I Feel Like He Loves Her or Something
Cook’s lying in a bed somewhere reading Freddie’s notepad. He gets to chapter two of this masterpiece, the one where everything gets spelled out for him so that we can move this sub-plot right along. Also we see that the postcard Karen got was just an imitation of Freddie’s handwriting but not a perfect one.
Captain Obvi Strikes Again
Cook stops reading because he thinks that he hears Freddie calling his name from the street below, but then he realizes it’s just EZ Girl and so he sits back and smiles. I think Freddie’s voice is just Skins’ writers not-so-subtle way of saying that while they may have murdered him, his spirit lives on which is just as good. Sorry, we’re still mad.
Cook is talking to Freddie like knows he’s dead.
Cook: Hey Fredster. The way we ended up, all back at Naomi Campbell’s…
I have no idea what the point of that line was!
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The Con
Arcia tipped off the po-po, what an Arcia. Pandora & Naomi hide the weed and run upstairs to warn Cook, who’s in the room with a half-dressed Katie. WHAT. Cook bounds out the back window.
When I saw this scene in the preview, I thought the police were storming John T. Foster’s house, which is why I am officially over this episode and definitely hate it as of right now.
The Chase
Cook scales out the side window, Naomi’s weed in hand and Freddie’s notebook in his pocket. The cops get in Naomi’s face but I’m not sure she feels anything anymore.
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Cool Runnings
Just like Pandora, Thomas has been hiding a super special talent all year that makes him an exceptional candidate for achievement & success post-college and the trainer sees it.
Trainer: You just ran 400 metres in 48.2 seconds.
Thomas: So?
Trainer: So. That would put you in the junior European Championships, that’s all.
Thomas says that he’s happy just working and running and minding his own business. The trainer argues why do that when boys who run fast can get scholarships to go to really good universities.
Thomas: I can do many things. I don’t have to run for whitey to get what I want.
Trainer: You call me. And fix your head. We’ve got to take our chances, young blood – what else do we have?
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I Just Needed to Fill in the “Freddie” Holes on my Schedule
Cook takes refuge in Freddie’s shed and he’s rummaging around looking at Freddie’s clothes when Effy shows up to unload.
Effy: Did you fuck everything up again?
Cook: Yeah.
Effy: It’s his birthday today.
oh obviously he is just at Chuckie Cheeses!
Cook: Yeah.
Effy: Freds probably got scared. I’m pretty scary. But I can’t not know, if he couldn’t bear it. I can handle it. I think I can handle it.
Oh G-d, I’m so paranoid that Effy is going to give up her meds now and go back to her old ways and start talking to Death and other magical creatures instead. Why should she trust the medical establishment when it did less for her than street drugs ever did?
But she does seem stronger now, or maybe just numb. Can she handle it? Well, we’ll never know.
It Seems Repetitive At First But Gets Better, Promise
Cook passes Effy the notebook and waits nervously while she reads it. Cook tells Effy that he’s going to find Freddie. Go-Go-Gadget Friend-Radar.
You Fought the Law, But the Law’s Dumb
JJ busts in, telling Cook that the po-po are chasing him with dogs. He’s brought along Pandora, who has some news for Effy.
Pandora: I’m going away.
Effy: Really? Fine. Where?
Pandora: Harvard, on a history scholarship. I might have done some exams without telling anyone.
Including the writers of the previous episode.
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I wonder what it is that I did to make you move in in across away from me
When her Mom calls to remind her about the Return, Naomi tells her Mom she accepted a palce at Godsmith’s, a creative college in London, and also a popular name for Jewish people. Naomi has to choke back tears when Mom says she’s proud of her.
Naomi looks around the room and says, “it’s all over.” I feel like we’re in RENT, except sadder, and without the music & dancing. SO FAR.
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Maybe Beyonce Could Just Bail Him Out or Something
I have no idea how Cook’s stayed on the run for so long because everyone seems to know he’s hiding out in the shed, including Karen, who was tipped off by the loud music and smoke.
Karen: What the fuck are you doing?
JJ: Having a party. Freds would like it, don’t you think?
Karen: Yeah, he would.
Kylie’s “Can’t Get You Out Of My Head” is on the stereo, which is cue for the boys to line up behind Karen and start dancing. I love a good dance scene!
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They’ll always be happy now, even though Freddie can’t get out of their heads. That’s the moral of the story, dancing fixes everything and GLEE’s on next!
