15 TV Shows We Loved and Lost and Were Actually Sad About

News breaking last week that queer fan favorites One Day at a Time and Wynonna Earp were facing an uphill battle getting another season made has caused our TV team to: a) wail and gnash our teeth, and b) reflect on some of the shows we’ve actually mourned losing. There’ve been a lot of beloved LGBTQ series these last several years, but when most of them go we’re either satisfied that they’ve run their course (sometimes more than run their course) or apathetic because the shows never reached their full queer potential. There are a handful of shows, however, that we’ve been legitimately crushed to see end.

This list, you’ll notice, is overwhelmingly white, which speaks to how few shows really centered QPOC characters — and how few shows with QPOC characters were given a chance to find their footing — until recently. All the more reason to hit play on One Day at a Time immediately (more info on that below).

Bomb Girls

Riese

It wasn’t until I saw Betty McRae — one of the few masculine-of-center queers we’ve gotten on television — that I knew I’d never seen anything like her. Bomb Girls got me interested in learning about lesbian history — I was interested in the kind of lesbian culture that was able to thrive in wartime due to the absence of men and the ease with which women were permitted to enter the workforce. All the herstory you’ve read from me on this website, including the Herstory Issue we did in 2012 — that wouldn’t have happened without Bomb Girls.

But it’s not just lesbian representation that made Bomb Girls so special; it was its exemplary feminist leanings, its faithfulness to history and its full, rich, dynamic female characters I would’ve followed for years to come. They barely cracked the surface of this time period and the stories it contained, still had a ways to go with respect to diversity — and I think they would’ve gone that distance, given the chance.

Valerie Anne

I miss Bomb GIrls so much, so often. Betty McRae had that something about her that really wiggled its way into your heart and stuck there. Her pain was my pain, her wins were my wins. And I agree with Riese, it wasn’t even just the lesbian storylines that made the women of that show so compelling. It was the way they existed, survived and thrived in that time, it was their friendships and unique bonds in this unique time in their lives. And, I mean, the outfits!!

Heather

Bomb Girls will always be one of my favorite shows. The amount of time I’ve spent reading and writing about women’s labor during World War II is… vast. To see that history come to life in a drama that featured a half dozen fully realized women characters — one of whom was Betty Fuckin’ McRae — remains a miracle to my mind. Has anyone on-screen had that lesbian swagger like she did? I really can’t think of anyone! Bomb Girls had enough story to tell for ten seasons. I was brokenhearted when it got canned.

One Mississippi & I Love Dick

Riese

I talked about these shows in their very own post and also I talked about I Love Dick even more in this post so that’s all! I won’t talk about it again but just so you know, I have strong feelings.

Heather

So many shows on TV, you lose them and you can replace them with something else that’s basically the same thing. (Especially for straight white cis people who like fire fighters or detectives or hospitals.) But there has never been a show like One Mississippi and I’m not sure there will be again for a long time, or maybe ever. A dark comedy/love story centering a 47-year-old masculine-of-center lesbian from the south? That really does feel once-in-a-lifetime. And it’s not just that the series ticked some underrepresented minority boxes; it was just really smart and really funny and really sweet and really real storytelling. Gah, and such a refreshing love story! Lisa Franklin of My Two Lesbian Ants said it better than me.

Faking It

Riese

Recapping a show when you recap a show like I recap a show is a pretty time-intensive process, which means when that show gets cancelled I often feel relief that the task has been removed from my plate and that relief overshadows my sadness about the show — which I liked enough to recap! — being cancelled. I can now say that I miss it and wish we’d had more time for Amy to blossom and do her summer discovery tour with that lesbian band you know?

Lip Service

Riese

I will watch lesbians do anything! That being said I am nothing if not entirely predictable so of course I wanted more Frankie in my life and I felt very sad that she was written off before the end of what’d turn out to be its final season.

Natalie

So I mourned Lip Service’s end too but not because of Frankie — I’d seen a better version of Frankie with Kate Moennig’s Shane and she never interested me much — but because the show had finally started to center itself around the characters I did find interesting: Tess, Sadie, Lexy and Sam. I wish we’d gotten to see more of Tess’ unending search for love, Sadie’s unrepentant grifting and Sam being a hot cop.

Dracula

Valerie Anne

For reasons I can’t quite put my finger on (okay fine it had a lot to do with Katie McGrath and Jessica De Gouw) I loved the first season of Dracula. Watching Lucy realize she was in love with her best friend, and that there were girls in the world who kissed other girls, was quite the sight to behold. It did such a great job of depicting the intensity of female friendship, and how sometimes when you’re queer it can be hard to suss out whether you love someone as a friend or you want more… and if they other person is feeling the same kind of confusion. (I’m also a sucker for a good, heart-wrenching, unrequited love story.) And then at the end of Season One, Lucy got turned into a vampire, so we could have had the lesbian vampire of our dreams! Alas, the show was gone too soon.

The Playboy Club

Valerie Anne

I know Riese talked about this show in her article about cancelled shows, but I wanted to give it another shout-out here because I was really excited to explore the underground world of the LGBTQ+ community in the ’60s. Plus, someone got stabbed with a stiletto!

All My Children

Natalie

It feels weird to count All My Children among these other shows, many of whom never got the opportunity to tell the stories that their creators wanted to tell…after all, AMC had been a part of daytime television for 41 years before it was cancelled in 2011. But it’s precisely because it had been on for so long that soap fans like myself mourned its loss so intensely. We’d welcomed All My Children into our homes for an hour everyday and we got to know those characters intimately. When my life was at its craziest, I knew that everyday, I could count on a short escape to Pine Valley. It was my television comfort food for years and, then, suddenly it was gone. I mourn its loss, still (which you can tell by the fact that we can never get through one of these roundtables without me mentioning it).

Still Star-Crossed

Natalie

Based on the book by Melinda Traub, Still Star-Crossed was the short-lived series that picked up just after the deaths of Romeo and Juliet. It was everything you’d come to expect from a Shondaland product — an exquisitely cast group of diverse, beautiful, young actors — but it existed fully within the Shakespearean realm. It was an ambitious project, especially for network television; one that, admittedly, took me a little while to really get, but once I did, I loved it.

I loved Ebonee Noel’s Livia and Lashana Lynch’s Rosaline and, of course, Medalion Rahimi’s Princess Isabella most of all. A lesbian princess? Where else but in Shondaland?

But, of course, just as I started to get it and really love it, it was cancelled. It’s been almost two years since they cancelled it and I’m still mad about it. When Rahimi guest-starred on Scandal as a young Bashrani lesbian who — spoiler alert! — gets killed by Olivia Pope, I thought, “Why won’t the TV gods let her lesbian in peace?!”

Glee, Pretty Little Liars, The L Word

Carmen

I really struggled with coming up for a show for this roundtable! I’ve been lucky. I’ve never mourned the loss of a dearly departed gay show. In fact, most of the gay shows I’ve truly loved have been blessed with a long life. Perhaps, arguably, even too long of a life. I present to you: Glee, Pretty Little Liars, and the mothership closest to all of our hearts, The L Word. Each ran for six or seven years, when in all honesty four or five was probably closer to their sweet spot.

There’s a different kind of gut level pain that happens when you find yourself groaning at the DVR over a show that once made your life brighter and your heart flutter.You can’t quit it, no matter how hard you try. Because really, what is life without Santana Lopez? What is the sun if Bette Porter isn’t there to yell “fuck” at it? Do the days even really change if Emily Fields doesn’t have glass in her hair? So you stay, and you curse yourself for staying, but in your heart you know – there’s no other way. So, I can’t say that I’ve felt the agony of crying for a show that was cut down in its prime.

But reader, that does not mean that I haven’t felt pain.

Go On

Heather

In 2012, NBC aired a single season of a comedy called Go On about a support group for widowed spouses. The ensemble was a sitcom dream team: Laura Benanti, Matthew Perry, Suzy Nakamura, Brett Gelman, and Julie White, who played misanthropic lesbian Anne. It was a revolutionary show, not only because it landed well before the golden age of single-cam comedies rooted in trauma and depression and anxiety and grief, but also because it featured the first series regular lesbian on a broadcast TV sitcom since Ellen. There were no tired, cliched, tropey lesbian jokes; Go On wasn’t Friends. The writing for Anne refreshing and Julie White played her with such compassionate, deadpan hilarity I couldn’t get enough of it. Go On balanced laughs and pathos right out of the gate, something it took everyone’s favorite modern found family comedies — Parks and Rec, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, etc. — at least a full season to figure out.

Caprica

Heather

I do understand that I was the only person on the face of the earth watching this Battlestar Galactica prequel, probably because it went hard hard hard on the religious stuff everyone hated about the original series, but I still think it was one of the most compelling sci-fi shows I’ve ever seen. It was asking questions ten years ago that we’re just beginning to grapple with today, about our online footprints and the data collected about us from social media networks and mobile phone companies and internet service providers and even those little frequent shopper cards you use to collect points for gas at Kroger. Specifically it was asking the question: After you die, could all the data you left behind be used to recreate you? Okay and if it could, what if someone plugged that data into — oh, say — a Cylon? Forcing this issue was prep school headmistresses and straight up cult leader Sister Clarice Willow, a psychotic bisexual Mommi played with cold precision by Polly Walker. It only lasted a truncated season and I think that’s a damn shame!

Adventure Time

Heather

It feels a little bit silly to say I mourn a show that lasted 300 episodes and ten seasons, and one that came to a natural and very satisfying(ly gay) conclusion — but I feel about this show the way Natalie feels about All My Children: I would have watched ten thousand episodes. It never faltered, in my opinion; it only got deeper and weirder and more gratifying to watch. Heck, I would have even settled for a spin-off doing a deep dive into all the supporting characters. I loved the feeling of opening up the DVR menu and realizing five new episodes of Adventure Time had appeared like magic. It was my one of my favorite Saturday morning surprises. I’ll miss that small thrill and Marceline and PB too, for a very long time.

Valerie Anne wants you to know Wynonna Earp is more than just a TV show to her; it’s found family. You can keep up with the most up-to-date information about saving the show at fightforwynonna.com and tweet your support with the hashtags #WynonnaEarp and #FightForWynonna.

Carmen wants you to know that if you are not doing literally everything you can to help save sweet, sweet Elena Alvarez from the cancelled TV lesbian graveyard, she will cry into a thousand damp pillowcases. She will never, NOT EVER, forgive you. Watch it right this second on Netflix and tweet it: #ODAAT and #RenewODAAT.

What gay shows do you actually mourn?

SUPER SPECIAL RECAP! Bomb Girls: Facing The Enemy

Welcome to the super special recap of Bomb Girls: Facing The Enemy, a two hour television movie that left you in tears. If it didn’t leave you in tears, likely tears of anger and frustration, then we probably weren’t watching the same film. Because of how upset and exhausted I assume y’all must be, I’ve made sure this recap is chock full of inappropriate captions and semi-offensive image editing and even drinking games you can play the next time you feel up to the challenge. Here is your veritable stuffed French toast of a recap, so go ahead and dig in.

Lesbihonest, ladies and gentlebombs. The title of this movie should really have been How Be Good Spy, because I would say 85% of the film was spent watching Gladys be the worst trained spy of all time. Running in heels? No backup plans and terrible cover stories? Getting nookie from yet another superior? I am very worried for Canada if this is how their version of the CIA is running things. Then again, I imagine defending the country from moose attacks and maple syrup thieves isn’t the hardest job in the world.

I gotta say, I know they were going for more of a Return of the Jedi feel with this film, but all that bleakness and unraveling of narrative threads felt a lot more The Empire Strikes Back, except instead of your favorite characters getting the girl or losing a hand, relationships were torn apart/ignored and main characters died. Which is exactly why The Empire Strikes Back is not the movie you end the series on — it’s why you need to follow that heart-destroying shit up with a planet of teddy bears and space fireworks. WHERE IS MY PLANET OF TEDDY BEARS MOVIE, BOMB GIRLS? WHERE IS IT? I WAS PROMISED A GODDAMNED PLANET OF TEDDY BEARS AND INSTEAD I GET THIS INFLAMMATORY MURDER-HAPPY BULLSHIT.

The movie opens on Gladys shooting up a target with fan favorite Bad Accent No Why over her shoulder. Looks like homegirl has gotten very familiar with a gun in the time we haven’t seen her. Maybe she can use that gun to keep away any unsuspecting new male characters who would otherwise be sucked into the swirling vortex of her magical womanhood. Haha just kidding! The tractor beam that is Gladys’ ladyparts is still alive and well!

TRULY THIS IS HOW BE GOOD SPY

Lesbian Jesus bless us, for the first human voice we hear in this film is Bad Accent No Why stretching his vowels and sounding like a snake with a mouth full of marbles. He says the best thing he ever did was recruit Gladys and woopdeedoo, they’re headed to Zurich next week, where Gladys’ black hole of a noonie will be tested on the men of Switzerland before being unleashed on Nazi Germany.

Over at the factory — and didn’t y’all just breathe a big sigh of relief when you saw it on your screens, like coming home to a cozy bed and a cuddly pet after too many buckets at the gay bar — your faves are back. Lorna’s all smiles because the news says Canada is kicking Hitler’s ass (but firmly apologizing afterwards). Who wasn’t grinning when they saw Vera and Marco being cuddly, or Kate’s perfect Disney Princess face? Like damn, have I missed these kids or what?

I know you guys keep hinting at wanting a third, but my whole polygamy phase was SO last year.

They’re skipping into the factory, birdies tweetin’ and deadly weapons assemblin’, when they run into the film’s obvious enemy! Vera doesn’t take well to new bitches on her turf because Beyoncé’s “Bow Down” plays every time she enters a room.

Turns out the film’s obvious enemy was super quickly married to Betty’s ex-beard and Kate’s ex-fiance Ivan, which doesn’t raise a red flag at all. Given this dude’s history of being used as a cover by ladies who needed an alibi, there’s no way he’s going three for three. That would just be monumentally unfair and, like, super bad writing, right? But this is the Bomb Girls movie, where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter. Suspend y’all’s disbelief and get drunk, folks.

Which reminds me. Here’s what I was drinking during the first five minutes of this movie. I call it the Witham Family Teatime. This is what you’ll need:

• A bag of cheapo Tesco “apples and cinnamon” tea.
• A shot of apple juice.
• Half a teacup of Jameson Irish Whiskey.

Brew the tea normal, add the shot of apple juice, and then just dump a lot of whiskey in the teacup, like maybe half of the cup? You should kind of shudder a little when you drink this tea. It’s warm and delicious and everyone thinks you’re just drinking tea but nope. You’re gettin’ your drink on, kid!

Back at “The Farm,” which is the name for the Canadian spy headquarters and also the name for Ilene Chaiken’s unfinished L Word spinoff about Alice’s time in jail, juuuuuuust in case you’d forgotten, the spies are watching newsreels solely for the point of the boss telling everyone that they aren’t true. Okay, couldn’t you have just told everyone the facts instead of making them waste time by watching newsreels? Like, they’re all trained operatives, right? They know the media is going to be inaccurate and slanted and the actual truth as known by spies will be different because spies. SPIES! At least we get our first glimpse of the new male character on the show before he is sucked into the endless vacuum of Gladys’ lady business. Just look at the strain on his face while he fights the urge to make out with her despite what would be a clear show of unprofessionalism!

Must…avoid…strong pull…of…lady…parts…

Bossman says that it’s a case of someone sabotaging the top secret sonar equipment and these spies are gonna have to save the day! SPIES!

Back at Ye Olde Factory Floor, Ivan has grown an impressive mustache that would make any Brooklyn barista or American Apparel employee envious. Dude looks like he enjoys a good craft beer and loves to screenprint in his free time.

Oh, this? This is a pitcher of homemade kombucha. It goes great with my vegan flatbread pizza recipe.

Kate and Ivan apparently haven’t seen each other in a while, since they have a forced and awkward exchange where we the audience still have no idea if the relationship between them was authentic on either of their parts. I mean, in review, Ivan did some really shitty stuff to Kate in terms of her autonomy, and Kate’s feelings with Ivan were portrayed as the ambiguous emotions of an abuse survivor who is desperate for normalcy. In some ways, this interaction is important for us to see, but at the same time, we learn nothing from the moment. A scene like this should show us where Kate is in terms of emotional and psychological growth, right? We’ve had almost a year away from this character, and the last time we saw her, she was an iron heart in a sea of turmoil. Her relationship with Ivan seemed like her choosing between a rock and a hard place, so the way she is in this moment should show us teach us everything we need to know about how much she’s grown and changed in the wake of that relationship. NOPE. We have no idea how she feels about Ivan. We have no idea how she feels about anyone. It seems like she’s weirdly jealous and still attached, which would be super out of character for someone who was emotionally hardened by the events of season two? I mean, come on. Kate is a complex and amazing character who 100% got thrown aside for the most shallow and underdeveloped narrative in the movie.

Sorry, I promised this would be a fun and silly recap, and here I am criticizing the inconsistency of the movie’s writing. It’s almost like the plot is laughably constructed! Anyway.

Back at “The Farm”, Bad Accent No Why is opening a top secret document sent to him by an unknown source that will never be identified ever. Even though it’s actually really important to know who that source is, given the fact that the top secret document identifies the saboteurs and thus um shouldn’t the person who sent him the documents also be involved somehow? If they’re a higher up, why would they allow the saboteurs to keep doing what they are obviously doing? Really, what the fuck. He calls Gladys and tells her to meet him to exchange top secret infos. Then he gets straight up gunned down and the top secret infos are stolen!

Rest in peace, Bad Accent No Why. We will miss your scrunchy faces and your untraceable accent. Sure, you used your penis to recruit Gladys, and your strong jawline never could outdo Betty’s strong jawline, but it won’t be the same without you continually popping up at inconvenient moments and taking precious time away from the lesbian plot. Thanks for the memories, old boy.

The next day finds Gladys and Jakob in Bossman’s office. They are distressed by Bad Accent No Why’s death, but this is wartime and as they say in the spy biz, the spy must go on. Clearly the saboteurs are even more dangerous than they thought, and they need to nip this in the bud before shit gets crazy dangerous. Gladys volunteers to go undercover at the factory, which is fine, whatever, because it means my ensemble cast might actually be an interactive ensemble again.

MURDERED COWORKER IS NOT HOW BE GOOD SPY

Gladys’ return to the factory is levels of adorable you haven’t seen since Hermione walked back into the Great Hall after being cured of the basilisk’s stare in their second year. Everybody gathers to give her big hugs. Nobody even questions that she got kicked out of the women’s corps because everyone remembers all those times when Gladys went Cher Horowitz on everybody’s ass and broke the rules with her pretty face.

It’s just like old times, Kate! My hair’s still perfect and the writers still have no idea what to do with you!

