in the way we negotiate our place inside of it. Conversations about sexuality matter to us because they implicate ideas about what we should and should not do with our bodies; ideas that affect not only our physical, emotional, and mental well-being, but also the social environment around us.

Okay see you there!

On Booth Babes, CES, and Why This Female Tech Journo Thinks We Deserve A Better Apology

Update: Shapiro responded in the comments section, you can read his apology and weigh in on it here. The IP address has been verified as belonging to the CEA in Arlington, VA. (The effect of the default kitten icon is admittedly amazing.) 

Perhaps it’s having been struck dumb by sheer, unmitigated rage, but I’ve been sitting on my response to this whole “booth babe” thing for a few days now. Last week I attended the Consumer Electronics Show, a massive annual technology expo in the neon wilds of Las Vegas. CES is helmed by a man named Gary Shapiro, and it’s a flashy, chaotic convergence of media, business, and PR folks, all swarming around the Las Vegas Convention Center for the better part of a week each January.

Mid-week I was deliriously vying for an ethernet connection in the press room when a nice youngish fellow named Matt Danzico asked to interview me for a BBC segment about “booth babes.” The video went live the next day (that’s me — that Taylor Hatmaker gal) and I looked on in horror as Consumer Electronics Association president and all around extremely-influential-technology-guy Gary Shapiro utters some beyond ignorant things — things so carelessly dismissive that calling them toxic might be a gross understatement. 

Here’s what Shapiro said re: the booth babe phenomenon:

Well, sometimes it is a little old school, but it does work. People naturally want to go towards what they consider pretty. So your effort to try to get a story based on booth babes, which is decreasing rather rapidly in the industry, and say that it’s somehow sexism, imbalancing — it’s cute, but it’s frankly irrelevant in my view.

As a female-identified human person, navigating the vastly male waters of CES is a strange kind of mental contact sport. In the press room, women are so few and far between I almost feel like we should have some secret hand signal of mutual respect, or maybe the cool lady tech journos do and I don’t know about it yet. But beyond the  press room, you’ll see women all right: over-the-top, hyper-feminine ones wearing anything from form-fitting black and massive fake eyelashes to only the most cursory shreds of fabric. This is the booth babe, the ultimate anachronism at a convention ostensibly about the transcendent places technology can take us. (The booth babe issue itself is a complex one. I’m in the same camp with sex-positive tech columnist Violet Blue in feeling that “the way women feel about booth babes is way more grey than black and white.” I plan to unpack my own thoroughly gray feelings about that through the lens of sexuality, just not in this piece.)

In a pitch-perfect article on Gizmodo yesterday, Mat Honan gets to the core of the issue, which in this case is not really booth babes at all — it’s Shapiro’s ultra-condescending, laissez-faire nonchalance.

“The reason his answer is so bothersome is because as the head of the CEA he is, in a very real sense, speaking for all of us in the technology industry. And that Mad Men bullshit doesn’t represent who we are as an industry anymore, and it certainly doesn’t represent what we should aspire to become. Technology is about the future, and this attitude is from the past.”

In an analogy drawn by both Honan and Violet Blue, Shapiro’s words indeed conjure images of Mad Men, everyone’s favorite cultural TV time machine. Namely the utter disconnect between the ad world’s reckless gender elite and the hostile professional environment its attitudes give rise to. It doesn’t feel like a stretch to imagine Shapiro (and his unsettling smirk) slinking off stage right to enjoy a cocktail in the Old Boy’s Club after swatting the BBC reporter away.

Antediluvian(ly stupid) comments like Shapiro’s make feel like I’m Peggy trying to break into an industry the hard way: by means of the merit of my work. As a woman in the industry, beholden to CES, working day and night at the event over which Shapiro himself presides, the tone of those words made me feel very, very small. And that sure as hell isn’t a place I’m willing to be put — for long, at least.