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FYI We Approve
Naomi’s skipping the party, she’s too busy lying in the fetal position, naked and hugging a t-shirt. She might be the little spoon.
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Teenagers Kick Our Butts
Thomas, Katie and Emily all arrive at the shed at the same time, they’re disappointed, Effy forgot to tell them to bring a bingo table/strippers/Freddit.
Katie: What the fuck kind of lame-o rave is this? I dressed up!
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This is Everything
They’re playing Ace of Truth but no-one wants to start out with the Truth. Until Naomi walks in from out of the rain. She just cuts straight to the chase right in front of everybody –
Naomi: I loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was 12. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you. And I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving a girl – and so I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn’t work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away and made you think that things were your fault, but really I was just terrified of pain. I screwed that girl Sophia to kind of spite you for having that hold on me, and I’m a total fucking coward because I got these tickets to Goa for us three months ago. But I couldn’t stand – I didn’t want to be a slave to the way I felt about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it’s horrible, it’s so horrible because really I’d die for you. I love you. I love you so much it’s killing me.
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IT’S KILLING ME!
This scene is perfect; the dialogue digs underneath Naomi’s skin into her heart and the whole history of her life up until now. The holes are filled up, just like that, and sealed with a kiss.
Bam! Instant Backstory! I’M CRYING NOW, I’M CRYING ARE YOU HAPPY. And also the first time we’ve really gotten a good conversation out of either of them regarding what it was like to grow up gay, or always feel different, or what happened back in their youth of stolen kisses.
And now, you know, that love is in the air, let’s get this party started right.
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I Hear Noises in the Darkness, I Hear Sadness in Your Voice
Outside the Love Shack Party, Cook is pissing when he hears a ruffling in the bushes. What could it be? THE KOOL-AID MAN?
Cook stares up at Freddie’s bedroom window and calls out his name and throws pebbles at his window like Romeo & Juliet. But alas, Freddie’s brains got bashed in by a baseball bat so he’s not around to play or fight.
He sees a silhouette from afar and chases after it.
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Good Tommo & Pandora Hunting
Back at the party, Thomas tells Panda that he’s going to the USA for a Harvard athletics scholarship. Panda holds his hand because that’s perfect! He can be her on-campus jock boyfriend and they won’t have to worry about making new friends!
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Mess With the Bull Young Man, You Get the Horns
Cook has followed the mystery man from the shadows back to his house and stumbles across a big container of blood-soaked clothes. Just as well Freddie writes his name on his shoes, ’cause now Cook knows who killed Freddie.
John T Foster walks in, looking all menacing and carrying his baseball bat. He knows who Cook is and thinks that, just like Freddie, Cook is a barrier to completely brainwashing Effy. He asks Cook to kneel down for his execution, but Cook just laughs.
Cook: What have you done?
John Foster: Don’t be stupid, Cook. She told me all about you too. There was much to correct in that girl. I almost managed it. Perhaps I still can.
Cook: You. You did something to my friend?
John Foster: This is wasting time. Would you kneel down, please?
Cook: Mr. Foster.
John Foster: Dr. Foster, actually. Kneel down, please.
[Cook shakes his head]
Cook: I don’t think you know what I am, mate.
John Foster: I think I do. You’re nothing. You don’t deserve that girl. And, you know… I do.
Cook: I’m a fucking waste of space. I’m just a stupid kid. I got no sense. Criminal. I’m no fucking use, man. I am nothing. So please, please… get it into your, you know. Into your bonce. That you killed my friend. And, I’m Cook. I’M COOK!
On that note, he lets out a blood-curdling scream and lunges towards John T Foster. coincidentally, I’d like to do the same thing to whomever invented this ridiculous unnecessary character.
And then the show is over but we’re all pretty much certain that Cook kills John T Foster. Might as well, he’s already a convict on the run. I hope Alex Cabot gets him a good deal, then he can go make jokes in the countryside, drink some ale, and have sex with maidens. He found Freddie’s remains, which pretty much means he found Freddie, which pretty much means he gets a blow job every day from Karen right?
Basically, this episode could’ve been almost exactly the same if Freddie had been alive. The only difference would’ve been a Freds/Effy reconciliation and maybe even a nice Three Musketeers friendship talk.
The End. I think what we’ve learned today is that closure is over-rated, and that violence solves everything and doctors are evil, like Dr. Evil. Oh but also?
There’s hope, children. There is hope.
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