Quiz: What’s Your Lesbian Love Language?

Last month, I delivered a post entitled The 12 Lesbian Love Languages, in which I made up 12 love languages for sapphic relationships, accompanied by cartoons delivered by my wonderful girlfriend because my love language is Acts of Service. I had some requests to turn this into a quiz, but obviously “12” is too many answers for one quiz, so I narrowed the field and took some liberties with the whole enterprise and now I come to you with a deeply unscientific but probably accurate look at which of the Love Languages I made up for a comedy piece is definitely yours and therefore should guide your life going forward from here.

What’s Your Lesbian Love Language?

Pick a vice:(Required)

Memes

Self-help books

Impulsivity

Paying someone to do the thing you don’t want to do yourself

Filming everything

Fan fiction

Blowing your paycheck on sex toys

Avoiding social plans to stay home and play trivia games with your girlfriend

Pick a virtue:(Required)

Being funny

Being Empathetic

Being up for whatever

Being productive

Being an incredible brainstormer

Being able to give the perfect movie/tv/book recommendation

Being hot

Being cozy

Pick a celebrity couple:(Required)

Stephanie Allyne & Tig Notaro

Abby Wambach & Glennon Doyle

Renee Rapp & Towa Bird

Niecy Nash & Jessica Betts

Kristin Stewart & Dylan Meyer

Waverly Earp & Nicole Haught

Chrishell Stause & G-Flip

Hayley Kiyoko & Becca Tilley

Pick a relationship vibe:(Required)

Photo by Jakayla Toney on Unsplash

Photo by Muhammad Faiz Zulkeflee on Unsplash

Pick an L Word couple [this question is optional, feel free to skip if you’re not familiar with the franchise]:

Alice & Dana

Gigi & Dani

Sophie & Finley

Alice & Tasha

Bette & Jodi

I can’t possibly pick just one!!

Carmen & Shane

Bette & Tina

Okay, now we’re gonna do some questions about how your current or hypothetical future partner(s) could best speak your lesbian love language.

It’s most meaningful to you when your partner…(Required)

Sends you a complete itinerary for your upcoming vacation

Sends you a highly specific mid-day sext

Sends you a private TikTok they made just for you because it’s something only two of you would find funny (and you do in fact find it very funny)

It’s more meaningful to you when your partner…(Required)

Takes your car to the gas station and fills your tires with the proper amount of air

Shows up in the middle of a workday in a brand new Jeep and suggests you ditch the afternoon and go on a drive to the beach

You’d be most excited if your partner took you away for the weekend to attend…(Required)

Coachella

Comic Con

A Como Shambala Estate Yoga & Meditation Retreat

When you’re at odds, it’s most important to you that your partner…(Required)

Thinks it’s healthy to tell jokes mid-argument

Has excellent emotional literacy

Doesn’t let the fight get in the way of the work you’re doing together

You would be most excited if your partner wanted to….(Required)

Write a TV show together

Start binging your favorite TV show of all time

Itemize and consolidate your TV streaming subscriptions to ensure maximum options and cost-effectiveness

Laugh over your favorite TV recaps and social media responses to your TV show-of-the-moment together

You would feel the most “seen” if you came home after a long day to find…(Required)

A brand new cloud couch in your living room

Your partner on the couch ready to rail you

You feel most authentic when you and your partner…(Required)

Stay in together

Go out together

You think a lot about…(Required)

Your partner’s therapist

Your partner’s ex

Your partner’s practical skills

You feel closest to your partner when you:(Required)

Make out

Talk about your feelings

Have many established running jokes

You feel most bonded with your partner when you’re connecting over…(Required)

Your favorite podcast

An intense weekend-long baking project

The lesbian bar you want to open together

You appreciate it most when your partner…(Required)

Runs an errand for you

Tells you how hot you look

Writes you a sweet note about the emotional growth you’ve been doing together

When it comes to ships in your relationship, you love it when your partner…(Required)

Is down to take your returns to the post office to get shipped

Is always rooting for their favorite ‘ships in your favorite shows

Is gonna have the time of their lives with you and all the lesbians on the Carribbean cruise ship vacation they impulsively booked

It’s more important to you that you and your partner share a:(Required)

Sense of humor

Deep emotional connection

Desire to create beautiful things together

You appreciate it most when your partner:(Required)

Reads the article/tweet/meme that made you laugh out loud

Reads the instructions for the IKEA furniture and then puts it all together

Reads erotica to you out loud while you’re driving

If you both received an unexpected financial windfall you’d be most thrilled to spend it on…(Required)

Home improvements or a down payment for a house

An incredible vacation

The business or major creative project you want to launch together

You feel most seen when your partner asks you if you want to leave the party early because…(Required)

You’re tired and want to get into your bed and go to sleep

You want to go home and bang

Your favorite show just dropped its new season

It’s most meaningful to you when your partner:(Required)

Makes you a very complicated dinner that involves some of your favorite dishes, and invites your best friend over to join

Arranges for you to have dinner at an incredible restaurant with important people you’ve been excited to connect with

Books you reservations to see your favorite movie and have a lovely meal at your local Dine-In Movie Theater

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