Boobs on Your Tube: In Its Final Season, “La Brea” Finally Gives Us a Queer Couple Worth Rooting For

It’s the end of another week, here’s what happend on your screens: First off, Valerie promises that Hazbin Hotel is a musical extravaganza about a bubbly queer princess of hell (which is quite the descriptor!!), don’t miss her review and she also has more details for you below. We also interviewed Hazbin Hotel showrunner Vivienne Medrano (aka VivziePop) on her favorite musical and giving people second chances! Hell princesses for everybody! The latest episode of Drag Race had some mommy issues.  Meanwhile, on a different reality show, The Traitors had a killer move.

Love on the Spectrum failed to give its queer woman the dates she deserved. The Hot Lesbian on “LOL: Last One Laughing Ireland” absolutely should have won! And Hightown unfortunately fails to fulfill its potential in its final season. This week in our anatomy of a queer scene series, Drew and Kayla revisisted a classic: The Sex in Bound Changed Our Lives (and did!!). We updated the 60 best queer and lesbian Netflix TV Shows. And did you happen to miss this year’s Oscars nominations? Don’t worry, Drew has you all set.

Don’t miss Autostraddle’s Sundance coverage!

Drew has also been spending the week covering the best in queer film from the Sundance Film Festival, so please catch up! In particular, you don’t want to miss her review of In the Summers  — which just won the grand jury prize!! A huge deal.

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ I haven’t updated on Raising Kanan in a couple of weeks, but just know that I still have my eye on Jukebox and Iesha. Last week Kanan took Iesha on a date and acted like a total ass, and when Juke got word of it she promptly showed up to whoop some sense into him (metaphorically, of course). There’s some underlying tensions brewing between the cousins anyway, ever since Kanan has fallen deeper into the drug game. Making matters more sticky, Juke’s father, who is right now her biggest advocate, is a #1 suspect in a crime ring by the feds. And to top it all off, the U.S. military recruitment process is still swooping around Juke like a bad habit that I wish she’d quit. I’m still feeling optimistic that it’s darkest before the dawn, but that’s where we are for now!  — Carmen

+ No Alice or Malika on this week’s episode of Good Trouble but I wanted to take a moment to acknowledge that this week’s episode was directed by Mariana Adams Foster herself, AKA Cierra Ramirez. It’s her first time behind the camera and follows in the footsteps of her TV mom, Sherri Saum, who directed episode #512. — Natalie

La Brea Episode 303: “Maya”

Written by Valerie Anne

This would have been a very cute first kiss and I’m sad they balked!!!

In its third and final season, La Brea is finally giving us a queer couple worth rooting for. (Sorry to the singular queer woman who was briefly on screen and had a dead wife.)

In last week’s episode, when Izzy and Leyla first met, they immediately butted heads, so obviously I immediately started shipping them. Leyla’s mother forced her to give Izzy bow and arrow lessons, and I rubbed my hands together maniacally, excited for the enemies-to-lover storyline to commence. And it happened even faster than I anticipated! This week, they start flirting while going out on a boar hunt, and then Leyla falls into a tar pit. While Izzy tries to find a way to get her out, they bond about feeling like outsiders and being underestimated. When Izzy finally gets her out, they get attacked by a boar, but they take it down together, and almost hug until they realize Leyla is still covered in tar. Instead they smile shyly at each other and Izzy wipes a little tar off Leyla’s chin.

Later that night, Leyla finds Izzy by the fire and thanks her again for caring about her. She asks if she’s right, that Izzy cares about her, and Izzy beams and confirms that she does, indeed. Izzy takes Leyla’s hand and they almost kiss but they’re interrupted so they decide against having their first kiss out in the middle of the chaos of camp but keep holding hands and smiling at each other. It’s very cute and it will definitely ease the brain-ache the time travel in this season causes me.

Hazbin Hotel Episode 105 & 106: “Dad Beat Dad” & “Welcome to Heaven”

Written by Valerie Anne

There are also so many adorable moments where they cut to Vaggie and she’s just beaming at Charlie. TOO CUTE.

Two more episodes of the adorable Hazbin Hotel dropped, and they are just as deliciously gay and fun as the first four.

Vaggie wakes up to see Charlie missing from her side of the bed, and goes to the lounge to find her with a murderboard trying to figure out why the hotel hasn’t worked yet. Vaggie suggests asking Charlie’s dad for help and Charlie is resistant at first, but when she realizes her dad could get her a meeting in Heaven with someone other than Adam the Asshole she calls Lucifer, who is voiced by Jeremy Jordan.

Charlie works up the nerve to ask him for a favor, Vaggie close by her side and holding her hand the whole time. Lucifer comes to the hotel and Charlie introduces her to Vaggie as her girlfriend. Lucifer has the most dad reaction ever; “You like girls, we have so much in common!” He hugs Vaggie and laughs nervously saying she’s so pretty. After a little song-fight with the Radio Demon and some bonding with Charlie, Lucifer agrees to get them the meeting in Heaven. Charlie tells Vaggie they’re going to Heaven and Vaggie is a little stressed about the plurality of Charlie’s statement.

The next morning (and the next episode), Vaggie tries to get out of the trip but she can’t lie to Charlie. Charlie says, “You’re my partner, I need you there with me,” so Vaggie agrees.

Is “Bubblegum Princess Melts Ice Queen” a trope because if it is it’s one of my favorites.

They head up to St. Peter (Darren Criss). He welcomes them to Heaven and introduces them to Sera (Patina Miller) and Emily (Shoba Narayan), the Seraphim angels. Charlie is hype about heaven and wants to explore, but Vaggie stays back in their hotel room. While she’s alone, Adam and his sidekick Lute show up and reveal that Vaggie was once an Angel Warrior. Which, if I may toot my own horn, I called early on. I noticed no one else had the same X over one eye besides Angel Warriors, and I’m very happy to be proven right. Though it turns out the X over the eye is part of an Angel Warrior mask that they wear, and when Vaggie was caught letting a scared little demon go, her fellow angels took her mask, plucked out her eye, and left her for dead. That’s when Charlie found her and took care of her and they fell in love.

Adam tries to blackmail Vaggie into helping him, and she refuses, so he leaves her with the threat that if she doesn’t, he’ll tell Charlie the truth.

Everyone meets up at the trial where they are going to decide if a soul can be redeemed and move from Hell to Heaven. They watch Angel Dust being a good person, and seeming to meet all the criteria of heaven, but also he didn’t get poofed up to Heaven, so everyone is confused. That’s when Charlie realizes no one in Heaven actually knows what it takes to get into Heaven. Charlie and Emily start to plead with Sera but then Adam brags about the Extermination. Emily is horrified, and to distract the blame from himself, Adam outs Vaggie as an ex-angel warrior. Charlie falls to her knees and Vaggie runs to her side.

Sera puts an end to the chaos by declaring that souls can’t be redeemed and sending Charlie and Vaggie back to Hell, Adam shouting a threat after them that the Hazbin Hotel will be his first stop in the next Extermination. Emily calls after them to not give up hope but once the portal closes, Sera warns Emily that if she pushes this too far, she’ll end up fallen, too.

Death and Other Details Episode 103: “Troublesome”

Written by Valerie Anne

Anna was so busy in this episode, it made ME tired.

This week on the murder mystery boat, Leila tells Anna she’s going to the pool and Anna offers to meet her later, but she has business to attend to first. When Leila is gone, she confesses that she lost six more pillows to a listening device sweep that morning. But Anna can’t focus on her wife’s paranoia right now, she needs this deal with the Chuns to go down or she’s going to lose her business before she even officially inherits it. After a little round of bossing people around, she goes to find her wife at the pool, but her ex Eleanor is there and says she hasn’t seen Leila all day. (Also she’s hooked up to the B12 IV that we’ve seen the governor get…the governor who is now coughing, separate of her allergic-to-her-tryst sneezing…) Before she runs off after Anna again, Eleanor asks her why she didn’t wait for her, all those years ago. Anna is appalled; she tried to wait, she would have done anything for Eleanor, but she left. Eleanor says “I’m here now” but Anna points out she has terrible timing and goes off to find her wife.

When Leila isn’t in her room, she goes to ask her mom if she’s seen her, and instead gets an eyeful of her mother and Father Toby having shower sex. Mom insists Anna can keep a secret, but the pastor is a little shaken.

Anna’s next stop is her dad, who she tells to stay quiet in the meeting because she’s the only adult in the family and also she’s willing to sell her soul to save her company. She ends up going to the Chun meeting alone.

While looking for clues, Imogen spots Leila swipe a knife so she decides to follow her. She watches discreetly as Leila swipes rope, duct tape, and another knife before seeming to disappear down a dead end. She pokes around a bit (literally) and finds a secret door. She goes down into the bowels of the ship..where Jules appears and presses his hand over Imogen’s mouth. At this same time we learn that Jules isn’t who he seems to be, so our heroine might be in some deep…ship.

Boobs on Your Tube: After Five Years, Alice’s Finally Growing Into the Confidence of Her Convictions on “Good Trouble”

Look at you! You made it to the end of another week (and some weeks that is harder to do than others, so congratulations to you). The biggest television news this week is the Emmys, which had historic levels of wins by queer Black people and that’s bitterwseet, but great. Sai also interviewed the composers of The L Word: Generation Q’s musical episode about being Emmy nominated (they didn’t win, but it’s still pretty freaking cool!)

If you saw Mean Girls last weekend, you might appreciate a run down every moment that’s gayer than the original. Drew is still keeping you up-to-date on Drag Race, and she’s also got some feelings on Jodie Foster’s True Detective. On the reality tv beat, Anya is ready with your weekly recap of Traitors. Ted‘s got a queer cousin, crass humor, and I’m assuming still has a talking teddy bear at the center of it all? Valerie Anne’s got you covered. Valerie also watched Death and Other Details, and whew does it have a lot of queer women on its murderous cruise. And speaking of this trend, SkyMed has freak accidents and also a lot of queer characters.

Sort Of is back for its last season on Max and Drew wrote one of the greatest queer comedies we’ve ever seen a send off. Valerie watched Hazbin Hotel, a musical extravaganza about a bubbly queer princess of hell (what a description!!). Stef wants to talk about Emma Stone’s award-buzzy Poor Things and what it has to say about the monsters we all know.

And finally, AUTOSTRADDLE IS BACK AT SUNDANCE!! Drew’s going to have daily reviews for you, starting with Justice Smith’s I Saw the TV Glow, easily one of the hottest queer films at the festival this year.

Good Trouble 513: “Hanging by a Moment”

Written by Natalie

For the first time since he blindsided her by voting against the women’s center, Councilman Jack Hauss approaches Malika in the hall. She calls him out for lying about his vote and he takes great umbrage to her characterization. He chastises her for not understanding how things work and reminds her that she shouldn’t risk offending people whose help she might need down the line. Both Malika and I are annoyed by his smugness, but I’ve been around legislative politics enough to know that he’s right: there are no permanent allies or enemies. Still, the interaction grates on Malika and, with Hauss on the verge of becoming Council president, she sets out to derail his candidacy.

She sets out to expose Hauss’ real feelings on policing and turn public sentiment against him. She enlists Tracy in her efforts, who reaches out to an assistant in Hauss’ office to get his schedule. Because she’s the more senior of the pair, Tracy knows that their fingerprints can’t be on any effort to upset Hauss so, instead of approaching him directly at a local meeting, she recruits a friend to be their stand-in. Malika feeds the stand-in information and she holds Hauss’ feet to the fire. Instead of confronting Malika directly about her suspected antics, Hauss takes his complaints to Lucia.

Malika’s boss is far more forgiving than most would be in this situation. She insists that Malika’s vendetta against Hauss will only hurt them both, especially once he becomes president of the Council. Malika still approaches politics with the perspective of an activist — someone who can be pure hearted — but Lucia reminds her that, in politics, “sometimes have to bend [your values] to achieve the greater good.”

Later, Hauss crosses path with Malika again and offers her a deal: if she agrees to stop crashing his community meetings and “spreading untruths” about his stances, he’ll promise to push her women’s center proposal through once he becomes City Council president. Malika’s rightly skeptical of taking Hauss at his word — after all, he’s lied to her once before — but he commits to putting his promise in writing this time. If she backs off, she’ll have her women’s center in just a couple of months.

Meanwhile, Alice returns to the writers’ room with a new determination to show some brave leadership. She admits that they failed with the first draft of their script and that the network is in search of fresher jokes. Morrie, Murray and Morty are committed to the bit but, in the spirit of compromise, are willing to change all their jokes about gout to jokes about eczema or osteoporosis. Alice tries to test out some younger skewing jokes, as they make their way through the ferret clips, but none of her colleagues grasp her humor. The guys stubbornly cling to the style of jokes that built the show, but Alice reminds them that those same jokes might now cost them their jobs. Frustrated with their inability to compromise, Alice sends the team home early and ends up working on the script alone.

She returns to the writers’ room the next day having submitted all of her rewrites and, of course, the network loves it. Their boss touts the “fresh and funny” rewrite as exactly what the network is looking for and Alice accepts the plaudits on behalf of the team. Morrie, Murray and Morty seem just as annoyed as I am that, five seasons in, Alice still doesn’t have the confidence of her convictions. Morty insists that, in order to be a good leader, Alice can’t just step in and do everything on her own; she has to demand that the rest of them rise to meet the challenge. She does and the guys promise to follow wherever Alice leads them.

Boobs on Your Tube: Team Work Really Doesn’t Make the Dream Work as Work Woes Sour “Good Trouble”

Well friends, this Friday the biggest news in queer TV is… drumroll….

Presenting the Winners of the 6th Annual Autostraddle TV Awards!

So make sure that you click on over to that first (we’ll wait!) before reading the rest of this round up! Are you back? Ok good! Drag Race is back for another season and that mean Drew is back with the weekly recaps you don’t want to miss! Drew also interviewed her girlfriend Elise Bauman on being queer and competitive in new Canadian sitcom One More Time. Max cancelled Our Flag Means Death and Nic’s writing in response to that devastating news is a must read. After this week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kayla would like us to ponder if Maybe All Real Housewives Are Bisexual.

Also, our latest Anatomy of a Queer Sex Scene entry is here to argue that Multiple Maniacs has the best lesbian sex scene ever. Kayla watched All Fun and Games, and is ready to argue that your favorite silly horror movie doesn’t need have an elaborate backstory. Stroking an Animal is a sensuous portrait of polyamory. Riese wrote you an epic list of the 60 best lesbian movies on Tubi.

And finally, it’s Mean Girls Premiere Friday!! Valerie and Nic promise that the remake left them too gay to function, and that is a gift to us all!

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ La Brea is back, which I tell you because there was once a brief queer character on it, but alas I don’t spy any queerness this season yet. I’ll be sure to report back if that changes! — Valerie Anne

Good Trouble 512: “With a Little Help From My Friends”

Written by Natalie

When Malika’s proposal for the women’s center failed, she was so heartbroken, I wondered if Malika would ever return to her job as a political staffer. Losing a vote is always hard but to be blindsided like that? It’s hard to get over. Too hard, Malika surmises, so she returns to the office only to tender her resignation. But when she turns up, it’s just in time to catch the bus to the office’s staff retreat… a retreat for which Malika is woefully overdressed.

Once there, Malika’s phone is confiscated and she’s forced to join her colleagues in some team-building activities. She barely makes an effort, though, admittedly, doing a hula hoop pass in a flowy dress and stiletto booties would be difficult for anyone. Later, she can’t avoid participating the “Circle of Truth” and confesses how dejected she felt after the women’s center’s failure. Having all experienced that feeling before, her colleagues move across the circle, and Malika realizes she’s not alone. Will, the office’s Chief of Staff, encourages Malika to truly become part of the team: he assures her that working with others takes the sting out of the losses. She returns to the Coterie, reinvigorated by the hokey retreat (of course!) and determined to persevere on her dream of building a women’s’ center.

Meanwhile, Alice is greeted in the Ferrets & Friends‘ writers’ room by a gift basket from the network, welcoming her to her first day as head writer. She keeps the news of her new leadership role from Morty, Murray, and Morrie but they’d already seen the gift’s card and admit to being hurt that Alice didn’t tell them. Alice insists that the change is just a formality and nothing has to change: all that matters is that they weren’t cancelled and they still have jobs. The guys agree and they persist with their usual fodder and antics. But the next day, the network exec calls Alice in and chastises her for delivering the same tired jokes that had Ferrets & Friends on the verge of being cancelled. The exec insists that Alice be the fresh, young voice the network hired her to be.

“You have an opportunity to prove yourself, Alice,” Kathy, the network exec, pleads. “Don’t blow it because you’re too afraid to lead.”

Both Malika and Alice’s storylines this week left me feeling like the show had done a disservice to its characters and the story they’ve told for the past five seasons. Was Malika attempting to handle the women’s center alone or did Lucia saddle her with a bulk of the work to add strain to her relationship with Angelica? It feels like the writers forgot how we got to this point and settled for making Malika look oblivious instead. Meanwhile, we’re five seasons into this show, and Alice’s story is still about her lack of confidence. How many times do we have to go through this? I’m tired.

