Quiz: Get Ready for a Beach Day and I’ll Tell You What Your Friends Are Saying About You

It’s Aries season, and I have accordingly chosen violence with this “personality” quiz in which you will pretend you are getting ready for a beach day by answering a series of straightforward questions and then I will drag some aspect of your whole vibe by imagining what your hypothetical friends are saying behind your back in a hypothetical other group chat. Is this quiz mean-spirited? YES! But in like a cute and fun way, and also if you can’t handle it, just don’t take the quiz! But seriously, you should take the quiz, because sometimes it’s fun to be made fun of — or do I just think that because I’m a bottom?

A n y w a y, happy Aries season! You’re going to the beach! But your friends have something they’re saying about you. Find out what it is!

Rise and shine! It’s beach day! Check your weather app! What is the perfect beach day temperature you’re hoping to see?(Required)

80°F/27°C

75°F/24°C

90°F/32°C

72°F/22°C

60°F/15.5°C

77°F/25°C

69°F/20.5°C

You don’t care

How are you getting to the beach?(Required)

You’re the driver and you’re picking up friends

Your friend is picking you up

Train

Bike

Bus

Uber/Lyft/Cab

Walking

A combination of various forms of transportation

Time to pack some snacks! What sounds like an ideal beach snack to you?(Required)

Watermelon and mango with tajin

Chips and dips

Sandwiches

Frozen grapes

Cheese and fruit

Ceviche

Pizza

Fast food you pick up on the way

Choose a canned drink to pack:(Required)

Choose a cooler to put your snacks and drinks in:(Required)

What kind of sunscreen are you packing?(Required)

Simple, no-frills lotion

A sunscreen you got because you saw it in a Strategist guide

Simple, no-frills spray

The same sunscreen you wear every day because you are good about wearing sunscreen every day

You need to stop at a store to pick some up on the way

Supergoop or something similarly expensive

Multiple kinds of sunscreen

You’ll just borrow a friend’s when you get there

Choose a bathing suit:(Required)

Choose a cover-up:(Required)

What beach accessory have you been tasked with bringing?(Required)

Beach tent

Beach umbrella

Portable speaker

Aloe

Beach blanket

Extra towels

Inflatables

Spike ball or another beach game

What is your ideal time for arriving at the beach?(Required)

Sunrise

Noon

9 a.m.

3 p.m.

11 a.m.

5 p.m.

Whatever the group decides

You don’t have a preference

What kind of beach are you trying to go to?(Required)

A specifically queer beach with lots of hotties

Something not to crowded but not empty

A familiar beach you’ve been to a million times

An empty beach

A beach near a boardwalk and restaurants

A beach where you can surf

A party beach

Any beach sounds good

On the way to the beach, what are you listening to?(Required)

Sexy beats

Chill tunes

A playlist you have specifically curated for this beach day

Podcasts

The official “Yellowjackets” playlist

An underrated/underground queer musician/band

Fletcher or other gay pop

Showtunes

What are you hoping for out of this beach day?(Required)

A meet-cute

Just a fun time with friends

A chance to swim

Good photos

To see a dolphin

A good story

An oceanside makeout

To soak up some sun

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