The thing is, I almost never feel like that. I love what I do, I work with awesome people, and while women are vastly underrepresented in tech, I feel comfortable, extremely competent, and right at home in my field — most days. But Shapiro’s caustically casual dismissal of the booth babe issue altogether makes me feel like I’m treading water in a pool of sharks. Why bother looking at gender politics in a historically (and currently) male-dominated field? How cute of you to bring it up at all!

It’s not Shapiro’s passive support of the time-honored tradition of hiring near-naked women to drape themselves over a company’s shitty gadget that’s rage-inducing, per se. In fact, if we assume that women have agency and can be empowered by the work they choose, booth babes might not be problematic at all — were it not for the bizarrely hyper-sexualized and gender-imbalanced ecosystem that their presence is designed to lend ambience to. Rather, It’s Shapiro’s entirely negligent disinterest in scrutinizing the issue altogether and his inadequate, defensive response, issued to Gizmodo yesterday (published in full at the bottom of the story). You can almost hear the deep, bristling sigh Shapiro must have heaved at those pesky journalists and their “gotcha” moment.

I wish I could dismiss Shapiro’s words as out of context, or spliced together, or anything really. But they just aren’t. The comments were careless, sure, but the follow-up statement doesn’t do much to mend them. Since when was being weary after a day of work an excuse to lapse into complete misogynistic apathy? I guess if Shapiro’s pseudo-apology is to be believed, his comments don’t count at all due to some convoluted mixture of his being married to a female surgeon (which smacks of the “some of my best friends are black” line of reasoning) and the BBC interview having been near the tail-end of ” three straight hours of media interviews.” After all, aren’t we all a little racist/sexist/homophobic or just plain vile when we’re tired? And if we in technology just pretend that gender and sexism aren’t issues worth talking about, the whole thing will probably just work itself out eventually . . .  just like civil rights, women’s suffrage, and marriage equality, one can only assume. Right?

You’re right, Mr. Shapiro: Let’s sit by and idly watch the phenomenon “decreasing rather rapidly” with the detachment of a scientist peering into a petri dish. It’s not like as the president of the whole shebang you’re uniquely positioned to have any pull in this matter, anyhow. And Joan, could you be a dear and fetch another ice cube for my Old Fashioned?

2012 Golden Globes Awards Liveblog: Girls In Long Dresses Who Drag With War Horses

Another year, another set of movies I didn’t see and shows I don’t watch potentially winning awards! This year will be a special challenge for me because Wireimage has merged with Getty Images, therefore preventing normal people from paying a nominal fee in order to download non-watermarked images. Here are some of the nominees:

Best Picture – Drama
THE DESCENDANTS
THE HELP
HUGO
THE IDES OF MARCH
MONEYBALL
WAR HORSE

Best Picture – Comedy or Musical
50/50
THE ARTIST
BRIDESMAIDS
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS
MY WEEK WITH MARILYN

Best Television Series – Drama
AMERICAN HORROR STORY (FX)
BOARDWALK EMPIRE (HBO)
BOSS (STARZ)
GAME OF THRONES (HBO)
HOMELAND (SHOWTIME)

Best Television Series – Comedy or Musical
ENLIGHTENED (HBO)
EPISODES (SHOWTIME)
GLEE (FOX)
MODERN FAMILY (ABC)
NEW GIRL (FOX)

Let’s get started!

4:47 PM: Did you hear that Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual got engaged to a dude? I considered writing about it on Autostraddle, but decided to jump into a pit of lions instead. I think I made the kinder, gentler choice.

4:56 PM:

Did you know that this dress actually slays dragons?

First it blinds them, then it sticks them into a washing machine until they explode in puffs! That’s where “Puff the Magic Dragon” came from. True story.

Tilda Swinton always looks like a Lesbian From the Future:

Dianna Agron is looking a little Inspired-by-Jenny-Schecter tonight:

Naya Rivera:

Lea Michele and Dianna Agron:

5:02 PM:

Ricky Gervais is hosting. Is there anything less funny or less original than a Kim Kardashian joke? There isn’t. But is there anything better than a joke that makes a sly nod to Jodi Foster’s homosexuality? Yes, there is, but not so far tonight!

