**WARNING: SPOILERS ABOUND**
Sex sex lesbian sex breasts vadge lesbian sex bang fingerblast sex nudity full frontal nudity lesbian nudity sex real sex real lesbians pretty hot lesbian sex sex sexathon sexville sexology sexternet sexxting lesbian sex sex xxx.
Welcome to Season Two of The Real L Word, a show about vaginas and the bodies attached to said vaginas! Season Two of The Real L Word debuts Sunday, June 5th on Showtime (though some will catch a special sneak peek tomorrow night in West Hollywood), the network famously known as having “no limits.” For example there are no limits inhibiting the inclusion of this particular sex act between two hot sexy lesbians:
rollin' in the valley
The Real L World‘s first season was critically lamented and relatively unpopular, ratings-wise, and many fans worried it wouldn’t get picked up for a second go-’round. But bottom line: it’s cheap to make and it keeps lesbians subscribed to Showtime. So onward ho!
This season many things changed and a few things stayed the same. As the above poster states, there is an increased focus on “getting dirty.” In other words, there’s a more consistent focus on lesbians and the lesbian sex engaged in by sexy lesbians. Did you catch that? Lesbian sex. It’s a thing:
yogasm
Also? Shit looks good this year. Shit looks real good. The opening credits, in addition to containing at least 6 sex scene clips, are edgier and cuter and make the show seem way better than it did last year. Even the font is better and the cinematography feels fresher and — in a way — just BRIGHTER.
makeup artist at work
The group is younger and also more racially and gender-presentationally diverse.
Also there’s more sex. Did I mention that? Sex sex sex sex. Lesbians have sex and are sexy sexy sex. Sex sex sex! LESBIAN SEX!
what's that you're trying to do to me? sex? lesbian sex? is that the big idea?
Whereas Season One read like a miniseries length episode of MTV True Life: I’m a Lesbian in Los Angeles — telling several un-connected stories, documentary style, with no particular point — Season Two’s social fabric is more intertwined and they’ve discarded those boring Established Couples in favor of Hot Young Things. More importantly, there’s no LA Fashion Week.
Also, sex. Have you ever seen a lesbian vadge on the teevee before? Well you will so PREPARE YOURSELF.
So, what’s going down this season?
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Whit-me is Back Again:
Every lesbian’s dream is to either date Shane or Be Shane, and that’s where the character of Whitney Mixter comes in — again! (ha) Not content to live the dream merely once, Whitney’s back for Season Two, reprising her Season One storyline more or less line-by-line but with a new brunette (Rachel) and one of the old brunettes (Sara pronounced SADJJAARONADA). Roommate Alyssa‘s back as the calm, motherly voice of reason attempting to temper Whitney’s roll of sexual terror. There are at least 27 more conversations about girls and feelings on that couch situation Whitney’s got on her backyard.
There’s a bit more about Whitney’s work, it seems like, and I hope that her starring role this season will serve to round out her character a bit more than they did last year because I think Real Whitney is much more complicated than TV Whitney.
During Whitney’s scenes I found myself asking questions like: “Did we finish that whole joint earlier?” and “Where’s Tinkerbell?”
See — I just wanna see The Character of Whitney Mixter evolve. Is that too much to ask? Shane evolved! Rather than building on perhaps some of the Tough Questions Whitney had to ask herself after last season’s fallout, this year just picks up where last season began. It’s Double Whitney with several cherries on top. More Whitney, All The Time. Maximum Whitney. Whitney 500. Someone give this girl a character arc! Ideally before she gets called back to outer space via that hat she’s wearing.
"that guy on the corner's got a hat just like this one except his is made out of tin foil"
Oh also there’s a scene where Rachel masturbates to orgasm while watching porn. Rachel is a lesbian. A lesbian who has lesbian sex. And masturbates!
it's so meta
Also in the morning, sometimes lesbians like to wake up and you know. Have lesbian sex!
college girls are easy
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Romi Returns:
after we stop talking about how we don't have sex, we should go have sex
Our other returning character is Romi, upgraded from “Whitney’s fuck-buddy” to a full-on character with a new girlfriend and a Mom and everything!
Wearing slightly more makeup and a slightly larger feather-earring, Romi’s now dating Kelsey, a 23-year-old menswear aficionado who I’m told to watch out for because Kelsey is funny. It often seems that she’s intentionally fucking with the show’s production, like not saying her lines or veering a scene off-topic, which we appreciate.
lesbians have breasts
Much like Francine & Claire (which I’ll discuss later), the alleged driving impetus of conflict between these two feels slightly hollow/contrived. Romi and Kelsey are both upset that they haven’t had sex in three weeks, a problem that seems easily fixed by having sex. Like if they both want it. What’s stopping them. They live together. Who killed Jenny? Anyhow!