Boobs on Your Tube: Raising Kanan Is Setting up a Peak 90s Black Girl Love Story

Happy New Year, let’s get right to it! We have updated so may queer television streaming guides for you to ring in the new year, and hereeee we go:

• 25 Lesbian Movies on Hulu That You Can Watch Right Now For Fun If You Want
• LGBTQ+ Movies To Stream on Netflix With Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans Characters
• And also, even though we do this deep dive every month (support queer media!) here is your monthly streaming guide — January 2024: What’s New, Gay and Streaming On Max, Netflix, Hulu, Prime Video, Peacock, Starz and Paramount+

Good Trouble is back for its final season, and Natalie has a recap of the first episode for you — she’s also planning to have a variety of pieces in various places (including this column) as we prepare to say goodbye to The Fosters-verse after all these years! Kayla’s back at Bravo Dyke Central to tell you that in the Real Housewives: Salt Lake season finale, Monica gave the gays everything they want. Drew said fuck it! She’s finally going to watch Riverdale this year, and she’s going to liveblog the jokes with you every step of the way. Speaking of Drew jokes, she also made a list of actresses born before her grandma ranked by how badly she wants them to top her. And for that, you are welcome.

And in our biggest news, the time has come once again for the Autostraddle TV Awards!! Voting is open now and will close on Monday, January 8 at 5p.m. EST.

Here is your official ballot! Don’t forget to vote!

Raising Kanan 305: “Brothers and Keepers”

Written by Carmen

As I mentioned last week on Raising Kanan, after multiple seasons of pain, things are finally turning Jukebox’s way. Her once notoriously homophobic father has become her biggest advocate (there’s a scene this week where Marvin cheers her on from the car that actually made me squeal! The character growth!). Her life-long passion for singing has turned into a potential career path, thanks to her placement in a new girl group that’s vying for national attention. And speaking of that girl group — both of the group’s other two members were on my shortlist to be Jukebox’s next girlfriend.

Well, I think we got an answer to that last remaining question this week! Iesha, the group’s designated “girl next door” figure, cannot get these dance steps. The group’s manager is just about done with her entirely. But Jukebox offers to stay behind after rehearsal and help Iesha catch up.

Once they’re done dancing, now alone and sweaty and out of breath sitting on the floor, Iesha confesses that she’s not sure she is cut out for this. After all (as she bats her eyes), she’s not as talented as Jukebox. Jukebox complains, Iesha’s the “girl next door” but Juke is the tomboy —  she has to do these complicated dance numbers while shuffling around in Timberland boots. Iesha smiles and tells her that no one wears Timbs like Juke. OK. This is when I knew we were on to something.

Jukebox seemingly senses the vibe too, because next she tests out a disclosure. She casually lets it slide that Iesha’s support sounds a lot like her “friend” Nicole. Iesha says that Nicole should come hang out, so the two of them can gang up on Juke together. Jukebox lets out a small nervous breath, “Nicole was my girlfriend.”

Iesha nods her head slightly, letting the information sink in. Then she goes right on back to her flirting. And this is when I knew we were in for something good.

Juke and Iesha continue their playful flirting outside of the dance studio in that way teenagers do where they are making fun of each other with their words, but their eyes keep soaking each other in. Marvin watches from the car, and London Brown’s comic timing has never been more fierce as he’s less than one second away from basically making a hand hearts in the air, the way he’s carrying on. When Juke finally gets in the car, he teases her that there’s always room for “her girl” to get a ride if she wants. Jukebox pretends like she doesn’t know what Marvin means (even though she’s already blushing). He claps her on the back and brings her in for a hug, cheering on his daughter, “She’s a dime, Juke! You know you get your good taste from me, right??”

This is where our little puppy love story takes a pivot, I’m sorry to say, because Jukebox invited Iesha out to Uncle Lou’s open mike night — not necessarily as a date… but also, I think Juke was definitely hoping it was a date. Unfortunately when Kanan shows up, Iesha starts flirting with him, too! Juke quietly clocks it right away and when Kanan pulls her aside to (respectfully, I gotta say! I loved this moment of acknowledgment!) ask his cousin about Iesha, “Is that you?” Jukebox says no.

Juke’s eyes are telling another story — one of jaded dreams and disappointment — but Kanan, being a teen boy, goes with what she said and not the overall sad girl vibe she’s putting out into the universe. He goes back to flirt more with Iesha, but the camera lingers on Juke.

Maybe I’m going to be proven wrong here, but everything within me is saying that this is not the end for Iesha and Juke. I think this is the first act. Coming out as a Black queer teen in the 90s can be messy business, but the connection between Iesha and Juke was genuine. And I think we have a Black love story in the making on our hands.

Boobs on Your Tube: Raising Kanan Has One of the Best Teen Lesbians on TV, When Will People Pay Attention

It’s somehow already (or “it’s somehow finally” depending on your perspective on things) the last Friday of 2023!! Hope that hazy week between Christmas and New Years has been treating you well, let’s see what’s been going on.

First, ’tis the season — and by that we mean ’tis the season for Carol fans. Drew and Kayla celebrated by recounting how Carol finds the kink in age gaps for their latest “Anatomy of a Queer Sex Scene.” If you prefer your gay Christmas with 100% more cheese and ugly sweaters than Cate Blanchett and a dry martini, Sai has you covered. She watched Hallmark’s Friends and Family Christmas (their first with a main lesbian couple!) and promises it’s the cheese holiday romance that sapphics deserve. In honor or its Christmas Day release, Carmen did a research deep dive into over 40 years of history on The Color Purple’s lesbian kiss.

And here’s what else!

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ Good Trouble returns on January 2nd for what I believe will be its final batch of episodes. Get ready to say goodbye to Mariana, the Coterie, and the Adams-Foster Mamas one last time! I bet we’re gonna need some tissues! — Carmen

Raising Kanan 304: “In Sheep’s Clothing”

Written by Carmen

I’ve long said that Jukebox is the heartbeat of Raising Kanan. It’s a bit of a double-edged sword when you think about it. Being the heartbeat means that the audience cares more about you, the mess and gunk of who you are, than most other characters. But often that care comes from having seen the character at their worst; it means that writers know they can put the character through the ringer and audiences will root for them to make it through to the other side time and time again.

As a Black teen masc lesbian, it’s rare for a character like Jukebox to be “the heart” and fan favorite of a series, but also it’s simultaneously… not rare for a Black masc lesbian on television to end up in a world of pain. And few have seen pain like Jukebox. I spent most of this week’s Raising Kanan, which for the first time seemingly in forever met Jukebox with good news, holding my breath for the other shoe to drop. By the time I realized that the sun was finally going to shine on Juke’s face after all, it was basically time for the end credits to roll.

It turns out that Jukebox did not ruin her audition last week (a national call to join an up-and-coming girls’ group), despite her Uncle Lou not showing up with her music at the last minute. Of course Juke, well aware at this point of her bad luck, has already signed up for a medical examination to join the army as a way to get out of Queens. They keep returning to this plot as a last ditch effort for her, and I’m starting to get nervous its foreboding nature. But for now at least, we’re saved from it — because the same music manager who waived Jukebox off the stage last week, is at her front door.

Once Jukebox invites the manager inside, her dad, Marvin, has some questions. First of all, he doesn’t want Jukebox joining any group that won’t accept her for who she is. I love this character development of Marvin going from a fuck up of a father (and deeply homophobic) to being Juke’s greatest protector? It’s new on him, but the suit fits well. Anyway, the manager promises that she wants Jukebox for exactly the package she already comes in. Every member of the group will have a lane: a diva, a girl next door, and a tomboy. The tomboy? That’s our Juke.

Kanan finds out about his cousin’s success and adorably swoops in the next afternoon to treat her to a night out on the city (at B. Smith’s restaurant! PEAK 90s Black Bougie Excellence!!) using his own burgeoning drug money — though Jukebox doesn’t know about the drug money part quite yet. At first she turns Kanan down, after all it’s better not to count chickens before they hatch. But Kanan beams, he asks her: How rare is it for someone from where they grew up to be given a blessing like this? They are given so few opportunities to celebrate wins, and he is of her. Usually I’m no fan of Kanan’s, but his love for his cousin is so pure, it’s hard not to see their innocence in each other’s eyes. And on this point Kanan is right, in the brief time that we we’ve known her, Jukebox has survived: her girlfriend’s overdoes, brutal homophobic responses to her coming out from both of her parents, and the death of her mentor. She deserves this one good thing.

Ahem, one good thing might turn out to be two good things. When Juke shows up to practice to meet her group mates (according to their new manager, their name will be “Butta” — and again I must say, PEAK 90s!!), she is met with quite the surprise. Her new singing partners? The self-centered “diva” know-it-all from the bathroom on her audition day, along with the sweet, shy girl who shared a mint with her after she threw up from nerves in said bathroom.

For sure at least one of those girls is about to be Jukebox’s new love interest. I can’t wait to find out who.

Boobs on Your Tube: The Season Two Finale of “Rap Sh!t” Is Jonica Booth’s Best Performance to Date

Happy two days until Christmas Eve! Let’s see about some TV!

We are still updating our streaming archives, and this week Riese has Apple TV+’s Best TV Shows With Queer Characters! Stef reflected on how Fellow Travelers flattens history. Natalie watched Netflix’s docuseries Under Pressure, which re-centers what you thought you knew about the World Cup and the USWNT. Don’t miss the first look at Kristen Stewart’s new bodybuilder love story that Kayla described as the embodiment of “Be Gay, Do Crimes.” Kayla also wrote about climate activist thriller How To Blow Up a Pipeline is actually her favorite Christmas movie. And Carmen worked through her complicated emotions on queerness and the new The Color Purple.

(No spoilers here but: did you watch the Survivor finale yet?)

We’re also wrapping up our End of Year Culture Lists (there’s 1-2 more next, week, but they won’t be tv/film focused), so please don’t forget to check out:

• The Best Movies of 2023 According to Autostraddle Readers
• 9 of the Best Queer Animation Wins of 2023
• The 25 Best TV Shows of 2023 with Lesbian, Queer and Trans Characters brought to you lovingly by your TV Team!

And here’s what else!

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ In Raising Kanan this week, Jukebox is busy preparing for her big audition (a national call to join a girl group), in the process restoring her strained relationship with both her dad and her Uncle Lou. Unfortunately in the end, her dad is still there for her but Uncle Lou? A drunk incident ends with him in lock up the day of the audition. He had her music with him, so Jukebox ends up ruining her audition, another break in her growing up to be the villain we all know she will one day become. — Carmen

+ My (queer) friend Alyssa made a sweet gay Christmas short film called Paper Planes and you can watch it now. Highly recommend taking 15 minutes to feel some queer joy. — Valerie Anne

Rap Sh!t 208: “Under Construction”

Written by Natalie

After retreating to Maui following Lord AK’s self-immolation, Francois Boom returns this week and finally delivers on one of his promises: a studio session with Pardison “Pardi” Fontaine. Personally, I don’t trust Francois or anyone who’d fumble the bag with Meghan Thee Stallion, so already I’m skeptical about how this session is ’bout to go. But, by the end of their session, they’ve got the framework of their new hit single, “BBW (Bad Bitch Working),” and Shawna and Mia leave excited about the future.

Things only get better for the duo as they sit down with Alex and Chastity to hear the terms of a would-be deal with Red Bull. It sounds ideal to Shawna — full creative control and ownership of their masters, with access to all of Red Bull’s resources — but when it comes to the money, Alex is short on specifics, which leaves Mia (rightfully) skeptical. Alex promises to talk to the label and get back to the girls by next week. But later, when Francois calls Shawna with an update about the new song, he’s not thrilled to hear that the girls are negotiating with Red Bull and still working with Chastity. He throws down an ultimatum: either they follow his plan — which includes taking this new song to the head of Def Jam — or they can go with Red Bull and Chastity.

To their credit, Shawna and Mia’s first instinct is to go with Red Bull and Chastity, but if they have to sacrifice the Pardi record, they want some sort of advance from Red Bull. They call Chastity and press her for details about the Red Bull deal. She promises to find out and then overplays her hand… badly. First, she calls Alex repeatedly when she knows the A&R executive is stuck in meetings and then seeks her out in person. Chastity invites herself to a meeting between Alex and her boss, Kirk, hoping to finalize Shawn and Mia’s deal by going directly to the man in charge.

Chastity admits that there’s another deal on the table but insists that if Red Bull can step up, she’ll make it happen. Kirk is reluctant about breaking in a new group, but Chastity assures him that he’ll recoup his investment in no time. Somehow, she manages to secure the bag for Shawna and Mia, even though it means burning a bridge with Alex. When she delivers the news to the girls, Chastity doesn’t get the response she was hoping for: Shawna and Mia have decided to go with Francois.

Chastity sits across from them, stunned. She did everything they asked for, and still, they decided to turn on her. She’s exasperated by all she’s had to do, all she’s had to sacrifice, for them to just walk away now. The disbelief masks Chastity’s simmering rage and genuine hurt at the betrayal; it’s Jonica Booth’s best performance to date.

Chastity gets up, grabs her bag, and walks away. Later, as she sits and watches Shawna and Mia become exactly the type of stars they said they didn’t want to be, Chastity opts for a new path. Season 2 ends with Chastity sitting down with Shawna’s nemesis, Gat… and I’m gonna need season 3 ASAP.

Beacon 23 Episode 108: “Adamantine”

Written by Valerie Anne

Maybe someone smarter than me can tell me what the hell happened in this show.

Now, I tried to get you to not watch this show. But if you didn’t heed my warning, perhaps you, like me with my screeners, kept watching hoping for another hint at Aster’s queerness, or for things to start to make sense in general. Alas, neither really happened, and while the second part is subjective, the first is just a fact.

Since the ill-fated Coley episode, Aster has remembered that she was born on the Beacon and has always had a connection with the strange glow outside, the Artifact, and it almost seems to communicate with her. A strange cult that sort of centers around Aster and the glow infiltrates the Beacon, and the best thing to come of that is the arrival of Saldana, played by Jess Salgueiro.

Aster thinks Halan is also somehow connected to the glow, so Aster, Halan, and Aster’s AI Harmony prepare to go into the glow to investigate when one of the cult members, Keir, shoots her with some kind of pulse gun, knocking her back, and she hits her head and falls to the ground. Her head starts bleeding an alarming amount, and the life leaves her eyes. But then in her eyes there’s a glow, and she sees Halan sending her younger self toward her older self, and their hands glow when they reach out and touch each other.

The end.

Seriously, that’s how the season ends. There’s going to be a second season, but I can’t promise I’ll be seated for it, because it seems to me like they killed their only two queer characters. Though I can’t imagine they have a second season without Lena Headey? It remains to be seen. But not by me.

Boobs on Your Tube: In the Spirit of the Season, “Rap Sh!t” Gives Unto Us Some Very Hot Sex

Happy Friday! One of the last ones of the year!

It’s technically only tangentially TV/film related, but did you catch Reneé Rapp and Megan thee Stallion’s new single off the upcoming Mean Girls soundtrack, and it certainly is hella gay. Some of the biggest news in queer television this week comes from Survivor — where queer contestant Katurah Topps first won Anya’s heart and is now looking like might win the entire show! British sitcom Such Brave Girls premiered today on HULU in the US, and Kayla found it to be a super queer discomfort comedy at its finest. Drew and Riese got high together and watched Round and Round, Hallmark’s new Hanukkah, and yes the sister is a lesbian! Kayla would like bring your attention back around to The Handmaiden, it has more sex scenes than you remembered.

It’s still End of Year Culture Lists season and here’s what our team rounded up this week:

• The Best Queer TV Scenes of 2023 by the TV Team
• The Best Queer Movie Scenes of 2023 by the TV Team
• The Best Queer Movies of 2023 by Drew Burnett Gregory

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ Last week, I neglected to note that Sort Of, the groundbreaking series from Bilal Baig and Fab Filippo, wrapped up its third and final season on CBC Gem. We’ll have more on the show when it debuts stateside in the new year, but I wanted to acknowledge how sad I am to see it end. The show was a persistent reminder that we’re all transitioning, sort of. I’ll miss it so much and can’t wait to see what’s next from Baig. — Natalie

+ For our UK readers: Vigil, the hit British procedural starring Suranne Jones, returned for its second series this week. Amy Silva (Jones) and Kirsten Longacre (Rose Leslie) are called in to determine what caused an Air Force weapons test to go horribly wrong. Though their investigations keep them separated for most of the series’ opening episodes, Amy and Kirsten are still together and are having a baby! I’ll have more on the show when the new season debuts on Peacock. — Natalie

Rap Sh!t 207: “No Parking”

Written by Natalie

In Rap Sh!t‘s second season, we’ve gotten the opportunity to see our protagonists more intimately… more engaging with Mia, Shawna, and Chastity directly, less stunting for fans on Instagram. But this week, the show pivots back to its original form: with our two emcees spitting freestyles over IG Live and engaging with their fans. The format change is abrupt but it signals a change in fortune for the duo; now, they’re back on the grind.

