Ah, the sweet sounds and sights of summer television! There’s nothing like curling up next to your air conditioner, flipping on the teevee and basking in the rays of entertainment emanating from your evil box.
This summer is looking especially promising, and I’m not just saying that because I’ve spent the last three weeks watching the first three seasons of True Blood, fully had a dream about Eric last night and cannot wait one more minute for this to happen. Though I’m worried about DVD Withdrawal, which is a condition brought on when, following an episode of a TV program, the patient is not able to immediately view the next episode of the TV program via DVD. This most often occurs when the patient is attempting to watch the program as it airs rather than several years after the airing.
Anyhow! What’s worth watching this season, lesbos? This post was delayed by my discovery and subsequent dismay that Extreme Couponing will not return with new episodes until the fall. Let’s discuss! You’re going to have a lot of tough decisions to make because everything is on Sunday nights. All of the things.
1. True Blood
HBO, Sunday June 26 at 9 p.m.
HBO’s 12-episode season Four of True Blood is mere WEEKS away and the whole primary cast is coming back for more bloodsucking and more brooding emotional vampire-men and more Pam. Alan Ball and the cast reported at Paleyfest that Eric will return with no memory of the last 1,000 years and Sookie, having broken up with Bill, will consider “multiple suitors.”
Other returning cast members include werewolf Alcide, Lafayette’s new boyfriend Jesus, Holly the new Merlotts waitress, Crystal the Animal Person Jason likes, Sophie-Anne the Vampire Queen of Louisiana (played by Evan Rachel Wood bisexual) and — why God, why?!! — Marshall Allman as Sam’s brother Tommy Mickens. Did anyone else find that storyline entertaining or give two shits what happened to Tommy? Me neither.
And guess who’s joining the cast?
PAPI! Janina Gavankar will play Luna, a shape-shifter who “catches Sam’s eye” and I really hope, for his godforsaken sake, that she doesn’t turn out to secretly be like, the Wolf Mother disguised as a lapdog.
Also joining the show is Fiona Shaw, who’s been in a lot of Harry Potter movies, as Marnie, “a witch whose agenda threatens the vampire establishment.”
Here’s some sneak peeks of Sookie prancing about in Glow-Fairy-Land with the guy who played Mr. Brady in The Brady Bunch Movie and A Very Brady Sequel, which were fantastic films.
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2. Pretty Little Liars
ABC Family, Tuesday June 14 at 9 p.m.
There’s one part of me that is so excited for the return of Pretty Little Liars and Emily the Lesbian. There’s another part of me that can’t imagine having to write two TV recaps a week for the rest of the month. When you combine both of those parts, we still don’t know who A. is or if whatserface is ever coming back from Gay Rehab camp.
Shay Mitchell told TV Guide Magazine that Emily will have “multiple new love interests” and Troian Bellisario told TV Guide Magazine that her relationship with Toby will “deepen.” I think that means Emily’s not moving to Texas and that she’s like, the flyest lesbian in town upon whom all the ladies wanna go down. See that? I rhymed. Good huh?
Other promises include that we’ll pick up right where we left off, immediately figure out what happened to Ian, and have lots more flashbacks.
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Oh True Blood I have been waiting so long for you to come back. I missed (looking at) you Pam, Sophie-Anne and Jessica.
My inner teenager is pretty pumped for Pretty Little Liars and Degrassi. Will Emily or Fiona win over my true fictional love? I plan on spending the summer finding out!
I can’t watch another Ilene Chaiken show. Even if it has lots of boobs. I’m sorry, I just can’t.
please don’t, i wouldn’t wish it upon anyone
In journalism school, my professor explained, “Your job is sit through boring meetings so your readers don’t have to.” That’s how I feel about the “Real” L Word and your recaps. I’ll still be reading!
thank you i appreciate your support during this trying time for me and the health of my soul
there’s a toll on my soul
don’t let it get under your soul though.. who knows what’s gonna happen when sa-da gets there
she’ll eat your tasty limbs and thus complete the circle of life
Anyone else think it’s weird that the Glee Project will be shown on Oxygen and not Fox?