I’m pleased as punch over the introduction of Romi’s gay Mom, who helps to humanize her dear daughter and acts as a voice of reason to Romi/Kelsey. Near the end of the second episode she also gives us a little more insight into what makes Romi, Romi. I look forward to this and not just because my family history is identical to Romi’s (divorce, death, gay mom, etc).
I also watched all of Romi’s scenes, which is basically an endorsement.
Don’t worry though, there’s plenty of nudity (like A LOT!) and also — LESBIAN SEXXXXXX!
lesbians: they sure do love lesbian sex
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Meanwhile, Sajdah:
then i said to her "prop 8 needs to be overturned RIGHT NOW!!!"
So while all this lesbian sex is going on we’ve got Sajdah talking about Martin Luther King Jr and Prop 8, marching in gay rights parades and working in the Gay & Lesbian Center. Where does she think she is, The Real World: Washington DC? GET NAKED ON CAMERA!
Just kidding! You can’t be mad at Sajdah. She’s really earnest, like she’s on a different show entirely, and seems genuinely excited to be there, like the kid in The Real World who can’t get over how cool the pool table is in the Real World house, except instead of “Pool Tables” we have “hot girls met on match.com.”
This is a relatively groundbreaking character — masculine black lesbian women are underrepresented, to say the least, just about everywhere. Aside from Tika Milan, cast member of I’m From Rolling Stone, a show nobody saw, Sajdah’s a lone ranger in this particular territory and is positioned to make a real impact by being on this show. I assume at some point she’ll probably take off her shirt.
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In the Other Corner We Have the Lesbians Wanting to Have the Baby
who wouldn't want to give their sperm to these girls
Kacey & Cori are so cute and sweet and funny it’s a shame that their storyline is so — um — boring? It’s the baby storyline. You know the one. It was in the fictional show (The L Word) this reality show is based on, and is also the plot of several lesbian films.
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Francine & Claire
autostraddle calendar shoot autostraddle calendar shoot
Francine’s first scene takes place at a mysterious photo shoot, where a beautiful female photographer is taking photos of Francine and other women for no apparent reason.
I wonder if this could maybe be Francine’s photo shoot for The 2012 Autostraddle Calendar. I wonder if that photographer woman is Robin Roemer, who’s been friends with Franny for a long time and says wonderful things about her both in public and private.
Anyhow! Franny, a graduate of NYU’s business school, works at Nami Wave Media (this is independently mined information, one gathers via Show that Franny’s primary occupation is “thinking about Claire”) and isn’t out to her Mom and seems like the only cast member totally oblivious to the camera’s presence — she’s down-to-earth, smart and level-headed, while also open emotionally.
Then there’s Claire, a raspy-voiced blonde with a fashion background who is moving to Los Angeles from New York for somewhat confounding reasons — stated purposes include starting a website about the lesbian lifestyle because there isn’t one aimed at our generation (AHEM) and figuring out why she’s “holding on” to Francine, her ex-girlfriend.
The latter reason has apparently been pre-approved by her girlfriend Vivian. In other words, it seems like maybe Claire came to Los Angeles for this show although her hair suggests a sort of beachy surfer-ish lifestyle.
Anyhow, we like Claire. Claire & Francine feel like whole entire people, flaws and beauty and all. This sort of complicated ex-relationship situation is an interesting contrast to the other’s on the show — from those just dating around (Sadjah), those in an almost LTR (Romi/Kelsey), those married with baby dreams (Kacey/Cori) and Whitney (Whitney).
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Because the lesbian media universe is so teeny-tiny, The Real L Word presents a really special challenge to the lesbian media — chances are good that anyone writing about the show knows one or all of the cast members and/or has friends who are friends with one or all of the cast members. I already feel weird making fun of actual people to begin with. Also chances are good you’ve been to these bars and to these restaurants and to Dinah Shore. Chances are good you see enough of this kind of dyke drama in your own life that you’re not really compelled to witness similar exploits on television. When Claire & Francine start fighting my #1 feeling is “I’m gonna go inside and drink some vodka, you girls work your shit out and let me know when it’s time for Yogurt Stop.”