Lorna tells Gladys that she was sorry to hear Gladys got kicked out of the women’s corps because she’s always proud of her girls. Aw, Mama Bear Lorna. Lorna says she can call a friend on Gladys’ behalf and see if she can get Gladys back in, to which Gladys says it’s totally not necessary and is obviously distressed because she didn’t plan a cover story? That is not how be good spy, honey. Also if you want to play a fun and potent drinking game that will have you wasted in no time, take a shot every time you can see Gladys having an inner panic attack.

Down in Ye Olde Top Secret Factory Basement, Bitchface McGee is giving Gladys the 411 on how the top secret sonar project works. As predicted, she’s a cunt about it.

And over there is where we’re filming our green shift Crash Pad series. Courtney Trouble’s super handy with sonar.

Over at the Jewel Box, the place is hoppin’. Don’t you wish you had a cool hang like the Jewel Box, a locale where your friends and all the other characters are guaranteed to all be at the same time no matter your schedules or where you live or whether or not you have to work the next day? Kate is in full Disney Princess mode, having a perfect face and singing like bluebirds helped her get dressed this morning. Marco and Vera are boogeying it up when Vera confesses that she wants to enlist in the women’s corps. Um, okay? Feel like Vera of seasons 1 and 2 would have zero interest in joining the fucking army given how hard she’s worked to rise to the top in the factory, and her general opinion of the war re: all of her interactions with soldiers and talking to the other characters about war but okay, whatever, I guess this is happening.

Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful? How about when I’m out of character?

Gladys shows up, and so does every fucking spy she works with and all of her factory coworkers and seriously is there only one bar in the greater Toronto area? Bossman says he’s into Kate, Gladys is like psh your vibes on her whole sexual identity are as good as mine so why not, and then Vera invites Gladys over to dish on her fake cover story. Take at least a few shots for all of Gladys’ inner panic attacks during this scene.

SPY GO TO CLUB EVERYONE AT CLUB IS EVERYONE SPY TOO HOW BE GOOD SPY EVERYONE

And now for more baffling unclear content featuring Kate! Bossman hits on Kate, and she confidently and un-Kate-ly flirts right back. Part of me was like, oh wow, Kate’s finally confident in herself and knows how to interact in a social situation with men who are hitting on her, that’s amazing for her! Another part of me was like, hey, okay, Kate’s a trauma and abuse survivor whose relationship to sexuality is extremely complicated. If this change in her personality really has occurred, can we see it fleshed out or find out how and why it happened? This is a huge deal. Growth as a survivor is a huge deal. And yet Kate is treated as anything but a huge deal throughout this movie. Why isn’t anything Kate does ever explained? Why do we have to infer all of our intentions through Kate’s beautiful but mysterious doe eyes?

Your intentions? Dude I don’t give a fuck about your intentions. I don’t even know the producers’ intentions.

Gladys tells Vera she needs to get in touch with Betty. No one has seen Betty since she got out of prison, and Gladys needs Betty as part of her spy plan. At this point, I’m sure you were all pounding on the walls of your apartment with your little fists, orgasmically screaming Betty’s name at the top of your lungs in anticipation for your gladiator of lezdom to arrive onscreen. And I’m sure none of you were physically prepared for what followed.

Yeah, goddamn. Betty’s a fucking boxer now. What could possibly be more titillating to a bunch of ladyhomos than chiseled forearms and a couple battle scars, am I right? Betty gets clobbered and loses the match, but she looks damn good while she does it. Gladys changes her pantaloons and then goes to meet Betty in the locker room. Betty looks like hell up close, and we can assume those months in jail really did her in. Gladys begs her to come back to the factory but Betty says she’s got a good gig here, losing matches on purpose in a sport that is super gay. Gladys plays the Kate Card and Betty’s like, welp, better go back to knight in shining gay armor mode! Oh honey, you’re still so in love with Kate and it’s still so painful. I can’t wait for the script to give zero screentime to this romance we’ve all invested so much time and energy and fanfiction in to get back to “Same War, Spy Battles”.

I like boxing. There’s no unfinished storylines in boxing, no unjust treatment of beloved ships. I’ll stick to boxing.

OPEN THREAD: Bomb Girls Movie Premieres Tonight!

Hello flawless shining shells of bomb! Time flies when you’re having fun, doesn’t it? And by fun, I mean sitting around polishing your bronze casts of Betty McRae’s forearms. Tonight at 8 ET/PT on Global, your favorite vintage Canadian patriarchy smashers will be trotting their hat collections out for two hours of what promises to be tear-jerking, scream-inducing, good old fashioned excellence. If you don’t live in The Great White North, Reelz will be carrying the movie for Americans come this May, which means you only have two more months to stockpile tissues. Let this be the moment that I remind my favorite Canadians that I am in Ireland, and if you want me to write you a splendiforous recap for this movie, you’ll need to upload it as soon as your mittened Canadian fingers can press the “torrent” button.

Let’s take a moment to review the best moments of the last season, and then flail helplessly.

10.  The Epic Gladys and Betty Broship

Because ain’t nobody tighter than McCrae and her Princess.

Especially when the heater breaks down on Poker Night.

And who can forget the Betty/Gladys takedown of Gene Corbett?

Even if they don’t always see eye to eye on some things.

And, okay, maybe we ship them just a teensy bit. Or a lot. Maybe we ship them a lot.

9. Kate Is Secretly A Disney Princess

Fact: Kate Andrews is actually a Disney princess. Evidence: Ability to sing like a perfect baby angel. Giant beautiful eyes. Innocent laughter that sounds like it could heal a sick baby lamb. Soft and shiny crimson tresses.

Literally no one should have a face this perfect.

But when the going gets tough, this lady is just as much a warrior and a survivor as she is an angel-voiced princess.

8. Lorna’s Gettin’ Hers

Lorna Corbett is in charge for a reason, y’all. If you didn’t spend this season cheering for her reclamation of herself and her body, we might not have been watching the same show. RIP Baby Cannoli.

7. That Time Betty Did Not Get The Pickles

6. McBond Happened

We got ourselves a lesbian romance this season, and it was legit. Sure, it wasn’t Kate and Betty, but we ship Betty/Happiness just as hard as we ship McAndrews.

Plus McBond was super cute while it lasted.

And it proved our suspicions that Betty is totes a top.

5. Reggie Is The Raddest Teen Girl Ever

Reggie’s a fighter that you root for every time. She and Betty may have bumped heads, but it’s because they’re so darn similar. When they found common ground and bonded, it was the best thing ever.

4. Betty McRae: Queen of Dykedom

Oh, I am so serious. There’s no denying her flawless dyke swag.

give-chase.tumblr.com

back that up miss andrews

3. McAndrews Forever

The one true pairing. The ship that you sailed even when it was a submarine with a faulty rudder.

2. How Be Good Spy?!?!

Will angel-faced Gladys finally learn how be good spy? Will Bad Accent No Why finally be released from the swirling vortex of her womanhood? These are the questions that remain timely and unanswered. SPIES!

1. Vera Burr Is Champion And Owner Of Entire Universe

Vera Burr is actually the queen of the universe, just so you know.

To quote myself in the Episode 210 Recap: “I’m so in love with this character, guys. I know y’all are ridin that Betty train pretty hard, but Vera is the kind of perfection I was convinced you’d have to die and get to heaven to see.”

While I love all the girls equally, there’s something about Vera’s self-confidence that is ridiculously awesome and beautiful. Plus she saved everyone’s behind at least a dozen times in this season alone, and she takes bullcrap from nobody. In short, she is the empress of the universe and she should be running her own Fortune 500 company if not the world.

Bombshells: How psyched are you for the movie?

What are you doing to prepare yourself for tonight? What was the best part of the show thus far? What do you want to see and what do you not want to see and what blood sacrifices are you making to guarantee your ship gets its kiss? Let’s throw a swingin’ party in this thread and dish, reminisce, and get amped up.

Holy Ammunition! It’s A Bomb Girls Movie Update!

What’s cookin’, Bombshells? If you haven’t chewed your own foot off in anticipation of Bomb Girls: The Movie, then let me give you even more reasons to be terrifyingly excited. There’s been a lot of posts all over BG social media lately, so I’ve decided to round them up into a single article so we can start to make sense of what might be happening on our screens at a soon-to-be-decided date.

Here’s everything we know so far:

1. Gladys’s narrative will be all about learning how be good spy. SPIES! Also new men to canoodle.

Featuring SPIES! and DRAW ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH GIRLS.

Gladys’s lady parts still work like a black hole for unsuspecting boy toys. Latest in a long string of men who have been caught in the tractor beam that is Gladys’ Enchanted Womanhood is Jakob, played by Jamie Elman. Jakob escaped the Holocaust in Poland, but not without having to leave his family behind. Now he is helping Gladys learn how to be good spy and being sucked into the magical vortex of doom that is her affection. Will Jakob survive Gladys’ black hole? Given the history, odds ain’t good. Place your bets now!

It’s probably too late for that, honey.

Since Gladys is now initiated into her new role as spy, via Bad Accent No Why and that lady who tried to cop a tampon in the bathroom that one time, she’ll be fighting the good fight and foiling an evil plan that involves sonar equipment. What do we know about sonar equipment? Prior to reading a Wikipedia article five minutes ago, I knew it had something to do with whales, and was upset to find out that this movie will probably not be about Gladys riding Super Spy Whales in Lake Ontario.  Here is an artistic rendering of that plotline:

Pretty much like that.

It’s important to note that Gladys still has the hat collection of an angel, and if I don’t see at least two new hats per scene, I will be very upset.

Hat game on point.

2. We don’t know what Lorna’s doing, but we know she is doing it in the dark.

Things that could be going on in this picture:

1. The ghost of Baby Cannoli is speaking to Lorna via possessed candlelight.
2. Lorna has just set the patriarchy on fire, and is contemplatively observing its demise.

3. Based on one photo alone, I’m 99.9% sure that Kate’s plotline will involve a burlesque routine at some point. Or just singing and taking off her gloves, which is totally fine by me, too. 

Yes, you read that right. Also, can we talk about her gorgeous outfit and the fact that Kate looking confident and super hot is the best thing ever? Nobody is ever gonna put baby girl in the corner again because baby girl saves herself!

For real, though. That card she’s holding says “Dinner?” and I’m willing to bet it came with that rose. Who is her admirer? We are to assume Betty is in jail, right? DID BETTY SECRETLY GET OUT OF JAIL TO LEAVE HER THIS SECRET ADMIRER STUFF?

4. We don’t know what Betty and Vera and Co. are up to, but we guarantee it’s gonna be flippin’ awesome.

No pictures or updates on potential plotlines for Betty and Vera, but maybe that’s because they’re saving the juiciest bits for last.

What do we think of these spoilers? What are you crying the most about right now? Is this fandom the “most likely to cry at everything” fandom? Yes or yes?

Autostraddle’s Favorite LGBT TV Characters Of 2013

It’s been a groundbreaking and occasionally disappointing year of television for the queer lady contingent. On the one hand, we were gifted with Netflix’s Orange is The New Black, which features more LGBT women than any American program since The L Word, as well as the most racially and generationally diverse cast of women in recent memory. We got The Fosters, a triumphant departure from traditional coming-of-age lesbian narratives with its nuanced portrayal of lesbian parenthood. We got a bunch of queers on non-US programs like Lost Girl, Orphan Black and Wentworth. We were surprised to get some minor lesbian characters on shows like The Killing, The Walking Dead and Masters of Sex, as well as on misogynistic horrific programs like Ray Donovan and Two and a Half Men. Meanwhile, shows like True Blood and Grey’s Anatomy basically maintained their queer lady characters’ status quo. But we also saw queer female characters mistreated, ignored, killed or written out on Mistresses, Under the Dome, Defiance, Once Upon a Time, Chicago Fire, The Good Wife and Skins Fire. Prominent lesbian storylines on Glee and Pretty Little Liars had their moments but often took an unfortunate backseat to hetero necking.

It was a year of many ups and downs! So we gathered some of our most prolific teevee watchers to share their personal favorite characters of the season.

Kate, Contributing Editor

Recaps: Orange is the New Black and Once Upon a Time, formerly Bomb Girls

Betty McCrae (Ali Liebert), Bomb Girls 

Betty McCrae of Bomb Girls is number one lesbian of my heart, top of the tops, my gay sister from another mister, etc. I think she’s the best lesbian on television but psh who am I to talk? My bias is already showing. I have such strong and intense feelings for her that it often caused my recaps to devolve into keyboard smashing and gifs of children crying. 2013 was the year of Betty McCrae finally getting laid and going to jail so the woman she loves has a shot at a normal and happy life. We all cried about it, we’re probably still crying about it. What I love about Betty is everything, but if I had to give concrete reasons, I’d probably talk about her unapologetic confidence, how she thinks with her heart and her gut and rarely anything else, and the fact that she appears in a period drama where the hard truth of her sexuality is handled realistically and endearingly. I will root for her no matter what. I am her cheerleader now and forever. I wish she was real and lived in my time period so I could be her co-conspirator in everything she does. I wish she wasn’t going to probably die early and miserably as a result of all the hazardous chemicals she and the other characters are constantly being exposed to in the factory. I have a lot of feelings about Betty McCrae. I think she’s the best, I really do.

Franky Doyle (Nicole da Silva), Wentworth 

Franky Fucking Doyle, ladies and gentlehomos. Oh, Wentworth, you pushed all my buttons this year and oh man were those buttons ever right. If you thought Shane was too soft and easy-going, let me introduce you to Nicole da Silva’s portrayal of the inmate who could beat the shit out of Alex Vause any day of the week. Franky’s far from perfect, and she’s all kinds of trouble, but the sexual tension between her and the warden is maddeningly thick. I’m so stupidly into it and Franky is so stupidly amazing.

The entire cast of Orange Is The New Black

Everyone on Orange is The New Black, basically. I couldn’t pick one, so I just picked everyone. You have your favorites, I’m sure, because maybe you were like me and your little butch heart felt just a little more validated every time Big Boo was onscreen. Or maybe you’re obsessed with Poussey because you have a pulse, or maybe it was all about Nicky or maybe “Crazy Eyes” is crazy amazing or maybe you just want Alex to sex you up, I don’t know. But the queer ladies of Orange is the New Black were a huge deal this year for a lot of reasons, and I know a heck of a lot of you have a special place in your heart for this show and its cast.

Riese, Television Editor

Recaps: Glee, formerly The L Word franchise, Pretty Little Liars and Skins

Betty DiMello (Annaleigh Ashford), Masters of Sex 

I came for the lesbian sex worker and Janis Ian, I stayed for Margaret Scully and Dr. Lillian DePaul, and I gouged out my own eyeballs in honor of William Masters. Although she vanished into the Lesbian Netherworld after Episode Three, I had high hopes and great affections for Betty and her friends at the brothel — let’s just say I have a special relationship with that whole universe and it was so cool to see it portrayed on screen in a different era. The show seems relatively committed to exploring the different ways in which women of the era accessed (or didn’t) independence and mobility in, and that’s an investigation that, in my opinion, benefits greatly from the inclusion of female sex workers. Here’s hoping that Season Two features a lot more Betty and hopefully William Masters dying of some terrible plague so I never have to listen to his boring egotistical nonsense or look at his stupid weasel face again.

Bo (Anna Silk), Lost Girl

There’s lots to hate about Lost Girl, but its portrayal of bisexuality isn’t one of them — and I’d argue it’s the best portrayal of a bisexual female in the history of television. It’s amazing, episode after episode, to see no privileging of male-female relationships over female-female ones, no wrought-out discussions of which gender she prefers, and no shying away from serious girl-on-girl action. That being said, as I wrote in I Just Now Saw, I was devastated to see the Lauren-Bo union in Season Three transform from the sexually electrifying and emotionally complex coupling we’d fallen for and replaced by the standard media depiction of lesbian relationships as tedious, passionless and high on emotional processing. They got off to a good start — those early-season sex scenes, for example — but as Season Three prodded on I was repeatedly frustrated by how intensely it seemed the show wanted us to favor Bo and Dyson.

But then Season Four happened, and Bo and Lauren reunited, The Morrigan made a scissoring joke, and Bo got drugged by Vex and said ten million adorable things about getting back together with Lauren. This “getting back together” situation turned out to be short-lived, but at least the lesbian sex train hasn’t slowed down this season (thank you Ali Liebert, Professional Gay) and last week we were treated to Bo and Lauren hooking up in period costumes! Bo makes the best Robin Hood EVER, y’all.

But honestly my favorite think about this character isn’t who she sleeps with: it’s who she doesn’t. The most important relationship in Bo’s life is, undoubtedly, her relationship with her best friend Kenzi. I imagine they’ve got passionate ‘shippers out there, but I prefer them as besties. I think it really speaks to the concept of “chosen family’ and an increasing cultural trend amongst young women to privilege their female friendships above boyfriends, girlfriends, and even blood relations, and we don’t see enough of that on television.

Suzanne Warren (Uzo Aduba), Orange is The New Black

Orange is The New Black is awesome for so many reasons and Suzanne manages to encompass just about all of them:

1. Gay.
2. Woman of color.
3. Evolves far beyond the initial stereotype she seems to be.
4. She’s more than just her background/circumstances— she’s determined to independently manage her mental illness within an unfriendly institutional system.
5. Her storyline consistently surprises the audience and bucks expectations.
6. Brilliant.
7. FUNNY AS HELL

Also I cheated the system and got my hands on some sides for Season Two, and I’m super-excited for all the fleshing out of her character we’re gonna see next year! But really can we just see Sue do Shakespeare forever? I would really appreciate that.

Mey, Contributing Editor

Sophia Burset (Laverne Cox), Orange is The New Black

In a lot of ways I feel like Sophia Burset is the TV character I’ve been waiting for my entire life. She’s a trans woman of color who’s in a relationship with another woman, she’s played by an actual trans actress (and a super talented one at that), she’s on a show all about women, and in a cast filled with powerful performances and brilliant characters she stands out as the breakout star. Before Sophia, the only place I could regularly watch a trans woman of color on a fictional TV show was Glee, and I think we all know how absurdly problematic their treatment of Unique is.

With Sophia it’s different. Laverne Cox fills her performance with so much reality and life that Sophia is instantly one of the most sympathetic and likable characters on a show filled with women that you can’t help but feel for and root for. Although we do see some of the regular tropes, for instance other characters misgender her and a lot of jokes are made about her genitals, she is anything but a one dimensional character. She has complicated relationships with her wife, her son, Piper and later on Sister Ingalls, and these relationships are filled with moments that range from being hilarious, to touching, to downright intense. She sends the viewer on a trip through every imaginable emotion. Seeing what happens when she bumps into an old coworker when out shopping with her son devastated me. Watching her cleverly figure out a way to get a visit to the doctor so that she can get her much need hormones made me laugh and cheer.

One of my favorite moments comes when Sophia is early in her transition and she’s still getting a hang on the way she wants to dress. Her first outfit is a bit immature for her, to say the least, but when her wife picks out a dress for her and Sophia gets a look at herself in the mirror, a shift takes place. She says, “Holy shit, I look hot,” and you can tell that for the first time she really feels it. As a trans woman I don’t think I’ve ever related to a TV moment more than that one. Sophia is gorgeous, smart, funny, driven and strong. She knows what she wants and what she deserves, and she’s willing to fight to get it.