5:08 PM:

Mila Kunis, looking quite tan, along with a male human dude, announces that Christopher Plummer wins Best Supporting Dude in a Motion Picture for Beginner, in which “a young man is rocked by two announcements from his elderly father: that he has terminal cancer, and that he has a young male lover.” Therefore so far The Gays Have Won the Night!

5:13 PM:

Laura Dern wins Best Actress in a Musical/Comedy in a television show for Enlightened, which I have never seen. If you think this means the gays aren’t still winning, you’d be wrong, because Dern played a pivotal lesbian role in “The Puppy Episode” of the former TV sitcom Ellen, in which Ellen came out as a lesbian! It was a big deal.

5:20 PM:

The teleprompter broke! Awkward! Except not, because Julianne Moore could read the back of a cereal box and I’d still be totally captivated. Rob Lowe looks like he died inside a tanning bed.

So, Downtown Abbey wins for Best Miniseries/TV Film — I’ve been hearing a LOT about this show, are there lesbians in it? Sounds neat, like it’s about history or something.

5:25 PM:

Kate Winslet honestly is so beautiful she should have an entire wax museum devoted to her. Madame Winslet’s Wax Emporium of Rack and Face. In lieu of that, she apparently starred in a Miniseries/TV Movie called Mildred Pierce and has been rewarded for it. Gays are still winning because Dorothy Snarker is obsessed with Kate Winslet.

5:35 PM:

Wow, Kelsey Grammer is way older than he was in Frasier. Isn’t he a Republican or something? Anyhow, he won another award for being The Best Dude Among Dudes.

5:38 PM: 

Homeland starring Angela Chase wins for Best Drama Series, this is actually the show on my list with my girlfriend for “the show we have to watch.” I’m not going to say anything about Melissa McCarthy‘s outfit. I  mean right now I’m wearing a heather grey tank-top, a heather grey hoodie (a grossly-similar-yet-not combo I’d never sport in public), sweatpants from French Connection with FCUK on the ass (fading) and a frayed, broken drawstring, and a pair of the grey “socks” distributed to esteemed American Airline passengers when Visit Manchester flew me to their fine country. So, who am I to judge. I still love her.

5:44 PM:

Maroon 5.

So.

5:47 PM:

Score Awards. How do you feel about Skor Bars? I feel like they’re underrated. So underrated that if you buy one, it’s really possible it’ll be fucked from sitting in the gas station since the 80s.

How is everybody. Do you feel entertained by this program?

5:49 PM:

Two confessions:

1. I actually kinda liked The Help? It reminded me of a movie I would’ve been allowed to see in the 90s (because it was rated PG) and that if I had, my little heart would’ve been heartwarmed. But maybe also ignorant?

2. I think Bridesmaids is SO overrated. Y’all, women have been making fucking awesome comedies for years, do not act like women just got born this year ’cause you’ve not bothered to release any of their movies since like 2005.

5:50 PM:

Madonna just corrected herself when she said “who” and meant “whom.” She’s just a girl, you guys. Just a girl in the world. When the music tries to cut her off, she keeps talking, like in “Me Against the Music.”

I wish plastic surgery was illegal.

5:57 PM:

I am so much more excited about Smash than I am about whomever wins this award.

5:58 PM:

Idris Elba wins for Luther. You guys, IT’S STRINGER FUCKING BELL.

6:01 PM:

So grateful for that update on Seth Rogen’s penis! So Michelle Williams wins for Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture (for that autobiographical movie Dawson Leary made, obviously).

“I consider myself a mother first, an an actress second,” says Michelle Williams, making me feel bad for the fact that I wish one of those other women who all of us would like to fingerbang had won (Kristen Wiig, Charlize Theron, Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet). Because you know. Because of Heath Ledger.

6:07 PM:

Piper Perabo and Sarah Michelle Geller — two women very familiar to the hearts and vaginas of so many women with hearts focused on vaginas — award Peter Dinklage of Game of Thrones for Best TV Actor in a Supporting Role in a Thing.