I mention this ’cause I’m trying to figure out why this show, though seemingly far better this season, still ranks somewhere between “counting potatoes” and “painting my toenails” on my excitement scale. In addition to obvious reasons like “I hate reality teevee”, I think this might be ’cause the show’s primary selling point, like The Hills & The Real Housewives (which I’ve never seen), is the exoticism of good looking people living sexy sex lesbian sex glamour fashion sunshiney California lives.
Warwick Saint/SHOWTIME
This isn’t without merit — once upon a time The L Word was that kind of show for me and it changed my life by showing me people that seemed more like my friends than lesbians I’d seen in the media before The L Word. For lesbians not lucky enough to live in a gayborhood, it’s not just the sunny sexification that seems out of reach but the concept of having a lesbian network so large and diverse to begin with. When you’re the only gay in the village, finding one girl to bed let alone three is challenging. So that’s a value.
Reality TV isn’t ever about our actual lives — it’s exotic/aspirational (The Hills) or completely bizarre (Storage Wars) — and I suspect part of the lesbian critical disdain for this show comes from the fact that the show is kinda like our actual lives except you know, prettier.
photo by Warwick Saint/SHOWTIME
Are any of these characters sympathetic? Do you care about any of these storylines? Would you prefer a root canal? I look forward to garnering your thoughts as the season premieres, and I’ll be saving my jokes and my opinions for the recaps. (In order for us to do things like devote an entire month to talking about our favorite poets and forego SEO/page-view trickery we sometimes have to write about things that people actually care about, like lesbian reality television shows! Apparently a lot of you enjoy or enjoy hating my Real L Word recaps, which get a lot of traffic, although 25% of that traffic would rather see Rose submerge my entire body in a pit of dead vampires than laugh at any of my “jokes” or agree with any of my “commentary”, but, as they say on The Wire, it’s all in the game.)
Oh also should we talk about lesbian sex? I feel like we should. LESBIAN SEX LESBIAN SEX LESBIAN SEX. This’ll be controversial I’m sure — they’re pandering to straight men! But nah, I don’t think they are. With all the porn out there why would any het guy sit through all the drama just to see Romi’s vadge for two seconds? I mean I fast-forwarded through most of the show and I was supposed to write this review. One thing’s for sure: lesbians like having lesbian sex. Lesbian lesbian lesbian sex.
Do you wanna watch?
Andddd now I have to watch
Just to see if they mention Autostraddle like they’re contractually required.
If not: http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lflp1na8u01qeo2lyo1_500.jpg
Though I should clarify I will be DVRing it, watching it, and deleting it in the dead of night. All that SEXYSEXYSEXLESBIANSEX mightttt not go over so well with the family.
i hate everything
why why why
would people let cameras in while having sex
I feel like the most uncomfortable job ever would be as a cameraperson on this show.
I realize the camera is an inanimate object but I feel like giving it a hug and a bottle of vodka.
exactly. This is all I can think about. I can’t even.
Not like in porn where it’s their profession to have sex in front of the camera, these girls have jobs outside the show, like actual jobs. Why why why.
THAT’S A LOT OF LESBIAN SEX HOLY!!! I’m thinking like overkill on the nipple and vadge shots, but I wasn’t planning on watching this anyways.
Where’s all the lesbian sex though !
That’s what I want to know. I mean after all lesbians are only on the world to be sexy for the man’s gaze… We’re required to have sexxxy gay lesbian sexy sex constantly. There’s a whole lot of pictures of chicks in clothes.
Unacceptable.
Sex sex lesbian sex breasts vadge lesbian sex bang fingerblast sex nudity full frontal nudity lesbian nudity sex real sex real lesbians pretty hot lesbian sex sex sexathon sexville sexology sexternet sexxting lesbian sex sex xxx.
this.
has an awesome beat to it.
also,
i dare you to say it 3x fast.
Hope you know my reply was to the original post, not your reply, as yours was freakin’ hilarious! I took your dare, too.
I want a dubstep remix.
this
Nope I’d rather gnaw my arm off. Just as I couldn’t get through the interview clips, I scrolled thru much of this–except your writing. If AS and Robin Roemer are supposed to be acknowleged per contract, Lord help you, it sounds like you made a deal with IleneThedevilChaiken.
I prefer whatever might have been posted instead due to the time taken away from doing the recaps. If you do recap I will appreciate your commentary which is a hella feat given what you endure.
dammit, you guys made me want to watch this show
all i want to watch is julie goldman say “iiiiii’m ilene chaaaaiiiken” over and over.
aka all this show is to me is material for some amazing AS spoofs.
yeah i feel like the recaps for this season will all be SHINING STARS.
i want to die
It gets better. ++++ Then my eyes will have nothing worthwhile to (auto)straddle! … I don’t mean that sexually. I speak of your brilliant words!