She’s not a there to be comic relief, but she has some of the funniest lines in the show. Aside from all of this, her character points out a very real issue that trans women (mainly trans women of color) face. The American prison system is impossibly stacked against trans women. Whether it’s access to hormones, safe living environments, protection from harassment or even just getting to stay in a women’s prison as opposed to a men’s one, trans women are struggling. Thanks to Sophia Burset (and Laverne Cox who has appeared many times outside the show advocating for trans women’s rights) people are starting to pay attention to a group of women who are often forgotten and ignored. This is a a character who isn’t just changing TV, she’s helping to change the lives and livelihoods of women in the real world.

Ms. Hudson (Candis Cayne), Elementary

If you’re not familiar with Elementary it’s sort of like an American version of the BBC’s Sherlock except Watson is played by the incredible Lucy Liu (several other prominent characters are people of color as well), Sherlock isn’t a total jerk and Moriarty is a woman. Oh, and also Miss Hudson, whom Sherlock Holmes fans will recognize from the original books as Holmes’ landlady is a trans woman played by a trans actress. It’s kind of a shame, but instances where trans characters are played by trans actors and actresses are still few and far between. So when I heard that actress Candis Cayne was going to be playing a character on one of my favorite shows I was overjoyed. When her character was treated with respect and had a storyline that didn’t resolve around her transition or her being violently murdered because of her trans status I was elated.

Miss Hudson appeared in just one episode, episode 19 of the first season, titled “Snow Angels,” and wasn’t even necessarily the main focus of the episode. Perhaps that’s part of what makes her so remarkable. She seems like such a casual part of the universe, she’s just another person in Sherlock’s life, not a character whose entire existence revolves around her being trans or who is there to shock viewers and ramp up ratings. Her trans status is brought up only once, by Watson when she’s asking Sherlock who their new temporary roommate is. Unlike most trans characters on TV, Miss Hudson has a surplus of interesting qualities aside from her transness. According to Holmes, she’s an expert in Ancient Greek, an autodidact, someone who’s helped him solve cases in England and a woman who works as a “muse” for powerful men who need inspiration. She’s charming and helpful (she arranges Sherlock’s books in order of “academic rigor”), she has a rich and full love life and she gives Watson a female friend to talk to.

Her first appearance was fun, but altogether too short. Since the episode ends with her being invited to clean Holmes and Watson’s house on a biweekly basis, we’ll hopefully be seeing her again very soon.

Chelsea, Writer

Recaps: American Horror Story

Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling), Orange is the New Black 

Piper Chapman, the over-privileged protagonist of Orange is the New Black, was met with a chorus of eyeball rolls when she first appeared. Many viewers found her unlikeable and uninteresting. Even OINTB creator Jenji Kohan admitted that Piper’s whiteness and blondeness was a Trojan horse she used to sneak in stories of women of color, of queer women… stories she couldn’t get financing for otherwise. But also, in my opinion, Piper Chapman is one of the (fuck it, IS) the most nuanced portrayal of a bisexual woman on television. Ever. Most shows with bisexual characters frame their queer relationships as experimental, a pit stop on the road to eventually “finding the right guy.” In OITNB, Piper has deep, meaningful relationships with both Larry and Alex — neither are a fling or an experiment or a drunken hook-up that is quickly explained away so as not to alienate a mostly straight audience. Each relationship holds tremendous emotional weight for Piper, which is why it is so gut-wrenching when (Spoiler Alert!) she loses them both. Many people take issue with the fact that Piper doesn’t identify herself as bisexual, calling herself a “former lesbian” and describing sex on the Kinsey scale. But if actions speak louder than words, then Piper Chapman is the de facto bisexual character we’ve all been waiting for. Bitches gots to learn indeed.

Pam Swynford De Beaufort (Kristin Bauer van Straten) and Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley), True Blood

Hey, remember in the summer of 2012 when Tara and Pam hooked up in the True Blood season finale and we all thought, “Finally! A lesbian relationship on what is arguably the gayest show to ever exist?” And then remember last summer when they proceeded to give us NO STORYLINES OR ACKNOWLEDGMENT that they were a couple? What the hot interracial relationship lesbian vampire fuck happened?! So they had time to devote a whole storyline to Andy Bellefleur’s fairy children and give Terry Bellefleur a fucking story arc, but nothing for the two most interesting women on the show? (sorry Sookie) This is almost as bad as the season where Tara became a lesbian cage fighter and then suddenly wasn’t anymore. Can’t wait to tune in this summer, when Pam spends the entire season taking a nap and Arlene’s kids get their own full-fledged storyline.

Every Character on American Horror Story

Coming off of season two of American Horror Story, which gave us the lesbian lead character Lana Winters, I was confident that this season would bring even more queer content. I mean, it’s got queer actresses, boarding school, and witches! Fucking witches, y’all! How could this not be supergay? Well, in classic Ryan Murphy fashion, he built up our expectations so high and then ceased to deliver on anything we wanted to see. Don’t get me wrong, I am loving this season so far; it is a festival of batshittery and nonsense. This will always be remembered as the season that gave us Kathy Bates’s head on a silver platter…LITERALLY. I just wish more ladies were making out with each other’s faces. We did get Zoe and Madison in a zombie threesome with FrankenKyle, so I guess that’s something? Here’s hoping that in the remaining four episodes we get to see Cordelia’s sex life resurrected by Misty Day. And now that the coven is teamed up with Marie Laveau, anything can happen. A girl can dream, right?

Lizz, Fashion/Style Editor

Recaps: Pretty Little Liars

Shana (Aeriél Miranda), Pretty Little Liars

I ship Paige and Emily just as hard as any true Pretty Little Liars fan, but this season was all about Shana. Shana, played by Aériel Miranda, appeared this January during Season 3b and, unlike maybe peripheral lesbians before her, did not disappear into obscurity during Season 4a. Instead she became an integral part of the fucked up ass backwards complexity that is this TV show.

For once Pretty Little Liars brings us a troublemaking dyke with a wicked fun personality. Sure, Samara was nice, Maya was crazy and Paige is both nice and crazy. But Shana? Shana is an evil, calculating, cold naturally born winner. Shana is hard as hell and out to kill. Plus, between crushing on Jenna and her summer fling with Paige, Shana brings the show some much needed dyke drama. Nothing on Pretty Little Liars was quite as unbelievable as the idea that every lesbian in the greater Rosewood area was there to date Emily. Or that they would never stir up drama.

Plus remember that time she met Missy Franklin and in the middle of all the A drama took the time to make sure Emily met her too!

Dani (Demi Lovato), Glee

Is it just me or is Demi Lovato playing a lesbian on Glee a Big Deal?! It’s like one day Demi Lovato woke up and was like, “I guess since I’m not on the Disney Channel anymore I should just go back on TV as a raging lesbotron.” I approve. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a celebrity guest.

It was really disappointing that Dani’s debut came with a truckload of biphobic comments — this is a Ryan Murphy production, after all. But that aside, Dani might be the most realistic depiction of a young lesbian on TV ever. She works a shitty job in New York City, is uncomfortably committed to carrying her guitar everywhere, dyes her hair the most unfortunate colors and has basically already moved into her girlfriend’s apartment in Bushwick. Plus the lesbian bed death of she and Santana’s relationship has already set in hard and fast. The two shared one quick kiss and then seem to have fallen into just playing scrabble and knitting every night.

Anne (Julie White), Go On

I’m one of the few people on the planet who was really crazy about Go On. I don’t know if it was some bizarre unrealized long-term love for Friends or just a general commitment to dark death comedy, but I really really like Go On. Plus I fucking love Anne, the lesbian widow.

Anne gives us curt, humorous picture of a lesbian window in finally recovering from grief. We’re so often subjected to the repeated and prolonged image of two gay people finally finding true love forever and ever (see: Kurt and Blaine) but lately we’ve been missing what happens when that love ends. I hate to break it to you guys, but one person usually has to die first. Then what? What when instead of being the teenage Emily/Santanas of the world — or for that matter the thirty-something Shane/Alex Vause— you’re middled aged, heart broken and you have two kids who just lost their mom.

This year brought us some of Anne’s best moments. Quick-witted as ever, she got a cute young girlfriend and even gets propositioned by Courteney Cox. We finally got to see her make real steps towards reconciling the grief she felt towards her late wife and attracted towards new women. Unfortunately, like all Matthew Perry shows, Go On got canceled and with that, the end of Anne. But she was awesome while it lasted.

Vikki

Recaps: The Fosters

Stef Foster (Teri Polo) & Lena Foster (Sherri Saum), The Fosters

Once upon a time, ABC Family made a TV show called The Fosters with hot lesbian moms as the main characters and then actually showed them parenting! Stef and Lena are the even-keeled parents every kid would love to have but, more importantly, they are the loving, adorable couple that most lady-lovin’ ladies want to see onscreen. As much as I complained about the lack of sexy times and passion, the relationship between Stef and Lena is shown as deep, beautiful and imperfect. They snap at each other and argue and then tease each other and make jokes and all of that makes it seem so real. They seem like people we might actually know. Sometimes, they seem like people we might be. The honest depiction of family life is a victory for visibility. And the show gets bonus points for Stef and her cop uniform and Lena and her annoyed facial expressions which are always perfect.

In conclusion, we’d like to give an honorable mention to Caleb on Pretty Little Liars, the first lesbian on ABC Family to get their very own spinoff!

Who were your favorite queer TV characters of 2013?

The “Bomb Girls” Movie Is Actually Really Officially Happening

Remember when they canceled Bomb Girls? Do you remember how every bone in your body felt as if it had been broken, and your heart had been stomped by a million stampeding wildebeest, and nothing would ever be happy again?

don’t remind me of that dark fuckin time

Remember when they told us that maybe there’d be a movie, and we stopped crying for about five minutes to think about the vague and distant possibility of a movie?

why are you doing this to my emotions

But the movie was just a rumor, and some of us said maybe they’re just throwing it out there to keep us from losing all hope, and some of us said it’s a gimmick and a lie, and some of us were in the darkened corner of the room chewing on blankets because Bomb Girls had stolen our souls.

is it necessary to drag us down this bloodstained memory lane

Well, guess what? It’s all coming true, and it’s probably going to be even better than we’re imagining. Take a break from writing that Betty/Kate fanfiction and rejoice, for the powers-that-be have heard our pleas and have made good on their promises because WE ARE BACK, WE ARE IN BUSINESS, AIN’T NOBODY FUCKIN WITH MY CLIQUE BECAUSE WE HAVE A MOVIE AND THAT MOVIE IS OFFICIAL.

In case you didn’t hear, the word is out and the word is good. Come 2014, Bomb Girls: The Movie will take place in spring of 1943. There will be sonar equipment, there will be mysterious spywork (but is it “how be good spy” spywork?), and there will be lesbianism. Today was the first day of the shoot, which means if you can fly, drive, or walk very fast to Toronto, there is probably still time to be an extra or set groupie. Now is your chance to hand out bagels to the cast, or “hand out bagels” to the cast, if you catch my meaning.

tweeted by @bombgirls and straight to our hearts

So, let’s talk about what we want to see happen in this movie. What are the pressing questions we need answered?

• Will Gladys finally learn how be good spy? Is this movie how be good spy?!
• Does Vera run the company yet? Has Vera taken over Canada and/or the world as part of her empire? Is Vera God Empress of the universe at this point in the narrative?
• Did Ivan’s bro finally confess his love for Ivan? Will this all come out into the open during the kiss cam at a Leafs game?
• Have Sheila and Dr. Patel made lusciously coiffed babies yet? Just how perfect will their hair be?
• Is Lorna gonna learn to own her bad self? Will the ghost of Baby Cannoli haunt them all?
• Will Bad Accent No Why be back with his Bad Accent and hokey lip-scrunchy faces?
• How many women can Marco make out with before the end of the movie? Is there anyone his doe eyes can’t lure like a lesbian to a Home Depot sale?
• Will Betty finally be happy? Will Kate love Betty back? Will they make out? Will they have beautiful, beautiful sex? Also, if that doesn’t happen until the end of the movie, can we can get some Betty/Gladys in there in the meantime because that’s hot and we all know it.

To reiterate: the cast is back together, the movie is underway, and come next year, your favorite 1940s babes will be back on your screen being 100% perfect.

Bomb Girls 212: Feelings, Feelings Everywhere

This week on Bomb Girls, the sunshine is gone and nothing will ever be okay again. That’s because this was the last Bomb Girls episode of all time, and I don’t want to live on a planet where Bomb Girls is no longer a reality. Writing this recap and realizing it would be my final adieu was almost too much for my emotional stability.

FYI: It is incredibly difficult to write when you are sobbing on your keyboard while simultaneously attempting to sad-eat large quantities of cheese.

me right now

The sacrifices I make for you lot, honestly.

Kate and her mom are coming home from their Girls’ Day Out, where they likely got their nails done and shopped at Chico’s and talked about how Kate’s dead dad was evil, only to be bombarded by Kate’s bachelorette party. Now, I don’t know about you folks, but my mother and boss are the last two people I want in attendance for whatever gay pre-commitment-ceremony bullshit my best friends will inevitably pull off despite my general protests.

oh god what fuckwit hired goddess and she

Apparently the wartime economy has put a strain on the production of penis-shaped products, because there is no fake genitalia in sight, but there is an awkward tossing game and an umbrella with stuff in it. Bachelorette Party Version Betty seems a little more tame than Bachelorette Party Version Vera, which probably would have involved a stripper disguised as a firefighter and whatever the 1940s equivalent of twerking was, but in Betty’s defense, lesbians are really only good at planning doggy meetups and vegan potlucks.

bachelorette party version betty

bachelorette party version vera

Fun Fact: Betty goes ahead and compares the toss game to basketball. She might as well have compared it to softball, rugby, or roller derby, lesbihonest. Baby girl, don’t you ever change your stupidly homosexual ways.

Kate’s mother takes her aside to tell her that a detective is starting to ask questions about her deceased father. And this, my friends, is where we know things are about to take a one-way ticket to hell in a handbasket. A handbasket full of lesbian tears, I might add. Remember that time Betty and Kate accidentally murdered Kate’s father? Me neither. I had chosen to cast it to the back of my mind in favor of my hardcore investment in everyone’s happiness and ability to scissor without interruption. The resurfacing of the detective storyline in the season/series finale can only mean one thing, and that thing is our utter and complete devastation.

Kate takes this moment to look with great concern at Betty, and then scope her tight Germanic ass. Whatever gets you through the stress, babe.

credit: inside-myhead.tumblr.com

Over at Chez Depression and General Unhappiness, Lorna and Bob are arguing because Lorna doesn’t believe in blood drives? Homegirl, it is not the Dark Ages anymore. We’re vaccinating for real shit up in here. We are no longer afraid that moles near the breast are signs of consorting with the devil — I think we can handle a friggin’ blood drive. Also, Dr. Patel thinks he can end Bob’s invalid status, which means Lorna is reaching for the holy water. Happiness? Not in this house.

i like my coffee like i like my outlook on life – dark and extremely bitter

Cut to a shot of them actually sticking needles in arms and drawing blood. If y’all are like me and typically barf around blood, I can tell you to a) skip the latest episode of My Strange Addiction, and b) probably look somewhere else, like the McSwagger tumblr tag you have open in another window. Lorna is in attendance, talkin’ shit on modern medicine, and Sheila feels free to sass her right back.

Betty’s talking about Canadian politics or something? I don’t know, my only knowledge of Canadian politics is via all my Quebecois separatist cousins so I have no idea what you guys do up there except apparently it involves stifling francophone culture? Whatever, my job is not to provide you with a working knowledge of the political climate in Canada, but to tell you when your favorite lesbian does a thing. So right now Betty’s drinking juice and talking about a thing. You’re welcome.

i mean i know i lent you my copy of “written on the body” last week but i weirdly need it back already

Gladys is getting her blood drawn when Bad Accent No Stop happens to be reclined in a suggestive position next to her. I could say something very deep about how this conversation takes place while they are both expelling body fluids, but I don’t think this narrative actually deserves that kind of attention. Gladys’ Magical Vagina apparently strikes again, because Bad Accent Why How cannot stop with the sultry talk. It’s weird. SPIES!

WEIRDO

Vera runs into a soldier who is the brother of another soldier she also ran into in the biblical sense. It’s awkward, but Vera continues to be the most progressive unashamed queen of everything on the block. Marco overhears and is less than pleased with the mental image of Vera sleeping with whoever she wants, because patriarchy, so y’all know that’s gonna boil over soon. Like a pot of spaghetti. Get it? Spaghetti. It’s been a long time, pasta jokes. Too long.

Kate spills to Ivan on the factory floor re: her name, her surprise-alive mother, and some other minute details you might want to make known to the person you are agreeing to spend the rest of your life with. Or, instead of having this awkward conversation, you could gay elope with the one person who already knows everything and still loves you unconditionally. Kanye shrug.

also i know i told you that doing sex was when you hug and turn off the lights and don’t touch each other, but i lied

Lorna decides to actually donate blood. Sheila can barely hold in all her “Lorna PLZ”s but somehow she manages. What I love about Sheila is that she literally has no time for anyone’s bullcrap. She is sexing Dr. Patel and his perfect hair and furthering her career without concern for anything else, even though everyone around her seems set on sapping the joy and prosperity from life. Sheila does not have the energy to deal with your massive time-sucking and happiness-sucking efforts, she just doesn’t.

if you don’t want to play with the big dogs, you need to stay on the porch

The detective is interviewing Kate, which means we are barreling one step closer to the ending we all did not want to see coming but could somehow see from a mile away.

Kate handles all of this with her perfect Disney face and her way-too-perfect Disney eyes, but the detective is a little fixated on the fact that they found the body placed under a tarp. Now, I’m no writer or contributing editor, and I certainly don’t creative narratives for a freelance living, but maybe someone else found the body and put it under a tarp without reporting it like a homeless person, or passersby, because saying it absolutely had to be Kate is just a litttttttle bit of a reach. And I was an English major, so I understand constructing Everest-like bullshit mountains out of miniscule fact puddles.

author’s note: still trying to decide how many times i can caption photos with gucci mane’s confession of “bitch i might be”

Kate comes back down quite shaken up by the interview, and whammo, Betty is in Protective Lesbian Savior Mode. Man, I have been waiting a long-ass season to get back to Betty as Protective Lesbian Savior.

every tear she sheds is comparable to an object of personal worth to you that i will mercilessly destroy in front of you

Marco decides the best way to get into Vera’s pants is to use slut-shaming. Swing and a miss, buddy. Vera does not have time for any of this as she has to go and run the entire universe.

it’s called third wave feminism and you can look it the fuck up

Bad Accent Hey Stop and Gladys are hanging out in a field, v. romantic, and Bad Accent No Gross gives Gladys a bomb except she doesn’t know it and she fools around with it and accidentally sets it off so he covers her body with his body and I just… the fact this pairing will probably get romantic and physical closure and McAndrews will not kind of makes me want to set my hair on fire. SPIES!