First things first, though: a team meeting. The emcees meet with their manager at the local Checkers and lament that their career’s been stagnant since returning home from tour. Shawna admits that Francois hasn’t returned her calls while Mia confesses that Lamont isn’t being responsive to requests for studio time or new beats. Convinced that Chastity can make stuff happen, they urge her to focus less on pimping and more on managing their fledgling careers. Chastity acquiesces and promises to make a play… starting with hitting up Alex, the flirtatious rep that she met at the Billboard party.

Chastity doesn’t have to try hard: Alex (Brittany S. Hall) invites her to an exclusive Red Bull party and quickly introduces Chastity to her boss. Chastity charms him instantly and Alex… well, Alex looks like she’s ready for a one-on-one afterparty. The thirst! Before they get there, though, Alex and Chastity stop by a dive bar and get to know each other better. Alex is a grown ass woman, ready to take charge and unafraid to ask for what she wants, and it’s clear that Chastity doesn’t really know what to do with that. Alex asks the Duke directly if she’s in a relationship and the normally unflappable manager stumbles to find an answer. Chastity shifts the conversation to safer ground — music and what Alex might be able to do for Shawna and Mia — until they’re interrupted by Melody… a girl who Chastity once tried to recruit to be part of her stable. Chastity scrambles to mask the conversation with Melody — to not give away how she earns her money — but, to my dismay, Alex is undeterred.

Later, Chastity walks Alex to her door and thanks her for all her help. Alex isn’t ready for the night to be over quite yet, though; she invites Chastity inside to talk more and share a drink. Chastity pauses at the door, seemingly wondering if she should mix business with pleasure, but ultimately decides to follow Alex inside. Alex pulls out the tequila and Chastity salts her hand before taking her shot… but then Alex shoots her own shot: sensuously licking the salt off Chastity’s hand. They drop all the pretense and give into the tension that’s been building all night.

The scene that follows is, in a word, hot. Rivaling some of the best sex scenes from The L Word. Admittedly, as a critic, it feels uncouth sometimes to focus on sex scenes… but seeing two black women have sex on-screen remains exceedingly rare. And two black women in an explicit sex scene not directed/written by Lena Waithe? Even rarer. It’s a beautiful thing.

And hot. Did I mention it was hot?

Raising Kanan 302: “Flipmode”

Written by Carmen

I can already tell that recapping this season of Raising Kanan is going to come with some narrative difficulties. Detective Burke was murdered last episode, and she served as a connective tissue between the show’s two lesbian plots at any given minute. Burke had her own love life, but she was also a (manipulative) mentor to Jukebox, Raising Kanan’s central lesbian teen. In fact, Burke’s inappropriate relationship with Juke is mentioned by her captain as one of the reasons Burke found herself under IA investigation.

Jukebox hangs outside the church of Burke’s funeral, a personal goodbye to what was likely the only other gay person she knew. And I recognize that, despite their complicated relationship (after all, Burke only “befriended” Jukebox because she realized she could use their mutual gayness to her advantage, she was trying to lock up Juke’s entire family), Jukebox is a lost gay teen who has suffered far too much loss in her life. Her girlfriend died in Season One, her mother died at the end of Season Two, and now in first episodes of Season Three she’s forced to say goodbye again.

Leaving Burke’s service, Jukebox heads directly to an Army Recruitment Center. She will do literally anything to get out of Queens. I don’t know if the commentary was on purpose, but I was touched that Raising Kanan is highlighting the ways that army recruitment often takes advantage in poor communities and communities of color; a dangling last resort of “hope” for people who feel like they have nothing else to lose or live for. Luckily when she returns home that night, Juke is surprised to see Nicole’s dad of all people drinking with her own father in the kitchen.

I’ll admit that having Nicole’s dad pop up like this, and becoming drinking pals with Marvin no less — I’ve loved Marvin’s redemption arc over the last two years, but I won’t forget his own violent reaction to learning about his daughter’s queerness — is a bit of a stretch. However, I love where we land here, so I’ll briefly allow it. Nicole’s dad has been watching the taped recording of Nicole and Jukebox singing at the mall, and he has a fancy recording industry golf buddy who is looking to start a girl group. He wants Jukebox to audition. He thinks its what Nicole would have wanted.

With Marvin’s encouragement and something else to cling to, Jukebox dodges army recruitment and finds herself at her Uncle Lou’s with her mother’s albums in hand. If she’s going to try for this, she’s going to need help.

Meanwhile, Burke’s girlfriend (I’ll catch her name next week, I promise!) is feeling some guilt now that Burke has died. Last week when the IA investigation began, she wanted nothing to do with her. This week she’s picking up the crumbs of where Burke left off. She also faces some HIGH KEY homophobia from Burke’s father, who blames Burke’s lesbianism for her supposed suicide (cruel under any circumstances, but especially so since we all know… Burke didn’t actually kill herself at all. It was a set up!). I think this is setting the stage for the next chapter of cat and mouse between the Stark family and the NYPD, so stay tuned for that!

Boobs on Your Tube: Raising Kanan’s Third Season Begs Us To Reconsider What We Mean by “Bury Your Gays”

This week, Drew noticed that somehow “Total Eclipse of the Heart” played during pivotal moments in four completely different queer tv shows or films this year. Random, but true! She’s also here to argue that Anne Hathaway’s newest film Eileen doesn’t deserve to be called Carol for psychos (can you tell Drew had some fun this week?). Also, a follow up to a classic in Black queer cinema, Beyond the Aggressives has arrived just on time for black trans masc representation. In an exciting little diddy, Kayla wonders what each of the adult Yellowjackets would want for Christmas? She also watched the new queer Christmas thriller It’s a Wonderful Knife, and said it’s fun but falls short of a fully slay.

Speaking of the holigays, here are 37 Christmas movies with lesbian, bisexual, queer or trans characters — and also, if you can manage to get 18/30 on this quiz, you’re a certified Christmas Movie Expert and also probably gay!

It’s the most wonderful time of the yeeeaaaaaar and by that we mean it’s time for our annual End of Year Culture Lists! This week we have for you:

• Autostraddle’s Favorite Lesbian, Bisexual, and Trans TV Characters of 2023
• Autostraddle’s Favorite Lesbian, Bisexual, and Queer TV Couples of 2023

And now, here’s what else!

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ Not much info yet but Wynonna Earp star Melanie Scrofano and Kat Barrell aka THE Nicole Haught have written and are co-directing a movie together! No word yet on if the story itself will be queer, but here’s hoping. — Valerie Anne

Raising Kanan Episode 301: “Home Sweet Home”

Written by Carmen

Raising Kanan is back for its third season and in addition to once again proving that its by far the best acted entry of the Power Universe (if you’re interested in getting involved, I often describe it as The Wonder Years by way of 90s New York drug empire), with a cast that is constantly pushing above its weight class — it also wins by putting its lesbian characters at the core of its story.

I’ll star with Jukebox, Kanan’s cousin and the show’s heartbeat. Juke’s mother died at the end of last season in a shootout between her Aunt Raq (Patina Miller, the reason to watch) and a rival mafia family. Everyone seems preoccupied with letting Jukebox know that it’s ok to grieve her mother, but I spent most of the time yelling at the TV that her mother tortured Jukebox last year in some failed Christian conversion therapy and she’s better off without her. Alas, family is complicated and though it seemed that Jukebox’s stoicism matched my own, we eventually do see her finally break down in her father’s arms in grief. It’s gorgeously acted and Hailey Kilgore deserves so much more praise for this role than she’s getting. Even if I am personally just fine with Juke’s mother being dead. Ahem.

Speaking of being dead, however, we are unfortunately adding another lesbian to the Dead Lesbian Database because Detective Burke (Shanley Casewell) had a terrible, no good, very bad day. First, when Raq teams up with Detective Howard (Omar Epps, Raq’s ex and Kanan’s father) to cover up the aforementioned mafia shootout, Detective Burke rolls up to out Howard as a liar in front of the entire police department. She is correct, he’s a dirty ass cop in the middle of a massive cover up, but unfortunately the Captain sides with Howard and puts Burke on administrative leave due to becoming an obsessive.

Second, Internal Affairs is looking into Burke, again because of all the boundary crossing, and that spooks her girlfriend, who is also a cop. So, her girlfriend breaks up with her.

Third, Burke gets a call from Howard. He asks to meet her and promises to come clean about everything. Now personally, I don’t know why she took the bait? I guess she was overzealous to get Howard on tape confessing to his crimes? But also if the guy whose family I’m trying to put away mysteriously calls me in the middle of the night to meet him in a undisclosed location, I’m not showing up. That sounds like a death certificate.

And death certificate it was, because as soon as Howard finishes “confessing” he shoots Detective Burke clean in the head. He takes the tape, her gun, and puts his gun in her hand to fake it as if she did this to herself. Two years of pursuit, and this is how her story ends.

If I sound flippant about another lesbian character dying on tv, I apologize. That’s not my intention! But I do think at this point in our TV-watching lives, we should interrogate exactly what we mean by “bury your gays” and when or how its used. In this case, for a series like Power, the deaths are often the whole point. Characters get big showy deaths, especially fan favorites or fan favorite villains. For Burke, however, her death felt kinda mid? After multiple seasons, it’s hard not to notice that her end doesn’t come with the same gravitas that is often granted main characters in the franchise. That was also tue of Juke’s first girlfriend, Nicole, who died in Raising Kanan’s first season. Instead of bemoaning another dead queer character on TV, I am interested in exploring why these two lesbian characters had such lackluster deaths compared to their peers. That’s a much more fascinating analysis… how we use “dying on screen” and when. But alas, perhaps a story for a different day.

Rap Sh!t 206: “U-Turn”

Written by Natalie

A week ago, the girls were riding high: Chastity putting them up in a lux LA hotel, Francois inviting them to brunch and promising a writing session with Pardi, meeting Def Jam execs at a Billboard party…. and then, all of a sudden, it was over… and over in spectacular and tragic fashion, no less. It’s a jarring turn of events for Shawna, Mia, and Chastity, who are forced to go back to the lives they left behind with nothing to show for their efforts.

Chastity returns to chaos: one of her girls has been arrested — thanks to Deja’s refusal to follow the directions she left behind — and another pimp has forced her girls off Biscayne Boulevard. Chastity promises she’ll handle it and, given how she handled the girls’ money woes on the road, I’m already worried and fearing the worst. She pulls up outside a local motel, readies her gun and slips on a ski mask. She proceeds to kick down the doors of her competition’s workers, interrupting their sessions and sending everyone scurrying for their clothes and the exits.

“Y’all don’t work here no mo! Tell Bugs to stay off this block!” Chastity yells as she fires shots into the air. It ends up being more hilarious than scary… but when Chastity slides back into her ubiquitous Caddy to drive off, I worry that the disguise was all for naught. And, sure enough, Bugs knows the threat came from Chastity and immediately returns to take his vengeance. His goons beat the sh!t out of Chastity as he holds her stable at gunpoint. Next time Chastity tries him, Bugs promises, he’ll kill her.

Chastity returns home, bloodied and bruised, to nurse her wounds but, aside from the bag of frozen greens he gives her to reduce the swelling, her Uncle Calvin offers her no respite. Chastity wistfully wonders if he’s going to kill Bugs but he hands her the gun and insists that this is what has to be done to earn respect. Even as they pull in behind Bugs’ car, Chastity hopes that things can somehow end amicably.

“Yeah, you know, maybe you can just, you know, talk to him instead of… you know what I’m sayin’?” she asks, hopefully.

Calvin scoffs at her naïveté and steps out of the car, tucking his gun in his waistband. He approaches Bugs’ car and asks about the incident involving his niece. Bugs touts his restraint — he didn’t “try to do too much to her” — but admits that Chastity was acting out of pocket. Calvin seemingly accepts the explanation and daps Bugs up before appearing to walk away. Watching, Chastity breathes a sigh of relief and mocks Bugs from a safe distance. But then, her Uncle pivots back, walloping Bugs, slamming his body with the car door and, finally, firing a single shot into him.

Calvin slides back into the drivers’ seat next to Chastity, exhales and acknowledges, “I got your block back.”

Without looking at him, Chastity nods and offers her thanks. Inside, I imagine, Chastity’s reaffirming her commitment to make this rap sh!t happen and to leave this world far, far behind… but we’ll have to see how that develops next week.

Black Cake Episode 109: “Nine Night”

Written by Nic

It’s the season finale of Black Cake and while many of our season-long questions were answered, they left us with just enough mystery to wonder what a potential season two might include. Each character gets a bit of time to shine in the finale: we see Mathilda giving birth to Covey in an island forest; Byron finds out his girlfriend is pregnant and they don’t see eye-to-eye on their next steps; Mabel reveals that her husband died while she was pregnant with her son; and we finally get the answer to who poisoned Little Man during his wedding to Covey.

Most importantly, I think, is we get some insight into Bunny’s life in the 50 years since she believed her best friend died. Firstly, Bunny’s full name is Benedetta! Eleanor named Benny after her best friend without knowing just how much the two would end up having in common.

As promised, Bunny fulfilled her and Covey’s dream of becoming famous swimmers, changing her name to Etta Pringle and becoming the first Black woman to swim across the English Channel. Covey/Eleanor kept up with her best friend’s career, unbeknownst to Etta, to the point where Benny just thought Etta Pringle was a random swimmer that her mother was obsessed with.

During their Nine Night honoring of Eleanor, Benny of course wants to know how Etta felt after her best friend shut her down after revealing feelings for her. It turns out, Covey took Benny on a joyride on a motorbike and the two had a heart-to-heart where Covey vowed that no matter what happened, she would be a safe space for her queer best friend.

So it only made sense that Bunny would be the one who ended up “saving” Covey by poisoning Little Man’s champagne rather than wait for Gibbs to come up with his own plan.

I loved Black Cake as a messy family story, as a beautiful tribute to the Caribbean, as a reminder that you never really know what someone is struggling with. However, while Bunny felt like she had to hide her identity in the shadows, Benny was busy hiding in shadows of her own: Byron’s, then Joanie’s, then Steve’s. My wish for queer Black women on television and frankly, in life, is that we can be seen in our glory and our fullness without hiding or fear. But hey, if we do get a second season, maybe a light episode where Benny and Bunny take on the perils of the queer dating scene?

Boobs on Your Tube: Rap Sh!t Has Grind, Hustle, and Cute Women Flirting (Living the Dream)

Happy Friday, sending you cozy thoughts wherever you are! This week Kayla and Drew launched a very exciting new series that we think you’re going to enjoy, “Anatomy of a Sex Scene” and in their first edition they explore the horniness of Disobedience’s spit. Drew also wrote a reflection on the buzzy new movie Saltburn, comparing it to The Bling Ring and thinking about the pathetic desperation of the upper middle class. Nico watched Periodical, an inclusive documentary all about menstruation. Drew watched Todd Haynes’ newest film May December, starring Natalie Portman and Julianne More, and she has some thoughts about performance as sacrifice. And finally, Wingwomen on Netflix is like French Charlie’s Angels but GAYER.

It’s December 1st and you know what that means… time to see what’s new and gay this mont on streaming! Riese is here with this invaluable community service.

And now here’s what else! TV was a little light this week, but Natalie is ready to catch you up on what’s going on with Chasity and Rap Sh!t.

Rap Sh!t 205: “Dead End”

Written by Natalie

With the largess from her last week’s robbery, Chastity treats Shawna and Mia to a deluxe hotel stay during the tour’s Los Angeles stop. They take in the room’s expansive views and thank Francois Boom for finally coming through but Chastity quickly corrects them: she did this. Chastity lavishes her artists, urging them to do whatever they want to do, on her, while they’re in Hollywood.

Mia lets it slip that they’re just out of an “Emergency Meeting” with Francois where he asked her and Shawna to apologize to Reina for their freestyle in Oakland. Chastity scoffs at the notion but quickly realizes that the girls plan to do it. They insist that they have to: Francois has set up a meeting for the pair with a Grammy-winning songwriter and with the head of Def Jam so they have to swallow their pride and apologize. Chastity takes umbrage to Francois continuing to make moves on their behalf without consulting her and promises to confront him about it.

Chastity finally gets her chance at the Billboard party. She lets Francois know that no meetings should be happening with her artists without her. Francois might not like her, she acknowledges, but she’s here to stay and deserves respect. Francois laughs off Chastity’s concerns and points out that everything he’s done for Shawna and Mia: he arranged the tour, he produced the song that’s garnering label interest, he set up the meeting with the label head and the Grammy winning songwriter and, when it’s time to record their EP, he’ll be the producer and arranger. What, he asks, should be respect her for?

“They don’t need you and if this meeting goes good, I’ma make sure they know that,” Francois states flat out. Chastity stiffens her stance in response but Francois just mocks her for it and walks off.

Realizing that her new career might be slipping from her grasp, Chastity does what does best: hustles. She tries to put names to faces of all the big wigs at the party and ingratiate herself to them… but, of course, that doesn’t work out. Meanwhile, Francois introduces the girls to Tunji Balogun, the CEO of Def Jam, and they make a good impression… or at least that’s what Francois tells them. He passes out celebratory cigars and, once Chastity steps away, Francois tells the girls that Tunji was skeptical about Chastity. Sufficed to say, I don’t believe a word Francois has to say.

