Quiz: What Should You Do When Your Family Stresses You the F*ck Out Over the Holidays?

Ah, the winter holidays. Remember when we were kids, and December felt like magic? Then the years passed and suddenly, bafflingly, we were adults. And honestly? Now, December is more often filled with weary travel, pull-out sofas, rapid Covid testing (don’t forget!), and at least one or two relatives we’re not sure we ever liked. But fear not, friends! This quiz is chock-full of coping mechanisms for this family time together. Don we now our gay apparel, for we! Can! Do! This!

You’ve just arrived home for the holidays, and honestly? You’re already:(Required)

Overstimulated

Wondering if things were always this quiet

Hoping your childhood Babysitters Club books are still in your bedroom

Stressed about being the only queer person there

Feeling kind of infantilized

Wishing people had fewer agendas

Feeling time s l o w down

Rummaging through your dopp kit for earplugs

Choose an obscenely large stock photo bathroom to hide in:(Required)

What do you hope to find in your childhood bedroom?(Required)

Your Teddy Ruxpin

The rubber band ball you hoped to win records with

Your Hello Kitty diary

The shoebox full of notes your friends passed each other in middle school

Your old yearbooks

Your Gameboy

Your Magic 8 Ball

Your notebook full of overwrought high school poetry

Choose a soothing beverage:(Required)

A fragrant mulled cider

Your favorite kombucha

A hot green tea

A Negroni Sbagliato with prosecco in it (stunning)

An Irish coffee

A hot cocoa with marshmallows

A double IPA

Seltzer in a champagne flute with a single raspberry and a mint leaf

When you need to take a moment, breathe deep and visualize your “happy place,” it looks a little something like this:(Required)

You’ve been asked to bring something to the pre-holiday potluck. You go with:(Required)

A six-pack of La Croix

Chips and guac

Oven-roasted root veggies

A homemade pie with homemade crust!

Cheesecake from Trader Joe’s

A package of gluten-free Oreos

A lasagna

An easy salad

Choose a classic game to play with your family:(Required)

The Game of Life

Monopoly

Scrabble

Jenga

Poker

Chutes and Ladders

Ticket to Ride

Clue

While you’re home, you’ll probably meet up with your childhood friends at the:(Required)

Wildlife refuge

Newly remodeled Target

Comfortably shabby used bookstore

Dive bar

Discord (none of us can get away)

Seasonal ice rink

Historic downtown

Spa

Choose a sweet treat:(Required)

It’s been a long day, and the kids are winding it down. Time to introduce them to the inclusive animated world of:(Required)

Steven Universe

The Owl House

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Adventure Time

The Legend of Korra

Danger & Eggs

Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts

The Lumberjanes (please let them read quietly!)

While you’ve enjoyed this time with your family (really!), you just can’t wait to get back to:(Required)

Your beloved pets and/or plants

Your usual routine

The TBR pile on your nightstand

Checking your phone without being guilted for it

Your friend group

Your regular DND game

Your XBox

The love of your life!

Finally, pick a movie to watch on your phone just before bed:(Required)

Love Actually

Something From Tiffany’s

Under the Christmas Tree

Happiest Season

Rent

Elf

Last Holiday

Carol

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