Lorna is doing some hardcore detective work and realizing that Kate is the Marian from that letter about Betty being a full-on lesbian. Lorna’s like, holy shit, it’s all coming together now! That’s why Betty gives her coworkers chestbumps and went through that period where she only wore overalls for a month! That’s why she always stares at Kate’s ass and tries to touch her hair when she isn’t looking! Because GAY!

TEH GHEYS?!?!?!!!!!??@!!!

Bomb Girls 211: Is This How Be Good Spy

This week on Bomb Girls, Gladys continues to take mystery-solving lessons from the Pretty Little Liars team, Kate and Betty plan a wedding in which they are not marrying each other, and Vera is a flawless queen who calls out bitches when she sees them. This week may also be the second to last time we see our beautiful ladies onscreen, because Global would prefer that we don’t have nice things.

We open on Marco doing Marco things, which has lately meant sneaking around in the dark with other Italians. Frankie is peer-pressuring Marco into building a bomb, and since they didn’t have DARE yet in the 1940s, I guess Marco hasn’t had to watch a video where poorly-trained child actors turn down their friends’ marijuana cigarettes. Since Marco has never learned to just say no, he just says yes.

Over at the opera or something else that glamorous people attend, Gladys is avoiding her mother’s attempts to get someone to fuck the sad out of her daughter. She ends up chatting with Bad Accent British. He’s just hanging out in the same places Gladys is always hanging out, no biggie. Despite the fact that they are still responsible for the least effective spywork of all time, homegirl looks flawless and I would be lying if I said I wouldn’t kiss her face super hard in this scene. I mean, just really super hard and passionately and enough to make Bad Accent British grumpily return to the parking lot and sit in his car listening to Peter Frampton. SPIES!

TALK IN PUBLIC SPY STUFF IS THIS HOW BE GOOD SPY NOW

The Golden Trio is exchanging wedding mags during their pre-work smoke (not to be confused with their first smoke of the day, pre-breakfast smoke, post-breakfast smoke, or waiting for the trolley smoke). Kate tells the girls she is going to make the wedding a quickie at City Hall and then enjoy a honeymoon in the glamorous vacation hotspot of Winnipeg. Vera and Betty react to the world’s least romantic wedding talk accordingly.

But the real fun happens when Kate asks Betty to be her maid of honor. Because if there’s anything us dykes want to do for the woman we’ve never stopped loving, it’s stand next to her when she gets married to a dude.

Since an important member of the Canadian government who lacks an American equivalent is coming to visit, everyone’s psyched and security is tight. But nothing is at tight as Kate’s lips when it comes to her family backstory! Ha, did you think I was gonna make another joke about tightness and lips? I am not that predictable, kids.

Ivan snatches a letter out of Kate’s hands because he’s fantastic like that, and sees some red flags involving her brother’s name and location. Kate covers her tracks, but Ivy is definitely suspicious. I mean, if my girlfriend gave me a girl’s name as a nickname and kept telling me to wear a blonde wig and pantsuits in the bedroom, I’d probably be suspicious, too.

this doesn’t have to do with that mysterious package you got from babeland last week does it

Marco is, as usual, getting a lot of shit in regards to security because I guess the bloated horse carcass that is Marco Is Mistrusted By Everyone Around Him Narrative still has a few blows left, who knows. Gladys is suddenly not okay with Marco being mistrusted and fights with British Maybe about it, even though she has definitely been going along with all of this up until this moment. It doesn’t make sense that her convictions would change entirely in a millisecond, but British Maybe apparently has this personality-changing effect on stunning brunettes. SPIES!

SPY BETRAY FRIEND GOOD SPY?? NO WANT BETRAY FRIEND

Vera is told she needs to retake her ID picture for a new card. She questions the possible implications of this action, but is stuntin’ hardcore for the camera. Baby girl, you’re a star.

[intro to ciara song starts playing]

Carol is explaining to everyone how the governor general is technically royalty or something? I don’t know, you members of the British Empire confuse me with your people you put crowns on. Vera busts in only to discover her security clearance has been reduced and her position demoted. Carol is only too pleased to explain all this to her. For one hundred reasons, this is not the fuck okay.

carol i have absolutely no issues with cutting you right now

Vera runs downstairs to confront Mr. Akins, who tells her that her time with Marco has cost her the job. Vera, continual champion of third wave feminism and committed to end slut-shaming, is not going to tolerate this shit. And as soon as she sees Gladys and Fake British What interacting, she knows exactly who she needs to take out.

Betty is selected to meet the important semi-royal dude because they asked specifically to meet the factory’s BDOC. JK, but Betty’s so awesome that even semi-royalty wants to bask in her glow.

i’m not sure if a scissoring demonstration is necessary ma’am but if that’s what they want

Over at the only wing this hospital seems to have, Sheila is ignoring her mother. Lorna wants Sheila to come home because Bob’s going to be there for dinner, but Sheila’s snapping her gum and having none of it.

Marco is on the phone with his accomplice not ten feet away from the po-po because all the blood is rushing to his cannoli instead of his brain. Did Marco go to subtlety lessons with Gladys? Is that what they were doing while Betty was graduating from swag class?

dude call me on my cell my mom needs to use the phone

Bob’s back! And he can walk! Sort of! Apparently the farm he was working at had magic walking juice in the milk, so that’s awesome for him. Also awesome for Lorna because she’s all over that ass after this last dry spell.

lorna let me love you down there’s so many ways to love you

Vera comes over to Marco’s to tell him that she doesn’t care how amazing his cannoli is, she is not gonna sacrifice everything she’s done for her job just to stick by him. Feminism, y’all.

i’m on a no carb diet now so get that cannoli out of my face

Over at the lesbian commune, Betty and Kate are awfully cozy on the couch while looking through bridal magazines. Betty is making a really good effort to be excited about what is imaginably the last fucking thing she wants to deal with ever. They talk about playing brides as kids and then Betty clears out after Ivan walks in and kisses Kate in a weird wet-sounding way. No thank you. Betty continues to be baffled and horrified by everything straight people do, especially when those straight people are the one dude you’ve ever banged and the one woman you’d do anything for if it meant feeling her love.

just pick out a gown so i know what image to masturbate to tonight, kate

Ivan wants to get Kate’s brothers to come for the wedding. Kate says no, and Ivan says that she can’t say no. This marriage has success and happiness written all over it.

Bob is giving Sheila The Talk, and by The Talk, I mean the Don’t Date Indian Dudes in Arranged Marriages Talk. Sheila continues to be frustrated by her parents constant efforts to treat her like she is in middle school and freaking out about periods. Unfortunately, Dr. Patel shows up and Bob gives him the kind of icy stare that I typically reserve for college-aged men who have not learned respect for women. Note: this is about 99% of college-aged men.

sometimes when a mommy loves a daddy very much, they decide to cockblock their daughter

Marco shows up at Gladys’ bachelorette/widow pad to confront her about all her spy shenanigans. I was worried for a second that the tractor beam in Gladys’ Magical Vagina was going to start doing its usual work. Luckily, Marco is guarded by the protective shield left from encounters with Vera’s Equally Powerful Vagina, so. Gladys is starting to realize that spywork is really shitty and is a gateway drug that leads to making out with weird Possibly British Dudes in dark corridors and betraying people you sort of care about. SPIES!

GOOD SPY USE TELEPHONE WHY MARCO MAD TRY BE GOOD SPY FAIL HOW??

Dr. Patel comes over to Chez Sadness to talk to Bob, but Bob says that Dr. Patel is super awful and they’re not down with this whole thing he’s doing with Sheila. Dr. Patel shits himself because a Bob scorned is not a Bob to cross.

please stop flapping your crutches and making screeching noises at me

Gladys goes to Accent Inaccurate What to plead for Marco’s case. He talks for a long time about how some guy named Ed gave them evidence, and I realized during his angry talking that he purses his lips, like, A LOT. Even when he’s talking, his lips are in a pursed position. Also, I’m glad we’ve all decided to blame this storyline for the show not getting renewed. Gladys takes Marco’s file when Accent Inaccurate What isn’t looking, because maybe this will help to take further blame from Marco? By his file suddenly going missing? SPIES!

LISTEN GLADYS I’M MAKING OCEAN NOISES SHHHHHHHHH SHHHHHHHHH

Betty is begging Vera to help with the bachelorette party because ain’t no party like a Vera Burr Party because a Vera Burr Party involves being naked. Lorna overhears and Betty awkwardly invites her. Because the person you want to take with you to the strip club is definitely your work supervisor. Yep.

Carol comes in and does some Grade A Carol Backstabbery and Vera straight up calls her a bee with an itch. Shoutout to this show for involving lesbian sex, illegitimate conceptions, and sexually liberated women, and still somehow managing to never curse.

ima read that bitch

Gladys goes to Marco to apologize and to show him that the man who has been reporting him has probably been the owner of the rival fireworks factory in town. I just want to take a hot second to say WHAT?! There is a “Rival Fireworks Factory” in Toronto whose sole objective is to take out their top competitor? They’re willing to throw the other factory owners in jail for life just to sell more fireworks? What other hijinks have these kids gotten up to in the past? I vote spin-off.

GOOD SPY WORK IS HELP FRIEND I GOOD SPY NOW!!

Gladys invites How Accent So Bad over to her apartment, and he brings booze and is all ready to get down to the dirty, but it turns out she is actually just arranging a meeting between him and Marco so they can stop the bomb plan and help each other. I have never seen a face more disappointed and sexually frustrated in my life. SPIES!

THIS IS NOT HOW YOU DO SPY NO MORE SPY FOR YOU GLADYS

Sheila crashes dinner, which Reggie adorably excuses herself from to keep reading the latest issue of Rookie and finish watching Itty Bitty Titty Committee. Bob and Lorna realize this is not the dinner they had in mind, as Sheila yells at her parents for fucking with her life once again. Because fun fact, Dr. Patel has broken up his arranged marriage and now vowed to marry Sheila. Sheila wasn’t in this for a ring, y’all! Sheila is not the kind of girl you wife, she is the kind of girl who gets her rocks off and then reminds you not to hollaback once she’s done with you and sent you home to your fiancee. Sheila is a modern woman who was born about 20 years too early and does not have time for this prehistoric marriage bullshit. Sheila and Vera should start a club together called So Much More Than They’ve Got Planned and form a lesbian commune in the woods where no one will bother them about their liberated lifestyles. After they become lesbians, obviously.

this is about my fuck the patriarchy tattoo isn’t it dad

And now for the most heartbreaking scene in the episode, and maybe in the past few episodes.

Ivan: It’s about Kate. Something’s off. I’ve never met somebody who’s so torn up about their family before.

Betty: Way I see it, our Kate never once felt loved. Til you, Ivy. That’s where you come in.

This scene broke my heart for a lot of reasons. It’s not just sad because Betty is having to tell Ivan point blank that he makes Kate feel loved, which is a gigantic sword in Betty’s sizeable dyke pride. It’s because Betty loved Kate (and probably still loves Kate, since love is not the kind of thing you can switch off when the unrequited feelings bill is too high this month) and wanted to make Kate feel loved with every bone in her body, and she’s not sure she ever accomplished that. She’s also not sure that Ivan does make Kate feel loved, but since she wants Kate to be happy she’s going to try and believe the same lies that have led Kate to the altar. And ultimately, Betty knows that it doesn’t matter if Kate has ever felt Betty’s love or not, because she’s about to marry Ivan and that’s the only person that Kate is supposed to love back.

well you know what they say about girls and secrets and murdering their dad and lesbianism

Marco is using a little old Catholic guilt to get to Frankie by reminding him that his father isn’t locked up in jail like Marco’s father, hur-hur. Catholic guilt: The actual thing that raised me.

by all means, set off this bomb. it’s not like my father is going to die behind bars.

Things happen pretty quickly now: the important British royal sort of person shows up, Marco gets everyone arrested, Lorna and Bob start doing it on the couch. Most importantly, Kate’s mother is alive, which I totally didn’t call, and Kate sobs to see her again. We also sob because there hasn’t been enough sad in this episode and we have a tear quota to fill here.

muffled audience sobbing in distance

Over at the opera, British What How has been caught in the Magical Vagina tractor beam. Blergh. But then we get the preview for next week and SHIT IS HAPPENING, GUYS. All I saw was Betty and Kate holding hands on the same bed and I spit out my whiskey sour. Let’s hope and pray to Saint Betty’s Holy Swagger that this is not the final recap I ever write for this show.

“Bomb Girls” Cancelled, Fuck Me In The Ear

This morning I was contacted by two intrepid Bomb Girls fans, TeeJay and Yolanda, who were attempting to ensure a third season of our favorite historical television drama and hoping to enlist the support of this website, the first lesbian media outlet to notice or write about the fan-fucking-tastic program. TeeJay and Yolanda informed me that  “the ratings were very good considering the amount of total viewers from Canada AND an immeasurable number of overseas fans who are (unofficially) watching the show from all around the world.” Obviously we were prepared to throw our entire selves into this effort.

But only moments after reading that email, one of our Contributing Editors informed me that today, Bomb Girls was officially axed. They will finish the season and then that will be the end of the show.

yup! really! (graphic via kate)

The bright side is that Global will conclude the series with a two-hour movie event! See:

Global is honoured to have been able to bring the award-winning and critically acclaimed Bomb Girls to audiences across Canada.  This truly unique original drama series illuminates the life-altering experiences of brave Canadian women who risked their lives working in a munitions factory during the Second World War. We are pleased to share that we will be creating a Bomb Girls two-hour TV movie event to premiere winter 2014 which will conclude the rich storylines and the amazing journeys of these beloved characters which have strongly resonated with the show’s loyal fans.

Needless to say, this remains an immense loss for all of lesbiankind. Although her style vacillates and is largely constricted by the time period, Betty McRae is as close to a lead masculine-of-center lesbian character we’ve got on television right now (arguably Brienne of Tarth in Game of Thrones is another contender, although as far as I can tell — and I can’t tell much because Game of Thrones confuses the living fuck out of me — her sexual orientation hasn’t been discussed), and Betty’s one of a few queer female characters to make it into a historical television series ever. It’s so incredibly rare that we’re granted a glimpse of pre-1990s lesbian life in a television program like we are in Bomb Girls. (The BBC’s adaptations of Sarah Waters novels are billed as miniseries/made-for-tv movies, not TV shows.) We were blessed with Lana Winters, the lesbian lead of American Horror Story, this year, and her story, while hardly rooted in historical fact, did take place in the 60’s. But besides that it seems like every journey back in television time grants us at least a few leading homos, but it’s aways men: Downton Abbey‘s Thomas, Game of Thrones‘ Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrll, The Borgias‘ Michelotto Corella, Mad Men‘s Salvatore Romano, a few of the guys on The Tudors and some of the dudes in Spartacus. (Yes, some of those shows, like Mad Men, have had little lesbian parts, but not leads.)

It wasn’t until I saw Betty McRae that I knew I’d never seen anything like her. Bomb Girls got me interested in learning about lesbian history — I was interested in the kind of lesbian culture that was able to thrive in wartime due to the absence of men and the ease with which women were permitted to enter the workforce. Fast forward several history books and a few months later, and we were launching Autostraddle’s Summer of Lesbian History, The Way We Were/The Herstory Issue, an article series which included the madly viral and widely talked-about gallery 150 Years of Lesbians. That never would’ve happened without Bomb Girls.

But it’s not just lesbian representation that makes Bomb Girls so special, it’s its exemplary feminist leanings. Rosie O’Donnell‘s guest spot as a journalist two weeks ago was perhaps the show’s most explicitly feminist episode, as the expose her character did on the factory revealed the enormous pay gap between men and the women who were doing the same, if not more, work. This was a revolutionary conversation to have during a time when middle-class white women weren’t allowed, let alone expected, to enter the workforce in the first place and were only in the Bomb Factory to begin with because all the men were overseas. But even cooler and more feminist than that is the character of Vera, who has blossomed this season into a delightfully promiscuous sex-positive woman of the world.

These were full female characters I could’ve followed for seasons upon seasons to come. I mean, they just introduced the first black female character! Like five episodes ago! And now it’s almost over? I was looking forward to seeing how the girls would adjust to post-wartime life, when mainstream culture did its very best to put middle-class working women like them back in their place (the kitchen!). With few men around, two women going out to a bar together wasn’t seen as suspect, but that would change in the 50’s.  There’s just so much to work with there, so many stories to tell, and I feel like we’d barely gotten started with this one. Are Betty and Kate gonna hook up or what.

The movie is a consolation, to be sure, but damn I’ll miss this show (and, of course, Kate’s recaps). If anybody has a billion dollars laying around they’d like to donate to Autostraddle, we’d be more than happy to air the show right here every day, forever and ever.

** tweet with the #savebombgirls hashtag to make @Global_TV change their minds!! **

Bomb Girls 210 Recap: Everyone Knows Everyone in the Biblical Sense

This week on Bomb Girls, Betty’s military booty call goes long distance, Vera makes everyone teary-eyed with her perfection, and Gladys’ magical vagina continues to act as a doofus magnet. Yep, if you thought McBond meant the end to your Make Betty Happy Fund, better pull out the jar and count your quarters, because homegirl is back to square one and we’re still crying about it.

neither can we, santana. we thought betty was going to be happy for once, but no. we were dead wrong.

Also, it’s a Marco episode, which is either great or terrible news depending on how you feel about cannoli. And by cannoli, I mean Marco’s wang.

Marco is having an Italian Party, which I guess is where you arm wrestle and roll around in tubs of marinara sauce and encourage each other to join fascist groups. Unfortunately, his mom comes home early to a kitchen full of half-naked muscular Italian men and makes a mental note to add this moment to the running list on her Livejournal of “Reasons Marco Might Be Gay or Fascist”. She also explains that she got totally discriminated against at the supermarket for squeezing too many cantaloupe. I, too, have had that issue, Sra. Moretti, but it usually ends with the girl telling me she has other places for me to put my hands.

look ma it’s a cup did i do good ma i got you a cup

That supermarket happened to be Witham’s Emporium of Well-Priced Beans and Daughters Who Keep Making Out With Everybody. Marco says he’s gonna fix this. Considering the fact that every time Marco attempts to do something good, he is immediately accused of being an Italian fascist spy, I have a feeling this is going to be super successful!