Later, Chastity is posted up outside, taking a drag on a cigarette, and is so wrapped up in all this rap shit she barely acknowledges when a woman approaches and starts flirting with her. Chastity admits that she might have fucked everything up but the stranger assures her that once the weed and coke come out, no one will remember.

And, it turns out, the stranger is probably right. No one’s going to remember what Chastity did because the party, the night and, likely, the tour ends with Lord AK setting himself ablaze.

Boobs on Your Tube: Beacon 23’s Unimpressive Latest Episode Hits Almost Every Enraging Queer Trope

Happy long weekend, if you’re having a long weekend! ❤️ The Autostraddle offices are closed today, but we still found some TV and film for you to watch.

Here’s what happened this week: Carmen got to interview WNBA stars Syd Colson and Theresa Plaisance (TP) about their new sketch comedy show, also called Syd + TP! Anya broke down how Chrishell Stause queered Selling Sunset. Natalie wrote about how Rustin, the film, flattens the complex Black gay history of Bayard Rustin, the icon. We also wrapped our Trans Awareness Week coverage in part with a history of trans actors in cis roles. We are still cleaning up our streaming guides and this week that came with the present of the 40 best LGBT shows on HBO Max. Vuk Lungulov-Klotz, the director of Mutt now streaming on Netflix), talked with us about working with a trans crew and the value of sweetness.

And now, here’s what else you missed!

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ All Rise wrapped up its third and final season this week and, much to my surprise, it closed out with a lesbian storyline. Unfortunately, it was just the case of the week, instead of the storylines I’d hoped for: Ness reuniting with Sam, or Ness hooking up with that cute bailiff who we met earlier in the season, never to be heard from again, or Judge Brenner returning to the HOJ to marry Georgia. A disappointing end to what, at times, had been a promising show. — Natalie

+ Though it won’t premiere in the States until next year, a heads up to our Canadian readers that Sort Of debuted its third and final season last week. The show was one of our favorites of 2022 and I have high hopes for how they’ll wrap the series. — Natalie

Beacon 23 Episode 103: “Why Can’t We Go On as Three?”

Written by Valerie Anne

:deep breath: WE COULD HAVE HAD IT AAAAAALL

In my review of the series overall, which went up when only two of the episodes had aired, I alluded to the fact that this season of Beacon 23 featured some bad tropes, and now I can finally explicitly talk about them.

In episode three, Aster and Halen are getting high from the gravity beams (?) when a woman in a uniform with a spikey helmet slinks onto the ship. After a tussle, Aster realizes she knows this woman, Coley. At first it seems like she might just be a coworker, but soon she’s caressing Aster, clearly closer than just peers.

Coley eventually reveals her truth when she interrogates Halen about his relationship with Aster, insisting she just wants to know, and he wouldn’t be the first of Aster’s “whims.” Halen assures her they’re just friends and returns the question, to which Coley says simply, “We’re close.” Later, Coley brings her things to Aster’s room. Aster tells her to pick a side of the bed and Coley responds, “You’re gonna let me choose?” Not their first bed-sharing rodeo.

Aster decides to help Coley relax by taking her up to get high and make out. This is where I recommend turning off the show and never returning.

At dinner with Halen, Coley goes on a rant about how Aster is always cheating on her, including once with a hot lady fighter pilot. Coley says, “She’ll always let you down.” She even calls her street trash. It is Not Great.

Aster eventually realizes that Coley orchestrated her ship’s crash, and they fight. Coley says she can’t bring herself to kill Aster, but she does intend to kill Halen. But before she can, Aster stabs Coley and saves Halen.

Aster holds Coley as she bleeds out. Coley’s last words are “I loved you, Aster,” before Aster strangles her the rest of the way dead.

I’ve said this before, but it seems like these characters were made queer after the script was written — like they decided to make Coley a woman during casting and didn’t consider the implications. But we’re not at the point yet where you can randomly pick characters to be queer regardless of their story arc. We’re not far enough past the peak of the Bury Your Gays massacre to bring in a queer woman just to kill her off. In 2023, you shouldn’t be able to skip one (1) episode of a season of TV and not know one of the main characters is queer. There are so many ways to reveal a character’s queerness without an on-screen partner, so many ways to show what queerness looks like in your fictional sci-fi world without having queer-on-queer violence. Not to mention this was all after Coley accused Aster of sleeping around, leaning into the biphobic “slutty/cheating bisexual” trope. I was unimpressed by this episode, and this show, which is too bad because we all deserve more queer Lena Headey characters.

Black Cake Episode 106: “Ma”

Written by Nic

On this week’s Black Cake, the episode begins with Eleanor reflecting on the choices she made as a mother to all three of her children. She’s especially regretful of the way she and Bert pushed Benny away, considering Eleanor’s childhood friendship with Bunny. What Eleanor (then, Covey) didn’t realize was that by asking Bunny to pretend in public, to mimic her friend’s behavior with boys, to not stand out; she was asking her to abandon herself and her truth. In a flashback, we see Covey and Bunny dancing together at a party, their joy infectious. Until Gibbs and his friend arrive, and Bunny’s posture immediately becomes stiff, fighting against her attempt to fit into a heterosexual mold that feels inauthentic to her core. We see her copy Covey’s dance moves and eventually, she loses her virginity to that very same boy. Her mouth tells him that she’s sure, while her eyes fight back tears, mourning the person she wishes she could be.

Back in the present, Benny is at the police station giving a statement about the altercation between Byron and Steve. She explains that the abuse started six years prior, and the officer gently explains that even though the abuse continued beyond the statute of limitations, it would be difficult to prove because she stayed. *rage* So Benny decides to file a temporary restraining order against Steve and blocks his number.

Shocking no one, Steve is pissed. He shows up to Benny’s parents’ house and tries to convince her to come back by… continuing to insult her? I don’t know, y’all. I’m not going to attempt to make sense of it because the important part is that Benny WALKED AWAY. Even when Steve tries to hold her responsible for the $25K advance he got for the piece she destroyed, Benny replies that that’s not her problem, and he’ll figure it out. The whoop that I whooped?!

Later that night, Byron arrives back at the house after a harrowing day of getting arrested and then speaking on a diversity panel, to find “B&B’s” long lost sister waiting in the driveway. Mabel showed up on a whim after the lawyer contacted her. The three siblings have a bit of an awkward conversation, before Benny and Mabel start to bond and connect over their love of food. Benny even cracks a joke about how Mabel’s “cancellation” isn’t real because she’s actually Caribbean and Chinese. Before they start to listen to the final recording, Mabel asks about her birth father and she can tell everyone else knows something she doesn’t. When Byron reveals that her birth father was likely the man who assaulted Eleanor in Scotland, Mabel decides this whole thing is too much and leaves.

Benny, in a beautiful turn from the previous five episodes, stands up for her sister, recognizes that she’s hurting, and decides not to give up on her because that’s what she wanted all those years ago when she walked out; for someone to beg her to stay. She tells Byron that their father had been going to cafes across the street from her apartment for years, never working up the courage to talk to his daughter. She won’t do that to Mabel.

So Benny shows up at Mabel’s hotel, with ackee and saltfish (traditional Jamaican breakfast) in hand, remembering that Mabel loves breakfast for dinner. The two have a heart-to-heart, and Mabel decides to stay and listen to the recording. What she learns is that Eleanor never wanted to give her up; both that decision and Mabel were taken from her.

I’ll admit, I’ve been a bit hard on Benny, but I loved watching her get more introspective this week. My biggest hope and dream is that Bunny is still alive, so that she and Benny can have some quality queer bonding.

Rap Sh!t 204: “Detour”

Written by Natalie

She tried to tell them.

Before agreeing to be part of Lord AK/Reina’s tour, Chastity tried to push Shawna and Mia to press for a better deal. Some stage time, some money, some thing, But Shawna was so desperate for a win that she disregarded her manager’s POV entirely, and embraced that this is just what they have to do to pay their dues. Fast forward to the tour’s stop in Oakland and the girls’ accommodations are absolute trash.

“Now I dun stayed in some fucked up places before but this, by far, takes the cake,” Chastity rants, as she documents the scene for Francois Boom. “Bruh, you got us staying in the hotel MLK got shot at. This gotta be the nastiest place in Oakland.”

The furniture is caked with a thick layer of dust. Flies linger on rotten food in the mini-fridge. A water-logged carpet. Bet Shawna wishes they’d negotiated now.

Chastity refuses to sleep at the the Best Worst Western and tries to lean on Francois to get them better accommodations. As usual, he is absolutely no help — he insists that the limited budget means some cities are going to be rougher than others — and drops the problem at Chastity’s feet. But, of course, Chastity is nothing if not a hustler and when she spots some old friends at an Oakland house party, she hopes they can take her to where the money’s at. Neither dude seems to appreciate Chastity’s urgency so she dips… but not before she swipes the chains and cash from their glove compartment.

The next morning, she welcomes Shawna and Mia back to the bus with some IHOP and promises that from now on, they’re done taking scraps.

Meanwhile, Shawna has swallowed a lot of her misgivings about being on tour with the walking minstrel show that is Reina Reigns… all in service to advancing her own career. But there are only so many indignities a person can stand and they start to mount this week: the hotel, Reina refusing to acknowledge her and Mia in an interview, and then Reina acting crazy at the party. They refuse to perform with Reina but when the Iggy Azalea clone captivates the audience with her pre-written “freestyle,” Shawna and Mia decide to take the stage and show her what it means to really rap. Their performance is so dope, the duo finally catch the eye of the tour’s headliner, Lord AK.

What’s most interesting to me about these interactions with Lord AK — more than Shawna and him vibing — is how it reveals how much of a fraud Francois Boom is. He talks a big game and condescends at every possible opportunity, but he’s only slightly deeper into this rap shit than Chastity. He doesn’t know Lord AK, he doesn’t get invited to the studio, and, as it turns out, Reina’s only on the tour because her team (read: Francois) wouldn’t stop calling. Seems like Chastity and Francois aren’t that different after all… and I’m interested to see how that plays out for the rest of the season.

Boobs on Your Tube: “Black Cake” Finds Freedom in Smashing Chaos

Congratulations, you made it through another week! Here’s what happened on screen while you were busy living life:

Lena Headey is once again playing queer in Beacon 23, but Valerie wants to know — at what cost?? A Murder at the End of the World is a mystery worthy of our grief. Natlie watched Candace Parker: Unapologetic and reminded us that behind every G.O.A.T. is a love story. Carmen has spent all week thinking about that one scene from The Marvels.

Happy Scott Pilgrim Anime Day to everyone who celebrate, Scott Pilgrim Takes Off centers bisexual blader Ramona Flowers!! Drew got high and watched Tello’s latest lesbian Christmas movie, A Holiday I Do (are you looking for a good laugh after a long week? We have you covered). Anya said goodbye to a great one, Survivor Season 45’s Kellie Nalbandian could’ve been a contender. Mutt is now streaming on Netflix and Drew revisited her Sundance review.We’re still updating our epic streaming guides, and here’s a new one for you: 40 Lesbian, Queer & Bisexual Amazon Prime Video Original TV Shows.

Lastly, and we are so excited about this, Drew interviewed thee Todd Haynes(yes, of Carol fame) about his newest film, May/December, queer community, and making art in a vile word.

And here’s what else!

Black Cake Episode 105: “Mother”

Written by Nic

This week’s episode of Black Cake centers on a woman named Mabel who is revealed to be Eleanor’s first-born child, more than likely borne of her assault by her boss. She’s been living her life as a white woman with no clue that she’s adopted and has Caribbean ancestry. When B&B learn that they have an older sister, Benny’s first instinct is to immediately assume that the reason she never felt good enough for her mother was because Eleanor was probably thinking about her first daughter every time she looked at Benny. On first watch, I was immediately annoyed with Benny for only thinking of herself and dismissing any accountability she might’ve in the way Eleanor may have reacted to her shenanigans in the past. During my second watch though, I realized it’s more complicated than that. It’s entirely possible that subconsciously Eleanor was comparing Benny to a fantasy of the daughter she never knew, and that colored her view of the daughter in her life. The fuck of it, is that the same way it’s impossible for us as viewers to know, Benny can’t know what was going through her mother’s mind. She missed her chance.

Later, Steve calls to ask Benny again about selling their sculpture, and Benny tells him that she just wants to go see it one last time. Even though Steve’s not home, Benny uses her key to get into his place. Once she’s there and lays eyes on the sculpture, runs her hands along the representation of her own body, she knows what she has to do. She picks up the nearest heavy object and smashes it to pieces. As she destroys the art, she smiles and laughs and I’m willing to bet it’s the first time she’s felt truly free in years. Steve shows up back home sooner than anticipated, so in a brilliant move that Past!Benny never would have made, she calls Byron and drops a digital pin so he knows exactly where she is in case something happens.

Before Steve can even get going, Benny reads him for absolute filth, telling him that he took her best years from her and that he doesn’t own her body or her talent, and that the sculpture is gone. As she storms out, Steve goes after her apologizing, admitting that she’s right, that he can’t lose her and he doesn’t know how he can live without her; he hits every classic abuser line. I worried for a minute that Benny would go back to him, but that worry didn’t last long because soon Byron speeds up and confronts Steve. Steve feigns having Benny’s back and accuses Byron of not being there for her for eight years (let’s not rewrite history here, bud) and calls him a joke. Byron responds by pummeling Steve before cops arrive. I can only hope that shutting down Steve is the turning point for Benny; that she’ll start to feel and believe her worth within herself.

Boobs on Your Tube: The “Doom Patrol” Series Finale Sails Away With Not One, Two Queer Happy Endings

Happy Friday and CONGRATULATIONS TO THE MEMBERS OF SAG-AFTRA ON THE SUCCESSFUL CONCLUSION OF THEIR STRIKE to all who celebrate!! 🎉 Once the terms of the deal are made public, we’re going to have some in-depth reporting on the success for both the actors and the writers. But for now, just sending our love to the people who make the stories that we love! Congratulations, we hope this is start of a lot more fair deals to come.

Yes, it’s already November, but listen here: Kayla cannot stop thinking about the House of Usher’s scariest moment, from a lesser known (and extremely wild!) Edgar Allan Poe story. Nic reviewed Hulu’s new series Black Cake (more on that below in this week’s round up), which is telling a beautifully complex story of family, identity, and secrets. Meanwhile, Drew would like you to know that Apple+’s The Buccaneers, ugh… ruins Edith Wharton and fails history. The Morning Show wrapped its third season in a tornado of chaos, and Christina did not miss a beat. Rap Sh!t returns for its second season, and the girlies may still be struggling to break into the music industry, but Natalie is vibing with it. And season three of Upload on Prime Video gives us a deliciously evil queer character.

Turns out that Chrishell Stause delighted in this Lifetime lesbian thriller about a pregnancy cult (what a sentence!). Speaking of Chrishell, Anya recapped the top 15 gayest moments in the latest season of Selling Sunset for you. Tessa Thompson zoomed in as Valkyrie just under the wire of Captain Marvel’s final trailer before the movie release this weekend (are you planning to go?). And if your movie tastes are a little more niche than Marvel, Drew made you this outstanding quiz that you should take immediately, Which Obscure Lesbian Movie Should You Watch?

Then the senior editors got together to ask What Makes a Sexy Lesbian Screenshot — a little conversation that’s somehow both horny and smart, two of the best things:

It’s a conversation that, ahem, requires a lot of visuals. Click through.

Riese is in the midst of cleaning up and revamping all of our streaming guides, so get in here to learn what’s good and gay: 25 Best LGBT TV Shows on Peacock and Hulu’s 27 Original TV Shows With Lesbian and Bisexual Women Characters.

And here’s what else!

Doom Patrol Episode 412: “Done Patrol”

Written by Valerie Anne

“The curtains close on a kiss, god knows, we can tell the end is near.”

I’m SO sad this was the series finale, but it was a lovely sendoff to our ragtag team of barely capable superheroes.

We open with the Doom Patrol stuck between an Immortus and a zombie butt place. Jane realizes she has the powers of all of her alters, so she fights with Flit’s teleportation, Flaming Katy’s fireballs, Silver Tongue’s knife words.

Things are starting to look dire, until Dr. Wu shows up with her butt boyfriend and they start performing Shipoopi. The Butts can’t resist a musical number, so they sing along and stop attacking. Immortus also can’t resist a musical number, but wants it to be HER musical number, so she leads the butts in her song about Cloverton and the Doom Patrol sneaks out. Their singing sucks the theater into the time stream and Cloverton is safe again.

The team goes home and Larry makes pancakes and they celebrate their victory. Larry points out that they didn’t actually do much, the problems (which they caused) sort of accidentally solved themselves, but they celebrate anyway. Rita is happy they’re all together, Cyborg shows off his metal tattoos, and they all remark on Jane’s new powers. Cyborg asks what they should call her now that she’s merged, and she says the only word she can think of is Kaleidoscope, so Cyborg suggests they call her Kay. Her first name, and her last. (I’ll call her Kay now, too.)

Immortus shows up, but not to fight. She had a thousand-year music career, so she thanks them by returning their longevity. They take it eagerly, but when Rouge runs to give Rita hers, it’s too late, Rita is gone. They want to get her back, but Rita’s ghost appears and says it’s time to let her go. The Doom Patrol is over, and they need to go their separate ways, work on themselves before they try to save others.