Also can’t wait to see new True Blood even though season 3 left off on kind of a lame note.
^ really upset about extreme couponing situation
by doubling coupons, TLC got 399999 shows for the price of 2! Sneaky bastards.
My 5 shows:
True Blood
The Glee Project
Drag U
MasterChef
So You Think You Can Dance
The Next Food Network Star
Ok, ok so it’s not 5 but still.
i’m going to be watching whale wars all summer.
also, i find the promo for the glee projects really annoying. is it just me?
*to be really annoying…
you know what, never mind. i don’t even know any more.
i’m having a hard time deciding if this glee project thing is empowering or embarrassing. i feel embarrassed just watching the music video.
I like Glee but the Glee Project…I can’t. I just can’t. Glee is becoming this huge money machine and it makes me uncomfortable. I just want the tv show, not a spinoff reality show. :(
The only reality shows I watch are So You Think You Can Dance (I skip the judging and just watch the dancing) and various food network competition things, like Iron Chef and Chopped.
You realize how expensive it is to produce a show which is based on singing other people’s songs, right? They pay through the nose in royalties every episode.
Which is why this original songs nonsense doesn’t seem to be going away even though they mostly suck. If they perform their own songs they don’t have to pay royalties. Bastards.
They also sell singles, albums, compilations, and dvds out the wazoo, as well as the Glee Live tour thing. I’m not saying they shouldn’t make money, I’m just not a fan of reality tv shows.
I saw an interview with Ashley Benson in which she says that “really fun things” happen for Hannah & Emily in season 2. Here’s hoping they are really fun bedroom things oops did I say that?
That Glee Project “Firework” video is like the best worst thing ever. I mostly watched it to see which girl would be the best love interest for Santana – I vote for either the first girl, or the one who’s like Santana redux (hot pink top, nice rack, you know the one I mean).
i feel like everyone keeps trying to make firework happen
sometimes it works
i stopped watching degrassi after they killed j.d., it’s just too tragic (p.s. what ever happened to terry, is she still in a coma?) .
kinda sucks that I don’t have hbo, now im stuck with whitney’s wheel of les love all summer long. oh well I guess if trlw has taught me anything it’s that summer is for lovin
You have the internet, you don’t need HBO!
that is sooo true
duh! how could I forget i do it all the time. Im still brain dead from watching the ex-fest monday night
i asked on a forum once, apparently she transferred.
the terry sitch made me hate paige. because if paige had let terry have spinner, then rick would’ve never happened.
but paige and alex still would’ve. along with kevin smith telling paige to be a lesbian. swoon <3
I know, she was such an ass, but that whole thing with alex totes totes totes made up for it.
Uh I’m seventeen and Canadian, so I know this:
Terri transfers to a private school and remains friends with Paige. Spinner is still crazy sprung over her apparently, but he marries Emma so I guess he gets over it.
DEGRASSI OUT.
Spinner MARRIES Emma?!?!
YOU LIE!
EXPLAIN YOURSELF.
No, yeah, they wake up in Vegas and they’re married, and then they get up to some shenanigans trying to get divorced. Then they’re like, “oh nvm lol” and they stay married I guess.
I’m guessing Spemma’s kid will be the central character in Degrassi: the Inevitable Extension of the Franchise.
That is so weird. I thought I watched all that classes episodes. I saw them graduate but I guess I missed their post-graduation mishaps and marriages. Gross.
I went to a Degrassi mall thing and met the guy who played Spinner and the guy who played Jimmy. Greatest day ever.
Dude, you cropped out the dwarf.
Harsh.
i had NO idea what you were talking about and had to go through all of them — that was just the photo that was uploaded to the post for me, i don’t think any cropping happened, idk
I laughed unnecessarily hard at this comment.
