Teevee is back! Teevee is back! Teevee has come home to our loving arms once more, to gift us with post-apocalyptic women kissing each other (and I mean really kissing each other), and resurrected time traveling queer superheroes learning their way, and real live queer chef repping women in Broville, and my beloved Jane the Virgin introducing a scissoring painting into the mix. Boob(s On Your) Tube is returning today, so you can catch up with all your gay ladies on the telly on Tuesdays and Fridays. Let’s do that right now.
Jane the Virgin
Mondays on The CW at 8:00 p.m.
I always get a little worried about Jane the Virgin when its on one of its hiatuses because the formula that makes this show work is so weird and specific and I feel scared that the writers or network will mess with one of the components and throw the whole thing off — but nope! Every time it comes back, it just gets better. Last night’s winter premiere was all about parent/child relationships. Jane’s inability to let Mateo cry himself to sleep. Petra and her mom each trying to convince the cops the other one stabbed a hitman to death in their hotel suite. (“The murder weapon was my mother’s hook!” “Well, no one knows where that is.” “Because she had that one removed last month!”) Rogelio finding out his dad’s gay (and that his parents have been keeping it a secret from him for 40 years).
The gay dad storyline had the potential to invoke all sorts of gay panic tropes, especially because Rogelio is such a manly guy with a manly reputation, but no one in the family was upset to learn about it. Alba’s sympathy was with his dad because he had to stay closeted for so long, and she’s just glad he’s getting to live an authentic life now. (“I have a gay friend at church and he explained everything to me.”) Rogelio assumes, of course, that his mother won’t tell him his dad’s gay because she doesn’t want to upset him, so he stages a Big Gay Dinner with gay guests and the promise that Ricky Martin will stop by for dessert and a prayer thanking God for the food and also for love in all it’s various forms: men who love women, for example; and men who love men; and women who love women. It turns out, though, that his mom didn’t want Rogelio to know because she didn’t want it to really be true.
Luisa pulled all the themes of the episode together, for once! Susanna loses a coin toss with Michael, so she’s forced to go talk to Luisa about her mom and suss out more information about whether or not she’s the infamous Miami crime lord, Mutter. Michael calls Susanna Luisa’s girlfriend and she rolls her eyes, but then! When Susanna sits down to talk to Luisa, she holds her hand and opens up to her about her own sad childhood. Luisa knows Susanna’s trying to use her crush as leverage for evidence, and for some reason, calling it out actually has the effect of roping Susanna into the crush too! They sit real close on the couch and do some research about Luisa’s mom, and when they pull apart, there’s a literal painting of two women scissoring in the background. Seeing that picture made me laugh harder than I have in I don’t even know how long.
Later on, Luisa and Susanna smooch a little smooch with their smoochers, but Susanna pulls away and says, “I can’t.”
It feels good. You know how lots of queer storylines are just paint-by-numbers to meet that Diversity checkmark? This doesn’t feel like that. It feels good in my heart and makes my insides squirmy. It feels authentic and earned and sweet and doomed. I can’t wait for more!
(Oh, P.S. It’s Rafael’s mom who is actually Mutter; Luisa’s mom died in her sleep after living a quiet, peaceful life near a magical lake with glowing fish.)
Younger
Wednesdays on TV Land at 10:00 p.m.
Younger returned for its second season doing more of all the things that make it good (women being women with other women, talking about their careers and goals and hopes and dreams) and more of all the things that make it annoying (ha ha ha, 40-year-olds can’t use technology and 20-year-olds can’t use punctuation). Liza’s daughter returns from her trip abroad for a hot second, but gets super grossed out that her mom is dating a tattoo artist 14 years younger than her, so she bounces to New Jersey to live with her dad. Josh forgives Liza for lying about her age, but he doesn’t want to be involved in her scamming their friends, so he stops hanging out with them. And Kelsey works her way up to having her own imprint at Empirical. It’s aimed at 20-somethings and she handpicks Liza to join her in her, so they can take over the publishing industry before they turn 30.
So this season’s big dilemma is: When will Kelsey find out? I’m glad she’s the new Josh.
Maggie and Lauren are hooking up this season, right away! Liza finds Maggie and Lauren together in the kitchen after a night together in which Maggie “ripped open Lauren’s robe like a phone book.” We’ll be seeing a lot more of Lauren this season; she was upgraded to a series regular after last year, so fingers crossed for Darren Star getting bisexual representation much righter than he did on Sex and the City.
