In the dead of winter, we have a holiday that is supposed to celebrate romantic love but usually creates more stress and loneliness. If you’re going through a break-up or relationship transition (as so many are right now), it can be a crushing reminder. If you’ve been single for awhile, it can feel like you’re left out while the world couples up all around you. If you’ve got more than one partner, it can be tricky to navigate how to split up the holiday without hurting anyone’s feelings. Even if you’ve got just one partner, high expectations and pressure can make your expressions of love feel forced or inadequate. Most of us don’t win, here, no matter what our relationships look like.

Instead of losing this game any way you play it, the best approach is to shift your perspective. Release expectations and trust that one day isn’t going to make or break you. Instead of obsessing about what love feels like on February 14th, 2018, focus on what kind of love you’d like to build over the next ten years. While this is always good advice, it’s especially relevant this year, as Valentine’s Day this year falls the day before an eclipse. Remember the total solar eclipse last August? That opened up a lot of the relationship themes that you’ll be seeing from another angle this month. Eclipses are always wake-up calls—opportunities to see something that’s been hidden and to make changes accordingly. This month’s partial solar eclipse in Aquarius helps get some sorely needed perspective on what love means for us—how we are most drawn to expressing it, asking for it, receiving it, and what scares us about all of this.

Eclipses can totally bring up fears and anxieties, yes. Don’t let this daunt you! Remember, your focus is on the next ten years! The day of the eclipse, and the energetically charged weeks before and after it, are merely offering you a new lens. This will be especially powerful for people with planets in Leo, Aquarius, Scorpio, and Taurus. But I encourage all of you to use this month to approach your relationships with a sense of curiosity and courage. If you’re caught in a bad pattern, or can’t shake heartbreak or anxiety, ask yourself: what else might be true right now that I can’t see?

This month I’m super psyched to offer readings that get down to the nitty-gritty of what you really need from love, and how you can find it—just add a note when you book a birth chart and let me know what you’re interested in learning about your relationship needs. I’m also doing relationship readings again, perfect for couples, best friends, people in transition, and even poly triads and beyond!

On to the horoscopes! As always, read your Venus and Moon signs first, followed by your Sun and rising. Use these for what they can give you, and discard anything you don’t need. And remember—you’ve got this!

Aries

This is a year of getting serious about what matters, but there’s also a lot of release and letting go. Your energies have been bundled and bunched and ready to spring for all of 2017—this year lets you slow down and stretch out, and this month lets you focus on creativity rather than crisis. If something is falling away right now, it’s the end of a process that started a long time ago. If something new is beginning, it’s still too new to know what it will be yet. Let yourself look outward and toward the distant future as much as possible, like someone who’s been squinting at a cellphone screen and rests their eyes by looking up to the distant horizon.

What you’re learning to see: The strength of generations that’s backing you up, all those queer ancestors who were just as scared and lost sometimes as you are sometimes and still moved toward love and truth and freedom in ways that can help you also move toward love and truth and freedom.

Taurus

Few feelings are as satisfying as getting something right that you’ve gotten wrong many times. While right and wrong aren’t the best words to use about your relationships, you will notice that you’ve changed something persistent and stubborn and maybe even lifelong—some way of seeing the world that has kept you in patterns of pain, withdrawal, and rejection for a long time now. Notice that making even one small change consistently—no longer calling yourself “weak” or “stupid,” taking some time to calm down before processing—makes it easier for you to share love and build trust. You’ve been doing this work for awhile now—this is the month you get to relax and recognize that you’ve gotten good at it. Pay attention to your gains, not to all the other problems you haven’t yet solved.

What you’re learning to see: That trust is something you build slowly over time, and when it’s well built it doesn’t have to keep being shored up. If you’re using a lot of your energy re-establishing trust after crises, ask yourself: What do instability and crisis protect me from?

Gemini

Has your world gotten a little too small? Or have you been running all over the place keeping up with too many roles, relationships, and obligations? Whichever direction you’ve been overdoing it in, this month brings you the much needed counterbalance. Say yes to every experience that helps you feel connected to your core purpose for being, while opening your eyes to something entirely new. Let this month renew, revitalize, and reorient you. Avoid the lure of distraction, and start noticing what is wondrous and strange about the people you know best.

What you’re learning to see: That you don’t have to know where the adventure is leading you. What you can define as “adventure” rather than “crisis.”

Cancer

You’re plunging into the depths this month, and what you learn there will continue a story that began for you last August. Remember that every feeling is a fact, but that the stories that arise with the feelings are usually distorted. If you feel sad, that is a truth no one can talk you out of. But your sadness isn’t proof that you’re unlovable. Practice separating out your feelings from your stories, and you’ll start developing this super power of being able to let in a lot more love and stay centered in the face of all kinds of uncertainty.

What you’re learning to see: That loving deeply means risking loss. That desire always comes with vulnerability. How to let your guard down without getting taken advantage of.

Leo

You are beautiful, vivacious, charming, talented, and deeply loved. Remember that this month. Whatever is going on in your romantic world, don’t let any surprises or setbacks deter you from believing that you are beautiful, vivacious, charming, talented, and deeply loved. Are you with me still? You’ve got that? Good, because when you’re in doubt about these things it can be a lot easier to turn all your interactions into opportunities to seek validation—that kind of “Hey, look at me, do you see how beautiful I am? Ahem!” behavior that can be alternately endearing or irritating to everyone who loves a Leo (and the Leos themselves). So, I’m here to remind you throughout this whole month that you are indeed beautiful, vivacious, charming, talented, and deeply loved. You don’t have to worry about that. You’re free now to get curious about what other people are thinking, feeling, and wanting.