They have a funeral, and it’s cute and imperfect and funny; classic them. Everyone goes inside to watch a Rita Farr movie together, while Rita goes into the afterlife to be reunited with the love of her beforelife.

They all fall asleep on the couch, but Kay wakes and catches Cliff sneaking off to Florida. Kay says she’s going to sublet a place and paint, and he calls her boring, since she has all these powers. But she wants to chill and be open to what’s next.

Cliff does go see his daughter, her wife, and his grandson. He sees Rory’s life play out through a crystal Immortus gave him, and then Cliff turns off forever.

The Doom Patrol house gets packed up and everyone starts to move out. Vic starts teaching, Larry finds his boyfriend, Rouge torches the Ant Farm. Kay is looking for her perfect sublet when the Doom Alarm goes off. She stomps off to stop it and runs into Casey, who says she heard the house was empty and came back to get the spaceship, but eventually admits she actually was hoping to find Kay there. Kay smiles and gets an idea. “What do you say, Captain, got room for one more?”

Casey’s face lights up, and Kay’s in return. So off they go into space together. They adopt a kitten, because gay. Happier than she’s been in a long time, Kay kisses Casey, and Casey kisses her back, and it’s beautiful.

I’ll miss the Doom Patrol very much, but I’m so glad we got two queer happy endings in the series finale.

Black Cake Episode 104: “Mrs. Bennett”

Written by Nic

This week’s episode of Black Cake spends most of its time giving us insight into what transpired that fateful Thanksgiving causing Benny to cut out her family for eight years. I wish I could say that this episode helped me to understand Benny’s actions, but instead I was left feeling irritated by her decision-making and frustrated by the lack of nuance applied to complex conversations.

In a series of flashbacks, we see Benny in bed with her girlfriend Joanie, where she admits that she’s afraid to come out to her family because she feels pressure to live up to the image her parents have for their first-generation American daughter. Joanie understandably tells Benny that she isn’t going to pressure her, but she also doesn’t want to go back to hiding who she is.

Cut to that Thanksgiving, and color me shocked when I realized that Benny actually brought Joanie along and the Bennett family was perfectly warm and inviting at first. After cordial conversation at dinner, things take a turn for the awkward when Bert asks his daughter if she has any culinary apprenticeships lined up for after she graduates. Benny reveals that she dropped out of culinary school in favor of working in a cafe to get real-world experience. This enrages Bert, as he’s been the one footing the bill every time Benny decides to pursue a new creative interest. Benny feels attacked and judged and like no one in her family understands her need to express herself through her art. Bert continues to berate Benny, bringing up her failures and her sexuality and how she can’t “just pick one thing and stick with it.” It’s a low blow and all Benny hears is that her father does not accept her. She storms out, Joanie follows her in an attempt to comfort Benny, but Benny blames Joanie for pushing her to come out and breaks up with her on the spot.

We then meet Steve, the man who in the present day is saved in Benny’s phone as “STEVE DO NOT ANSWER.” He takes an interest in her and her art and seemingly appreciates her in a way that she’s been longing for. Turns out, Steve is a textbook abuser, isolating Benny from everyone in her life, attempting to control her appearance, and getting physically violent after she doesn’t introduce him to Joanie in a chance meeting. She eventually forgives him, but when she learns her father died two years after their Thanksgiving fight, Steve assaults Benny when she insists she wants to go to the funeral. He screams that he is her family, not them. It’s awful and heartbreaking to watch, and gives context to Benny’s disappearance from her family.

Benny did go to the funeral, but she stayed in the car so her family wouldn’t see her bruises. In the present, she tells Byron that it’s because she was afraid they would judge her again and she was afraid of another rejection. Byron tells her they would have taken her in, because she’s their family.

This episode lacked a clearer illustration of the fact that multiple things being able to be true. Benny deserved unconditional support and love from her family AND it’s understandable that her parents were upset about her hiding that she dropped out. It’s awful that Bert weaponized Benny’s sexuality in their argument AND with time and conversation, Bert could have come to understand his daughter better. Benny does have so many layers, but unfortunately we’re left with a fairly shallow and irritating characterization that does not do Adrienne Warren’s incredibly emotional performance justice.

Boobs on Your Tube: Gen V Wraps Its First Season, We’ll Always Love a Bisexual Superhero

Happy Friday! Let’s see what’s been happening on our screens! Netflix has a new reality show called Surviving Paradise which is somehow like Crime and Punishment (??) and has a rivalry between its two queer contestants. Dyke Drama on The Morning Show reached an all-time high, which is really saying something. Neon on Netflix came out a few weeks ago, and is full of queer Puerto Rican reggaeton dreams (plus a killer Jordana Brewster plays a lesbian cameo, pun fully intended).

There’s two major movie releases today, and so Caroline Framke sat down with director Maryam Keshavarz to talk about her film The Persian Version, translating the Iranian American Experience On-Screen, and Cyndi Lauper (because why not?). Drew made a list of the greatest queer sports movies of all time to mark the release of NYAD, the true story of lesbian swimmer Diana Nyad, in theaters. We also revisited Drew’s original review of the movie from its film festival circuit debut, with new additional reporting on Nyad’s public changing of her stance on trans inclusion in women’s sports.

We wrapped up October with a big finale to our annual “Horror Is So Gay” celebration! Nico looked at how work and class worked in the already queer classic The Haunting of Bly Manor. Valerie looked back on the Final Destination accidents that completely altered her brain chemistry. The queerest horror movie franchise is now and forever will be Chucky. This is the history of lesbian vampires on film that you absolutely do not want to miss. And finally, Carmen wondered, Can Black People be Zombies? (spoiler the answer is more serious than it first appears).

But the jack-o-laterns have been put away, make up has been washed off, and cobwebs are coming down, because now it is November — and with that, we have your monthly streaming guide. Make sure you click that! You don’t want to miss anything new coming up. And here’s what else!

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ After an inconveniently-timed international break, the NWSL playoffs are set to resume this Sunday. Can lesbian icons, Megan Rapinoe and Ali Krieger, extend their playing days by leading their teams to victory? It’s going to be tough: first up, Krieger’s Gotham FC heads to the City of Roses to take on perennial NWSL powerhouse, the Portland Thorns. Then, Rapinoe’s OL Reign takes heads to San Diego to take on the Shield winning Wave. LFG! — Natalie

Gen V Episode 108: “Guardians of Godolkin”

Written by Valerie Anne

We love a bisexual superhero!!!

We open in the aftermath of Sheddy’s death, and Cate is overwhelmed by the inner “what the fuck” thoughts of her peers. She insists she did this to save them, and Sam agrees. Together, they decide to release all the kids being held in the Woods, but Marie wants to find a way to thwart their plans.

Because the school year has been a mess, Vought decides God U needs some good press; they decide to rocket a student directly into The Seven.

Cate and Sam go down into the Woods, and kill one security guard, and get a second to unlock the cells. They lead everyone outside, and Cate tells them they are quite literally superior to humans and it’s time they show the world.

As soon as the prisoners are out, they start wreaking havoc. One kills the first human he finds. Cate mesmers people into not stopping them, and even pushes someone to blow up his own head on a livestream. Chaos.

Emma runs off to find Sam, but he’s lost to her now, and tells her she’s not a hero, she just will do anything for everyone to like her. She cries as he storms off, and realizes she’s suddenly quite tiny. Turns out she has more than one way to use her powers.

Cate and Sam continue their rampage, and Marie finds a button that locks down the school. The Vought CEO pulls a hail mary and has her board members call the top students and offer them an instant spot in The Seven if they kill the escapees. Ashley calls Marie herself, and sweetens the deal by saying she’ll get her a meeting with her sister.

Cate has a supe take down the helicopter the board was going to use to escape, but Andre helps land it relatively safely. Jordan gets the board into the helicopter for safety, Andre tases Sam, Marie saves Jordan from being attacked with a barrage of blood knives, but then Marie sees Cate reaching out to touch Jordan and the adrenaline gets the best of her and she blows up Cate’s arm to stop her from touching Jordan and making them do something against their will.

Cate is screaming and Sam is tased and it seems like maybe the battle’s done and they kind of won…until Homelander shows up. He scolds Marie for attacking fellow supes, and she is confused because that’s a gross misrepresentation of the situation. Before she can defend herself, he eye-beams her.

In the aftermath, Marie, Emma, Jordan, and one of the Woods kids are accused of the massacre, and Cate and Sam are touted as heroes. Marie wakes up in a hospital room with Jordan, Emma, and Andre, and realizes there are no doors on this room they are in. And she has no idea where they are.

Before the episode ends, we see the now abandoned Woods, and THE Billy Butcher wandering its halls.

I’m glad Gen V got picked up for a second season, because I loved this friendship-based version of the asshole superhero show, and I look forward to seeing these teens again.

Doom Patrol Episode 411: “Portal Patrol”

Written by Valerie Anne

I mean someone named Kaleidoscope HAS to still be queer, right?

Sadly Casey is still missing from this episode, even though we’re running out of time for my ship to properly set sail, but anything can happen in next week’s finale.

This week, the Doom Patrol is stuck in the timestream, and still in desperate need for their longevity. And on top of it all, Jane is still hearing voices begging her to “say it.”

Between Keeg and Vic’s tech, they find spots in the timeline to try to get their longevity back. Jane and Larry go to the late 90s/early 2000s manor, Rouge ends up at the Ant Farm, and Cliff long before the Doom Patrol was ever started, and they all realize they have to try to get the longevity from various versions of Chief.

Jane ends up just talking to Chief though, and tells him about how she can’t find her alters anymore. All she hears from them is “Say it” over and over. She has a puzzle she has to solve, and she never thought it was possible, but she really does love her friends in the Doom Patrol. Jane says she wants peace, and she wants to do more than Kay made her for. Chief says that maybe Kay is the one who needs peace, since she’s the one who went through the trauma. But no, Jane realizes all at once that she knows what she needs to say. Kay wasn’t the only one who went through that trauma. They all did. They were created because of it, they all bear the memory of it. She says her trauma out loud, plainly, and suddenly the puzzle is on the table before her, almost completed, save for one piece.

Jane puts the last piece in and a picture appears, an image of swirling colors, and suddenly she’s in the underground, and her alters are back, and they’re smiling. They lead her onto the train, and as it pulls out of the station, The Underground begins to crumble. Kay reassures her, says they don’t need it anymore. “We’re all together now.” Kay wants to show her what she’s been building, and the train pulls into a whole world made of those swirling colors from the puzzle.

When everyone gets yeeted back to the pod, Jane says they don’t need longevity, they need each other, because together, as one, they can do anything. Cliff is wondering who this persona is because it sure as hell isn’t the Jane that cursed him out a few hours ago, but Jane says that she is all of them now. She is the Kaleidoscope. Though she’s still working out exactly what that means.

Renewed with a new sense of verve, they head back to the present to kick some (zombie) butt.

All Rise 317: “I Will Not Go Quietly”

Written by Natalie

If “bless your heart” were a photo…

Remember last week when Ness lamented not having a substantive case — something that mattered — to dig her teeth into? Well, this week, she gets her wish: Mia Avilla, a young aspiring nurse, is in jail after a routine traffic stop revealed that she had an outstanding warrant in her home state of Texas. Her offense? Medical identity theft.

The story behind the charge is one that’s only possible in Texas, post-Dobbs: Mia stole someone else’s identity to avoid a potential civil suit for her abortion. But somehow, the police get wind of Mia’s actions and raid her doctor’s office soon, as she’s recovering from the procedure. Mia’s doctor is arrested (on felony charges) and she’s forced to abscond to California to avoid arrest.

In court, Ness asks that the warrant be quashed but before Judge Carmichael can render her verdict, in walks the Mesa County, Texas district attorney, seeking Mia’s extradition. Ness sees the Texas DA’s pursuit for what it is: an attempt to punish a woman for having an abortion, even though state law precludes that. With Judge Carmichael’s assist, Ness is able to stall the proceedings by requiring that the Texas DA provide more than an ID card to prove Mia’s identity. While they await a copy of Mia’s birth certificate, Ness and Amy try to reason with the Texas DA, urging her to reconsider her actions. But the DA is a true believer and refuses to budge. Ness chides her for her hypocrisy — for claiming to be pro-life while clinging to guns and doing nothing about school shootings — but the DA remains resolute.

Since the DA is determined to weaponize Texas law against her client, Ness uses California law to outmaneuver the DA. She and Amy shift their strategy from attempting to quash the warrant to simply getting Mia released on bail. The DA protests, noting that Mia has already fled prosecution once before and no bail bondsman would support such a flight risk. Ness and Amy agree and note that the end of cash bail in Los Angeles County means that Mia can be released, as long as she’s not a threat to others. Judge Carmichael agrees and releases Mia on her own recognizance. But the ending isn’t a completely happy one: even though Mia’s free, she can’t go back home to Texas… if she does, that warrant will still be waiting for her.

After court, everyone gathers at a local Mexican restaurant to lament the day’s proceedings. Lola’s dismayed that her daughter will grow up in a world with fewer rights than she had. Ness insists that she won’t go back to the 1950s. Amy and Rachel take the whole scene in and, with Ness’ support, decide to call off their planned merger and keep Audobon, Quinn & Associates an independent female-led boutique law firm.

Boobs on Your Tube: “Gen V” Takes Explosive Quite Literally in This Season’s Penultimate Episode

If you’re reading this that means you made to the end of the week and you know what? Good for you!

This week Drew interviewed Our Lady J (it’s so good!) about her work writing on Transparent, Pose, and now returning back to love performance. The Morning Show went full gay spy mode and you Christina was right on top of it. Drew donned the persona of your film bro girlfriend to catch you up on Martin Scorsese’s canon ahead of his newest release Killers of the Flower Moon and also she promises that “it really demands the big screen and your undivided attention!”

It’s Hall-o-weekend and that means we’re DEEP on our Horror Movie shit! We two separate pieces dedicated solely to Nightmare on Elm Street — Stef mediated on A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and the horror of generational trauma, while Riese dove into how Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge ruined its gay lead’s life. By the way, we’ve also been wondering, Where Are All the Scream Kings? And Nico wrapped us up with What Three Horror Movies Capture Your Evil Essence, According to Your Sign — just in time for your weekend binge watching needs.

Have fun out there this weekend!🎃 And here’s what else you missed.

Notes from the TV Team: 

+ Our Flag Means Death aired its finale this week, and while the crux of the episode centered on Stede and Blackbeard reuniting (again) and the uptight British navy, we were also treated to another Jim/Archie smooch! I’ve been a big fan of this whole season, loved the, albeit brief, additions of Mary Read and Anne Bonny, and was pleasantly surprised by how much deeper I fell in love with the ensemble cast. And even though Olu and Zheng are an ADORABLE pairing, my kingdom for Zheng to kiss a woman next season. I am who I am. — Nic

Gen V Episode 107: “Sick”

Written by Valerie Anne

I didn’t know this was the penultimate episode of the season when I started it, but I sure figured it out by the end.

We open at the Woods, where the scientist and Shetty are watching teens locked in a room with an infected supe. She wants to make the virus airborne, which makes the scientist uncomfortable but makes Shetty’s eyes sparkle.

Shetty gets a call from Cate, and Shetty tells Cate to go to her house and wait for her. Cate hangs up, wincing from the thoughts of everyone in the diner where she’s meeting her friends. Her friends who are still mad, including Jordan, who shifts into their masc form, yells at Cate, and storms off.

Marie follows Jordan, and tells them that even if they can’t fully trust Cate, they have to trust that she’s on their side. She also says Jordan has to stop shifting into masc form whenever they want to prove their point. They kiss and Jordan decides they should snoop in Shetty’s office. Marie wonders who would believe them over Vought… unless they take it to someone like Victoria Neuman. So they do and find a file about a plane crash that killed Shetty’s family. Then the scientist stumbles into Shetty’s office and conveniently mumbles Shetty’s evil plan.

Victoria Neuman speaks at the town hall, and it does… not go well. The students riot, yelling about not wanting to be controlled. One guy in a red “keep America safe” hat is on Team Homelander, which is a decidedly incorrect stance.

Marie catches Victoria as she’s being escorted to safety, and Victoria knows who Marie is and is excited to talk to her one on one. Victoria tells Marie to use her powers to assess her, and Marie realizes Victoria is a supe. Victoria has the same blood powers as Marie, and is her benefactor. Marie tells Victoria about the Woods and the virus and Victoria says she’ll handle it, that Marie should focus on becoming the first Black woman in The Seven, so she can make real change.

When Shetty gets home to talk to Cate, Cate accuses her of manipulating her, and Shetty swears she loves her and wants to keep her safe, even in the face of the truth of the virus. She takes Cate’s ungloved hands as a sign of trust, and Cate lays her head in Shetty’s lap. When Shetty gets home to talk to Cate, Cate accuses her of manipulating her, and Shetty swears she loves her and wants to keep her safe, even in the face of the truth of the virus. She takes Cate’s ungloved hands as a sign of trust, and Cate lays her head in Shetty’s lap.