Your feelings are my feelings.
i want a like button so i can like this comment
ditto ditto ditto :D
Okay this was hilariously written and I am EXCITED FOR THIS SEASON THIS TIME
In my head I read “Whitney’s roll of sexual terror”
as “Whitney’s roll of sexual terrier”
Conjured up quite an image, I can tell you.
i feel uncomfortable watching lesbian porn spliced with reality tv. whitney might as well release a line of adult videos under IFC’s licensure so that i can watch the 10 minutes of the show that isnt gays gone wild.
IFC is soooo man-viewer-trollin.
—im just watchin for kelsey.(though if shes one of the people who gets nekkid for the camera that already devalues my opinion.
close parenthesis.
Can I just say that I love your avatar?
Nyan cat + The Shining = AWSOME
The best be putting back the Autostraddle’s mention.
If I want to see lesbian vadge/tits/sex, I look in my pants/mirror/bedroom, and there I find it significantly more enthralling.
You sound like a narcissist. And I like it.
Shoot, girl, when you got it, you got it. And me? I, well I kinda got it.
Maybe I’m just prude but watching real people have sex is just not on my list of things to do. Hell, the fake sex on True Blood sometimes skeeves me out. This show is nothing but amateur porn to me and it makes me uncomfortable. Now I know why they picked only Whitney from S1 to come back, cause she was the only one narcassistic enough to want cameras to film her fucking. Not that I was planning on watch this trainwreck to begin with anyway but all these screencaps definitely turned me off the idea for good. I’ll probably read the recaps though.
And what is this obsession with Shane? I’d rather spend my time with Carmen, Bette, Helena, Tasha or Dana.
DANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa
fuck you ifc. fuck.
“Hi, I’m Ilene Chaiken. Dana was a tennis player, our most beloved character… I gave her breast cancer.”
and as she flees, she climbs the fence.
I am mildly obsessed with that video.
To be fair to Whitney, she actually wasn’t the only one who allowed cameras to film sex last season. This is a quote from an Autostraddle interview with Stamie from last season (she was the comedienne with kids who was with Tracey–greatest character!)
“We also had a sex scene that they cut out cause I was the bottom and they thought it looked weird. [laughing] They’re like, that’s great, but it’s not believable.”
Its so great to know that the show producers are also policing lesbian sex and deciding who’s lesbian sex is the REAL lesbian sex
Dear Allan Ball,
We need a good show. Please write something for us. I’m not sure how much more we can take.
Love,
Queer ladies with discerning taste.
co-signed
turn it into a petition, i will sign it
So. Making lesbians look like frat boys… Exploitation much?
Some of us are frat bois. Just sayin.
I know, but this feels different.
FEELINGS.
End post.
I’m so torn! The feminists and lesbian sex lover in me are once again at war. I’m only human! This show, particularly IFC, makes me so sad and angry and wet that I don’t know what to do! I like a little drama with my porn, which is a point for watching, but then I remember these girls are real people and it makes me want to shake them like a baby that won’t. stop. crying.
“This show, particularly IFC, makes me so sad and angry and wet that I don’t know what to do!”
best fucking thing i’ve read all day.
“but then I remember these girls are real people and it makes me want to shake them like a baby that won’t. stop. crying.”
2nd best thing I’ve read all day.
Storage Wars shout out! Holla!
Every time I see a screen shot of Kelsey, I think, what a babe. I love her style. Needless to say, I’m excited for this season.
Why am I not surprised that the more masculine-identified women are kinda shoved behind the pretty scantily dressed women in the promo poster? I mean, they’re attractive and I appreciate it, but I want more butchy nudity plz and thanks.
2nd that.
I have a lot of feelings about this. A LOT.
I’m almost a little curious about seeing an episode of season 2 after this preview, but reality tv makes me very uncomfortable as I get vicariously embarrassed on everyone’e behalf.
But how will we ever survive without LA Fashion Week???
You should film yourself watching this season, edit it all together with a bunch of jump cuts, and send it to IFC to go into the the Season 2 DVD Extras.
this
looking forward to seeing our Autostraddle calendar shoot on Showtime!!! Love my TRLW girls!!
I will be watching. But… in a porn kinda way. They’re super attractive!