What you’re learning to see: Other people, particularly your partners. This is a month for really listening to what they tell you, through their word and actions. Pay attention.

Virgo

We all know the stereotype of Virgos as long-suffering overthinkers who worry themselves and their lovers to death. What that stereotype leaves out is how devoted Virgo energy is to solving problems that others may not even be able to see, and how skilled Virgos can be tending to the ones they love. Virgo energy is all about sensitivity and fine-tuning. It can be hard to handle this kind of sensitivity, though, which persists like static-and-garbled-voices on some radio that can be lowered but never turned off. This is why, again and again, I advise you hardworking Virgos to take a step back from that steady stream of information and analysis to recognize those times and places in your life when you don’t have to work as hard. This month is one of them: your assignment right now is merely to notice how much energy you’ve been extending and how much you’ve got left. You don’t have to do anything else but notice, and rest. Take notes, if you like, on whatever you’re learning, but don’t feel you have to do anything about it all yet.

What you’re learning to see: Where you’ve been overdoing it or underdoing it. What it means to tend to yourself as a way of tending to your relationships.

Libra

For too long, “excitement” has meant something that comes with more anxiety than it’s worth. Accordingly, you may be choosing solitude or routine interactions more often than not merely because you’re exhausted. Nevertheless, this is a month when excitement is knocking on your door again and promising to behave itself. I’d advise you to let it in—or rather, to get dandy and go out with it. Shake yourself awake, and remember that part of the magic of human interaction is what happens when we lock eyes and laugh together. Get silly. Get wild. Get the heaviness out of your system. Get together with someone who can make you laugh.

What you’re learning to see: The funny side of it all. How any situation you’re in can be an opportunity for laughter, playfulness, and joy—even if you’re laughing through tears.

Scorpio

Maybe you had the kind of mother who could hold you in her arms when you were hurt or frightened and soothe you into feeling safe again. Maybe you never had this kind of mom but can imagine what it would have been like. Maybe “safety” and “soothing” are words that get your hackles up a little bit because of how little you’ve been able to trust either of them in your life. Nevertheless, there is a part of you that wants to be held and soothed very badly—and will be looking for this in all your romantic relationships, even if you don’t like to admit it. Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell everyone. Even if someone’s reading this horoscope out loud to you right now, just look deadpan and no one will ever know. But even if you’d rather not talk about these needs, this is a month when you’re going to want to think about them—especially because there’s a good chance you’ll be able to ask for what you want and get it. Remember that home is a state of really trusting that you are loved and that you belong, exactly as you are right now—and that you have this, no matter where you’re living.

What you’re learning to see: Like Dorothy, that there’s no place like home—and that it’s much closer than you thought.

Sagittarius

Have you ever found yourself stuck repeating the same story over and over? Maybe it’s the one where you fall in love quickly and fall out of it just as quickly, with the same type of woman who seems exciting but not necessarily compatible with you. Maybe it’s the one where you get rejected, or maybe you are more interested in sex than love—whatever your pattern might be, there’s something in it that’s always the same. That’s the template you bring, that helps you choose experiences that are familiar enough to be safe while still being different enough to be interesting. At a certain point, though, you’re ready for brand new experiences. This month asks you to take a keen appraisal of your assumptions about relationships, and the roles you end up playing. Are you still having fun? Is there another character you’d rather play for awhile?

What you’re learning to see: Something familiar from a brand new perspective. The stories that define your expectations about love. What other realities might be possible.

Capricorn

Part of the story of this year for you is one of withdrawal from relationships that aren’t worth your time. Fears of scarcity in intimacy may have you stuck in connections that aren’t really feeding you, but rather just reinforce the myth that no one can ever feed you the way you need, and that you’re really good at not having needs. Guess what? This month gently, lovingly, reminds you that you get to be hungry and you get to be fed—full meals, not crumbs. Nourishing, consistent meals. You won’t lose your edge or your capacity to survive with less when you need to. Rather, letting in this kind of love will only strengthen you for the future.

What you’re learning to see: Your own innate worth. What you love most, and how you get to embody that.

Aquarius

With the eclipse occurring in your sign this month, you’re getting a major kick to uncover something about your heart and relationships that you are only now ready to see. Remember that you are inherently fascinating, delightful, and connected to others through bonds of love. Start to see where those connections might be able to offer you more, if you would ask for more. Start to see which of those connections aren’t offering you any particular delight or mutual support. Remember that you get to be both fully yourself and as connected as you want to be—you don’t have to sacrifice your unique path in life to be loved, or vice versa.

What you’re learning to see: What is true about you, whether or not it’s true for your partners. How to be in love with yourself first and foremost and forever.

Pisces

You may feel especially tired this month as you’re picking up on a lot more than your sensitive heart usually does (hint: it’s already a lot). Take as many baths as you can. Sleep in. Demand some pampering from anyone who’s been known to rub your feet or make you breakfast. And pay attention if you start to notice something new happening between you and a partner. Make room for some kind of revelation, trusting that change is a constant and that not everyone shares their every thought and feeling with their partners. If you learn new information this month, treat it as an honored guest your partner is bringing to meet you. If the secret is one of your own that is suddenly bubbling to the surface, ask your partner for the same consideration. And remember, more information means more intimacy is possible.

What you’re learning to see: How to approach what’s been kept secret, in your mind and heart, in your lover’s mind and heart. Welcoming secrets that come to light with a sense of gratitude.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!