Marie and her friends get a text from Cate to come to Shetty’s, and when they get there, Cate’s eyes are red from using her powers, and she makes Shetty she tell them everything, and Shetty admits that the school is a front to study supes, and that she wants to kill them all because Homelander took down the plane that killed her family.

Once she’s done confessing, Cate makes Shetty slit her own throat, then mesmers Marie into not helping, so the teens can do nothing but watch Shetty die. Cate swears this is the only way.

Victoria meets with the scientist and gets the last of the supe virus. After she confirms he’s the only one who can replicate it, she gives him the Neuman’s Own… and explodes his head.

All Rise 316: “Passionfruit”

Written by Natalie

Finally, the day Ness has waited for has finally arrived: she’s trying her first case as a lawyer. Granted, when she imagined this moment, she thought she’d be fighting the good fight — doing something substantive, fighting for real justice — but Amy and Dre remind her that everyone’s got to start somewhere. For Ness, that somewhere is with the absolute worst client ever.

Camilla Kahlo is a yoga instructor/actor/influencer and embodies all the worst stereotypes about all those professions. She arrives at Audubon, Quinn, and Associates with her boyfriend, Emmanuel, in tow, recording her every move. Amy tries to stop the recording — rightfully concerned about privileged communications being documented — but the couple insists. Emmanuel wants the footage for publicity and a possible documentary and Camilla just wants to reassure her followers that she cares about them more than the money.

“Okay, well, someone died because you violated a court order and continued to sell contaminated products to the public,” Amy reminds their client.

“Allegedly,” Emmanuel adds, as he zooms around the room, recording with his iPhone.

At this point, if this were a real law office, Dre would’ve taken Emmanuel’s phone and smashed it with the back of his loafer, but because this is television, they allow Camilla and Emmanuel to persist. Carmilla insists that she never even used the products she was hawking; it was all just business and, as such, she shouldn’t be held responsible for anyone’s death. When they get to court, Ness offers that as a defense, asserting that the blame falls on the maker of the poisonous goods, not Carmilla. But Judge Carmichael points to the court order Carmilla violated and dispenses with the motion… and they’re going to trial.

This is the first time we’ve seen Ness back in the Halls of Justice since her stabbing and, oddly, All Rise doesn’t grapple with any lingering trauma. Whatever nervousness Ness experiences is chalked up to first day jitters. It feels like such a missed opportunity to give the character more depth and build her relationship with Luke, another recovering victim of the courthouse insurrection.

Ultimately, Carmilla is doomed by her own missteps — she’s found guilty of distributing poisoned foods and medicine — but she avoids a murder conviction. It feels like a pyrrhic victory for Ness who nurses a drink later at an impromptu HOJ cocktail party. But her mentor, Judge Carmichael, reminds her that it’s important to celebrate what she accomplished: she planted her flag as an attorney. She assures Ness that her indefatigable fighting spirit is going to make her an excellent attorney.

Doom Patrol Episode 410: “Tomb Patrol”

Written by Valerie Anne

I hope the thing Jane has to say is that she loves her friends and also Casey.

This week at Doom Manor, Rouge answers the door to find Isabelle Feathers, but she’s not there to Immortus them all to death, she’s there to invite them to her one-woman show.

But the thing is, the Doom Patrol is in a sad state. They’re all dying without their longevity, and they’re kind of pathetically accepting their fate. Larry and Mr. 104 are planning how to go out on their own terms, Rita blobs up just to ease her arthritis pain. They’re a mess.

Upstairs, Jane is trying to do her puzzle, and starts thinking about Casey and their duet. As she thinks about her, suddenly she realizes she found pieces of her puzzle that fit together. For the first time, she starts to be able to actually make some connections and start her puzzle in earnest. But then she gets flashes of Kay and her dad and the pieces stop fitting, and she finds herself in the Underground, where it looks like the other alters got raptured. She gets more flashes of Kay and her dad but also of Casey and everything is a whirl until Cliff snaps her out of it and she realizes the parts of the puzzle she had put together have come undone.

Cliff and Jane decide to go on a road trip to Florida to see Cliff’s family, but on the way Cliff’s leg freezes and they almost crash, and then when Jane is driving, she gets more flashes of Kay and her dad and hears voices whispering, “Say it,” over and over. When they almost crash again, they decide to pack it and go home.

At the manor, Rouge calls a team meeting and says the key to getting their longevity back is in a growth on Isabelle’s neck. When no one seems interested in helping her, she decides to go to Isabelle’s show on her own.

While this is happening, Lane from Gilmore Girls Dr. Margaret Yu comes home to her boyfriend butt, Nicolas, and reads him a letter from his brother Teddy. He wants to take over the world, starting with Margaret…who Teddy turned into a WereButt.

After a failed attempt at family dinner, everyone joins Rita for a nightcap, and they reminisce about the adventures they’ve had. And as they do, upstairs, Jane’s puzzle pieces start fitting themselves back together. Suddenly they realize Rouge must have gone to Isabelle’s show, so Rita tries to rouse them for one last mission. No one seems game, so Rita is going to go on her own, until she collapses. This gives the team the motivation to do this mission for her; they’re not ready to say goodbye after all.

When they get to the theater, they see an army of WereButts, and Cliff is worried nothing has changed from the apocalyptic future they saw, but then that theory is debunked when Vic returns, more Cyborg than ever.

They run inside the theater… and Isabelle sucks them all into a portal.

Boobs on Your Tube: “Our Flag Means Death” Is Once Again the Queerest Celebration on the High Seas

It’s another Friday and once again you’ve made it!

We spent the week deep in the Flana-verse in celebration of Mike Flanagan’s latest and final Netflix horror series The Fall of the House of Usher. Kayla wrote you a quiz, Which Queer Character From the Flana-verse Are You? And then we had your daily – yes, daily! — recaps of every episode of the series, brought to you by Kayla and Valerie as an incomparable spooky tag-team. Valerie also would like to know if knew that the superheroes on Doom Patrol are queer as hell?! Christina is here with your weekly recap of The Morning Show’s Mommy Issues.

BIG NEWS around the Autostraddle TV way is Kristen Stewart’s gay ghost hunter show
Living for the Dead, which has hot paranormal investigators and Big Gay Feelings. We’re also still celebrating Horror Is So Gay 2 (we love a sequel), with Kayla and Drew’s 30 Scariest Queer Horror Movie Moments and Drew’s retrospective on Jennifer Reeder’s Girlhoods of Stuff. The trailer for Chrishell Stause’s Lifetime lesbian pregnancy thriller is here.

We had a WELCOME return to the Autostraddle TV Roundtable, and this conversation was a doozy — Were We Ever So Young? Couples We Used To Ship and Were Extremely Wrong About.

And here’s what else you may have missed!

Our Flag Means Death Episode 206: “Calypso’s Birthday” and Episode 207: “Man on Fire”

Written by Nic

When we last left the crew of the Revenge, they had just forgiven Blackbeard and welcomed him back onto the ship, now a certified “safe space” for all of their big big pirate Feelings. Now that Blackbeard is turning over a new raid-less leaf, the crew has been a bit, well, bored. As Archie tells a rousing tale of one birthday where she allegedly fought her way out of a snake, the crew realizes they haven’t had a proper romp in ages, so they make up a holiday, Calypso’s birthday, as an excuse to get dressed up and celebrate. They dock somewhere to pick up party supplies and booze, and there’s a Pride flag waving in the background, so you know this is about to be the queerest celebration on the high seas.

One of my favorite things about these latest two episodes has been getting to see Archie’s personality and just how much Jim loves it. She is excitable and joyful and goes all the way in on everything she does while Jim watches in adoration. The two turn all the way up during the party, they laugh, they dance, at least until the whole crew is attacked by the pirate Ned Low, whose raid record Blackbeard broke a few episodes back. The attack doesn’t last long though, because the other crew completely turns on their captain once they see how happy the crew of the Revenge is; it’s possible to have an amicable relationship with one’s captain, turns out. Stede ends up killing Ned Low by making him walk the plank; his first actual pirate kill.

The crew docks at the Republic of Pirates, shocked to find out that instead of being shunned thanks to how they left things with Spanish Jackie, they are lauded as heroes thanks to Stede killing Ned Low. While Stede reckons with his newfound fame, and Ed with his newfound soft life, our favorite queers take it upon themselves to play matchmaker. That’s right, my girl Zheng is back and Jim and Archie are determined to get her and Olu back together! It’s just so wholesome and sweet and I want every single good thing in the world for Olu.

After Olu and Zheng talk, he decides he’s going to join her on her ship, and Jim and Archie want to know if there’s room for them too! They’d even share a bunk if necessary since you know, that’s what they’re already doing. Stede is none too happy to hear that his crew wants to leave so he duels with Zheng about it. Before a winner can be declared though, coordinated bombs go off in every ship in Zheng’s fleet, leaving her shell-shocked as a cannonball flies directly toward her.

Gen V Episode 106: “Jumanji”

Written by Valerie Anne

I wish I understood why this episode was called Jumanji. Is it a reference to the Woods? No one played a single game.

To try to right her wrongs, Cate uses her powers to make her friends remember everything she made them forget, but this strain is too much on her brain and she ends up sucking Marie, Andre, and Jordan into her memoryscape.

The first memory they see is a few days after Cate’s powers manifested, when she told her six year old brother to go away and never come back. Her mother is freaking out, and doesn’t want to be near her own daughter, and locks her in her bedroom with gloves, Elsa-style, for nine years.

The dean comes in and offers her help learning how to control her power. She gives her pills to help her voices go away, and gives her the first hug she’s had in almost a decade. It’s no wonder she did whatever the dean asked of her.

They jump again to Cate meeting Luke, but that memory shifts when Luke addresses Andre directly, and says he knows he and Cate cheated. Jordan is pissed, but then they’re all yoinked into Jordan’s memory, and they watch Jordan help knock Luke out for Brink, and Brink rewarding them by making them his TA. Femme Jordan from the memory confronts the visiting Masc Jordan and says they could have done something to help Luke.

Suddenly they find themselves at the Woods, and see Luke and Sam hooked up to each other, Cate making Luke forget and telling him his brother is dead, for what seems like not the first time. Cate had tried to ask to stop, but they won’t let her.

Then they end up in Marie’s memory, the bloody bathroom where her parents died. The memory of her sister tells her she’ll never forgive her, and Marie realizes this is Cate talking, so she calls up to Cate, says they’re all victims of these adults who have been puppeteering their lives since they first were given Compound V.

They get Cate to wake up, and even though they don’t know if they can trust her, Marie, at least, wants to let Cate try to earn that trust back. They decide the real problem is Dean Shetty, and that she might be the answer to their problems.

And they’re not wrong. Because while all this was happening, Shetty was making her scientist make a deadly, contagious virus that only attacks people with Compound V in their system. She wants to wipe out the supes.

Doom Patrol Episode 409: “Immortimas Patrol”

Written by Valerie Anne

Once more, with feeling!

I wish y’all could have seen the look of pure delight when I realized this week’s episode is a MUSICAL EPISODE. Happy Immortimas to me!!!!

You see, when Isabel Feathers/Immortus had her temper tantrum, she yeeted the Doom Patrol into an alternate reality where every day is Immortimas Day, a day dedicated to worshipping Immortus. It reminds me of the Buffy episode where Jonathan made a reality where he was the titular “Superstar.”

Dorothy and the sex ghosts kick off our opening number, singing about loving Immortimas Day. Casey sneaks into Jane’s bedroom window so she can be the first to wish her Happy Immortimas Day, and they join the big group sing. Cliff and Larry look like their old selves, not their robot and mummy selves, and Vic is there, too; they’re all singing lines like, “Nothing is weird, everything’s fine, we’re all okay on Immortimas Day.”

Jane and Casey end up singing a lovely little duet. Casey sings about having butterflies, hoping Jane feels the same way. Jane is also singing about feeling conflicted, wondering if Casey is the key. They talk about being flung from the timestream, and their hands touch briefly, making Casey panic and awkwardly excuse herself.

Later, Casey finds Jane painting, and asks if they’re okay. Jane doesn’t answer, so Casey asks about her painting. She’s painting the Underground, but doesn’t remember what it is or why it’s important. Casey likes it all the same.

Rouge calls a team meeting to explain that she regained her memory and became self-aware that she’s involuntarily singing, one of my favorite musical tropes. She shows them clips of their interviews and one by one they remember the truth, too. Still, not all of them want to leave this candy-coated dreamscape. Everything here is… easier.

Jane finds Casey and says that now that she has her memories back, she’s feeling a bit all over the place; she thinks Casey is great, but her body is not only hers, she has her alters to think about. Casey fakes a smile and says she understands, but Jane can tell she’s hurt and she feels bad about it.

When Immortus arrives for dinner, they plan on playing it cool but Rouge goes rogue and tells Isabel they want to go home. And it’s true of more people in the group now; Dorothy doesn’t want to hide anymore, Casey isn’t finding the adventure she thought she would.

Mr. 104 gives a speech about wanting to go back, and when he wonders how he can trust his own feelings when different people have been writing his backstory, the camera cuts to Casey, still learning how to live off the comic book pages. When he wonders how he can trust his feelings when he’s not even sure who he is, the camera cuts to Jane, who has been struggling with what it means to be an alter.

Isabel hates that everyone has stopped worshipping her, so she puppets them into one last musical number about how they’re all doomed, and then shunts them back to their real timeline, their real (aging) bodies.

Boobs on Your Tube: “Our Flag Means Death” Welcomes Minnie Driver as Famously Lesbian Pirate, Anne Bonny

You made it through another week, and we’re here to talk about all the TV and film coverage you missed while you were maybe busy living your lives! It’s time for the grand return of Autostraddle’s Horror Is So Gay series (named “Horror Is So Gay 2” like all great movie sequels). We kicked off the festivities with 42 Queer Horror Movies and Shows To Stream This Month. Also this week, did you see that spectacularly gay episode of The Morning Show? Because Christina is all over it. Our Flag Means Death is back (more on lesbian specifics of that below) and Nic gave first thoughts. Drew wondered how likely it was that a dyke could ruin her life wearing the iconic outfits of the fashion-forward Passages, which is now streaming. Speaking of iconic, Drew and Riese joined forces to refresh our 25 Streaming Movies With Hot Lesbian Sex Scenes. Kayla reflected on the very honest and queer depiction of anorexia from Netflix’s Everything Now. Valerie celebrated the trans joy of Monster High 2. There was some sad updates on Survivor for the gays. Drew reviewed the d’Or-winning courtroom drama Anatomy of a Fall, and a hot top from us to you: that review has an intro sentence that you don’t want to miss.

And finally… Happy Fall of the House of Usher Week to all the spooky gays who celebrate!! Valerie wrote you a spoiler-free review (perfect if you haven’t watched yet!), while Kayla is going to spend the next seven days going episode-by-episode to recap, deep dive, and obsessively analyze each detail: here is episode one “A Midnight Dreary” and here’s episode two “The Masque of the Red Death.” 🔪💊🪞🩸🥃

Our Flag Means Death Episode 204: “Fun and Games”

Written by Nic

These are the faces of two lesbian pirates about to meddle in some gay drama.

So, remember how  when I last wrote about Our Flag Means Death, I jokingly ended with “Anne Bonny, you up?” WELL GUESS WHO SURE WAS UP AND APPEARED WITHIN THE FIRST 10 MINUTES OF EPISODE 4 WITH HER GAL PAL MARY READ!

If you guessed Anne Bonny as played by MINNIE FUCKING DRIVER, you would be 100% correct.

And how do we meet our lesbian pirate lovers?? Well! Blackbeard and Stede’s reunion doesn’t exactly go as planned, and the crew wants Blackbeard off the ship. When they dock, they discover that they’re in the same location where Ed’s old friend Mary Read has settled down with her gal pal, Anne Bonney. The women have put piracy aside for the time being and are selling antiques to anyone who happens upon them. Ed’s delighted to see his old friends and even has an adorable secret handshake with Anne. He is less delighted though, that Stede followed him off the ship what with them being broken up and all. While the men have the kind of non-conversation only recent exes can have, Anne and Mary look at each other knowingly and decide to invite them to stay for dinner. A gay ole dinner party?! Count. Me. In!

Cut to four homos, drinking and reminiscing about how they met and telling tales of their escapades. It turns out, Anne would have loved Pretty Little Liars, because her Thing is cutting off people’s faces. Anne and Mary have this play fighting/fake mad/stab each other for funsies relationship going on, and Stede is unsurprisingly confused as all heck about it. But you see, when you’ve been with someone for as long as Anne and Mary have, you need to keep things interesting. What’s a little threat of light poisoning between pirate loves, you know? As they eat their dinner, Anne reveals that Stede left his wife twice, so he must really love pirating, but of course, dearest Blackbeard didn’t know that Stede left him to go back to Mary, and he is PISSED. The two have a surprisingly real heart-to-heart about it, but are soon interrupted by Anne and Mary who can’t stop laughing at how earnest the men are being. Men are so emotional, eh?