Top Chef
Thursdays on Top Chef at 10:00 p.m.
Whoo boy, this is one bro-heavy season of Top Chef. In fact, Karen and Marjorie are the only two women left in the kitchen (and riding in mini vans up and down the PCH in this California-themed season). Luckily, they are holding their own! Marjorie won last week’s Elimination Challenge by making seared halibut with grilled and roasted vegetables and green curry sauce as a rumination on how she was a very green chef ten years ago. Whole Foods was all out of lemongrass, so she grilled actual lemons and made her own lemongrass flavors (which she would not have done ten years ago, she says, but instead would have just cried). Karen won the Elimination Challenge the week before that by making duck breast with cocoa nib, beet purée, and ras el hanou to pair with a golden ale Pada concocted using ginger and tamarind and jalapeño. (Or, well, that Padma teamed up with Ballast Point to concoct. I’m sure Padma would be the best home brewer in history, but she doesn’t have time for that.)
The 100
Thursdays on The CW at 9:00 p.m.
Written by Karly
It has been three months since the events of the finale. Surprisingly, the Sky People have organized. Their home is now called Arkadia. By the way, “Arcadia” is the name of a harmonious utopia from Greek antiquity, and in the universe of The 100 can only foretell disaster (thanks for the info, Matie!). The “kids” are regular guard now. They spar, go on patrols, and hang out in the mess where they drink, barter, and play piano(?). It so reminds me of Battlestar Galactica season one. Bellamy has a very cute girlfriend, like so cute. Lincoln has been training with the Sky People and has a uniform and everything. Everything seems kind of calm.
It’s because the Grounders and the Sky People have a tense truce. They can protect their home and look for more fallen stations, but they cannot kill any Grounders. They’re also looking for Clarke. Abby is feeling worn down by being the only medical doctor in a camp of a lot more people, including more children than I remember in season two. Octavia and Lincoln are going through a rough patch. As Lincoln acclimates to his life in Arkadia with the Sky People, Octavia’s heart is full Grounder now, and she can’t reconcile the two. It’s amazing how they can catch us up on all this in ten minutes.
The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories, Vol. 1
Bellamy rounds up Raven, Monty, Miller, and Jasper to go on patrol. Jasper has gone down the deep-end because of Maya; he’s cut off his hair and he drinks himself stupid. He’s even more annoying than before. They get in the giant armored SUV and head out to Sector Seven (the Ground is in sectors now). Octavia rides alongside them on horseback.
Jasper is brooding and he plays The Violent Femmes on the stereo. Everybody starts singing and smiling and I am immediately nervous. They are indeed stopped by their sensors going off: a beacon from a fallen ship is close.
They find the beacon in another sector. It is not with Sky People but is attached to Ice Nation grounders. It’s tense so Jasper does the best thing ever: he walks up and rips the beacon off a grounder’s belt. The Grounder grabs Jasper, holds a knife to his throat and demands to know where Wanheda is. Jasper just smiles as everyone aims their guns. Bellamy feels he has no choice so they open fire. All the Ice Nation grounders are dead, Jasper is dumb, and the truce is threatened.
They start panicking but Kane calls them over the radio to meet him in Sector Four. Bellamy sends Raven, Octavia, and Jasper back to camp while he and Monty head to meet Kane.
Shoulda been Movie Ginny Weasley.
Then we finally see Clarke! Her hair is red and she’s hunting a panther. We knew she was tough, but surviving three months in the wilderness alone is next level. She takes her kill to a trading post and the owner’s daughter, Niylah, definitely has the hots for her. She keeps asking her to sit, have a drink, stay for a while, and bang her on these panther rugs. Clarke is suspicious, especially when she sees that Niylah’s wearing an ark bracelet. Where are these Grounders getting all this Sky People tech?
Clarke relaxes a bit when Niylah gets rid of some Grounders looking for her. Niylah offers Clarke a drink again, but we know who the thirsty one is. Then Niylah offers to clean Clarke’s cuts from her panther hunt and asks her about Mount Weather. This woman is devilish in her tact! But it works: Clarke doesn’t want to talk. She kisses Niylah and they have awesome Grounder sex on panther pelts. I don’t know what to tell you, you guys. It was the hottest sex scene I’ve seen on network TV. Clarke is definitely an amazing kisser.