6:10 PM:

George Clooney gives a shout-out to Brad Pitt, thank G-d, now I have an excuse to post this photograph:

6:14 PM:

I totally had my money on The Adventures of Tin-Tin. Steven Spielberg thanks his “partner, Peter Jackson.” Is there slash fic on this topic?

6:20 PM:

Ewan McGregor — raise your hand if you still associate him with:

a) Trainspotting
b) Moulin Rouge
c) both

 6:22 PM:

I like how Nicole Kidman is being so honest in her delivery about her lack of desire to be on this stage reading those lines. Also I love that she’s made her dress so confusing that nobody could possibly like or dislike it.

Woody Allen didn’t bother to show up to win Best Director for Midnight in Paris.

6:23 PM:

I think Felicity Huffman wrapped herself in really expensive packing tape and honestly, it looks fucking AMAZING. You GO, Felicity. YOU GO.

6:24 PM:

HEY-O so smokin’ hot lesbian Sarah Paulson is sitting next to Jessica Lange, who just won for American Horror Story.

bcw: “OH  MY GOD IT’S QUEEN LATIFAH AND HER GIRLFRIEND — wait just kidding, that’s Mary J Blige… only Queen Latifah could take Mary J Blige to an award show and still look like she’s bearding.”

6:30 PM:

Madonna: “If I’m still just like a virgin, Ricky, then why don’t you come over here and do something about it? I haven’t kissed a girl in a few years… on TV.”

WOW! This is how that went for me:

“If I’m still just like a virgin, Ricky, then why don’t you come over here and do something about it”

“…I haven’t kissed a girl in a few years…”

“…on TV.”

+

6:37 PM

Oh BUT. Claire Danes. I mean it’s. She can thank her parents like she forgot to do the first time.  For My So-Called Life. And I just. I mean. Can you? I know. It’s just. It’s just so. For Homeland. But also you know.

6:42 PM

Emily Blunt just said the word “poop”

6:43 PM

Jane Lynch and Tina Fey. The Godddess is smiling upon you.

Tina Fey: “I am nothing like Liz Lemon, I just can’t think of any examples to prove it.”

6:47 PM:

OMG it’s Octavia Spencer winning for the movie I secretly really liked, The Help. Also her dress is really nice and is lavender, which is a color I’m fond of w/r/t dresses. Not for me, but for other ladies.

6:55 PM:

About six of the presenters tonight give off the impression of a family that just got back from vacation in Myrtle Beach, during which they forgot sunscreen. And they all look really hot now, but also y’all know they’re gonna peel.

7:03 PM:

This Morgan Freeman award has been the awesomest part of the night because it involved a lot of movies that I love like Seven and The Shawshank Redemption.

7:20 PM:

Modern Family just won the best thing! Probably same-sex marriage is legal now.

Oh also, obviously:

And I think she wrote that before Claire Danes.

7:25 PM:

Jessica Biel, it was the fact that I had 10 pictures of you over my bed that led a male sleepover buddy to tell me “I think you’re more than just HALF a fag,” (that was his super-special way of saying “you’re not bisexual, you’re gay!”) And now there you are on stage wearing a tablecloth stolen from hell.

7:35 PM:

Oh wow, Rooney Mara is really striking.

7:35 PM:

MERYL STREEP FTW. Oh hey — remember why you love women? And remember why you love movies? There she is.

OMG MERYL STREEP CALLED OUT PARIAH WHICH SHOULD HAVE BEEN NOMINATED FOR LIKE 56 AWARDS TONIGHT AND THE LEAD ACTRESS IN PARIAH SHOULD’VE BEEN NOMINATED AND LADIES AND FUCKING GENTLEMEN, MERYL FUCKING STREEP.

You know I feel like ultimately the reason people always go over the music is because even though it’s like this huge corny cheesy thing, these people were all in the elementary school talent show once.

