Quiz: Which Villanelle/Eve Moment Are You?

We’re now over halfway into the final season of Killing Eve, so I thought it would be a swell time to look back on the some of the finest moments between Villanelle and Eve Polastri. There were honestly too many to choose from, so I spent an entire day agonizing over how to pick a personal top 8, much like I used to agonize over picking my top 8 friends on Myspace back in the day. But ALAS, I did it, and now I present this very important quiz to you. It’s a pick your own adventure style quiz in which you get to imagine you’re a hot international spy in pursuit of a hot international assassin. Sound familiar? And of course stay tuned for my next Killing Eve recap, which will drop sometime tomorrow afternoon!

So you’re a spy. Recently, you’ve become obsessed with a world renowned assassin. You have to catch her. But you also…maybe want to kiss her? But no, no time to focus on the job at hand. A sketch artist is here to draw the assassin, who you’ve been lucky enough to glimpse. What does the object of your obsession look like:(Required)
You get intel that the assassin is going to be at a hotel in Paris in order to kill some man, idk, he doesn’t matter. Pack your bags, you’re going to Paris to get your girl ERRR I MEAN do your job. What non-spy gear can you not travel without?(Required)
Now pick a cool spy gadget to pack:(Required)
You arrive in Paris, check into the hotel, and set up some surveillance gear with your partner. Pick a Bravo show to marathon while on stakeout:(Required)
Your partner says they’ll monitor the screens while you take a break for dinner. The assassin still hasn’t shown up yet, and you’re anxious, but it’s your first time in Paris, and you want to treat yourself. You’re definitely not imagining this is a date with the assassin, no, no, it’s just dinner with yourself, nothing to see here. What are you wearing for this romantic dinner for one?(Required)
You find a little Parisian bistro tucked into an alley. You get a table for two…you know, just in case anyone else shows up. What do you order to drink?(Required)
What do you order to eat?(Required)
Someone walks through the door. It’s her, but you knew that would happen, didn’t you? Your target, your obsession. The assassin walks in and sits across from you. What do you do?(Required)
She invites you through a secret door in the bistro. You know you’re taking a risk, but you can’t stop yourself. The door leads to a small speakeasy where people are dancing. She invites you to dance. Of course you say yes. A song you love, the one that always reminds you of her if you’re being honest, is playing. What song is it?(Required)
Your cellphone rings. It’s your boss. You ignore it and turn it off. This feels like the better way of getting to the target, right? You need to get on the assassin’s good side. You decide to flirt. What do you ask?(Required)
The assassin feels like you’re manipulating her. Uh oh. The vibe shifts. She feels betrayed. She runs out the door before you can stop her. Until next time, you suppose. Nothing can keep you apart for long. What’s your next move?(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 885 articles for us.

22 Comments

  10. I laughed out SO loud at “this result means you’re equal parts sophisticated and vulgar. You appreciate high-brow AND low-brow pleasures, because life is all about balance.”

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  12. Shepherd’s pie. Nice to know I have range.

    Also: “So you’re a spy. Recently, you’ve become obsessed with a world renowned assassin. You have to catch her. But you also…maybe want to kiss her?” Sounds like that could be a great storyline for Thirsty Sword Lesbians.

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    • Also can I talk about how I stopped keeping up with Killing Eve because I was so disappointed Eve didn’t want Villanelle more?

      Like how am I supposed to vicariously live my fantasies thru a fictional tv show if Eve refuses to commit?

      …I do deserve the teddy bear answer, don’t I?

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