Little people, jus saying.
Obviously your recaps are epic. I don’t even watch the two shows you are recapping but I read the recaps. I am torn, though, because your non-recapping posts are so thoughtful and honest, and rare on internet sites/blogs in terms of quality. So I feel like I would be able to read more of those if you had the time.
This isn’t a post to ask you to do something I would prefer. Just some thoughts and appreciation for your writing, I didn’t know where else to put it. I was going to email/formspring but your box is probably overflowing.
*My friend just said, You realize you ended that with ‘your box is probably overflowing?????’ Hahahahhaah apparently I did.
Covert Affairs! Piper Perabo being badass. And if you’re anything like me, you can read lesbian subtext into basically every scene she has with her boss.
Isn’t that because she’s a lesbian?
Piper perabo has played lesbians enough times (aka twice? did I miss something?) that I read lesbian subtext into her every move. It makes for quality television.
Whitney and that guy in the Glee Project (you know which one) are the same person. That is all.
YES
so i vote for the cute girl with the alternative lifestyle haircut to be santana’s girlfriend. then brittany will become a sad sad panda as she sees them gettin’ their sweet lady kisses on in glee club, and then brittany will confess her love to santana, leading santana to break up with alternative lifestyle haircut girl, and then brittana will finally be on.
and then i can have alternative lifestyle haircut girl.
GENIUS.
and by transitive property that mean’s i’ll have had santana. and brittany?
SUPER GENIUS
I wish The Glee Project was a reality show for new Glee WRITERS. They don’t even give story lines to the characters they already have, why get more people if you barely even use the ones you have?
This is a good point. (Though, I’m less thinking about the amount of current characters and more so about how much their current writers suck.)
it’s a win-win.
In a perfect world the winner of the show would replace Fiquinchel. Yes, all three of them.
I propose removing the “Finn” leg of the most annoying love triangle ever. Thus conflict will be removed and I can drool over Rachel and Quinn without Finn getting in the way.
Seconded!
They are getting new some writers. And Brad Falchuk is supposedly taking over as show runner because Ryan Murphy is taking time to work on other projects.
I ‘ve read about the new writers too and it’s about damn time.
Anybody else notice that it’s “senior year” this season, and that without some new “freshman” or everybody being held back infinitely, Glee has no potential for a season 5?
I hate True Blood and have principles against watching it, but…Really, Papi!?!? Really?? That’d be super awesome.
I watch True Blood for Tara and Lafayette. I have a tendency of tuning out when Sookie starts whining.
I’ve been forced to watch like half of season one. The only perk was checking out Sookie’s ass in those waitress shorts.
But dear Lord, faeries now!? Yeah, not regretting my refusal to join the bandwagon.
I watch True Blood for any potential, actual, or insinuated m/m action.
Also Lafayette is pretty damn entertaining.
I have an awkward crush on Lafayette.
What’s it called when a lesbian has a crush on a gay man?
IDK. It’s a rift in your parallel and actual sexuality. They can sometimes, usually rarely, overlap. It is triggered by a person with great physical beauty and/or killer swag.
P.S. I have been watching Torchwood, 3 days straight.
Summer TV is sad times for the most part. Other than a couple things on this list, I am looking forward to the return of the gayest non-gay show on TV…Rizzoli and Isles.
HOW did I forget about Rizzoli and Isles?
Oh my god that show you don’t even know. It turns me into a squealing, flailing fangirl.
Rissoli&Isles woohooo!!!
is it just me or are 90% of the guys in the glee reality show gay…and my gaydar aint even focusin.
I was going to say that but didn’t want my comment to be too long. I think the only not gay one is the one with the dreds.
I am super exited for all of this! Exitedexitedexited.
Also, the guy far right on the Oxygen promo shot is Taylor Swift, clearly.