Would you like to do some bartering that turns into wild sex, or nah?
Back in Arkadia, Jasper, Raven and Octavia return. Jasper goes to medical to fix his neck and Raven stays on her horse and dismisses Octavia. She sits there awkwardly and finally Abby realizes Raven can’t get off the horse herself because of her hip. Raven accepts Abby’s help to dismount but refuses to answer any questions. They meet later at the bar. Abby wants to be Raven’s (girl)friend and talk about the pain Raven’s in, but Raven just wants to drink. Fine. Another slowburn ship. I’ll take it.
While they are drinking, Shawn Mendes sings and plays piano in an egregious display of promotion. I’m so sorry that you’re still a CW show, The 100. I’m glad Jasper freaks out and beats the shit out of him (…now, he might need some stitches). (I’m sorry, I had to).
In Sector Four, Bellamy and the boys meet Kane and Indra! Hi, Indra! Indra wanted to warn them that the 12 clans are hunting Clarke, aka (of course) Wanheda. They believe if they kill her, they will absorb her power. The most dangerous is the queen of the Ice Nation. Ruh roh. So they have to find Clarke first. Of course this is timely, because as Clarke is sneaking out of Niylah’s house, the Grounder from earlier was waiting for her, and he snatches her.
Okay, very briefly: across the dead zone, Jaha has been spending the last 3 months in the mansion with Ali, the AI who was responsible for the nuclear war and has gone insane. He apparently ascends to the City of Light in his head? Also, Murphy is still around for some reason. This obviously is going to become a big deal by the end of the season, but right now it’s the boring part.
I’ll be back on Friday with more queer teevee, including some new shows with queer characters, like Legends of Tomorrow; and some old shows that have added queer characters, like Galavant!
Lexa is coming back in the next episode, she’s listed in the cast, according to IMDB.
Anybody else is a bit afraid of Zach McGowan’s role in The 100? Could he become the doomer of queer relationships? After all he plays Vane on Black Sails and we all know how that worked out for Eleanor & Max.
Nah, I doubt he’ll be an issue in that way. His is likely a guest role for a set number of episodes, especially given that he’s a regular on Black Sails and such. I imagine he’ll be an interesting political character for awhile, though – potentially an ally to Clarke, I’m guessing, once they have time to chat/spar/etc. But doubting very much the sexytimes potential, not with Clarke, at least.
Please, from your fingers to Jason Rothenberg ears.
I will say, too, that Jason Rothenberg has explicitly stated that Clarke is bisexual, and the he’s committing to sticking with/exploring that. In fact, the “escapist sex” she has in episode 1 (his term, not mine) was very specifically made to be with a woman to hammer home this point.
The writers/showrunners in general seem pretty committed to exploring the full range of the emotional and physical ringer that Clarke is going through on her journey. So I also doubt they’d just toss her into any throwaway romantic subplots. Everything, even her thing with Finn, has played an important role in her story so far.
So, I think (I HOPE) we’re in pretty OK hands with this one.
Yeah! I actually remember an article that came out that was hyping a Clarke/Lexa/Bellamy love triangle this season and Jason Rothenberg responded that he was “kinda over love triangles.”
Nah, I’m not worried about Zach McGowan. Or the writers putting Clarke in any superficial love triangles at this point. There’s just too much going on.
Oh man you guys, I just started The 100, and am already three episodes away from finishing the first season. So far, it is very, very heterosexual, but I’m looking forward to the day that changes! In the meantime. Zoe Morgan aka Paige Turco aka Dr. Abby Griffin is giving me many, many reasons to keep watching. The only problem is now I need to be careful about spoilers. But knowing me, I’ll have caught up by the end of the week :)
The 1st season is like a prologue and as you said several times about PoI is kinda like a necessary evil to understand the whole thing.
And I can totally relate to your Dr. Abby Griffin feelings, in my case it was Anya, aka Dichen Lachman.
Ahh, I just watched the episode with Anya’s first appearance! God, I LOVE Dichen Lachmann.
The first season is only 13 episodes, I can live through that. Good to know that it’s just a prologue to better things! It’s overly heterosexual in sort of a 90’s high school movie sort of way, but it’s not nearly as boring as much of season 1 of PoI was. I just need them to get over this Raven-Finn-Clarke love triangle, because these girls are so awesome together I hate watching them fight over a boy.