Somewhere in a car that is probably in the Greater Toronto Area, Terrible British Accent and Gladys are driving around talking about spy things. Terrible British Accent says that Marco is a security threat. Gladys is like, yeah, you and every other writer who has rehashed this narrative about five times this season. He hands her a file full of Evidence Marco Is Bad and tells her to look it over. SPIES!

um this file is just pictures of cannolis

Back in Marco’s kitchen, Frankie is talking about how Canada makes Italians eat crow when they just want to eat spaghetti, and Marco is inspired to action because if there’s one thing you don’t want to fuck with an Italian on, it’s their goddamned food. There’s a lot of yelling and hand gestures and mentions of eating. In my adventures of dating a Very Italian Girl, I have gotten used to frantic hand gestures as a Thing Italians Do, but I’ve found it’s also a great way to assess one’s lesbian sexual abilities with nothing more than a conversation. In this conversation, we learn that Marco is probably great at reaching the g-spot, while Frankie is better suited for fisting. Fun.

Frankie gives Marco a little handbook about fascism so Marco can become a fascist. This is like when lesbians distribute little handbooks about lesbianism to convert girls to lesbianism! That’s how we do it, folks. Secret divulged.

chapter one: your cannoli is our cannoli

Meanwhile on Chilly Housewives of Toronto, Lorna and Reggie are reading the morning paper and refreshing Hulu to see when the new episode of The Daily Show will be online. After hearing Jon Stewart’s bit about the Nazis taking down a civilian ship in Newfoundland, they are interrupted by the milkman, with whom Lorna is sharing a weirdly erotic moment. Did I mention the moment was erotic and weird? She gives him a hard time about where he leaves the cream, and the amount of tension is disturbing. Lorna literally says “naughty neighbors steal my cream.” Bomb Girls: the show that continues to go there even when you are not sure that’s a place you want to go.

ma’am i would never want to steal your cream i would want you to give it to me fully and passionately and with your absolute consent

The ladies that own my heart are all convening before work, stressed the fuck out due to news that the enemy is now in Canadian waters. But wait! Ivan and Kate’s wedding announcement is in the paper, complete with an adorable caricature that I’m going to need to be Lesbianized asap. Betty’s reactions to these Kate/Ivan situations continue to be top notch.

I’ll say this, though. The tension between Kate and Betty is at a level it has not been in ages, maybe ever, and sorry for not being sorry that my little McAndrews heart is excited to see anything between them. There is so much unresolved shit here, and I’m all about a version of the story where that intense emotion finally reaches its fruition.

In other lesbian news, Teresa is shipping out. Betty’s reaction to this is accurately summed up here:

Vera and Marco are having lunch and being adorable while Gladys not so subtly listens in on their conversation. Gladys, I love you, okay? I love your angel face and your perfect hair, but sometimes I genuinely wonder what you are doing with your life. Then she joins them for lunch and gives them oatmeal raisin cookies. SPIES!

yes this is how spy i am good spy now

Marco tells Gladys that her family’s stores are dens of sin and misery. Gladys interprets this as Fascist Talk. SPIES!

marco hate groceries marco fascist good spy work!!!??!!!

Betty joins Ivan and Kate for lunch because I guess it’s not awkward that Ivan has boned both ladies at the table? Ivan is experiencing a situation that I like to call The Bryn Mawr Dining Hall Every Single Day. Ivan and Kate are wedding planning which is exactly what a lesbian wants to witness her former crush and beard doing right after she’s been told the only girl she’s ever had sex with is leaving forever. Kate is lying through her teeth about her family and Betty is onto her ass. Mostly because Betty is the only one who knows Kate’s darkest secrets, and vice versa. Oh, ladies, someday you’ll figure this all out.

Terrible Accent Sir tells Gladys she needs to get close to Vera to learn Marco’s secrets, and Gladys actually does what he says. Gladys, baby girl, sweet cheeks? What are you doing, honey? She suggests that she and Vera go “cry into some beers” which is weirdly a thing I don’t suggest to my friends but something that happens anyway?

IS THIS HOW SPY AM GOOD SPY YET???

Vera is suspicious of Gladys’ magical vagina, second only to Taylor Swift’s magical vagina, and gives her the Lucille Bluth side-eye before walking away.

Lorna is supervising a dance class because VicMu is actually a girls’ summer camp that happens to make bombs. The dance instructor is none other than Weirdly Erotic Milkman, who flashes her the look of Tryna, to which Lorna literally responds “YOU?”

Anyway they flirt and dance and it looks like we’re about to get our hands on another Lorna Infidelity Plotline, minus cannoli, plus milk. Girl has definitely got a food thing going for her. Whatever gets you off, honey.

Double Feature Edition Bomb Girls 208 and 209: Burlesque, Babes, Other B-Words

Sorry for the lateness, Bombshells. I have three jobs: Two of them are in customer service, and the other one is being a professional Internet presence/consumer of cheesy lesbian media. Can you guess which one I’d like to do full-time? Ha ha ha! Ha. Ha ha. Ha. Anyway, I combined the last two episodes into one gigantic amazing gooey ball of lesbian fun as a way to make it up to you.

Let’s start with Episode 2×08! In this episode, Lorna tried to get all her girls into a top preschool, Betty started a fight club, and Gladys became the Bond Girl she was born to be. Actually, none of these things specifically happened, but if you’re an English major working in retail who has a lot of extra time to embellish the truth, you could say these things did, in some way, happen. In other matters of almost but not quite, apparently I misspelled Teresa’s name last week. Maybe if we knew more about her as a character beyond the fact that she enjoys scissoring with Betty and is in the army, I’d know how to spell her name. #SHOTSFIRED

The episode starts at the Jewel Box, where all the girls are making out with each other and then crying about it in the bathroom. Oops, sorry, that’s just every lesbian party I’ve been to ever. On this particular Episodic Jewel Box Outing, Betty and Gladys are dancing with each other in an adorable way. I’m gonna continue to be the only one in the room saying it but gosh darn it, I ship it. I gosh darn ship it.

via victorymunitions1942.tumblr.com

Gladys is still on her emo kick, though, and really wishes the band would play some “deeper cuts,” so she goes to sit down and drown her sorrows in alcohol and the memory of Conor Oberst’s better tracks. Teresa takes her place, and she and Betty do some jazz hands-type movement that I believe is a 1940s lesbian mating ritual. Then Betty reveals she learned to dance on a refrigerator door which is an image that only took me a good ten minutes to sort out in my head.

and later i’m gonna make you my fridge door and bang you all night whenever i get hungry

A mysterious dude buys a drink for Gladys because these things are always happening to Gladys. She doesn’t accept because feminism.

Gladys heads to the ladies’ room where she is accosted by the worst spy of all time.

HEY GIRL HAVE YOU GOT AN OB ALSO DISH ME SOME FACTORY SECRETS UR THE BEST GIRL

Gladys comes to the obvious conclusion that something is fishy and not in the lesbian joke way.

Vera and Gladys are going to go to the movies and see the Hitchcock version of exactly what Gladys is dealing with in her weekly storyline. It’s a heavy plot device but at least it allows us to see yet another adorable friendship on this show. I am running out of friendships to adore, guys. It’s all too much.

still laughing at amanda bynes’ twitter

Since Bob got his pay day and needed shade and a vacay, Lorna is home alone and into Sheila’s suggestion of community service at the hospital. She thinks she is gonna enlist the factory girls because they are going to need way more community service on their resumes if they’re ever gonna get into the right schools. She tells the girls that dudes are dying for their right to party and they should feel bad about it. I’ve decided Lorna is the factory’s resident Catholic Mother, as she seems to employ a lot of intense guilt in both motivation and discipline.

there are starving children in africa who would love to have clean nails and safety regulations

Betty has decided that her community service will be servicing Teresa’s vagina. The icy tension between her and Kate continues to solidify into a thick enough layer that you could probably safely ice fish on it. Maybe for perch, or trout. I don’t know. What would be considered the most lesbianish fish? Someone get on Wikipedia and brainstorm this out with me.

yeah my schedule is full up with lesbian activities which is kind of like that time i proposed you do lesbian activities with me and you turned me down? is that ringing any bells, kate?

Reggie is sick of her racist landlady and her bullshit policies, and is generally the most overlooked character on the show. Reggie! Where have you been? Please tell me that we didn’t see you in these last episodes because you were too busy forming a girl gang and making zines about intersectional feminism. Anyway, Lorna’s maternal instincts are all over this situation.

and don’t get me started on the people who can’t pronounce “Quvenzhané Wallis”

Down on Ye Olde Factory Floor, Gladys is mindin’ her own beeswax just makin’ bombs when she spots the Worst Spy Ever on the factory floor! What even, girl? Gladys goes over to confront her, but girl pretends she is not even that lady and puts up some major cold fronts. Worst Spy Ever, what is your deal? This is like that time my ex saw me making out with her ex at a party and I told her it wasn’t me even though we totally made eye contact and had a conversation at the time. Same thing.

i’m not that mysterious lady from last night and that ob definitely didn’t last me a much longer time than expected with such an easy insertion method! what a quality tampon product!

Gladys takes this to Akins who tells her they have new security at the factory. Security is Mysterious Drink Buyin’ Dude Who Was Tryna! He has the worst British accent I have heard in a long time. The last time I heard that bad of an accent was coming from my own mouth when I was trippin’ balls at a La Roux show and thought I could pretend to be Elly’s back-up dancer. Ha, those were the days!

They want Gladys to point out the worker on the factory floor, but of course Worst Spy Ever is nowhere in sight. Akins once again chalks this up to women and their menses cycles, and Worst British Accent decides to ask Gladys out because boy is still tryna! Gladys accepts because third wave feminism.

OI! WOT’S ALL THIS THEN?

Over at the only wing this hospital seems to have, Lorna is working especially hard at her Helicopter Mom impression. She literally brought Sheila’s childhood stuffed animal today. Sheila is like, totally embarrassed, because now all the popular nurses are gonna see and they’re never gonna let her sit with them at lunch! Thanks a lot, Mom!

Ashley Benson-Carver says stuffed animals are for girls who stuff their bras, mom. You, like, don’t even know what is cool because you went to middle school when there were dinosaurs.

Kate gets fixated on a non-responsive patient because this is all an impressive metaphor for seemingly impossible situations, am I right? He’s probably representative of the McAndrews fandom following most of the events of season 2.

look i respect the fandom and the top notch fanfiction but y’all gotta learn to respect my agency as a character

Over at the movies, Betty and Teresa are nudging each other with their fingers and then finger-clasping which is just about the gayest thing ever, good for them. Gladys and Vera are also holding hands, which is such an interesting commentary on female sexuality and the way women are socialized to be desexualized in their affection with each other, thus the “invisible lesbian.” In less academic jargon, Lorna is sad and can’t believe she ditched stalking her daughter for this depressing sitch.

a pair of lesbians in the wild, performing the traditional lesbian call to mating that is known by experts as “finger bumpin”

near the lesbian watering hole, a pair of “should be lesbians” have gathered and are performing their own unique rituals of affection

Teresa and Betty walk home from the movies. They have the conversation we have all had with our first girlfriend, the one who had actually done this whole lesbian relationship thing before, while we were the young eager puppy with no idea our hearts were about to be stomped to all oblivion by something called reality. This conversation is prompted by some drunk guys being rude and trying to get up on them. The guys call them bull daggers and reach for Teresa, which causes Betty to punch them in the fuckin’ face. Betty fuckin’ McRae, ladies and gentlemen.

50 cent’s “many men” plays in the background

Teresa: I have a lot at stake and you have a lot to learn. I keep my head down and I keep my business to myself.

Kate decides the best way to connect with the McAndrews fandom is to sing to him. It’s super effective! That’s because Kate is actually a Disney princess and I refuse to believe anything else.

the hillllsssss are aliiiiive with the sounds of fangirls complaining about me not sleeping with their favorite character

Gladys goes out with Fake Brit Worst Attempt At Accent Ever and it’s not going super well. First of all, they go to the Jewel Box because apparently there are no other night spots in Toronto. Now all their work friends and lesbian buddies could walk in at any time and spot this truly awful trainwreck of a date taking place. This is like my first and only date with a boy where we ended up going to a Chinese restaurant where the entire JV girls’ soccer team was seated next to us and watched the 16 year old awkward go down. In this case, we’re running the gamut from dead ex-boyfriends to ridiculous sounding British childhoods. Bond he is not, ladies and gentlemen.

still tryna

Betty and Teresa have another “talk” that makes me more than a little sad inside.

Teresa: I will not risk my career. Not even for you.

when they start paying me to be a lesbian, i’ll let you know. until then, respect the hustle.

It’s such an interesting turn to see Betty dealing with all of Teresa’s boundaries, especially when Betty was all about chivalry and self-sacrifice when her romantic energy was focused on Kate. To have that type of love and infatuation not returned twice seems like the worst kind of torture for someone who is a walking ball of emotions. Ah, Betty. You and I have that experience in common ten times over. Call me when you wanna get matching “Tender Butch” tattoos, boo.

Not Actually Brit takes Gladys for a drive to a dark and super foggy bridge. Seems like a good idea. Bad Accent Fake Brit tells Gladys to get out of the car and follow him onto this unlit bridge where he will definitely not murder her. Like, definitely!

what if i told you i was a time traveler on a very specific mission, gladys? the mission to kill jenny schecter.

Turns out Bad Accent and Worst Spy Ever are spies who want to recruit Gladys to also be a spy. Is this seriously how they are doing the whole spy recruitment program in Canada? Kinda unprofesh, guys. Feel like their Spy Headquarters is actually a treehouse where the redhead turns bottlecap knobs on a cardboard box control panel and sends everyone on top secret missions to annoy each other’s brothers.

Back at the hospital, Lorna learns from Dr. Patel that he is actually engaged to an Indian lady via an arranged marriage and this whole thing with Sheila is just kind of an “in between thingy” that they’re both totally down with. Obviously this is a super modern idea for Lorna, and for television in general (a relationship we cannot call endgame????? what????????) so everyone is a little shocked and appalled. This was not what Lorna was expecting when she packed Sheila a lunch with the sandwiches cut into hearts and a note that said “LOVE YOU SO MUCH DONT SLEEP WITH DR PATEL XOXO MOMMY”.

i’m sorry miss jackson i am for real

At the Jewel Box, bad shit is about to go down. And by bad shit, I mean the men from earlier come back and beat the shit out of Betty. It is exactly as heart in your throat tears down your cheeks bad as you think it is. I was a straight up mess. They are trying to drag her into their car for whatever dark purpose I would rather not consider, when Vera shows up and saves the day. Vera, I didn’t think I could love you more, but I do. I really, truly do.

Inside, Teresa and Betty have a moment. It might be the first moment where Teresa “gets” what this relationship means to Betty and what her pride and determination have to do with her identity. It’s pretty lovely.

Betty: What’s that for?

Teresa: Being a hero.

Betty: I’m not trying to be a hero. I’m trying to live my life.

Baby girl, you are perfect.

Lorna thinks Sheila shouldn’t be in a situation where marriage is not the endgame. Think of the fanfiction, Lorna pleads, but Sheila tries to explain that doomed ships are typically the most popular in the fandom. It doesn’t go well.

HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN THE HARRY/HERMIONE TAG ON AO3, MOM? SHIT IS RIPE!

Betty shows up to work with a shiner and Lorna stands up for her. Everyone gives her a round of applause because feminism. Betty makes a lot of faces that will take out your heart and smash it with a million silver hammers of emotional justice.

Lorna invites Reggie to move in with her which I’m pretty sure already happened, right? Like wasn’t girl eating breakfast there in 2×02, that one where I was making a lot of L Word jokes? Writers, what you smokin’? You get lost in the spy storyline, too? Y’all still working on that whole Teresa character fleshing out thing? I hope y’all get your shit together for the next episode.

And guess what? They do! Because didn’t I tell you this would be a double feature? I did. And as Jay-Z says and as I say when I pregame and rap over Jay-Z, on to the next one.

Bomb Girls 207: The One Where She Brings A U-Haul

Sweet baby Jesus’ sweet baby cheeks, Bomb Girls is back! Did you make it through the hiatus? Were you able to find an outlet for your tears and your feelings and your strong investment in fictional 1940s lesbians? I had to take up a hobby in order to deal with all the pent-up emotion I wasn’t sobbing out once a week, so I’m now a skilled taxidermist! Feel free to shoot me an email the next time you need your pussy stuffed!

This episode had everything: enough human tears to power the Canadian equivalent of the Hoover Dam, your (okay maybe second) fave lesbians shackin’ up, Marco once again taking first place in Son, You Gotta Stop With These Workplace Romances, and Vera saving the entire operation for the one zillionth billionth time. When is this girl gonna get a raise/general life break?

In the first scene of the show that has ever taken place in the good ol’ United States of America, Gladys & Witham Clan are in Massachusetts for James’ funeral. I’m a little disappointed that this scene didn’t involve McDonalds, a bald eagle, redneck tourists, or any of the other things I have come to expect with non-American portrayals of Americans. James’ mom is super bitchy and definitely blames Gladys for her son’s death. Shockingly, Gladys is not 100% on board with this accusation.

oh my lumpin god this is such a lumpin drag and my underwear isn’t even lumpin matching today

The moral of this story is that Gladys’ sadness makes baby angels cry and I literally cannot even watch her shed tears because I don’t understand how her face is actually that perfect.

daddy and i will be in the hotel bar so page my assistant if you need anything else

Lorna’s sons are stormin’ Europe and Lorna really wants a telephone. Like, she really wants a telephone. Probably because she has some important calls waiting.

Our favorite lesbians are back, and they’re gardening because that’s not gay at all. Community gardens, an investment in fairly sourced food, and vegetarian phases are definitely not some favorite pasttimes of the lesbian community. Betty is showing Kate how to gently and yet forcefully pluck the ripe fruit of the tomato vine. This is a thing I do with my platonic friends all the time – I show them how to slowly grasp at round objects handing in front of them, and then tell them to give those objects a gentle but playful squeeze.

Boobs. I am talking about boobs.

what else do they expect us to do with all these excess cucumbers

Kate ditches the gardening biz to go eat pancakes with Ivan. Betty tries not to roll her eyes too hard, and starts thinking about getting her “uteruses before duderuses” tattoo removed.

Betty: I thought you said we finish what we started here.

Kate: I’ll pull my share. Later.

Oh, ladies. We’re not really talking about vegetables, are we? We’re talking about the remaining tension between you two and the relationship that never was but may yet be, aren’t we?

Slide on over to Ye Olde Factory Floor, where Carol is slidin’ on down to ground level to slide on up to Kate and Betty. Turns out Gladys has gone Full Emo and Carol thinks that maybe her Token Lesbian Friends can pull her out of this mess. Betty’s Face of Skepticism is just on full blast today.

jeez carol how many times do i need to turn down a threesome with you

Up on the factory roof, Marco and Vera are feasting on Italian food. Marco, I’ve said it once, and I’m gonna say it again: You need to start meeting women outside of your workplace who are not in compromising positions of authority. Then again, I’m sure if we broke into Marco’s laptop (since his password is probably RIPBABYCANNOLI) we would find lots of Women in Compromising Positions of Authority Porn. Marco tells Vera that they are putting erection-killing chemicals in the food so that the employees will stop boning each other. Which, honestly, has actually been a problem at the factory, lez be real. Anyway, I am Team Vera/Whatever Vera Wants so go get it, honey. They are cute and eat cutely together.

you wanna watch me put 20 olives in my mouth again?