Do you know that Torchwood is coming? It’s a completely awesome British sci-fi show which is like a funny detective thing but with aliens. It is autostraddle relevant because there was a lesbian storyline one episode, and it’s got a reputation as LGBT friendly (ie: big gay/bi men storyline). More importantly, this year the actress who played Faith in Buffy is on it. I can never remember her name but she is awesome. I’m very excited.
I DIDN’T REALIZE JACK HARKNESS HAD HIS OWN LIL SPINOFF?
MORE JACK!!!!!!!!!!
AND ELIZA DUSHKU?!?!
wibblewibblewobbletopple
Andandand JANE ESPENSON. Writing. I’m gonna faint from excitement just thinking about it.
I love Torchwood, so excited for the new season
WHHHHHATTT Eliza Dushku!
Holy Fuck Jane Espenson. Is Joss Whedon in any way involved, cause I think I’ll piss myself if so.
theres no way to be subtle about this, Eliza Dushku is just delicious and I will watch her in pretty much anything
2:18 of the True Blood clip: BLACK RACHEL BERRY!!!
I cannot see The Glee Project working. Some of them look like actual young people.
Going by the standard parameters of American teen casting (i.e. teens must be played by 40-year-olds), I can only conclude that the winner will play the role of Quinn’s baby.
DEGRASSI. 100% INTENSE.
The only thing I watch is Bizarre Foods, Police Women of whatever county, and Nurse Jackie. True story.
Weeds. Mary Louise Parker. Need I say more?! I mean, I’m seriously salivating at the thought…
June 27th, 10pm EST – Showtime.
I kind of miss that hot mom cylas was dating oh! andy’s crazy ex kat, wish she hopefully she comes back just in time to save nancy by hitting esteban with her volkswagen….you never know
Has anyone heard of wilfred? It’s premiering on fx tomorrow and looks hysterical!
yeah I really want to watch it. I’ve seen some of the uk version and it’s hilarious.
My five shows, and why:
Weeds. Mary Loise Parker.
Warehouse 13. Jaime Murray
True Blood. Pam.
It’s only three…but, those three are all I can handle. :]
sickly excited for the glee thang.
I can’t even contain my giddy schoolgirlness about The Glee Project! I’ve been having Glee withdrawals already, and this is my fix. Can’t wait….my roommates are gonna shit when I tell them about this.
Things that are weird: I know a girl on The Glee Project. She went to my college until she switched because she realized she wanted to go into musical theater.
Dude, I auditioned to be on it. There’s a video of a 22-year old, slightly embarrassed looking me singing “Rehab” and playing guitar somewhere on the Internet.
Clearly I didn’t make it on.
Or did I…?
1,2,5!
I didn’t know Pretty Little Liars was coming back so soon! YAY! I miss Toby.
Also Degrassi has 2 gay guys so it’s pretty much the queerest thing on TV without being a show about queers.
I think Glee and Degrassi are tied on homoqueergayness. Let’s see…
Degrassi gays:
Riley
Zane
Fiona
Fiona’s new love interest this season ZOMG I CAN’T WAIT!
+ Adam (trans)
Glee gays:
Santana
Brittany
Kurt
Blaine
Karofsky
I will say Degrassi’s storytelling is about 100x better than Glee. Especially the Fiona/Adam storyline… that was so great. Plus, Degrassi actually shows its gay kids making out like they do the straighties. Based on all of that, Degrassi earns extra honorary gay points and wins. Yay!!
Yeah. But I don;t like Glee. Plus the whole premise of Glee is pretty gay to begin with
I am watching THE REAL L WORD mainly because I want to see if it’s any less ridiculous than last season. (I doubt it.) Also I want to take in the gorgeousness that is Romi and the bizareness that is Claire.
True Blood now please! I’m watching Games of Thrones and they keep showing previews gaaaahhh.
Mad Men, anyone? Cause deep down I’m a dapper Mad Ave guy who just wants to mack on a betty ;)
Did anyone else mention Covert Affairs with Piper Perabo?????