Smoochy Wow-Wow and 71 Other Names We Use for Our Pets in Private

1. Tiny (such that the tiny detectives are coming to take her to tiny jail because she is too tiny)
2. Madame Floof
3. Professor Pouty Paws
4. Noodle
5. Moo Bear
6. Hair Bear
7. Little bear
8. Small bear
9. Smol bear (connotatively different)
10. Pretty bear
11. Rude bear
12. A rotating selection of seasonal baked-good-based names according to mood, such as pumpkin bread, pumpernickel, snickerdoodle, etc
14. Hoags
15. Bad Girl
16. Cloud Boy
17. Polar Bear
18. Mister Softy
19. PuppyCat
20. DJ Hoagalicious
21. Peanut Butter Boy
22. Hoaglish
23. My Sweet Angel
24. Bridge Troll
25. Lolu
26. Sea Salt Prince
27. Lolo
28. Baby Smush
29. Smushie
30. Sausage Roll
31. Superstar
32. Hoaganator
33. Sam
34. Clown Shoe
25. Sam-a-lam-a-ding-dong
36. Cinnamon Roll
37. Smoochy Wow-Wow
38. Tuba
39. Buffalo
40. Mr. Buckets
41. Mister Man
42. Samby
43. Bethany
44. Beebo
45. Screambo
46. Little Tiny
47. My Most Precious Man
48. Panther Boy
49. Silky Boy
50. Babee Boy
51. Blobby
52. Dibby
53. Lolalula
54. Dolby Digital
55. Beans
56. Beanie
57. Beam
58. Queen Beanie
59. Peach Patch Baby
60. Beeperton
61. Quabop, Creator of the Universe
62. I mostly just call her baby and ask if she knows she’s a baby and how she got so small. I often ask her if she’s aware she’s a cat, and she still seems pretty oblivious tbh.
63. you little bastard
64. Bexaroodle
65. Noodle
66. Doodle
67. Little squish
68. Pointy-elbowed asshole
69. Snake baby
70. Perfect lil cowdog
71. Pigeon
72. Pigeon in a cat suit