A telephone guy is putting the telephones in at the factory, and Lorna decides she is going to bribe her way into acquiring a telephone. Oh, Lorna, you wonderful set of grey morals, you.

Vera is, as usual, 100% on top of factory shit and has noticed a discrepancy in numbers that means someone is stealing chemicals from the factory! Aikens ignores her because he thinks she’s on her period or something, and he is not the best at listening to women or acknowledging women or seeing women as people beyond sexual objects. Vera has very little tolerance for this kind of bullshit.

did you not read that post about intersectional feminism i reblogged last night

Aikens takes this issue downstairs to the boys so they can have a boy talk about boy feelings. Kidding! Boys don’t have feelings. Aikens tells Leon, Marco, and Buster that someone is stealing chemicals and Leon and Marco form a mystery solving gang called “Actual Minority and Political Minority Crime Busters.”

where did you find all my Women in Positions of Supervision porn

Kate and Betty are bantering about the uses of excess vegetables when surprise! There’s a lesbian here to see Betty. And not just any lesbian, but Theresa, the lesbian that Betty was canoodling with last episode. Let the record show that Kate looks at Theresa as if trying to turn her to a pile of lesbian dust with her eyes. With her eyes.

you are lower than jenny schecter to me do you understand

Betty and Kate are supposed to be going to see Gladys but Betty is like bitch please, I am gettin’ me some. She gives Kate a considerably “fresh” response.

Betty: Kate, you go, I’ll catch up.

Kate: Betty, you promised.

Betty: It’s just like you and the garden, Kate. I’ll pull my share later.

Yeah, we still ain’t talkin’ about vegetables, ladies.

Over at Chez Witham, Gladys is told to turn down her Elliott Smith record and come downstairs to have tea with her friends. She wipes the excess black eyeliner from her eyes and straightens her Bright Eyes shirt, “Needle in the Hay” whining in the distance. In all seriousness, James has been dead, what? A week? Is she not allowed to mourn for at least a week, guys?

and mom won’t even let me listen to dashboard confessional anymore

Carol is trying to keep things forcibly fun and upbeat like a middle school dance, but Gladys is too busy mouthing the lyrics to Brand New’s “The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot”. Mrs. Witham’s attitude about the whole thing is pretty clear.

That American soldier guy is there to get James’ car. Gladys is not down with this plan. Also she hasn’t cleaned out the backseat and it’s full of empty Starbucks cups from all the times she gets in her Uggs and starts craving a frappuchino to Instagram.

uh ma’am can you turn down the mcr i can’t hear you

One of Marco’s old friends is in the mafia because Italians! He stops by so Marco’s mom can give him the largest most phallic vegetable ever, and so Marco can confront him about the missing chemicals. Wise Guy says it has nothing to do with him, and look at his miniature tie!

i don’t…yeah i can’t write a caption for this

Lorna finally gets that telephone. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the telephone guy doesn’t get any nookie for it.

when i said threesome, i was talking about the telephone

Betty is entertaining Theresa in her room and staving off sexy times by claiming neighbors and thin walls. Oh girl do I ever feel you there. I miss a lot of things about college, but listening to the gentle hum of my neighbor’s vibrators and the weird things they called each other during climax are things I do not miss at all. Theresa wins her over with strawberries because I guess we’re going there with the lesbian fruit metaphors this episode?

is it cool if i touch your cantaloupes

In da club, Vera and Kate have dragged Gladys out for a drink, because hey, if you can’t get happy through emotional support and distraction, why not alcohol? Kate basically tells Gladys to get a fake boyfriend and become an alcoholic because it sure has done wonders for her issues, while Vera is direct and tells Gladys shit happens and she’ll get over it.

i wish kate and ivan would stop having a bottle deep throating contest while we’re having this conversation

Ivan bugs Kate about her brothers and doesn’t really get that there’s a reason she doesn’t talk about her family. Well, if you can date a lesbian for as long as he did, I’m not terribly surprised he’s missing out on other strong cues.

Wise Guy shows up at da club and does some disrespectful stuff. Marco snaps at Vera and she is not happy about it because she’s a fucking queen and deserves respect. Also maaaaaybe she has a little crush on Marco, we shall see.

did you not get the memo that you can only address me as
her royal highness from now on

Betty shows up at work the next day and blatantly checks all of her coworkers out. Her dyke swag is truly amazing.

[via give-chase.tumblr.com]

Buzz around the water cooler is that there are soldiers coming to work at the factory now. And yet again, we are bombarded by surprise lesbians! Because guess who brought her U-Haul?

reporting for booty duty, ma’am

Betty looks exactly like I did when I was in college and kept walking into the first day of class only to find I had slept with half the class.

Vera gets a call from Robyn. Robyn says she needs to call her girlfriend because it’s time they had the talk. I’m kidding, it’s actually a mysterious voice that tells her the chemical stealer person is going to be arriving by truck at 2 pm. Oh, okay.

robyn i told you to stop calling me

Lorna gets a call from Robyn, too! JK LOL it’s Bob because their son Stanley is missing in action. Betty comes across her being super upset and gives her a bro hug, which is what you do when you sidehug your buddy in a non-homo way. It’s actually really adorable how loyal and protective Betty is and I’m just really touched on a million levels, guys.

it’s okay, mrs. corbett. sometimes i cry about lip service being cancelled too.

So, who is driving that 2 pm truck? It’s Marco. He’s like come on, guys, spaghetti! But they arrest him. Vera is super torn because maybe she has a lady boner for him. Maybe.

DON’T TAZE ME BRO

Lorna is super stressed and the continually ringing phone is making her a little edgy. Her neighbor Ellie is ringin’ the phone off the hook and Lorna has had enough.

Ivan made airplanes for Kate’s brothers. Dude, what about don’t push the subject do you not understand? But again, dude dated a lesbian and then dated lesbian’s sexually confused friend who is clearly in love with lesbian so okay, we get it. Not the brightest bulb in the crayon box. Ivan says that her brothers should definitely come visit. Kate is like he he he he he he he he…no.

oh ivan if only this plane was lifesized so i could fly away from you forever

Betty and Theresa are eating together and discussing when they will adopt a cat together. Theresa has already driven the U-Haul around back behind the boarding house and has spent the day unloading her Birkenstocks, so she’d like to hear a timeframe. Betty is a little overwhelmed but totally down for this “making hay” thing. Oh, 1940s slang for sex acts! You’re precious!

girl do you like the canteen peas because i’d like to appease your vagina

Gladys asks Lorna if she can come back to work. Lorna doesn’t think she’s ready, but she gives in. It’s touching. I don’t have funny things to say about this because I am genuinely invested in Gladys’ happiness and the intense character growth she has been going through this season.

i threw out everything i owned that involved conor oberst. i’m ready.

Lorna gets a call from Stanley, who is alive and well. She and Bob cry. I also cried. I hope you cried. We had a lot of pent-up tears to deal with, okay? We deserved a good cry.

beyonce???????

Vera and Gladys decide to form a crime-busting team of their own, and solve the Mystery of the Missing TNT. Whodunit? Buster dun it! They hold up his car with pure womanpower until he is caught and arrested. And he would have got away with it, too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids and their lesbian friends!

either you get out of that car or we absorb you with our magical feminist vaginas okay

Vera goes to Marco to apologize for getting him accidentally arrested and explains that Buster dun it. Marco thanks her by putting his mouth on her mouth. And boom goes the dynamite.

Some other things happen: Bob says he is going to go move in with his brother for a while and work on a farm? I don’t even know what you’re doing anymore, Bob. Marco and Wise Guy hang out and bond Italian-style aka they non-sexually kiss and talk about how it’s hard out here for an Italian. But most importantly, Vera gets a promotion!!!

BALL SO HARD MOTHER FUCKERS WANT TO FINE ME

The ladies gather to plant a tree in James’ honor and also do an impromptu Iwo Jima flag raising tribute? It’s touching, but it’s also this fantastic metaphor for how much these ladies accomplish together. Womanpower, guys. This show is all about womanpower, and don’t you ever forget it.

carol, stop singing that fucking pocahontas song about the sycamore growing

Bomb Girls 206 Recap: Super Special Sexy Edition

This week on Bomb Girls, half of my early season predictions came true, and there was hardcore lesbian kissing! And post-coital lesbian processing! On primetime television! Granted this is Canada, land of my ancestors and their relatively agreeable relationship with gay sex, but it was so awesome. To celebrate, this is a Super Special Sexy Edition of Bomb Girls recaps, so hold onto your boy briefs and your glitter handcuffs.

Witham Foods is sponsoring a radio show to raise war bonds, which is the 1940s equivalent of putting on a Youtube special with a kickstarter. Except instead of getting an Original Plumbing sticker or a handwritten postcard made from recycled zines as a thank you, you get a spatula set. Fun fact: Spatulas make great floggers.

Kate is going to be singing in a trio at Ye Olde Fundraiser, and can I just reiterate: Is everyone at this factory musically talented? Why hasn’t there been a musical episode yet? And not just because I want to see a choreographed number involving Betty, all the VicMu homos, and Do It Like A Dude.

giiiirls in tight dresses who draaag with mustaches chiiicks driving faast ingenues with long laaashes

Ivan is watching this situation from the piano, and he takes Kate’s hand when they’re done to indicate that she and him are in the serious business. This is a recreation of my reaction to this gesture:

HANDS ARE OUR THING, BUDDY

There’s a soldier lady who is organizing the bond selling, and you know that thing where you see a cute lady but you can’t tell if she plays for your team, so you give the lingering look that indicates you’re super into it but trying to not be rude? Betty and the soldier lady are doing that thing.

I call it the Intense Lesbian Gaze.

Over at Ye Olde Hospital, a famous actress named DeDe is there as part of the bond tour to raise the everyone’s spirits. She looks a lot like Regina from Once Upon A Time. For the record, I don’t watch that show, but maybe I read the fanfic. Maybe.

maybe i read super smutty swan queen fic okay maybe

Sergeant Dickhole is there as the official Famous Lady Escort. I’m going to be real: Gene is definitely a giant asshole, but he’s a complicated giant asshole. He’s actively experiencing flashbacks and PTSD that explain the exasperation of his self-destructive selfish behavior, and there’s something a little heartbreaking about watching someone like this fall apart, even if he’s a general douche.

i thought i was staring at a wall but it seems i am staring at a gaping vortex into the star trek: the next generation universe

Vera and Lorna are being Head Bitches In Charge in the office, trying to figure out how they are going to beat out everyone else for the most war bonds. Vera, Flawless Queen of the Universe, thinks they should get fireworks, because hey, we all know how much homos like blowing stuff up:

spoiler alert: in this movie all these homos blow shit up

Over at Ye Olde Factory Floore, Betty and Ivan have the face-off we’ve all been expecting. Unfortunately, Betty does not tear off her uniform to reveal a gilded wrestling singlet and shiny trident, nor does she use the trident to stab Ivan in the heart.

Gene is smoking in the only wing this hospital seems to have, which I am 99% sure breaks every rule of hospitals besides don’t use a cell phone or someone’s organs will be sucked out by a misfiring CAT scan. Sheila thinks her brother needs to put out the cigarette so he puts it out on his fucking palm. Jesus Christ, Bomb Girls. I did not sign up for this dark shit. Where is my lesbian soap opera with nail polish and pajama parties and silly hats?

LOOK CAPTAIN PICARD IF YOU CAN’T SEE HOW HARDCORE I AM THEN YOU NEED TO EXIT THE BRIDGE

Over at Ye Olde Hotel, it appears that Gladys’ bills are no longer being paid by James. Further investigation of the matter reveals that Gladys can look stunning doing something as mundane as sorting her financial issues, and Daddy made a deal with James and is not gonna pay for the room anymore, which means Gladys’ fancy hat days have come to an end. Pretty sure this happened on an episode of Girls, right?

dear gladys, please stop sleeping with men. love, everyone

Gladys is sick of the men in her life running her life, so she goes to the Lesbian Commune to complain to a ready audience.

Sheila decides it’s time to have an intervention now that Gene thinks he is actually on the USS Enterprise. Lorna, denial is a river in Egypt.

while we have you here, just a heads-up that we are going to pull a dusty and romi and get married in vegas and record really heinous songs about christmas

Gladys gets James on the phone to discuss financial matters, but decides to drop the Gene bomb at the same time. Like, it’s great you are fighting over there and stuff, but girl has got to feed the growler, yeah? You know that moment in the movie where you know a character is gonna die? Like when the busty sorority girl walks into the abandoned house, or the soldier gets a call saying his wife is pregnant, or any dog appears in a sentimental coming of age film? James says he doesn’t want to hear it because this might be the last time they talk before he heads to the front. That was his Old Yeller Moment. If he says it might be the last time, you know it’s the last time.

omg james stop freaking it was just the tip ps do not die for fuck’s sake

Over at Ye Olde Lesbian Stuff Happens Every Time We Go To The Jewel Box, Vera is trying to convince Marco to lend some fireworks from his firework factory. Look, I’m gonna be real. They are super cute and I want them to bang. There, I said it.

look i peeped the yelp reviews and now i want to try the cannoli okay?

Betty shows up with Kate, who she hands over to Ivan with a look that could make puppies cry. I swear to Lesbian-Satan, Ali Liebert. But looky-loo who shows up but Bond Girl, and boy, is she picking up on the right signals.

Lorna decides to sit Gene down and try to reason with him on the whole PTSD situation. Gene pretends he cut his hand on a bottlecap and tells Lorna to get the fuck off the holodeck because he and Deanna Troi are about to talk about his feelings and stroke each other’s faces.

gene, please stop referring to me as the borg

Marco runs into a fellow wise guy outside of the Jewel Box, and gets him to lend him some fireworks after they bond over Italian stuff, like spaghetti and tiny cars. I miss Baby Cannoli, guys. I miss those jokes. Those were easy jokes.

mario! luigi! mario! luigi!

Gladys is totally freaking about losing this hotel room and all of her fancy hats when Gene shows up and Gene wants the V. Gladys is like, nope, sorry, dealing with some shit, please put the teletubby vacuum back in your pants. Gene continues to use innuendos in ways that make me laugh hysterically and says he’s going to “show you the front.” The front? The front of what? The front of your penis? Do penises have fronts and backs? I’ve never seen one, I don’t know how this shit works.

don’t call it the teletubby vacuum unless you are prepared for a helping of tubby custard

Get your hearts out because it’s time for their weekly stabbing! Kate and Betty are having the usual pajama party, but Betty’s had enough of beating around the bush when it comes to her desire to beat bush.

You got all you want. A boy who’s falling for you and a girl who already has. You use this… you use me.

That’s not true.

I helped you make a whole new life, and what are you doing?

I’m living it, Betty. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Then you can find someone else to dance with.

STOP IT WITH YOUR GODDAMNED DISNEY PRINCESS FACE

I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THESE FEELS I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THEM

This is a recreation of me during this scene:

It’s the day of the Kickstarter Fundraiser and Betty decides to take Bond Girl up on her offer of friendship. You know, the kind of Deep Intimate Friendship where you want to put your mouth in her lap. Betty makes it clear she’s here for Bond Girl and not Kate, Bond Girl makes it clear she is gay as a peacock and down for the business.

looks like i didn’t trim my nails for nothin

Bob tries to talk to Gene grumpy man to douchey man, but it doesn’t go very well. Gene thinks his dad should sod off because they are about to make him a first mate on the Enterprise.

my name is not riker why do you keep calling me that

Gladys figures if she’s gonna have to sell all her fancy hats anyway, she might as well go out with a bang. Daddy thinks that her relationship with Gene seems awfully close. Gladys thinks she has a lot on her plate and maybe needs to get it out of her system via deep vagina massage, okay?

if i want to embrace a man with my growler whatever that is like the basics of feminism daddy

Gene and Lorna are supposed to be getting a picture together but Gene is telling Lorna that she is a backstabbing bitch! No, that is literally what he said! Seriously, Corbetts, how did you have a fucking family whistle but your kids still turned out to be such epic dickholes?

i know you cannot help it mother it’s just the klingon nature in you

Bomb Girls 205 Recap: Them’s Fightin’ Words

This week on Bomb Girls, Betty McActuallyGerman wants to know if you are ready to rumble, and almost everyone needs to take a serious look at their lives and choices. Except Vera Burr. Vera continues to be a flawless human being.

There’s a whole bunch of new girls at VicMu, and given the current ratio of lesbians to “mostly straight” chicks at this factory, we can only assume that about three quarters of this crop are gay as a Christmas tree. The Holy Trinity rolls up in Gladys’ car and makes what one would describe as a truly gangster entrance. Unfortunately, waiting for them and all other eligible vaginas is Bumhole McSkeezy, aka Gene Corbett.

Unfortunately, Lieutenant Poopdick has his eye on the prize, and that prize is our angel-faced Gladys. Lorna is all up on this situation like white on bread because she will be damned if anyone touches her little goober. Dearest Lorna, your little goober has grown into a giant nutsack and you need to rein his ass in stat. Prime example: Gene does not know the meaning of multiple no’s.

i got the award on my okcupid profile for “gives off rapey vibes”

Betty and Kate are sizing up the freshmeat, who are recent deportees of a washing machine factory, where I guess they made washing machines? It’s unclear. I really wish this scenario would end with a freshman paddling scene a la Dazed and Confused, but oh well.

idk kate none of these girls look like the switch top/bottom we’ve been seeking in a third

Outside, Gene is using car euphemisms to try to woo Gladys. Barf. Yeah buddy, she’ll never guess what you’re onto when you use the line “let me check under your hood.” Did you even know that there is such a thing as a clitoral hood, Gene? Or a clitoris? This paltry level of innuendo is wasted on this doofus.

and when i say check under your hood i mean can i use my penis on your car bc that’s a hot car

Betty takes over registration and checks in Regina, who goes by Reggie. Oh, sweet baby dyke and Mini!Betty and awesome WOC character, you are one of the many reasons I love this show and all the things it gets right. Needless to say, Reggie and Betty do not hit it off.

Lorna confronts Gladys and basically tells her that Gladys is a skeevy homewrecker who is going to destroy her baby boy’s reputation. Lorna, what planet are you living on and how do I get there so I can blow it up and return you to Marco’s arms? No, but really, Lorna seemed much happier and more rational in Marco’s arms.

bitch i will cut you and think nothing of it

Reggie cuts Betty in the clearance line and basically says that she is hot shit. Betty is like hot shit in your diapers, you mean. It’s cute because they’re the same person, give or take ten years.

i just think jenny has a complex narrative that does not get the credit it deserves okay fuckface

Gladys is quick to point out to her bro that the two of them are butting heads because their heads are more or less identical.