While the women are making points about what it takes to have a long and successful relationship, the truth of the matter is, they’re meddling in other people’s lives to avoid dealing with their own fears. Anne eventually calls out Mary for making excuses about leaving because she’s afraid she’s too old to go back to pirate life full-time. Naturally, Anne storms out and quite literally lights everything on fire so the two have no choice but to return to their life on the seas.

There have been several portrayals of Anne and Mary (again, real life people), but their chaotic energy in Our Flag Means Death’s version was everything I could have hoped for. Now, all we need is for Anne, Mary, and Zheng to find each other for the most badass lady pirate team-up the world has ever seen.

Gen V Episode 105: “Welcome to the Monster Club”

Written by Valerie Anne

I knew there was a self-preservation reason Jordan went masc-form before kissing Marie for the first time. Sweet angel has trauma.

We ended last week with Marie not knowing how she ended up in bed with Jordan, but we learn this week that she’s not the only one with time missing. In fact, when their friends reconvene, they realize they’re not only missing a party’s worth of memories, but days’ worth.

When Marie goes outside, she finds Emma asleep in the pool as if it were a bathtub, still quite large. They find social media footage of Marie and Jordan making out, and of Giant Naked Emma being the life of the party. Emma says that the first time she got big, her mother called her a monster and told her to never do it again, so she never did.

Emma asks Marie to dish about Jordan, but they’re interrupted by Sam… who they don’t remember meeting, or saving. Sam says they made his own brother forget him sometimes but he’s determined to fix this.

When they get back to their room, Emma wants to hear about Marie’s new “themfriend” and Marie realizes that she does really like Jordan and becomes determined to tell them… but then also she uses her blood powers to find a tracker near her collarbone. She books it to Cate to tell her about what she found, but Cate just looks at her sadly and touches her with her gloveless hand. Marie realizes what she’s doing a moment too late, and Cate erases her memory.

Jordan is spiraling, talking to their RA, worrying that Marie’s freak-out wasn’t about the missing memories, but was because Jordan was in their femme form. Jordan admits they’ve had to date girls only in their masc form before, and the RA asks if Jordan knows that’s how Marie feels, and Jordan admits they didn’t actually ask, they just assumed.

So Jordan goes to find Marie and starts to mention their earlier conversation but… Marie doesn’t remember that conversation. Before they can investigate that, they see Marie’s collarbone wound, which she also doesn’t remember. Marie holds her hand over the same spot on Jordan and realizes there’s something in there.

Cate goes to the dean and cries because she hates doing this to her friends, but the dean promises she’s helping keep her friends safe. But then Cate gets a text that her friends found Rufus, who they think is wiping their memories, so she goes to stop them from doing a murder. While she’s there, Emma calls them and says Sam told her that it’s Cate wiping their memories, and Cate confesses, giving Andre his memories back.

He calls her a monster and walks away.

One other interesting thing we learned this week: that the Woods scientist asks to study Marie’s powers, but the dean says Marie has a “benefactor” and that she’s off-limits. Curiouser and curiouser.

Boobs on Your Tube: Gen V Is Giving Gen Z a Run for Their Money in the Gayest Race

Happy Friday! Would you like to talk about some TV?

Well first, Valerie reviewed the first few episodes of Gen V (more on that below) and thus far she’s having a great time with the super-powered unlikely friendships and found family vibes! Anya is here to introduce you to the queer women of Survivor Season 45. Our forever Bravo dyke Kayla comes to you with two pieces of hot news: First of all, Jenna Lyons went to a gay bar (the famed Henrietta Hudson’s in New York) and there’s a whole conversation about finger-banging. Second, a trailer dropped for the next season Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Kayla swears that “sapphic scandals” will abound. The Morning Show is doing the Mommi Thing  again and Christina Tucker is the only person you want to read on that development. Drew dug deep into the Greta Garbo and Marlene Dietrich Affair and also got very high to watch — yes, this is the real title — Saving the Gorillas: Ellen’s Next Adventure, you don’t want to miss it.

It’s October and we have your guide to everything gay, on every streaming service, just because we love you!

And now, here’s what else!

Gen V Episode 104: “The Whole Truth”

Written by Valerie Anne

Gen V is giving Gen Z a run for their money in the gayest race, and I approve this message.

We pick up episode four in the aftermath of Sam and Emma’s escape, where the dean is trying to figure out what happened, and where Sam went. Before she leaves the bloody scene, she finds a teeny tiny shoe that gives her a clue about where to look next.

Even though her friends all think she could be dead, it turns out Emma is fine, and hiding out/cleaning up with Sam at an old movie theater. The problem is that, once Emma breaks the news to Sam that his brother is dead, Sam starts to… deconstruct. He hallucinates Television’s Jason Ritter telling him to kill one of the doctors who treated him in The Woods. Emma does her best to comfort him, but he eventually starts rambling about the doctor and takes off.

Meanwhile back at campus, our core crew is being harangued by television personality/metahuman investigator Tek Knight, who tells the dean he wants to investigate Brink and Golden Boy’s deaths so he can redirect attention away from The Woods.

Marie, desperate to find Emma, enlists the help of a psychic, Rufus. He starts off helping her, but then all of a sudden, Marie finds herself alone in his room and he’s naked. Luckily, Jordan spotted this happening and starts pounding on the door, which snaps Marie out of whatever pheromone haze Roofie had her in, and she uses her blood powers to explode his penis. Jordan kicks down the door, and drags Marie away, complimenting her on her new trick. Jordan tells Marie to keep a lower profile while Tek Knight is lurking around, and Marie says that Jordan acts like they don’t care, but Marie knows they do care, they’re just scared. Jordan says that’s not a good way to thank someone for saving them, but the banter turns playful as Marie insists she saved herself, and Jordan says it was a tag-team dicksplosion.

In their next class, Tek Knight acts as a “guest lecturer” and interrogates Marie, who finally confesses that it was actually Jordan who saved the day when Golden Boy exploded. After, the dean reminds Tek to stop going after her Top 5 students, but he assures her that’s not his plan; he plans to pin it on the regular human dean of the school, actually. Naturally she hates this plan, so blackmails him using videos of him fucking inanimate objects, and he leaves without causing more of a fuss, publicly declaring the school’s deaths as unfortunate happenstance.

After class, Jordan yells at Marie because they wanted the credit but not if it was going to get Marie in trouble. Jordan tells Marie she’s smart, and admits that Marie was right and that they’re scared. Then they step forward, shift into their masc self and kiss Marie. Marie is surprised, but after a moment of processing, kisses them back.

Things start to get hot and heavy but then Emma bursts in, and Marie is relieved to see her roommate in one piece. Emma tells them that Sam was talking about a doctor, and Jordan knows where that doctor lives. When the super squad gets there, Sam is terrorizing the doctor and his family, so they work together to stop him. Eventually, Emma gets REAL big, pins him to the ground and talks him down.

Marie starts to promise Sam that they will protect him, when she’s interrupted by a sharp cut to black, and next thing she knows, she’s in Jordan’s bed. More specifically, in bed with Jordan. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that losing time is never a good sign.

All Rise 313: “Trouble Woman”

Written by Natalie

Anne Heche (1969 – 2022)

Before her untimely death last year, Anne Heche was a frequent guest star on All Rise. She played the irascible Corrine Cuthbert, a lawyer who for the bulk of the show’s second season fervently defending cops accused of wrongdoing, before challenging the show’s protagonist, Lola Carmichael, for her judicial seat. This week, in an episode filmed in early 2022, Corrine reappears in Lola’s courtroom, antagonizing the judge from the defense’s table. Heche is in her element as Cuthbert, sparring with Simone Missick and leaning into her role as HOJ villain… and it only compounds the loss. Heche died later that year at 53 and this turn as Corrine Cuthbert was her last television appearance.

Meanwhile, Ness is working her way back from her near death experience. Aloud, she seemingly laments that she’s still stuck in the office — overseeing the firm’s Pharma case and supervising a slew of paralegals — but the moment she’s forced to talk about what happened, emotions buoy to the surface… and it’s clear that she’s not yet ready to step in a courtroom. But even at the offices of Audubon, Quinn & Associates, drama finds Ness: a paralegal inadvertently creates a breach that leaks the firm’s confidential documents to the opposing counsel.

When one of the firm’s partners rages about the mistake, Ness takes the blame for the error. Despite the leak, the documents are still hidden from the opposition’s view by a digital key but the opposition is seeking access due to the firm’s negligence. Andre rants about how much the mistake could cost their client — which, if I didn’t already hate this guy, I do now — and Ness promises to fix things.

When there’s no quick solution to the leak, the firm brings in the opposing counsel to talk settlement. The OC is all bluster and pushes the firm to settle for $30M to buy his silence. But Ness rides in before the deal is agreed to and assures the opposing counsel that he’ll be the one paying them money. It was the opposing counsel’s secret server that caused the breach and Ness uncovers that their firm isn’t alone in being targeted. Andre beams at Ness’ discovery (though he doesn’t apologize for his mistake, natch) and promises to send him a bill for wasting their time.

As she’s heading out, Ness collects a note, celebrating her work, from the firm’s lead partner, Amy Quinn. She includes a lady of justice statue with her note… which I guess is supposed to suggest that Ness is truly a lawyer now but all I can think is how much it looks like that trophy they killed Sam Keating with in the first season of How to Get Away With Murder. Given how this episode ends — with Lola being threatened by a serial killer — I’m left a little worried about how the rest of this season is gonna go.

Only Murders in the Building Episode 310: “Opening Night”

Written by Valerie Anne

I’m so glad we get another season of these weirdos.

In the season finale of Only Murders in the Building, Loretta is delighted to watch the Murder Trio work. On the topic of Donna, their number one suspect, Loretta remembers hearing Donna throw up in the bathroom and suggests that if she’s sick, that might be more motive for her to go above and beyond to make sure her son’s first show goes well, at any cost. She also has the bloody hanky they’ve been looking for.

And just like that it’s opening night of Death Rattle: The Musical. Jonathan takes his leading man cocktail, and Mabel gives Donna flowers that are a ruse to get her into KT’s office. There, the trio starts their song and dance but Donna interrupts them and confesses to poisoning Ben. And she’s not even sorry. She says she didn’t push him down the elevator shaft though… that is, until they show her the bloody hanky, which has a lipstick mark on it that matches her signature color. Suddenly Donna changes her tune and says she did do it, and that she has stage 4 lung cancer, so she asks them to wait until after the final curtain to turn her in.

The only problem with that plan is that Jonathan is Not Okay after taking his pills and can’t go on, and for some reason they don’t have a single understudy or swing, so Oliver goes on in the lead role instead.

In the wings between scenes, Mabel overhears Loretta confessing to Dickie that she’s his mother and that even before she met him, there was nothing she wouldn’t have done for him, and at the same time Mabel looks out into the audience and sees Donna telling Cliff that she’ll have to turn herself in after the show. Then Mabel remembers Donna and Cliff’s pre-show ritual of Donna kissing Cliff on the lips, then kissing his pocket hankie, and she knows the truth.

Mabel finds Cliff in the rafters and he confesses that he fought with Ben that night because he was with him when Ben realizes, in real time, that Donna was the one who poisoned him. The actual shove into the elevator shaft was an accident, but Cliff just left the scene of the crime after. Donna stops Cliff from playing the role of sandbag, and everyone scurried out onto the stage for curtain call. (Including Mabel, hilariously.)

Afterwards, the cops arrest Donna and Cliff, and the cast and crew gather for an afterparty. The show was positively reviewed, and everyone is happy. Tobert is moving to LA for a gig, and Loretta might to, tempting Mabel and Oliver respectively, though they both currently decide to stay, while leaving the option open. (If the show decides to spend time in LA next season.)

But before the party is over, there is a shot through the window of Charles’ apartment, and a body slumps to the floor… but it’s Sazz, Charles’ stunt double, who bleeds out on the floor. Looks like the trio might have another murder to solve after all.

Overall I really loved this season, even though it was slightly less gay than last season, and they did severely underuse Tony nominee Ashley Park. Meryl Streep and Paul Rudd were better guest stars than anyone they’ve had on this show so far, and really added fun elements to this season. I’m glad this show got renewed, because it’s such a fun little murder show!

Boobs on Your Tube: Mabel’s Not Tolerating Heteronormativity at Her Fake Wedding on “Only Murders in the Building”

Another week, another spectacular gaggle of posts from our TV Team! Drew’s wrote about how Sex Education showed us a better way. And she also wrote about how: We need more queer sex scenes on-screen! The heterosexuality of The Bachelor is a real tragedy. The Morning Show brought the lesbian ex drama this week. Perhaps you would like to prove you know your bicons with this bisexual TV character quiz? You’ve gotta watch this trailer for Kristen Stewart’s new gay ghost hunting show. Carmen wrote about Queen Latifah and Living Single’s same-sex wedding episode. And Drew shared some thought about the quietly subversive trans cinema of Something You Said Last Night.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ Reservation Dogs ended its run this week and joins the pantheon of all-time great shows in my book. The entire cast is brilliant but being exposed to new-to-me talent like Paulina Alexis, Elva Guerra, and Lily Gladstone, getting to see more of Jana Schmieding’s masterful comedic timing, and watching Kawennáhere Devery Jacobs’ talents continue to ascend…it’s felt like a revelation.

As a critic, I’ll continue to grapple what it means to have a show that feels inherently queer, while not being canonically so, and a show where I felt like I’ve never been represented more, while also not being represented at all. It’s an incredible show and I can’t recommend it more highly. — Natalie

+ Wendie Malick (who you probably know best as the voice of Eda Clawthorne from The Owl House) voices a very horny gay betazoid in this week’s episode of Star Trek: Lower Decks, “Empathalogical Fallacies.” It’s also, by far, the best Vulcan episode of the series. — Heather

Only Murders in the Building Episode 309: “Thirty”

Written by Valerie Anne

I’m glad the writers didn’t forget Mabel is bisexual.

After a very strange dream, Mabel wakes up by Oliver’s hospital bed. It is five days after his heart attack, and he’s being released. When they get back to the Arconia, Oliver is delighted to learn that Mabel and Charles have saved all the interview footage to watch together. They need to clear Loretta’s name by solving Ben’s murder once and for all.

Their first stop is Dickie’s, and they go in so sure they’re going to catch Dickie in a lie and prove he murdered Ben, but while Dickie did have motive and opportunity, he has an alibi for where he was that night.

Dickie’s confession leads them to a costume shop, where they meet Ben’s sewing circle, who helped him make the hankies he gave out. They play him an anguished voicemail, so the trio goes back to watch the interrogations and create a timeline of Ben’s last night.

Eventually they work out that the person Ben was talking to in the video Tobert found on his camera wasn’t a person at all: it was a cookie. And it was Ben himself who wrote “fucking pig” on his mirror. They also learn that the paper that had been shredded was the original review, which accused Ben of the show’s weak link, and that it was Producer Donna who likely saw the review, shredded it, and poisoned Ben’s cookie.

As they learn all this, they also learn that it’s Mabel’s 30th birthday. They ask her how she wants to spend it and this is how. So she dresses up in a wedding dress and they con their way into the courthouse for Loretta’s trial. (There’s a funny exchange with a guard where Charles tells her they’re the Father(s) of the Bride, and where Mabel scolds the guard for assuming it’s a groom waiting for her.)

They get into the courtroom and Oliver tries to tell Loretta that Dickie didn’t do it, but when she asks who did, the trio realizes that Donna is in the courthouse, too.

Boobs on Your Tube: The Sapphics are Still Standing on 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days

You ever consider about breaking up on TV? Well, Ultimatum: Queer Love Season Two is casting! Trans icon Angelica Ross is leaving Hollywood. This week, Nic reviewed The Other Black Girl; Valerie Anne reviewed Wilderness; and Christina recapped The Morning Show. Over in the film world, Drew gave us a TIFF queer festival recap and made a list of movies you can watch right now at home if you’re having film festival FOMO. She also reviewed the queer twisty thriller, The Origin of Evil. We’ve also got some updated lists for you! 50 TV Shows With Lesbian, Bisexual and Queer Characters Cancelled After One Season and 25 Lesbian Movies on Hulu That You Can Watch Right Now For Fun If You Want.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ All Rise finally kicked off the back half of its third (and final) season last Saturday on OWN. After being stabbed during the courthouse insurrection, Ness teeters near death for most of the midseason premiere. She even flatlines at one point. But thankfully she survives and — fingers crossed — she’ll recover in time to be a part of All Rise‘s final episodes. — Natalie

+ In a move that can only be described as homophobic, TPTB have scheduled Sunday’s first game of the Las Vegas Aces/Dallas Wings WNBA semifinal series against Megan Rapinoe’s final game with the USWNT. If Julie Ertz’s final game was any indication of what we might expect on Sunday, be prepared for a lot of goals and a lot of tears. LFG! — Natalie

+ Kayla has already written about Harlan Coben’s Shelter but I just wanted to pop in and add my two cents because I’m genuinely loving this show. If you like YA mystery/thriller, this is a treat. It’s way more queer than I ever could have anticipated when I started it, and all the teens are just so…sweet. It’s quite wholesome for a show where people keep getting kidnapped and murdered. — Valerie Anne

90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days Episode 616: “One Crazy Summer”

Written by Nic

This week’s episode actually opens with our sapphic couple who are in the middle of the fight from last week about whether or not they want to have kids. Dempsey is packing up and getting ready to leave while Statler just asks her to talk to her because she’s confused about what happened. Also confused is Dempsey because she says that she can’t understand how Statler can just drop that information so casually when every other time they’ve talked about kids, she’s said that she wasn’t sure, and now it’s “no, never.” In her confessional though, Statler says Dempsey essentially did the same thing except she was also unsure, yet now she’s “all in” on kids. Lots of she said, she said, but cut to 20 minutes later and the two have calmed down and apologized to each other. Dempsey admits she was just caught by surprise and didn’t mean to storm out. They talk some more about having kids, and Statler further explains that in this moment she cannot fathom being someone’s mom, but maybe in a couple years she’ll think differently. So Dempsey holds on to that “maybe” with everything she has, and tell Statler that she still wants to be with her, to try to make it work.