This show was recommended by a friend, who lives in the United States, around the time of the 5th episode of the 1st season. By episode 3 I was screaming at her because I was bored as hell, but she told me to keep going and all I can say now is: “thank you, Cecilia, one of the best recommendations ever”.
I can’t help you with the Raven-Finn-Clarke love triangle, but, as Cecilia told me, just keep going, it’s worth it.
Oh man, the 5th episode of season 1 (the culling) was what convinced me to keep going. I can’t remember the last time I cried like that. When the redheaded dude came in and volunteered as a sacrifice, to save his daughter, I fucking LOST it.
Weirdly, I actually like the stuff that happens on the Ark better than the stuff on the ground. Because of Abby, mostly, but also because, other than Clarke (and now Raven, and occasionally Finn, and Wells when he was alive, and Monty) most of the kids on the ground are too stupid to live. These kids learned “Earth Skills” in space, didn’t they also learn stuff like “Earth Politics” or “Earth Laws and Justice”?
Anyway, just small annoyances. Overall I’m getting really into it.
@freakazoid1980 I just had to come back and tell you that I’ve now caught up (watched 301 and 302 this morning) and oh my god I am so in for this whole deal. Like, just with PoI, I started The 100 because of Clexa, but I’ve stuck with it because I love ALLLLLL these characters so much and the show is so brilliant at world building and character development, and just the PLOT sucks you in like, I want to know more about the 12 Grounder clans!
And I mean obviously I’m gonna ship Clexa, but mostly I just ship Clarke/happiness, Clarke/sanity, and Clarke/moral redemption. And Abby/life, Raven/life. Those two are very important.
I’m with you. Came for Clarke, stayed for Abby.
As much as I enjoyed Younger in its first season, already 3 episodes in to the second season, and I can tell there’s already an improvement. The writing is less “showy” and there is MUCH MORE Maggie!
When Maggie rented out the apartment for a sex kink party when she was short on rent and had to make it up? I rollllllled on the floor!
I’m warming up to Maggie and Lauren. When Lauren just strolled out Maggie’s bedroom post-hook up in a kimono, she just owned the space. They are a bit of an off-beat pairing, but I approve.
And yay for the return of Lauren’s parents! They were one of my favorite parts of last season. More Kathy Najimi is always a good thing.
Heather, I know I’ve said this before, but thank you for introducing me to Younger via this column! It quickly became one of my favorite comedies.
Welcome back, Boob(s). I missed you ?
Boob(s) missed you too!
I DID NOT KNOW JANE THE VIRGIN CAME BACK LAST NIGHT. How did I not know this?! 2015 highlights for me pretty much went 1) graduate grad school 2) Jane the Virgin
This is the best news of my whole week. Maybe the whole month. My monday nights certainly just got so much better.
That is a good and solid list of highlights! Jane the Virgin was for sure my favorite TV show of 2015!
Petition for less City of Light boring stuff and more Clarke hooking up with random hot Grounders.
Also, I tried not to, but I’m shipping Abby and Raven so much.
That DoctorMechanic ship (I think we need to work on the name) has been around for some time now.
http://archiveofourown.org/tags/doctor%20mechanic
I second that!!! Lets have Clarke hooking up with grounders every week.
I’m pretty sure Jaha’s City of Light is just him dropping acid and hallucinating shit to feed his Moses complex.
Same here. Can’t help it. Not after that bar scene.
I dunno if it’s been a million years since the last episode, or I just marathoned the first two seasons too quickly, but I remembered only about half of the characters on the 100. Is Bellamy’s girlfriend new? But it was super awesome! Excited to see more.
I swear she’s new! I would have remembered her, I think
Yup she’s new and massacred all the poor Bellamy/Clarke shippers hearts.
I mean…Clarke’s grounder sex should have been pretty hot…but did anyone else just worry about her GIANT GAPING PANTHER WOUND the whole time? At least cover that shit up! You don’t have any antibiotics! And it takes work to get blood out of bed furs.
Now I have the image of walked out on Niylah in my head, furiously scrubbing bed furs before Daddy gets home.
I like how Niylah was “cleaning her wound” but obviously wiping the skin AROUND it
There was a giant gaping panther wound and bed furs?!! Sorry, I was focusing on something else in that scene.