7:45 PM

Can you tell that I started drinking at 5:15

7:47 PM:

Leonardo DiCaprio — who, btw, I was OBSESSED with in a way I cannot even put into words, back when he looked like a girl — is always nominated for something. George Clooney won the award. For ER. HE WAS SO GOOD IN ER!

I mean, for The Descendants.

Big news — Haviland “Rising Star” Stillwater has informed me that tonight Pan Am is gonna have lesbian action in it! She told me this like 6 days ago, I just remembered.

7:55 M:

The Descendants just won for best movie about descendants!  Or Best Drama of all time EVER!

I’m drunk.

7:57 PM:

Can we make an awards show that’s just for women or boys-who-looked-like-girls-in-the-90s? Because it’s only 8pm and I am already drunk.

Our Gay Las Vegas Adventures: Shedonism

Remember that time we went on a very important mission to Las Vegas Pride? In um, *COUGH*, September? Well, we finally recovered from our hangovers enough to write this post. If we learned anything from that weekend, it’s that you can’t chase vodka with more vodka. Who knew?! Also, everyone in our hotel room got sick with colds the week after. Probably because we all made out. The point is, we’re all better now and we really want to tell you how f*cking awesome Vegas Pride was!

If it were any other weekend of the year, it would be hard to digest the aggressive heterosexuality that is the city of Las Vegas. But not Pride weekend, girl! Two words: Lesbians. Everywhere.

When we realized we could attend the Vegas Pride weekend on the count of the very awesome Lisa Pittman and Pandora Events Crew were throwing a lesbo-takeover called Shedonism, we were on board immediately.

Let’s move onto our photo adventure/Shedonism recap (and video!) by re-introducing the cast of Autostraddle characters present in the city of sin for Shedonism:

Riese and Marni were staying at Marni’s friend’s house, and the rest of us were staying at The Rumor Hotel, where we checked in Friday night to collect our super special Shedonism passes. The hotel is gorgeous, and there’s even a statue of a pig in the lobby. Yay, pigs! If there’s anything lesbians love, it’s bacon (unless you’re one of the 98% of us who are vegan). Also, there are hammocks near the pool area which Alex used to take her many drunk naps in! I really don’t know what more you could want.

VIP, bitches.

DAY 1: The first stop was the Vegas Pride celebration happening, um, I don’t know where. But it was happening. We played games and won prizes, ate snow cones, and Marni double-fisted a beer and Jack+Coke bottled beverage. Who knows what else she double-fisted that day; she’s quite talented.

The Las Vegas gays really bring it.

“There’s one thing Pride festivals are good for — getting new chapstick.”
-Sarah Croce

After this we all had nap time, obviously. But then it was UP AND AT ‘EM for the celebrity poker tournament. Don’t worry, I have a photo collage of this too, in which you can see Cathy Debuono, Jill Bennett, and Gloria Bigelow contemplating some serious moves while Alex and Sarah Croce (not pictured) contemplated their drinking options. Does Jack Daniels beat Jose Cuervo or vice versa ? Life is so hard.

During this time we also met Babs, a Sweet Travel representative, who I aspire to be when I grow up. We love Sweet! Yay Babs!

The best part about these events where you agree to get a hotel room so that you can surround yourself with hot lesbians all weekend is that there are usually hot lesbians in your hotel room all weekend.

“Why is everyone dressed like Snooki?”
-Riese

It was this night that we all stumbled out of our hotel rooms and into the party at Booty Bar. This was so much fun and we danced our little faces off! Afterwards, our friend Jocelyn went streaking through the hotel and I’m pretty sure some really hot girls went down the water slide naked. Unfortunately, I have no pictures of this. Please forgive me.

DAY 2: There was a pool party! And a huge slide! I think this is an appropriate time to show you our little Shedonism video, edited by Sarah Croce:

It was a good day. Great weather, good vibe, hula-hooping, chicken fighting, a giant slip-n-slide…

The following night was also fun. We danced our tushies off at the closing party that night and at some point we were running around the streets of Las Vegas looking like this:

Lots of guys roaming the strip even stopped us to take pictures with them, probably because we looked so utterly gorgeous. They also wanted to take us back to their hotel rooms, but we respectfully declined (by saying “NO, SILLY BITCHES. WE’RE GAY OMG SORZ”). Word to the wise: Guys love cool chicks with facial hair, apparently.