Betty: The only thing bigger than that girl’s mouth is the chip on her shoulder.

Gladys: Gee, reminds me of my friend.

Up in the office, Mr. Akins needs a new office manager, which means it’s time for some hilarious hijinks when Vera faces off with that bitch Carol! This is like that time my friend and I fell for the same girl and baked her endless amounts of cookies and kept inviting her over for burgers. Plot Twist: It turned out she was vegan and hated both of us.

oh honey if you want a prank war i’ll give you world prank war ii

On the floor, not to be confused with that J.Lo song, Reggie and Betty continue to face off.

Betty continues to be appalled that anyone could not be fed up with her mini-me. Gladys has decided to Switzerland this situation and stay the fudge out of it until Betty realizes she is in a wrestling match with herself.

Vera and Carol are giving Mr. Akins a laundry list of things they’ve been doing around the office, but Mr. Akins really doesn’t care. Mr. Akins just wants to go home and shine his bald spot, okay? I didn’t even mean that in a dirty way, but now I’m rereading that sentence and there’s no other way to interpret it.

Vera says that she is definitely the lady for the job because she’s been both on the floor and in the office. I didn’t mean that sentence in a dirty way either, but there you go.

did your lady cycles sync up or something

Reggie and Betty continue to butt heads in Ye Olde Dining Hall, where Reggie equates Betty with Hitler. Come on, Reggie! Didn’t you see last week’s episode? German stuff is a tender spot with Betty McActuallyGerman!

Bomb Girls 204 Recap: Something Gay In German

This week on Bomb Girls and arguably the best episode of the show thus far, we discover that Betty did not, in fact, get pickles, and Gladys can sing, too? Petition to change the direction of this show to a Josie and the Pussycats-esque dramedy, with Kate and Gladys doing vocals, Vera on bass, Betty on drums, and Lorna as beleaguered manager/tambourine player.

Gene is back and has brought with him yet another haircut for me to covet. Seriously, I don’t need any more excuses to go back to my barber and keep asking her to make me look like an early 20th century gangster. Lorna wants to give Gene the VIP treatment but he just wants to dance around in his underwear. They overhear that three German prisoners have escaped near Toronto and are on the lamm. Lamm is the German word for lamb. It took me about ten minutes to realize that German does not have feminine/masculine nouns.

shit turn it up it’s tracy chapman

Over at Ye Olde Ladies’ Locker Roome, Gladys is bummed that her man is gallivanting in London and not gallivanting in her pants. Betty is bummed because she has to make like me every time I go out in public in the Greater Philadelphia Area and hope she doesn’t run into her burnt-to-a-crisp ex, Ivan. Kate is bummed because everyone is complaining about their vagina issues and she is so not getting any in the history of ever.

Kate storms off and Betty gives a longing look in her direction that is capable of ripping hearts out of chests and then smashing them with hammers. You know what? I am putting Ali Liebert on watch. Because her face situation has done too much damage to my heart, and I’m done. I am going to start keeping track of the moments in which my body physically hurts from the way she looks at Kate, and those are going to start adding up. It’s for the good of all of our hearts, okay? I would rate that last look as an “oh god.”

Vera wrote an article on Veronica Lake because Vera is just really awesome and continually the wisest person on this show. Gladys’ Minion, or the Secretary Formerly Known As Carol, is being a super bitch about the article because she is the editor of the school newspaper and VicMu High is not the kind of school where nobodies get to become somebodies through choreographed dance numbers and tokenism!

don’t pretend like you weren’t the one who wrote “VERA BURR 4 #1 SLUT” on the washroom door

Gene comes to give a talk to the ladies because Lorna is one of those moms who really likes to show off her kid. $20 says that if they’d had bumper stickers in the 1940s, Lorna would have had a “My Son Can Shoot The Nazi Kneecaps Off Your Honor Student” on her minivan. Mostly Gene talks about how he went to a burlesque show and they dropped a bomb on the square and he thought the girls should finish the show first. Gene is kind of a dickhole. Betty rolls her eyes so hard that the movement could be seen from the space station. Betty’s continued level of unimpressed with anything any male does on this show is EPIC.

Gladys thinks he’s an asshat,  but Kate is already singing “Someday My Prince Will Come” with a pair of talking birds. It’s okay, Kate. We all go through these confused stages where we think we’re supposed to want what society tells us to want, but then we realize that our prince has boobs. Maybe Kate is just reacting to the note from Leon that told her she should show at his choir practice, since she is in Rebellious Mode.

Marco introduces himself to Gene as That Guy Who Knocked Up Your Mom. Kidding! But Lorna’s face looks like Marco just challenged Gene to a Penis Sword Fight. That’s a thing people with penises do, right? I mean, that’s a thing I’d do if I had a penis.

hey chief! good to meet ya, sport! heard great things about you from your mom when she was reverse cowgirlin’ me!

Kate goes over to talk to Gene, and maybe flirts with him, but it’s hard to tell because Disney Princesses don’t flirt so much as sing their feelings while accompanied by woodland creatures. The reactions of the other girls to this flirting is priceless, especially Betty’s silent death wish upon seeing the love of her life try to hit on a dude.

silk blue kerchief: $99 import from paris. white jumpsuit: $20 standard issue. watching your best bro’s girl get hit on by a dude you are definitely gonna punch out later: priceless.

The Secretary Formerly Known As Carol needs Gladys to help with the soldier relief party she is putting together, but Gladys is having poker night with the broskies and the brewskies. Vera says she’ll help, and Gladys said she forgot to mention it’s for Popular Girls Only. Vera is like, honey, let’s just say I’m popular with the boys.

oh i’m sure you’re *very* popular

Every time I see Carol, I just want to say:

Lorna is putting on an extremely intense dinner for Gene, but Gene doesn’t really seem to care. Gene, I can already tell you are a Grade A Buttface. Bob thinks maybe Lorna is going overboard but 1940s Version of a Helicopter Mom, okay? Also their neighbor Ellie is incredible and needs her own spinoff.

lift and turn, lift and turn! it’s not that hard bob you’d think you never fisted a girl before

Vera shows up to the Popular Girls Relief Effort Party, which is being run by a MRS. BEAVERTON. You cannot make that shit up. If that was a shoutout for the lesbians in the audience: thank you, we got the message loud and clear, carry on.

you’re gonna need to stop making jokes about being “elbows deep in beaverton”

Betty and Gladys are about to sit down to Bro Poker Night, but it’s probably about as freezing in their house as it is my house right now. I’ll give you a hint. I am wearing an electric blanket as a poncho and can see my breath when I’m in the kitchen.

Sheila brings her date to the dinner and surprise, it’s Dr. Ned Patel! Lorna is like, really, you brought the only other man who has seen my vagina.

if it helps, mrs. corbett, it’s a very nice vagina! definitely didn’t notice the baby that was not your husband’s!

Bomb Girls 203 Recap: Beards Are For Shaving

First of all, huge shout-out to the super incredible folks who make Bomb Girls. I’m obsessed with your show, and I’m glad that you’re at least nominally comfortable with my obsession. Now that I know you read my recaps, I’m going to stop making so many lewd clitoris jokes.

Kidding! All of the clitoris jokes. All of them.

In this week’s episode, even more people got lucky than last time, and I had to get up and vomit at not one, but two points in the narrative! Also, there is a lot of talk about following one’s heart and I cried like the 5’8″ infant I am. This show has taken over my life, okay? I look forward to it all week and then I spend an hour crying and eating my feelings and saying things like “YOU LOVE HER JUST TELL HER YOU LOVE HER YOU BIG STUPID LESBIAN GOD YOU ARE BOTH SO PERFECT” at my computer screen, and then I have to take an angry nap because I can’t deal with my emotions. This is why this recap took so long. Because feelings.

The girls arrive at the factory on a parade float. Between a company parade float and the Valentine’s Day decorations, the VicMu accountants’ blood pressure continues to rise at a dangerous rate. The girls are supposed to be boosting wartime morale, but we all know there’s a much more appropriate use for that float.

HEY HEY HO HO THE PATRIARCHY HAS GOT TO GO

Since everyone is in Super Canada Wartime Pride Mode, Marco is across town trying to sign his perfect ass up for war. Unfortunately they have a strict No Italian Pastry Policy, and have deduced that he is not just excited to see them, but that is, in fact, a biscotti in his pocket.

i’m not even sure my cannoli will fit into a uniform, sir

Lorna is holding an after-school cooking seminar for her Brownie troop, aka Troop VicMu Blue Shift. They are going to earn their Rice Krispie Treat Badge or something. Is that a badge you can earn? I lasted a week in Brownies, and then they asked me to leave because I kept eating the activity supplies.

look bob, i can tell you on good authority that ketchup is a legitimate form of lubricant

Back at the ranch, Gladys asks Marco to pass out some enlistment flyers to his buddies. Marco says he doesn’t want to pass out her stupid flyers because he is dealing with some stuff right now, okay Gladys?! Vera says he is just peeved because of the army’s Anti-Spaghetti Sentiments. Gladys decides that she is going to make him her pet project because she is the Cher Horowitz of this munitions factory.

Well it’s like when I had this garden party for my father’s birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. ’cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin’. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Italians.

Betty’s sad because Kate wasn’t in a rainbow bikini on the float this morning, and Kate says she was sleeping in after partying hard with her hockey buddies. Kate says a “soldier boy” bought all the drinks and um is that a hint of a challenge I hear in her beautiful Disney voice and see in her beautiful Disney face?

you missed me getting drunk in my room while rewatching the l word and wishing carmen was a real person

Betty says to pace herself because the Maple Leafs might actually have a decent season and pigs are flying across the sky in droves. Actually, I should clarify that at one point in history Toronto did actually have a decent hockey team and this is not just a raving fever dream from the Leafs fans in the writers’ room. And since nothing puts Canadians in the mood like hockey and being considerate, you can bet this episode promises some sweet, sweet lovin’ for all consenting participants.

Gladys tells Marco she is about to give his life a total makeover, aka he can now sit at their table at lunch, pick out new hot outfits in a shopping montage set to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” and maybe get his father out of internment camp. Marco says that springing his dad and trying to find a cute bag that will match his eyes is a lost cause.

on wednesdays we wear pink also you have got to put the cannoli away because i am watching my carbs

Down at Ye Olde Canteene, Betty is explaining why she doesn’t need to attend a cooking class, aka achieve her Rice Krispies Treat Badge, by speaking only in lesbian sex innuendo. Right? Please tell me I’m not the only one who heard that.

Kate is experiencing some shaky finger issues because hey girl, we’ve all been there the morning after. Lorna notices the Lesbian Version of Morning Wood and calls foul. She assigns Kate to inventory because she can’t have a drunk on the assembly line. That would be as crazy as a fully grown man busting through a gigantic heart in a toga! Crazy, I tell you!

lesbian-sex-induced carpal tunnel syndrome is a real condition with real consequences, miss andrews

Kate goes down to the warehouse to take care of her duties, which actually means she is going at the secret stash of booze pretty hard. Leon tries to heal her with song, but when this doesn’t work he goes for nostalgia and calls her a church mouse. Kate makes it clear she is no church mouse.

Brownie Troop Blue Shift is about to earn their Rice Krispie Treat Badge. Kidding! They’re earning a Cow Tongue Badge! God bless Meg Tilly in her infinite wonderfulness for handling this situation. I myself had to leave the room and listen from my kitchen while I contemplated letting my recently digested meal of Oreo Fudge Cremes have a visit with the sink.

i want to make a joke in this caption but i am literally too disturbed to do so

Everyone’s priceless faces look like that time I accidentally downloaded hetero porn.

BUT WHY IS HE PUTTING IT IN THERE

you can’t just start with three fingers what is this moron playing at this is some shoddy technique

Needless to say, only a few people earned their badges that day as most of the girls had their moms pick them up early. Lorna is discouraged by her Brownie Troop’s serious disinterest in the tongues of dead cattle. I can’t post any more screencaps of this situation because I cannot revisit this cow tongue situation for at least a few days, or at least when I am able to hold down more than ginger ale and crackers.

Gladys meets her father for her mother’s birthday dinner, even though she has been working really hard on this whole Independent Woman thing. She uses this time to get him to help her with Celebrity Makeover: Marco Edition. Unfortunately, even the inventor of Toaster Strudel has his mortal limits. Gladys is not to be discouraged though because she is like 94% sure she can make Marco over in time to get him a homecoming date and get his dad back.

omg dad you are literally so embarrassing right now i can’t even lumping talk to you

Over at Ye Olde Hockey Bar, the Leafs are continuing this extra special winning streak. Everyone is getting touchy-feely with news of the victory and Kate, yes, that precious angel, HIGH FIVES HER DATE. Shoutout to every closeted queermo who has ever avoided physical contact with handshakes, high fives, and other incredibly awkward ways to touch a person without encouraging hugs or kisses. A gif is the only way to show this.

credit: geekingisunderrated@tumblr

Betty and Ivan have a conversation about Ivan wanting to finally get lucky because according to all the straight guys with neckbeards on Okcupid, he has “put in the time” and “deserves to finally get out of the friendzone” because he is a “nice guy.” You know, because women are actually Sex Machines and if you put enough Niceness Tokens in them, eventually they will have sex with you. Betty compares Ivan to Hitler, and says she needs to go hit the hay. It’s the most beautiful beard avoidance I’ve ever seen.

Leafs won today, babe. It’s a damn wonder. Enough to make a guy think anything can happen.

Yeah, it’s like Hitler. He thinks he’s won but the series isn’t over. I better go.

I wasn’t talking about Hitler.

Over at Joyless Junction, Lorna tricks Bob into eating the cow tongue. It is sweet, sweet vengeance since he is the human form of Grumpy Cat.

Gladys goes to Casa Marco to tell him she’s gotten a hearing for his father, and, like, the cutest fucking skirt at Forever 21, he is literally gonna die when he sees it. Marco doesn’t think it’ll work with his skin tone, plus his dad is super stubborn, and tells his mother that they should “postare.” From this word, Gladys understands they are going to postpone the hearing, which is hilarious because my first thought would have been “send him some mail.”

i went to all the trouble of finding you an outfit that would match those heinous glitter flats you picked out and this is how you respond

Betty finds Kate passed out on the couch. It looks like Kate is experiencing my sophomore year in college, when I was often woken up by lesbians who had found me sleeping naked on their couch. Betty, overcome with LoveforKate-itis, is starting to get super concerned about Kate’s behavior. Kate says she’s just trying to have a normal life, which requires her to push away her memories.

I’m having a good time. It keeps me from remembering things I wanna forget.

Running away won’t fix it. Your dad is dead.

We agreed, Betty, a normal life from here on in. That’s what I want, just like you. A good job, a guy like Ivan.

Betty makes her typically heart-breaking face. It’s like someone is ripping out my feelings and individually stomping and then drowning all of them.

i just feel like this couch really limits the positions we can try

Bomb Girls 202 Recap: Ain’t Nothin Wrong With A Lil Bump N Grind

This week on Bomb Girls: almost everybody gets lucky, and the untimely end to my fetus-as-Italian-pastry jokes. Take note: this is your final opportunity to learn about the sweets of the Appenine Peninsula through semi-tasteless humor that compares Lorna’s baby to buttery treats.

Just typing out the words “Italian pastry” makes me want to cancel my plans and go to the Italian Market and eat all the goddamned cannoli right now. I hope you appreciate the extreme sacrifices I am making for you, just like the sacrifices the characters are making to survive their tumultuous time period.

“instagram of me auditioning for the new celine dion music video #dreamscometrue #nofilter”

Kate has a nightmare that she’s dressed entirely in white and running away from her father, who tells her that, like my third grade Furby, he is impossible to kill. Even if you drop him in a bathtub and make his batteries froth, he’s only going to repeat “yum” at a more frightening volume. A dangerous man indeed.

She wakes up in Betty’s room. Betty is propped up in the corner between her door and her dresser, her physical discomfort a metaphor for the plight of pre-1990s queer existence. Kate says they need to return to the scene of the crime and make sure her father is actually dead and not just pretend dead. Betty says she will put aside all pre-existing commitments and do whatever Kate asks. Pretty sure if Kate said that her father’s body was hidden in an alligator-infested swamp that could only be accessed via setting one’s self on fire and jumping off a cliff, Betty would go get the matches and her alligator-beatin’ stick.

hi you’ve been accepted to hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry

Somebody slides a note under the door. Is it from Albus Dumbledore, reminding Betty and Kate not to use their lesbian magic outside of class? Is it from Amazon.com, telling them that Sum of her Parts is all sold out?

Nope! It’s from Gladys, who just so happens to be bright-eyed and fancy-tailed at this early hour. She comes in with a giant knowing grin, giving her favorite lesbian friends a “Good morning, girls!” that reminds me of every college friend who ever dragged my ass to brunch post-night with a pretty lady.

Gladys continues to be the best wingman she can be, and gives Kate a card that subliminally tells her she is in love with Betty.

this is your heart and this is the blonde girl that resides in your heart you’re welcome

Gladys says she’s moving out of her totally lame parents’ place, and will be crashing with the girls at their giant lesbian commune/boardinghouse for a while. Betty and Kate are like “Okay right well I hope you like quinoa.” Gladys goes to take a long diva soak, only to discover the joys of communal bathrooms. Numero uno on my list of things I do not miss about dormitories.

what did we say about emptying your diva cup in the bathtub

Over at le factorie, Lorna is holding her employee’s new baby. Even though she is talking about the worker’s situation, you know she is thinking about her own ricotta-filled situation.

Gladys has made her minion Carol drag all her things to the factory because who can say no to that angel face, am I right? Minion Carol says that Gladys’ mother predicts Gladys will be crawling back home as soon as she needs her underwear washed. Gladys is now extra determined to prove her independence and ability to wash her own underwear.

Down in the canteen, Marco the Italian Stallion comes busting out of a heart football team style. I can’t make this shit up. It’s Valentine’s Day, and apparently the factory does not fuck around with Valentine’s Day because the decorations alone are pretty intense. Somehow in wartime they have found the budget to outfit the men in fairly elaborate togas and wings? Victory Munitions, your priorities are adorable.

PI KAPPA ALPHA IN THE HOUSE

Marco is handing out valentines that are attached to real arrows. Real arrows, guys? If this was Pretty Little Liars, that arrow would be stuck through, like, a doll representing Lorna’s baby and pinned to the factory wall with a note from A. Gladys gets a bundle of arrows because she has the face of an angel, but she gives them back because girl power. Also, because she is loyal to her soldier boyfriend and taking these cards would be disloyal to him. Idk girl, accepting compliments is a valid component of self-love, and radical self-love is important!

4 FOR YOU GLADYS YOU GO GLADYS AND NONE FOR GRETCHEN WIENERS BYE

Since they’ll probably be spending Valentine’s sans cuddlebuddy, Vera and Gladys decide they are gonna get some rum and go drunk bowling tonight. Again, I can’t make this shit up. That plan sounds AWESOME and you and I both will be super disappointed when this scene does not come to fruition.

so you put two fingers in the hole and your thumb over the clit yep bowling is easy

Ivan has decided to make Betty his valentine, a crucial error on his part if he was going for a mutual valentine situation. I can’t be mad at his little puppy face, though. I just feel really sorry for him the same way I feel sorry for my high school boyfriend.