I can’t understand them, as normal people with like, jobs and parents and stuff, would decide to be on this. Is it just not a big deal to be shown naked and having sex on TV anymore?
“Is it just not a big deal to be shown naked and having sex on TV anymore?”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3rhQc666Sg&feature=related
oh man collectedprose is bringing the A game
i’m quite apprehensive about jumping back on the RLW bandwagon since i nearly died last season from second hand embarrassment, which is a terrible, terrible feeling. i am sensing this season might be worse in that regard and Mickey McIndoorshades won’t even be stomping around.
I kind of hate myself right now. I can’t stand reality TV in general because I suffer from a lot of vicarious embarrassment (well, *someone* has to be embarrassed for some of these people, since they clearly aren’t going to do it themselves), but I think I’m going to have to track down these eps because it’s going to make the recaps just that much funnier. This is going to be like that time I forced myself to watch the last two seasons of Dawson’s Creek just because Jessica was writing the recaps on Television Without Pity.
Maybe it won’t be that bad, though. A lot of these ladies are extremely pretty. Like, I can’t stop looking at Francine, Romi, and Sajdah. Damn, girls!
ALSO! Kelsey looks like someone and I can’t figure out who and it’s driving me crazy.
is it Camila Grey?
Yes, that’s it! She’s like if Camila Grey and Jennifer Carpenter had a baby!
Okay, I feel better now.
you made me want to wach the character that is getting over her ex…otherwise i’m not a big fan of whitney. she is irritating . WHY did they pick her to bring back for season 2????
Great recap. So good in fact I think I won’t watch the entire season.
Was anyone else bothered by the fact that Whitney’s sheets don’t match in that screencap?
personally i have no problems with lesbian sex on tv, even when it is aiming for male viewers. it’s still better than free “lesbian” videos on the internet with girls with long nails who look bored, right?
Since the words…
“Sex sex lesbian sex breasts vadge lesbian sex bang fingerblast sex nudity full frontal nudity lesbian nudity sex real sex real lesbians pretty hot lesbian sex sex sexathon sexville sexology sexternet sexxting lesbian sex sex xxx”
… are all over this post my internet service provider has decided to block it!.. A***oles!!
I guess reading this seasons recaps is going to be a little harder. Looking forward to a good laugh though..
Thanks Riese
Your ISP is allowed to do that? What the hell? Are you at a public school or library or something?
my feelings about this post:
1- why the hell are the masculine ladies shoved in the back?
2- Moar Whit-me. I met her shortly after season 1 wrapped up and she’s uber cool.
3- Is there any chance we can have Rose back?
It’s amazing how AS looks most inviting when I’m supposed to study..
so i never watched season 1
but after this SEXSEXBOOBSSEXSEXSEXLESBIANSEX filled article i….kindof think i want to start?
Whoa, seems like maybe this should be moved to Cinemax’s 12 a.m. timeslot, if you catch my drift.
Is it coming from the east or west?
Coming from south. If you catch my drift.
No? Sorry.
yeah they’re hot and stuff but soft core does nothing for me
I wish there was a lesbian/bi version of 1 girl 5 gays
Scripted reality tv is such a zzzz nowadays
that being said, yes i will watch the first episode ha
Oh, I just really want to add one thing: I can’t stand Ilene Fucking Chaiken and have no interest in any project she is a part of ever again. I made that firm commitment after the L Word ended and I ain’t breaking it. I just read her interview at AfterEllen promoting season two — what an obnoxious person.
Strap your seat-belts on, it’s going to be fun ride. I can’t wait. That Ilene Chaiken surprises me; she’s dirtier than I thought. She also looks like Suri Cruise. LMAO!
I swear I would be able to ignore this show’s existence if it weren’t for AS’s hilarious recaps, and my crippling need for Whitney Mixter’s bad romance. *Dammit.*
First off, let me quote that great intro:
“Sex sex lesbian sex breasts vadge lesbian sex bang fingerblast sex nudity full frontal nudity lesbian nudity sex real sex real lesbians pretty hot lesbian sex sex sexathon sexville sexology sexternet sexxting lesbian sex sex xxx.”
Lol. Seriously, I cant wait for this season. I’m extremely excited about Sajdah (really makes me excited). Oh yeah, good times ^_^
your recaps are so good and i’m glad the show exists just so i can read your recaps
“See — I just wanna see The Character of Whitney Mixter evolve” than read a fucking a book!
Why can’t we watch this show online? Its so frustrating!!
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