World Cup 2011 Preview: The Soccer Girls of Summer

When I first realized that nearly every queer woman I know played soccer at some point, I was perplexed. After all, you can’t use your hands and that sounds like a deal breaker. Despite this you peeps seem pretty psyched about the Women’s World Cup: 2011 edition. I’m starting to think the last time this came around you never missed a night because your dream in life is to be a footballer’s wife.


Set in the land of every gaydar’s worst enemy, Germany, this year’s tournament is packed with talent and absurdity. I know you’re excited for the 26th to roll around but first let me make you sad with a roundup of some of the dramaz going down in the world of women’s soccer.

Five players from Germany’s U20 team posed for Playboy. This might cause glee until you realize this is just what Sepp Blatter, President of FIFA, wants for all female players.

The Iranian team was banned from the 2012 Olympics for violating FIFA’s ban on religious displays.

Nigeria’s coach is actively attempting to rid the team of lesbianism — you can sign this petition to tell FIFA to take a stand on the issue:

For the past two years the Nigerian Football Federation has conducted a witch-hunt to kick women off the national team who were suspected of being gay. And the team’s coach just bragged to the New York Times that she has dealt with “the big problem” of lesbianism.

FIFA, soccer’s world governing body, has a powerful record of fighting discrimination. Now as Nigeria takes the field in the Women’s World Cup opening game,FIFA needs to give coach Uche the red card: publicly condemn systematic discrimination and take the necessary steps to end homophobia in the league.

The United States barely qualified for the sixth World Cup even though they’re the number one ranked team in the world.

Equatorial Guinea dropped Salimata and Bilguisa Simpore because of a dispute over their “true sex.”

Now that that’s over, let’s have a look see at some out players in the tournament. That’s always fun.

Linda Bresonik – Germany – DF

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Inka Grings – Germany – FW

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Jessica Landström – Sweden – FW

Germany and the USA are the favorites but there are plenty of players worth watching. Who are your favorite players and what team floats your gay boat?

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Brittani

Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 328 articles for us.

64 Comments

  2. I couldn’t be more excited for the World Cup! And have you seen all those queer haircuts on team USA? NICE! (FYI I know you can’t distinguish sexual preference with a haircut but it’s still fun to guess!)

    • I’ve removed her from the list until someone can come up with a reliable source saying that she’s out.

      • I just spent an hour googling every possible angle on this particular issue. Not because I’m extremely interested. I’m just waiting for the NY Senate vote and my number one hobby other than waiting for the revolutions of the rusty wheels of bureaucracy is googling the shit out of celebrity gay rumors.

        I started with the Yahoo Answers, which were inconclusive. Someone said Abby Wambach wore/wears the same necklace as Megan Rapinoe. I found no photographic evidence of this. Another source said the two wore/wear matching watches. To this, there is evidence to the contrary, but I mean, some people wear more than one watch, and I have no idea when the pictures date from. Finally, commenter Nicole on AE (http://www.afterellen.com/node/24546#comment-403473) alleges Wambach used to date someone she knows/knew? I choose to take such claims with a grain of salt, no offense to Nicole. Inquiries did not yield more official sources of confirmation (candids with ladyfriend individual(s), interviews, etc.).

        All in all, I’d have to say that this is the most compelling evidence I was able to scrounge up. That is a hell of a picture saying a hell of a thousand words, imo. Of course all of this is simply speculation. :)

  4. Now I want to watch Bend It Like Beckham and enjoy it in all it’s semi-gay glory, even though it should have had all-the-way-gay glory. Oh well. Nobody believes Jules was upset about Jess and coachboy kissing because she was into coachboy, anyways.

    • aww i’ve had a bad day and that video cheered me up :]

      i’ve lost touch with who is on the team now and such, but i think this year i’ll get back into it.

      time to break out Welcome to Our World and Bend It Like Beckham again

  7. “Set in the land of every gaydar’s worst enemy, Germany”
    huh? whaddayamean? sorry for being slow, but please explain. thanks. :)

    • The implication is that the lovely ladies of Germany look super gay, whether or not they actually are.

      It makes for pretty watching.

      • This is indeed true. When I’ve been an exchange student there, I’ve noticed that gay-looking straight ladies abound because female masculinity is far more accepted, and it’s considered totally straight for two men to spank each other in a non-sports context. Gaydar doesn’t really work in Deutschland. True facts. I take this as a sign of their society’s progress compared to America’s (what with civil unions being freely available there and all that jazz). It’s also much easier to be “out” in Deutschland. I liked it. Yay Germany. However, when it comes to soccer, I must confess…

        USA! USA! USA!

        • I’ve been living in Germany since September and have spent the entire time trying to figure out how to recalibrate my gaydar with zero success. It’s not just that female masculinity is more accepted, things like girls holding hands, etc. are not automatically gay here. It’s disorienting. My gaydar pings so frequently that I’ve started ignoring it, because it’s wrong 99% of the time here.

          • haha, funny. i never thought about women in germany maybe being more masculin. neither have i thought about the culture in a cuddly way or as very open (since there are still no equal rights).
            but, the world cup will be a lot of fun. not only from a aesthetic point of view but also considering technique.
            and since i have spend the last couple of years in germany and came to love it, i’ll cheer for germany. hope they’ll win the title again!!!

