As someone who spends a large portion of my freetime in the kitchen and uses cooking to procrastinate, self-soothe, and express love, it’s shocking I haven’t done a quiz like this yet! Haven’t you always wondered what lesbian kitchen appliance you are? No? Well, haven’t you always wondered what makes a kitchen appliance lesbian? Also no? Did you at least wonder what makes a kitchen appliance lesbian when you saw the title of this quiz? Well, I’ll take it! And no, “kitchen scissors” is not actually a result, because I pride myself on being UNPREDICTABLE with my quiz-making. Enjoy the food-themed questions for this one! Cheers, queers!
Quiz: What Lesbian Kitchen Tool Are You?
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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney’s Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.
Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya has written 1069 articles for us.
Comments
I am a soup ladle!!! I do love feeding my community… This quiz was ROUGH bc it made me desperately want a grilled tofu sandwich, spicy garlic infused oil, a nice new set of pots and pans, blackened fish, etc. Damn I love food.
i love a quiz where i feel very confident at the outset that every possible result will delight me! i’m thrilled to be a garlic press. also i literally just ate but this quiz still made me extremely hungry for a sandwich and fries and seafood and dr. pepper and pie and an assortment of sexy fruits!!!
I am a garlic press! My partner is a passionate cook and also a garlic press hater so this is extremely funny
They have also been told they’re a garlic press and while pleased with the description they are continuing cooking their dal makhani with a grumpy air
Maybe they hate garlic presses bc they don’t need anything to press the garlic for them bc they ARE the garlic press, ’cause they, like, do it themself.
Absolutely love this quiz / being a stand mixer, but submitting a formal complaint that peaches are not on the sexiest fruit list
you’re so right and i apologize to my fruit community
I’ve always compared eating sliced cantaloupe to kissing a woman’s inner thigh…
I’m a garlic press!
This is content? Oy vey.
*bangs pots together* more vegan options for the eco lesbians! Anyway, delighted to be a soup ladle.
My stand mixer is a prized possession so I am tickled that apparently I am one
Soup Ladle : The Giver, kitchen version
I got so lost thinking about my preferred form of potato and making that choice that my ADHD made me zone out completely and forget about the quiz until I found the tab again just now lol (after three hours, I chose baked potato. and I am a monogrammed Chef’s knife which is spot-on since I inherited my dad’s love of knives
Okay, I’ll be a garlic press as long as it’s the self-cleaning kind.