And why, in the holy name of god, nobody is saying a thing about that poor little bunny?
That was the cutest bunny I have ever seen. RIP.
Thank you, you have restored my faith in humanity.
Hehe I actually screamed at my tv, “cover her wound!” Didn’t Clarke have to take a Bloodborne Pathogens course on the Arc?
Who among us has not gone through with sexytimes despite some less than ideal physical conditions? The Power of the Clam is real, y’all.
(but I totally yelled “Oh god don’t roll her onto her back!” at the TV, too)
I had to turn it off after the bunny. :(
It’s like they chose the cutest lil bunny possible.
I understand bait but c’mon!
Also is that supposed to be a panthera pardus or panthera onca? Because a bunny might terrible bait if the eating habits of the puma concolor (florida panther which is actually a cougar but still similar caloric needs) are anything to go off of.
The 100:
1.I’m finally getting the DoctorMechanic vibe after the Season 3 Premiere!
2.Nyilah looks like the love child of Lexa and Anya, which goes to say that I can totally live with that pairing.
3.Bagheera, Clarke, was that really necessary?
4.Octavia is now officially the resident badass of Arkadia.
5.I ignored the whole Jaha stuff so absolutely, that I forgot about it entirely.I wish we could all go back to that.
That said, I can’t wait for the next ep and the next “Boobs”!
With two openly gay actors and a bisexual bad ass former resurrected assassin character, LoT already has a very special place in my heart.
P.S.I sincerely hope someone makes a “Bisexual Thursday” promo for the CW.
Also, I can’t have been the only one who was furiously looking up that “Lost & Delirious” scene as soon as the the tunes of “Add it up” by the Violent Femmes started?
I didn’t need to look it up. it was furiously playing in my head.
Good times,though.
Will this column still be covering The Fosters? That came back last night, too!
Thanks, as always, for the snarky TV coverage!
The Fosters is getting its own standalone recap. :)
A Fosters Stand Alone Recap!!! EEK! I’m so excited. I promise to never take one of those for granted again :)
Thank you soooo much for that
Clarke should have just locked herself on Niylah’s bedroom and refuse to come out until Lexa dragged her ass out there to join them.
This was my first episode watching jane the virgin as it aired and I was so happy!!!
A good one to arrive live on! So many queer delights!
I did not see the picture of scissoring?! Now I have to rewatch and look for it. :-)
I’m nervous to find out why Susanna “can’t” — is it b/c of her job? is it b/c of a relationship she’s in? I’m also worried about the trailers that show Jane hooking up with her professor b/c just nope, no, no way.
I’m 95% sure that Jane /isn’t/ going to hook up with her professor, but instead that the preview is some sort of daydream type sequence. The completely unbuttoned shirt, dressed hiked up, put down on the desk aspect of it is too soap-y and not Jane enough for me to think it’s reality.
I’m so excited to see what this half of the season brings! especially with more Luisa!
“Niylah offers to clean Clarke’s cuts from her panther hunt and asks her about Mount Weather” Talking about the Weather, works %60 of the time, every time!
Shit! I just realized this joke would apply equally well to the whole Panther aspects of Niylahs game.
Niylahs has layers.
I guess this is going to have a huge place here since March 2 (a tiny suggestion: I think it’s a great opportunity to engage with AS international readers, so a standalone piece or recap could be great way to work with this)…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fToW-5r07qg
OH MY GOD there are tears in my eyes – Ellen Page, you awesome human being! I’ll watch anything you made and participated in. This is awesome. Next time maybe you could prolly come to the Philippines, I’ll show you around! #NotCreepy #GaycationPHedition #TinyQueerdorksUnite
Heather: asking for a standalone piece or recap wasn’t directed at you. I understand that coffee has its limits
I missed Jane the Virgin so much I’m so happy it’s back! I loved Abuela Alba’s accepting lines and for some reason, the TV junkie in me thought of Annalise Keating to represent Petra hahaha
Oh and I loved the plot twist RE Mutter! And I hope that Detective and Luisa becomes a real thing or something, they look cute together haha
are we not going to talk about how miller was confirmed to be queer and how they were hinting at him and monty being together? i know they’re not ladies but it’s still super exciting. this show just keeps getting queerer and queerer and i love it.
the caption on the pic with the horse, though. i laughed so hard!