When they return to England, they’re chatting on the couch, doing that thing where they talk about how much they’re going to miss each other and wondering when they can see each other next. And Dempsey hits Statler with an Uno Reverse she’s been holding onto for who knows how long, and says “you can move in with me if you want.” DEMPSEY WHAT?! Look, I know this shit is mostly fake and involves so much editing, but starting an episode with a fight over kids and then immediately changing your mind about moving in is the GAYEST SHIT, my goddess. Statler’s as shocked as I am and rightfully asks Dempsey multiple times if she’s sure. Because Statler’s seen this film before, and she didn’t like the ending. Her ex also told her she wanted her to move in, and then right after Statler went back to the states, her ex broke up with her. So homegirl is a little wary.

The next day while Statler packs up to leave, Dempsey admits that she’s anxious about Statler being comfortable in her caravan, given the cold showers and needing to walk to a working toilet. Statler doesn’t seem to think it’ll be that big of a deal though. So they head to the airport and have the quintessential 90 Day Fiancé tearful goodbye. Oh, I’m sorry, the “see you later”, because they refuse to actually say the g-word. They just hope that they’re making the right decision, and honestly, I do too.

The Chi 608: “Who Shot Ya?

Written by Natalie

For a bulk of The Chi‘s sixth season, Otis “Douda” Perry has been growing as a threat. With each episode, he grows more dastardly and, with each menacing turn, more people are pushed to their breaking points. I fully expected the season to end with a “who shot J.R.” moment — where numerous people are given the means and opportunity to take Douda out — but that’s not exactly what happens in this week’s mid-season finale.

Instead, we know exactly who takes shots at Douda (I won’t spoil their identity). We know that The Chi‘s dastardly villain escapes with his life when the gun jams on what would’ve been the likely kill shot. We know that the would-be assassins is injured in the ensuing gunfight. And, thankfully, we know that no member of The Chi‘s rainbow coalition was involved…at least not directly.

When Victor hears about what’s happened, he knows what’s coming. He knows that Douda is going to reign down hell on his community and more bodies will fall. He knows he has to step in. After visiting the shooter in the hospital, he returns home and changes into street clothes…it’s almost as if he morphs from Victor back to who he was when we first met him: Trig. Fatima catches him and realizes what he’s about to do.

“This isn’t your fight!” she pleads. “You can’t keep trying to save everybody, especially when you have family right here at home who needs you.”

For a moment, it feels like Fatima’s pleas have been heard. Victor admits that she’s right and apologizes. Fatima hears it as atonement for having forgotten to put their family first but what it really is is a preemptive apology for what he’s about to do. The moment her back is turned, Victor heads back into his room, pulls his gun from underneath the mattress, and slips out the back to end things with Douda once and for all.

Meanwhile, Brittany’s no where to be found as her brother grapples with his guilt over the death of his surrogate father. Instead, she’s locked in a studio with her new manager, Jemma, listening to her sultry new track (which, I’m not gonna lie, is kinda fire). Jemma starts swaying to the beat and Brittany eyes her from across the room. She slides up behind Jemma and they sway together as the lyrics grow even more suggestive. Jemma turns and wraps her arms around Brittany’s neck…and Brittany kisses her. Jemma steps back and initiates another kiss before pushing Brittany away.

Jemma reminds Brittany that she’s with Jake but Brittany points out all the ways her boyfriend is letting her down. She asserts that she only wants a professional relationship with Brittany. The Chi-town newcomer says she accepts that but, after hearing Jemma lament not having money to afford her own spot, she sends her $10k for an apartment.

“Is this ‘I believe in you’ money or is this ‘I want to fuck you’ money?” Jemma asks.

“I ain’t gotta pay to fuck,” Brittany answers. She asks Jemma to consider it an advance, an investment in what they can do together. Jemma seems to accept that but, later when she shares the news with Jake, he tells her flat out, “that’s hoe money and [Brittany’s] now [Jemma’s] pimp.” I don’t know if that’s true or just the musings of a jealous boyfriend…but I have a whole lot of questions about Brittany and her money awaiting the back half of this season.

Nina and Dre finish on a high note: their son, Kevin, is heading to Los Angeles to forge his own path as a gamer and they throw a send-off party for him at their house. It’s a dream that Nina’s accepted begrudgingly but when Kevin promises to make his friends and family proud, she gets a full view of the man she raised. They end the episode — and, perhaps, Alex Hibbert’s stint on the show — wrapped in a warm embrace.

Only Murders in the Building Episode 308: “Sitzprobe”

Written by Valerie Anne

They’re the three best friends that anyone could have.

This week we learn that when Loretta was a teenager, she had a baby and put him up for adoption, and that the scrapbook Oliver found in her apartment wasn’t clippings of Ben at all, they were of Dickie, her biological son.

She auditioned for the show specifically to meet Dickie, and she writes her whole story in a letter, saying she’s loved getting to know him. She takes the letter to rehearsal, but doesn’t give it to him just yet.

Mabel shows up to the rehearsal, and the boys confront her about doing the podcast solo. She says her running theory is Dickie, which Oliver decides is okay for her to pursue because that wouldn’t affect his show at all. Charles is trying to get them all to put their hands in and stop the fight, but Oliver and Mabel aren’t quite ready to make nice.

The rehearsal starts up but is almost immediately interrupted by Detective Williams, who makes a dramatic entrance to interrogate the cast to find the real killer, since the superfan was cleared of the charges. Oliver convinces her to do the interviews in the theater so the rehearsal can still continue. Oliver and Charles are going to try to snoop on the interviews while Mabel goes with Howard, who figured out the noise he heard from opening night was someone shredding something in the locked office. So he gets to work putting the scraps back together

Loretta pulls Oliver into her dressing room and they talk about the scrapbook and Mabel’s Dickie theory, which Loretta hates a lot, and she find Mabel to tell her so. She offers reasons (murder is a women’s weapon) and even a new suspect (KT) but Mabel thinks it’s just awfully convenient that Dickie had access to Ben’s food and hated his brother. Means, motive, opportunity.

Mabel finds her boys and learns that they managed to record the interrogations, and as they share clues like old times, Mabel puts her hand in and the guys join. Murder brought them together again.

Later, Dickie admits to Loretta that when he first heard his brother was dead, he felt relief. Then when Ben was back…he just “couldn’t take it anymore.” This implies to me that he possibly didn’t poison Ben but did push him down the elevator shaft. Dickie tells Loretta she’s been the best part of this whole experience, and for one horrifying second I was scared Dickie was going to try to kiss his birth mother. Luckily he did not.

While rehearsing Loretta’s big final number, Mabel and Charles snoop through her bag and find the scrapbook and letter. Loretta, in the part of the nanny, sings about how she’d go to hell and back for the sake of a child, and sees Detective Williams pull Dickie aside. Loretta panics, stops the song and says she killed Ben. Poisoned him, pushed him down the elevator shaft, the whole shebang.

And Oliver has a heart attack about it.

Boobs on Your Tube: More Melanated Queerness, The Chi Is Gayer (and Better) in Season 6

Hey, you ever heard of Bottoms? It’s time to love it! You want a Josie and PJ Style Thief? No, you want Hazel’s grandpa style? Riese covered them all! Also: Bottoms characters ranked by whether or not they’d be bottoms. Drew’s at you from the Toronto International Film Festival again this week, with reviews of The Queen of My Dreams, How to Have Sex, Days of Happiness, NYAD, and Unicorns and National Anthem. Kayla watched the Dutch threesome movie Happy Ending, which — spoiler alert! — did not, in fact, have a happy ending. However! There’s some sunshine on the horizon! The Morning Show is back for season three and so are Christina’s recaps. Carmen wrote about to the Starz Power book universe (only the gay parts!). And I reviewed season two of Wheel of Time and the super sweet end of Disenchantment.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ After a much-too-long hiatus, All Rise returns to complete its third and final season on Saturday. Fingers crossed that Ness made it out of the courthouse insurrection alive. — Natalie

+ Was the hug between Willie Jack and Elora on Reservation Dogs this week platonic? Maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe I’m just projecting because we’ve seemingly lost Jackie to Bear? But whatever the case, it gives me the opportunity to, once again, sing this show’s praises. Each and every week, Reservation Dogs amuses and astounds in equal measure. I love this show so much — after this strike is over, I better see Hollywood casting Paulina Alexis in everything — and I’m heartbroken that there are just two episodes left. — Natalie

The Chi 606-607: “Boyz II Men” and “Long Live”

Written by Natalie

“Is it just me or is The Chi good this season?” I asked myself in the notes for last week’s episode. But then a new character (more on that in a second) grabs the mic at the kids’ graduation party, wearing a WE’REGAY varsity jacket and I amend my previous thought: “is it good or is it just gayer?”

It’s too early to make an official pronouncement on what’s driving my love for The Chi‘s sixth season but the proliferation of all this beautiful, melanated queerness? Well, let’s just say it doesn’t hurt.

The latest addition to The Chi‘s rainbow coalition: Britney (Amari Noelle Ferguson), the sister that Bakari thought he’d lost to the foster care system. She’s too young for me to fawn over but I’m happy for a whole generation of queer girls (and heretofore straight girls) who are about to swoon over Britney the way my generation swooned over Snoop from The Wire. I love that for y’all, truly.

(Also? I’m taking Britney’s name as an homage to Brittney Griner. For reasons.)

Britney shows up on Bakari’s doorstep, looking to reconnect and with ambitions of chasing her music dreams in Chicago. She doesn’t say how she’ll do it — she “ran into some money,” she acknowledges — but when she freestyles at the graduation party, it’s clear that Britney’s got the talent to fuel those dreams. Jemma slides up next to her, asking if Britney has a manager, but the newcomer seems more interested in establishing a more personal connection. Jake slings his arm around Jemma to let Britney know she’s taken but Britney doesn’t seem dissuaded. And, given the way Jemma’s turned into a mini-Tierra, I don’t imagine she’ll take much more convincing either.

Meanwhile, Dre’s continued effort to reconnect with her ex-fiancée, Monica, has Nina all in her feelings. On the one hand, the supportive, loving part of Dre understands her reaction, given that Nina came into her queerness so late, but the petty part of her is like, “Nina, you cheated on me with Da Brat, you don’t get to judge me.” After a check-in with Jada and Tracy, Dre leans into her supportive side, letting Monica know that she’s going to fall back until Nina’s more comfortable.

That comfort might take a while though because Nina is going through it…aside from Dre’s re-appearing ex, her son’s gaming career is taking him to Los Angeles and her daughter drafts her into joining her for a therapy session. We learn so much about Nina through Keisha’s retelling of her parents’ divorce — how Nina gave up so much control in that so now she clings to it — and Nina gets immediately defensive about the recounting of her failures as a parent. But as she settles into the session, Nina confesses to her daughter that she never wanted any of her life…that she’d been forced into heterosexuality and marriage and motherhood by a desire to please. Keisha is aghast at the revelation, wondering, “How do I make peace with the fact my mother didn’t want me?” Her reaction is perplexing, given her own history, and it’s odd to see that ignored here.

Fatima’s mother and sister, Aerin and Isis, return to The Chi this week for their first meeting with Victor. He assures the pair that he’s serious about his relationship with Fatima and believes that wedding bells will be in their future. But he questions whether they think Fatima would want to start a family with him, especially given his criminal history. Aerin reminds him that everyone has a past and Fatima has only ever followed her heart. Isis interjects with a mother’s well-earned cynicism — “Every time I followed my heart, it got broken” — and tells Victo not to let that happen to her daughter.

Later, Victor approaches Fatima directly about the possibility of them starting a family. She admits that having a family is something she’s always dreamed about but she never believed it’d happen for her. He assures her that this is a dream they can bring to fruition but Fatima worries about the FBI investigation and the demands of his job. Victor downplays the investigation and affirms that he’ll be a full and active parent. Fatima relents and the couple promises to keep talking about building their family.

90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days Episode 615: “Every Time We Say Goodbye”

Written by Nic

This week on 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days, Statler and Dempsey finally have the conversation that could make or break a relationship: do they want children? But first! Our gals have a jolly good time exploring the castle that Statler booked for Dempsey’s birthday. I’m talking sword fights, shouting across a too long dining table to each other, and taking in the miles of greenery in sight from the tallest tower. Scotland is on my very long wish list of travel destinations and all this episode did was confirm it.

While the two drive to Edinburgh to do some sightseeing, Dempsey explains in her voiceover that this is the best she’s ever been treated in a relationship and despite being fearful about potentially moving in with Statler, she’s starting to warm up to the idea. Smash cut to the drive where they joke about both having beautiful eyes (I mean, FACTS though) and if they could, they would have “eye babies” together. This leads Dempsey to admit that she would like to be pregnant one day and that however it happens, she wants to be a mother. Statler’s eyes somehow get even bigger as she says she doesn’t know if she wants kids. In order to keep the peace on her birthday, Dempsey tables that convo for another time and the two enjoy what looks like a delightful day in Edinburgh complete with “Happy Birthday” being played on bagpipes.

It’s their last morning together, and Dempsey and Statler are both just so sad that they’re leaving Scotland and that Statler’s trip is just about over. So naturally, this is the time when they talk about what their future together might look like. After the ups and downs of the trip, Statler being all-in while Dempsey wavered, opinions from friends and family, dropping the L word, Dempsey coming around to the idea of moving in … it all comes down the Kid Talk.

Dempsey reiterates that she wants to have children and when Statler asks why, she says that children make the world a better place, that she would be a great mum, and that she wants to recreate the beauty of growing up that was mirrored for her by her family. And the whole time Dempsey is talking, you can just see Statler sitting there replaying her childhood in her mind and seeing the exact opposite of what Dempsey is describing. When Dempsey explains that she would also be open to adopt, that triggers something in Statler because she immediately says that as an adoptee herself, she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to parent an adopted child. And look, say what you want about Statler, but I love that she knows herself enough to say that she needs to work through her trauma and won’t put her baggage on a child.

Things get dicey though when Statler emphasizes that really doesn’t want kids, a shift from the conversation we saw earlier, and that if that’s something Dempsey needs, then their relationship won’t work. Dempsey then gets up and leaves breakfast to get ready and the producers ask why she left. She says that the conversation we saw isn’t the conversation that they’ve had in the past and Statler made it seem like it was something she would be open to. On the flip side, Statler claims that Dempsey went from “oh, this is something I’d consider” to “I must have children.” And maybe they’re both right, that’s fine! People can change their minds! Will this be the end for them? That’s the question they ask (and hopefully answer) next week.

Only Murders in the Building Episode 307: “CoBro”

Written by Valerie Anne

A handy sign to know

This week, the Trio is flailing a bit while separated. Charles goes to the Diner alone and Uma finds this so pathetic she invites him to sit with her. Charles insists Oliver and Mabel will reach out and apologize but Uma reminds him about how her friendship with Bunny ended and suggests maybe they don’t waste the time they have together.

Meanwhile Mabel is packing up her apartment with the help of Theo. Of note, Mabel has learned a lot more ASL since we last saw these two together, which I love. Theo suggests that Mabel’s next step in her solo investigation should be to talk to Ben’s brother Dickie, who is holding an auction of Ben’s movie memorabilia.

Oliver is also struggling without his buds, especially since he’s having a hell of a time replacing Charles in the musical. He thinks he’s found the perfect solution when Matthew Broderick shows up, but he ends up being more trouble than he’s worth, so he reconnects with Charles and recasts him in the musical.

Mabel and Theo go to the auction and learn that Dickie has a lifetime of resentment from living in golden boy Ben’s shadow and cleaning up his messes. They also realize that the child’s drawing that was said to be Ben’s original inspiration for his hit franchise CoBro was actually drawn by Dickie. Plus, they learn that Ben’s watch was never set to the correct time, and since the medical examiners apparently used his watch instead of, I dunno, science to determine time of death, it means the superfan arrested for Ben’s murder is innocent.

Mabel tries to do the podcast with Theo and Tobert, but it’s not the same, and she misses her guys. But she has to get the superfan out of jail, so she has no choice but to move on.

Charles and Oliver show up to Mabel’s apartment to offer a clue as a peace offering, but Mabel is already moved out. And as they stand in the hallway, bewildered, they get a notification: Mabel has done a teaser for the podcast, and announced she would be continuing it…alone. #BloodyMabel