After this experience, we decided to make every Sunday “Moustache Sunday” but then we forgot about it. Now that I’ve remembered, don’t be surprised if you catch a group of lesbians wearing moustaches at the Abbey this Sunday Funday. Just sayin’.

On the headache-filled drive home Monday morning, we decided to stop at this place for coffee and foods. We didn’t get offered chewing tobacco by anyone wearing a camouflage trucker hat or murdered even, most likely because we were in the daylight.

Our one regret is that we didn’t go to any of the strip clubs that double as steakhouses. Next time, Las Vegas. Next time.

Autostraddle Party In Los Angeles: 2012 Calendar Release Blowout!

Do you like girls? Then you’ll really like this party! In celebration of the twelve months of intense artistic collaboration, sweat, tears and whiskey that led to this amazing one-of-a-kind photography book/calendar situation, we’re throwing a sure-to-be-legendary party at Fubar this Sunday night.

We’ve teamed up with Thrashed, a monthly ladies party, to make this bash happen, and we really want you to come. Come out and show your support!!

Julie Goldman will be in attendance. Robin Roemer will be making a rare appearance on the Left Coast. You can also expect to see most of the 2012 Calendar Girls, stylist Sara Medd, the cast of Unicorn Plan-It, and so many more!

Calendars will be for sale at the party!

. . .
Sunday December 11th
at Fubar, 7994 Santa Monica Blvd.
NO COVER (it’s free!)
The drink special is: 2 for 1 ‘YOU CALL IT’ Drinks until Midnight
Doors open at 9pm
. . .

If you’re coming, why don’t you mosey on over to the Facebook event page and click “Yes, I’m obvs attending!” cause that would be really awesome!

Get the 2012 Autostraddle Calendar here for $18 at our store or buy it at the release party!

See you there!

“Hide/Seek,” Crucified Exhibit of Queer Art History, is Back!

Oh hello, do you remember that art exhibit Hide/Seek: Difference and Desire in American Portraiture? The one at the National Gallery that caused John Boehner to threaten to defund the institution because the show included a controversial statement about Jesus? (And by “controversial,” I mean one video installation had a 5 second clip of ants running across a crucifix.) It made me want to lock the entire GOP into a room so I could scream about the Bill of Rights at them at the top of my lungs. Oh, and the ironic cherry on top is that Hide/Seek is an exhibit about the systematic marginalization of gay identities in American history. How meta it all turned out to be!

Well, if you don’t remember that whole hullabaloo a few months ago, those were the basic details. Maybe now you’re frustrated all over again and sad you can’t see all that awesome queerio history. But it’s ok because Hide/Seek is coming back, albeit not to the National Gallery. The Brooklyn Museum has been so awesome as to reconstitute the show in New York City. It will open at the museum tomorrow, Nov. 18, and will run until Feb. 12. Then it heads to Tacoma, where it will be at the Tacoma Art Museum from March 17, 2012, to June 10, 2012.

I suggest you go see it if you can! It’s now a piece of the very history it documents. It’s got some good stuff, too, from Annie Liebovitz to the gay couple Jasper Johns and Robert Rauschenberg. As the New York History blog describes it:

Hide/Seek includes works in a wide range of media created over the course of one hundred years that reflect a variety of sexual identities and the stories of several generations. The exhibition also highlights the influence of gay and lesbian artists who often developed new visual strategies to code and disguise their subjects’ sexual identities, as well as their own. Hide/Seek considers such themes as the role of sexual difference in depicting modern Americans, how artists have explored the definition of sexuality and gender, how major themes in modern art–especially abstraction–were influenced by marginalization, and how art has reflected society’s changing attitudes.

How can you resist that?