  9. I love the World Cup. It’s a excellent opportunity for us ruggers to drink copious amounts of beer, shout at the TV and grumble about how in rugby, the tackles are something to really cry about.

    But mostly just drink beer and make passing comments about how Amy Turner used to be a silkie and oh my god, Grings is fucking hot isn’t she.

  10. I know almost nothing about who’s who in women’s soccer today, but this post has convinced me to tune in.

    • If you can only watch one team pick Brazil
      Martha is not something to be missed. Plus, she has a hot girlfriend

  11. whether you know you like to watch women’s soccer or haven’t yet discovered that fact yet, this is a GREAT opportunity to get an AS meetup together at a local sports bar (where they have alll the cable stations), and make them turn on the games! The ladies need us to support the acknowledgment of women’s sports! They bust their tooties just as hard as the way-better-sponsored male athletes and frankly, I find them more fun to watch, I don’t think only because I like sweaty girls kicking things.

  13. OMG I can’t wait! I love the World Cup!

    I am rooting for the USA above all but I also really like France and Sweden. After the ridiculousness that was the French team at the men’s world cup, les Femmes Bleues better not disappoint.

    • I feel a bit bad for France – their best club team won the Champions League this year, but they ended up in what I consider the “Group of Death.” Of course Germany are the favorites, but Canada has been really sharp lately, and Nigeria always gives teams trouble. I’m a huge Camille Abily fan, but I also like Canada, so it’s tough.

    • I know right! i thought it was a mistake at first, but no, she won’t be playing. she’s not my type, but she look like an awesome person to hang with

    • yeah, bummer about Kai – I love her playing style on the field. She was coming back from an injury last year and wasn’t playing her best, but then when she was better, the coach never called her in again…I was pissed. Now she’s playing for the Philadelphia Independence.

      • wow, that is so sad. too bad, i was looking forward to seeing her play. the us coach seems to have another stand than silvia neid in germany. she has two starting players who were injured during most of the season and/or played a bad season.

  15. My feeling has always been that girls who play soccer = best physiques, uber hotties. Yowza.

  16. I’m with Brasil. Hope the latins teams do a good job there

    Although, ‘Till prefer rugby..

    • i am so with brazil too! it’s incredible, only 3-5 players on the brazilian team actually practice throughout the year or play professionally. the situation of women’s football/soccer in the country is really sad, i should know since i play. also, marta is a genius: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iba7RiOuvEQ

  17. I’m so freaking excited for the games to finally start, I’ve been counting down since the men’s world cup ended last year.

  18. so i came of age playing truly terrible youth soccer around the time canada hosted the u19 championships, and the canadian team was a BFD because the parents were all like roooooooole mooooodeeeeellls. anyways, i totes was thinking a while back, yeah they were super hot and gay-esque, but surely that’s just lazy stereotyping? no, google says they’re super-gay! yay!

    also, canadian women’s team is way more awesome/righteous than the men’s, because they actually win games (snap!). truth.

    • LOL yes. one of few sports canada (atleast womens team) is good at that doesnt involve snow/ice

  20. I AM SO BUMMED I WON’T BE ABLE TO WATCH BECAUSE I’LL BE TRAVELING AND WITHOUT INTERNET/TV. The worst part is I’ll be in Germany shortly after the finals. D:
    I’ll probably be cheering for Germany and the U.S. Germany because my soccer allegiance will always lie with them (partially because I’m half German, and I’m pretty sure to not cheer for them would get me disowned), U.S. because I’m proud of them for actually being good at soccer and I feel somewhat obligated.
    Also, I saw a poster of the famous picture of Brandi Chastain with her shirt off and wanted to buy it so badly, but it was some rare signed super magical special edition thing that was like $800. (If you haven’t seen the picture then I can assure you that you want to: http://www.nydailynews.com/img/2009/08/22/alg_brandi_chastain_then.jpg)
    Last thing: seeing that you wrote a post about this made my day (after the whole New York thing, obvs), especially since I play soccer. <3

  23. GO CANADA woooooo! also jessica landstrom <3. i had no idea about inka grings.

    HOW ABOUT POSTING THE FACT THE WOMENS US COACH IS AN OUT LESBIAN (pia sundhage)

  25. I´m still upset about us not qualifying. Especially because of “our” poor performance at the European Championship.

    But if your interested Edda Garðarsdóttir and Ólína Viðarsdóttir who both play for the Icelandic national team are a couple.

  27. why is germany worst enemy of gaydar?
    I live there :D we’ve got cologne

    Bresonik ♥ she’s damn cute. And she was once kicked out of the national team because she was cheating on her girlfriend with another player or something like that :D :D

    You should also watch germanies coach, she’s pretty.

    What about that cute canadian named Schmidt? love her hair.

    btw, I got the playboy as a present and I must admit I like the pics.

    • yes to germany’s coach
      yes to sophie schmidts hair
      and ahhh you’re lucky, i wish i could’ve grabbed a copy. i’m satisfied with the video though. they put up good game today congrats!

  29. Has anyone used the Speedcell ball? Is it as big a deal as the announcers are making it out to be?

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