Ivan wants to take her out to the Jewel Box tonight but Betty says her best friend is in town, aka who is he kidding? As if she would spend Valentine’s Day without her lady love at her side, butch please. Ivan says he’ll bring a buddy and make it a double date. Are you there, God? It’s me, Kate. Can you make this a double date where Ivan realizes he is in love with his buddy and Betty makes out with Kate? Thanks, God.

negl the breeze through my nutsack is amazing right now

Marco decides this crowded room and very short cupid costume is the perfect environment for discussing baby logistics with Lorna. Oh, Marco. So pretty and so dumb. Lorna says she couldn’t drink the tea because she felt the little struffoli doing flips. Marco says she has to quit the factory job so she doesn’t overcook the sfogliatelle.

Everyone’s favorite lesbians are checking to make sure the pastor didn’t go zombie. Betty tells Kate about the double date in an adorable way that implies she is really hoping Kate will say no. Ugh, Betty. Seriously, you make my heart feel like it’s being gnawed by kittens. Kate’s entire justification for the double date is to support their alibi so they don’t look like suspicious killers. Betty may have a Gay Beard, but Kate is getting a Murder Beard. Kate 2.0 aka Lady Vengeance Kate is too awesome.

maybe we could stay in and play that real l word drinking game where we do a shot every time romi does something fucking dumb

They discover that oops, the body is gone. Betty still thinks they need to go to the police or something, but Kate wants to go rogue. This is a great opportunity for them to touch and walk away holding each other.

ugh i hate catcallers WE GET IT WE’RE GAY SHUT UP

Lorna is turned down in her plea for a job in the kitchens, or anywhere else there will not be continual exposure to toxic chemicals. This actually makes me wonder if all of the factory girls, aka my precious babies, are going to eventually die of horrific diseases. I’m going to pretend that was never a thought that crossed my mind. Let’s pray that Kate and Betty at least make it to the sixties so they can move to New York and get Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce to design the business cards for their gay enterprise.

Gladys and Vera are about to head out and get their drunk bowl on when surprise, James the soldier boyfriend returns. Turns out that he is on leave before shipping out to Deathsville, Europe (Am I too excited for this? Maybe). Vera’s expression says it all. Kudos, girlfriend. I am so over his lame ass, too.

Vera heads into town to find herself some man meat because she is not about that third wheel life. Vera is probably the wisest person on this show, can we be real?

Over at the Jewel Box, Betty and Kate are letting their beards out for exercise.

sorry my version just wants to remind you this is a canadian production and snow conditions are important in canada

Betty flirts pretty shamelessly with Kate and I wish Gladys was here to give her a knowing bro glance.

Betty: Lime cordial.

Kate: My favorite.

Betty: I know. I still keep a bottle.

Betty and her flawless dyke swag, I tell you.

Kate hallucinates her father and Betty’s Lesbian Spidey Senses go off. Since she is always expertly tuned into Kate’s Deepest Emotions FM station, she knows it’s time to take Kate home. Ivan and Buddy are confused and disappointed as they thought their boots were gonna get thoroughly knocked tonight, even though they are on the cusp of realizing their love for each other. Buddy makes a joke about Ivan not having to put out. Hahaha…ha…haha.

yeah i was over this club when the dj refused to play robyn

Bomb Girls 201 Recap: I Heard You Like Beards

If you’ve never seen Bomb Girls, please run, don’t walk, to your nearest torrent and get yourself the first season as soon as is humanly possible. If your television interests are as lesbian-thirsty as mine are, then consider this the tower of Gatorade in the middle of the Sahara.

I have a lot of feelings about this show, and most of them have to do with the fact that I want to share it with everyone I meet. I think that historical dramas that offer queer perspectives are really invaluable to our community. We have been struggling and surviving since the dawn of time, and since so many of us were erased from the history books or not allowed to give our accounts, it’s extra important that we still have access to those legacies, even the fictionalized versions. My goal is to get every single one of you to watch this show if you don’t already, and to get you super psyched so I won’t feel like I’m the only one vomiting all these gay feelings every week.

Also there is not nearly enough Bomb Girls fanfiction and you need to fill that void for me.

Here’s your first season refresher.

am i poor yet is this what being poor is like

GLADYS is totes rich and has the face of a hottie and the fur collection of Cruella de Vil. She works at the munitions factory because despite her family’s 1940s equivalent of a toaster strudel fortune, she wants to do what common people do. She is not a lesbian *yet*, but she only seems to hang out with lesbians.

Gladys’ parents are not down with her blue collar period, and this drops a bomb (HAHA) on the family dynamic. Her fiancé is pretty laid back about the whole thing, but also he contracts herpes from a lady who isn’t Gladys. Gladys calls it evensies because she once cheated on him, and they say sorry and decide to peacefully stay together. It’s the most Canadian thing that’s ever happened.

see how i’m deftly inserting this rod into this canister are you not turned on

BETTY is flawless dyke swagger in a pantsuit. She likes likes girls and has been keeping it a quiet secret because it is the 1940s. She has never met a pair of trousers she doesn’t like. She is one of the more incredible queer characters to show up in media and I will have fisticuffs with anyone who wants to argue that with me.

you see this smirk? i call this smirk the panty dropper

She falls pretty darn hopelessly for KATE, whose real name is Marian and who works at the factory after escaping her super religious abusive father. He dragged her sick mom and siblings around so they could sing hymns outdoors while he yelled at people about hellfire. Kate is actually a Disney princess come to life because of her super sweet demeanor, giant dewy eyes, and the fact that she constantly sings.

Betty reveals her feelings to Kate and they FUCKING KISS and Betty says I LOVE YOU but then Kate’s father returns to literally punch Betty in the face and take his daughter back. If you didn’t cry at this, you’re either dead or made from Canadian stone.

ASDFGHJKJHGFDSQ12345TY7HUIJNKML

The girls are all overseen by LORNA who leads a pretty joyless existence until she started getting to it with the hot young Italian stallion MARCO. You go, Lorna.

hasn’t smiled in six years

Turns out Marco totally gets her pregnant. This would be less of a problem if Lorna wasn’t married to an equally joyless dude who will not take well to raising the little plate of spaghetti.

so miserable lol txt it

Now everyone is back for the second season to deal with the hot lesbian mess they left behind, plus the whole war thing. Take it away, my beautiful ladies.

Bam! Season 2 has begun. This episode is called “The Quickening”, maybe for how quickly time has flown by since the end of last season. Kidding! It felt like forever and I wanted to die.

you can tell i’m still not gay because i’m surrounded by these phallic symbols

Gladys is doing a photoshoot in her living room because, you know, fancy people. Who even knows why they do the things they do? Good to see she remains completely precious this season. I want her to be gay, but I also see her as that one straight friend we all have who is totally gorgeous and whose boyfriend we have sworn to forever hate.

lick my neck my back

Vera’s looking all fine, and her scars have healed at a rate that makes me wonder if we are supposed to think a lot of time has passed or that medical technology was a whole lot better in the forties than we have been led to believe. I’m gonna go with the latter, since I believe pretty much anything I see on TV! Remember when the hooks that hook into the bomb things accidentally hooked into her head? You got this, Vera!

Betty gets her dyke swag on and then gives her good luck charm a kiss. If you’re wondering how I looked during this scene, I’ve done an accurate recreation:

Back at the factory, it’s good to see that impending motherhood hasn’t given Lorna a lighter and happier outlook on life. She’s inspecting fingernails like they’re defendants at the Nuremberg Trials. Keep smiling, sunshine!

come on ladies am i really the only one who read the effing dykes post about fake nails

I’m trying not to make insensitive jokes about the locker room being Betty’s favorite place in the factory, but it’s my favorite place in the factory, so whatever. She and Gladys seem to be tighter than ever, and they dish about how much Gladys misses her soldier boytoy. Betty’s all like “whatever, princess,” because it’s totally normal to give our straight friends semi-flirtatious nicknames, right? I’m not the only one who does that, right?

i’m femme flagging my openness to any and all queer sex acts

Lorna says there’s a delegation from China and the U.S. visiting today, so the girls need to be on their best behavior and not pull each other’s hair or make out in the break room.

Lorna pulls Betts aside and tells her that a man has sent a letter to their supervisor accusing her of making advances towards a girl named Marian. Betty’s face while reading the words “deviant freak” is pretty heartbreaking, but she tells Lorna it’s a pile of bologna and nothing to worry about.

i am 100% sure i did not have frequent and overwhelming desires to fingerblast the aforementioned

The Chinese-American delegation is here, and Betty and Gladys get to show them around. Betty just talks about how fucking dangerous their job is and makes a lot of tough guy faces at the men. I love her so much that it makes my heart hurt. Gladys talks about her fiancé and then accidentally dredges up some stuff about how all the lady factory workers in China were killed by bombs. Awkward.

i’m a white cis straight girl how can you possibly hold me accountable for my world views

Suddenly an alarm goes off and everyone needs to evacuate stat. It turns out that there’s an unidentified plane in the “no fly” zone headed straight for the plant and the trains full of explosives. When the two meet, it will be a disaster of epic proportions. It’s pretty much the literal representation of what happens when two of your exes start dating.

Down in the tunnels, everyone is getting cozy. In near death situations, like right around closing time at the lesbian bar, desperate times call for desperate couplings. Gladys continues to reveal the fact that she is doesn’t get out a lot. If she had a tumblr, social justice culture would have smashed her into oblivion by now and made at least a few burn blogs. Luckily, the Chinese-American officer who earlier helped place her foot directly into her mouth continues to be a sassypants.

I’m afraid I don’t know your name.

It’s Kai Lo.

Kai Lo? What does that mean?

I don’t know. What does Witham mean?

I like this guy.

lady your ignorance is staggering and it’s really making me wanna kiss the privilege right outta you

As the situation gets more dire, Ivan the new guy goes for the ol’ awkward arm squeezing with Betty. Funny how much he reminds me of my high school boyfriend.

i herd u like beards

The coast gets cleared and everyone goes back to normal, or at least the version of normal where handling extremely dangerous explosives is just a thing that you do for an hourly wage. Upstairs in the offices, Vera is getting major shit for her scars because the other secretaries are super bitches. I look forward to the episode when Vera goes apeshit and slaps the dumb outta them. I expect Betty to back her up with that mean gay right hook of hers.

don’t make me remind you of my stint on bad girls club

Down at the canteen, Gladys asks Betty if she’s still looking for Kate (who, reminder, is also Marion) at night. Of course she’s still looking for Kate – she doesn’t do anything with her life except build weapons and stalk the dark streets like the little gay Batman she is. But Betty’s already had one confrontation today about her “deviant freak” behavior and knows what’s at stake, so she pulls a Me At Age 16 and decides to give this whole hetero business a try.

In an irony that I hope was entirely intentional on casting’s part, the second most dykey person at the factory asks Betty if she and Ivan are a thing because of how arm-squeezy they were getting down in the tunnels. Gladys says Betty is “not that kind of girl” aka she is too gay to function, but Betty says she calls dibs on Ivan, whatever. She does this through a lot of dykey swaggering and slamming her spoon down to stake her claim. It’s so adorable how hard she’s trying and so adorable how dykey she remains that my heart just about bursts. Gladys believes none of this bullshit but quietly supports Betty no matter what because she just read a zine on how to be a good ally.

Throwaway Character Dykey McDykerston jokes to her friend that she heard Gladys had been “up the stump” and “took a trip down to Chestnut Street,” which apparently is 1940s talk for she had an abortion. Lorna overhears this and logs this stump talk away as she is starting to get a little desperate about the pignolo growing inside of her.

Meanwhile, Gladys is wearing this get-up because she’s really precious that way. I still don’t know how she manages to maintain so many lesbian friends and wear so much fur, as you’d imagine this would interfere with their militant veganism.

it may be furry up here but i promise it’s bald as an eagle down there

Once Betty joins her, it becomes apparent that the costuming department had a surplus of purple felt this season. Somehow this translates to the two of them looking like a crime-solving team or a pair of super siblings. They are such besties now, I love it.

the adventures of robin clitoral hood and her sidekick dyke scowl

Gladys wants Betty to come to the Jewel Box and help her raise money for the Red Cross, but Betty says she’ll be there anyway because she’s got a date with a man. Gladys’ response: “A holding hands and kissing date?” Because Gladys knows that Betty just wants to touch soft butts and put her lips on another girl’s lips.

Meanwhile at Joyless Junction, Lorna’s daughter Sheila says she might go to medical school. Bob says the only reason she got in is because there aren’t dudes around anymore to take her place. Not only is Bob a dickhole, but he calls Lorna out on the bombolone situation. Any possibility of positivity is officially sucked from this scene as if through a gigantic bendy straw. We could not exit this situation faster.

just because i’m in a wheelchair doesn’t mean we’re gonna sing and dance our way through issues this isn’t fucking glee ok

At the Jewel Box, people are doing the 1940s equivalent of twerking and really getting down hard. Betty and Ivan’s date seems to be going well as they are bonding over hockey and beer. Betty burps and they salute it. I can’t make this shit up. This scene finally reveals a flaw of Betty’s, though, as she turns out to be a Maple Leafs fan. Don’t worry, Betts. We’ll work on that.

As much as I’d typically be averse to anything involving my favorite queer characters and heterosexuality, I actually really like this Ivan guy and kind of hope they become buds once they get over the fact that he is Betty’s thick and tangled beard. They could have bro nights where they watch the game and share a couple of brewskis, and then talk about the girls they dig and be mutually respectful. I’m into it.

you’re the first girl that ever wanted to start the date off by arm wrestling

In Canadian TV Show “Bomb Girls,” It’s Women and Lesbians First

Hey-o, did you read a lot of historical fiction as a child? Do you like tough women handling heavy machinery in pants and sometimes changing into skirts afterwards but sometimes just keeping the pants on? Do you like lesbians? Then you’ll LOVE Bomb Girls, a sometimes-cheesy show about Canadian women factory workers during World War II with heaps of feminist and homosexual content. You might also love the fancy slick interactive educational website, another high-production-value element of the show my Canadian girlfriend says is unique for Canadian-produced television.

The show is drawing comparisons to Mad Men but I’m not sure why — the culture this program blows open, despite its color scheme, is nothing like Mad Men‘s slick world of sales and smoky boozey lunches. Mad Men is about the men with power who want more power and the women who surround them. Bomb Girls is about women with no power begging for a place on the production line because the men who traditionally surround them have been shipped overseas. The show’s description:

“Set in the 1940s, Bomb Girls tells the remarkable stories of the women who risked their lives in a munitions factory building bombs for the Allied forces fighting on the European front. The series delves into the lives of these exceptional women – peers, friends and rivals – who find themselves thrust into new worlds and changed profoundly as they are liberated from their home and social restrictions.”

Also Mad Men is a tightly-written, carefully crafted program. Bomb Girls is fun and entertaining with great pacing, and I love the fuck out of it, but at times the combination of oft-hammy dialogue and historical exposition gives it a distinctly 9th Grade American History feeling. Coincidentally, I loved Ninth Grade American History (or “Grade Nine” as they say it in Canada). If you liked Anne of Green Gables, you’ll probably like Bomb Girls. (I did and I do.)

That being said, the writing appears to be getting better as the season zips along — the first three episodes have already aired, the fourth comes on tonight at 8 — and if you’re anything like me, you’re gonna be glued to the screen in anticipation of the moment when the homosexuality buzzing so potently in the show’s subtext blows right open (like a bomb!).

The show focuses primarily on four different women.

Kate Andrews (Charlotte Hegele) is the demure, agreeable and secretly tough girl with a mysterious background — her real name isn’t Kate Andrews, and the show opens with the scene of Kate fleeing her home, with her mother’s blessing, as her fanatically religious father rants and screams at her. I’ve gone ahead and assumed that she’s a lesbian and that’s why she had to leave home forever, though this fact has yet to be absolutely confirmed. Also, she enjoys singing to herself in large empty rooms while carrying a clipboard.

Next up is Gladys Witham (Jodi Balfour), a wealthy privileged woman engaged to a wealthy privileged man who is relatively horrified that his fiancee has talked her way out of the office work she was assigned to and onto the factory floor. Her whole arc is a common trope, but it works, and Balfour does a winning job with the material. She looks a lot like Mary Louise Parker sometimes and I think wears real fur.

Then there’s Betty McRae (Ali Liebert), the toppy-sexy-uber-dyke-lezzer-lezoholic who never met a pantsuit she didn’t like. She’s tough and smart and overall seems like the kind of girl who could fix your cabinet or save you from a shark attack without flinching. She’s never explicitly declared her homosexuality but it’s way obvious. She’s protective of Kate, kinda, and the evolution of their relationship is the aspect of the show I’m most prominently obsessed with.

Betty and Kate live in a dorming house for factory workers which appears, to my totally biased eye, to be chock-full of lesbians.

Meg Tilly, who I like a lot and have met a few times, plays Lorna Corbett, the uptight leader of the factory girls. (Tilly was a big star in the 80s, you may also recall her sister Jennifer Tilly from Bound, among other films.) Tilly is patriotic to a cloying fault though the scenes with her at home with her husband do a lot to illustrate where, exactly, her discontented arbitrarily control-freakish ways come from — she seems starved, really, for love. Unfortunately there are no signs of her becoming a lesbian.

Although the ‘Rosie the Riveter’ period is often a topic of historical fiction, Bomb Girls seems to be daring enough to tell the untold story, too — like how this was a fascinating time period in LGBT history. During the War, lesbian women were granted unique privilege to actually exist as whole people, and the sudden availability of factory work gave women the opportunity to be self-sufficient and live with other women without scrutiny.

Although I’m not familiar with the Canadian Lesbo Underground, I know that in America during World War II, it was no longer as scorned upon for women to go places unaccompanied by a man, and unlike the elitist University Option many upper-middle-class gay women chose to escape domestic heterosexual life, the factories were often open to working class women as well. When looking at the Gay Rights movement as a whole, it’s easy to overlook the specifically gendered way in which gay men and gay women were oppressed. Many women of all sexualities craved autonomy, and this desire uniquely united a certain group of women (read: white and middle class), whether that desire for autonomy played itself out in ‘wanting a career’ or ‘wanting a relationship with another woman.’ (Or both.)

This is the first time I’ve seen this phenomenon addressed in such depth in a show for mainstream audiences. But even more refreshing than that is the fact that this is a show entirely about women. It passes the Bechdel test about every two minutes.

The Bomb Girls facebook page says tonight’s episode “is going to knock you off your feet” and contain “SERIOUS twists.” I’m pretty sure that means Betty and Kate are going to make out. Right? There’s only one way to find out…