Back to Sajdah’s Search for Sapphistry, which today lands us at some kind of outdoor mall in God-Knows-Where, probably selected so Chanel could descend the escalator like she’s a water ballerina or something. Sajdah, fresh off Huck Finn’s raft and still in his waterfront shirt, is awaiting her.
According to Chanel’s outfit, the producers must have been thrilled that Chanel somehow coordinated her “getting back together” conversation to take place on the same day as her interview for the show, as she’s wearing the same dress/bra/hat in both.
Basically Sajdah’s got a lot of love to give. Like gallons of it. And Chanel’s thirsty and they’re both super-dorky but also cute and so what the hell, why not:
Sajdah: “We’re two very different people, you know, like i’m on ten all the time. I’m crazy excited, I’m in everybody’s business, i’m all over the place, but I can learn to slow down. I realize that more than anything one thing I got from you that I don’t feel like I Â get in a lot of places is love and it’s not just that I want love it’s that i want to give you that as well and I wanna love you the way you’ve always loved me.”
Chanel: “Also with love you’ve gotta trust, you know? So if I say that I love you but I do want personal time or I don’t wanna do PDA, it’s not that I have something against you I just need you to trust me that it’s something I need to do for myself. I really wanna play hard to get but I’ve never been good at it, so.”
Marissa:
 
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Chanel: “Sajdah is the first woman I’ve been in a relationship with who like , like she really — [starts crying] — cares, and I’m willing to take the risk with her emotionally because I just feel that she’s worth it and we’ve had so many great times so I still believe that we can have a whole lot more.”
Me too! Six Flags Great Adventure For Everybody!
Kacy and Cori are at the flower shop, talking about sperm, namely their short supply of it. Their new plan for dealing with this shortage is to get wild jungleflowers to attract mama chakra from Glorious Green Goddess Isis above who is Lord and Intergalactic Lumberjack of fertility and babies, like Zeus.
Kacy: “We’re crazy, we’re having a creepy crazy ceremony because we’re trying to get pregnant.”
Cori: “The human sacrifice didn’t work, so we’re gonna try flowers.”
To be honest I wasn’t paying attention to this scene because I’m not a Wiccan and I’m not gonna let this show’s Wiccan Agenda get to me nor will I let it stop me from going to the kitchen for Phish Food and staring blankly out the window into someone else’s window, wondering what I’ve done with my life to get to this point.
So, just going off these screencaps I asked my Intern to make, I think the Flower Girl asked the Lesbian Couple to pretend to kiss each other on the face/lip region:
And then Kacy was like, “pretend I just said something really funny.”
And then Cori got possessed by a demon!
Supernatural shit is in the AIR, y’all.
We return to Francine’s Gay Hideaway, where Mom’s getting the grand tour of Francine’s garden of Good & Evil and wearing a geometric JC Penny black frock that only she could pull off.
Yoko’s flying out tomorrow and really wants to know what those cameras are for so Francine goes for it and honestly it’s sort of weird, considering all the build-up.
Francine:Â “Well I’m gonna tell you something. So for ten years or so, I haven’t told you this. I’ve been dating women. So don’t get mad.”
Mrs. Francine:Â “You’re sure?”
Francine:Â “Yeah… I don’t want you to be like embarrassed or ashamed of me. I don’t want you to be ashamed, you know?”
Mrs. Francine:Â “I not shame.”
Francine:Â “You still love me?”
Mrs. Francine:Â “Of course OF COURSE.”
Francine:Â “I just don’t want you to think I’m weird or disappointing.”
Mrs. Francine:Â “I love love so much you!”
OKAY! One of my favorite parts of life is how when you learn a language totally different than your first language, like a language that structures its verbs/nouns/possessives/adjectives/pronouns in a different order than your first language, like when I was learning Hebrew six hours a week and kept wanting to say  “the girlfriend of me” instead of “my girlfriend,” you sometimes end up saying things in a way more awesome order than they’re meant to be said in.
Like “I love love so much you.” It’s definitely on my top ten best sentences of the season. This is how it should always be said. Bless you, Yoko, bless you.
Then Yoko KILLS it by explaining that she’s okay with Francine being gay as long as she’s not dating Claire, specifically.
Francine:Â “She was controlling.”
Mom:Â “She controlled you.”
Francine:Â “She was my girlfriend, you know? Did you know?”
Francine bites her shawl and cries a little.
Francine’s already weighed down by her sweater-tunics and Giant Slalom hats and has a job at NamiWave Media so I think so far, so good. That was simple!
Kacy & Cori are at the beach, talking about sperm and handing out giant lilies to a large group of thirtysomething white people in sunglasses who will be the godparents of the hypothetical baby. It’s like photosynthesis meets Foxfire meets Eddie Bauer’s Autumn Collection meets a lady dressed as a vagina.
This is crazy, like a fertility ritual, of some kind, in which spirits are channeled and one by one the couples walk to the beach and throw flowers into the ocean.
I can’t describe if this ceremony is exactly or the opposite of how this would be handled in Berkeley.
But also, the vagina:
Cori and Kacy interview that they know even if they don’t have a baby, life will go on and they’ll still be cute and play with play-dough penis toys.
Kacy: “This is an added bonus. We are already a family.”
Over to Vivian and Claire, drinking poison out of tiny teacups surrounded by bamboo, boothery and shiny menus. Vivian interviews that she came here for a photo-shoot that never happened, on account of Claire and Chas (real name – Ashley)Â going apeshit at “Haute” which was either two weeks ago or yesterday, depending on your perception of this show’s storyboarding objectives.
Claire asks how Viv “genuinely feels” and I genuinely feel like every “State of the Relationship” scene in this episode was staged, but moving on — Vivian doubts Claire the Cougar’s ability to “do long distance” ’cause Claire’s a Leo, which explains the hair, the attitude, and the carnivorous tendencies.
Whitney, Jaq, Kool & the Gang are heading to another one of those parties that look like all the other parties, which is to say black/blue light, a DJ with an intense face, girls making out, and lesbians fighting openly in the wild.
Despite being accompanied by a Real Pirate Mistress, Whitney’s having a hard time seeing Sara suck face with Erica. If Jaq could talk, she might say “I’m having a hard time seeing Whitney having a hard time seeing Sara suck face with Erica.”
In case you forgot about Sarahahada’s flesh-eating virus, Whitney reminds us that Sara “gets under her skin” like nobody else. Quick timeout:
At the end of the night, Whitney’s comforted to see that Sara’s all tore up and falling drunk over herself.
In conclusion:
