Quiz: Answer Upsetting Questions and I’ll Tell You What Movie To Watch and Where

Listen, isn’t life strange and unsettling these days? Don’t you come here to these personality quizzes for a distraction? Doesn’t it seem completely fine and normal that when I asked my coworkers to help brainstorm potential quiz topics, someone’s first idea was: What 2023 Shortage Are You? with results like “eggs” and “Adderall”? Yes, yes, and YES.

Here I have for you a quiz that, yes, is still ultimately an escape, but it is an uncomfortable escape. I might ask you to consider, for example, whether everyone you know is mad at you. Or to look at photos of sinkholes. We have fun.

Warning: The movie/place combinations are, with a few exceptions, slightly upsetting in and of themselves and yet also soothing if you really think about it, okay? Don’t come looking for self-care but something more akin to self-scare or self-beware.

Shoutout to Laneia, who came up with the original concept for this quiz and also supplied a few example questions and choices that I ended up incorporating in the final version. Teamwork makes the dreamwork here at Autostraddle, and we’re all doing just GREAT, why do you ask?

Your spouse is acting weird. What’s the first explanation you assume? (You do not have to actually be married to answer this question; we are just having some make-believe fun of the horror-adjacent variety!)(Required)
You enter a movie theater. What’s upsetting you about it?(Required)
What’s under your bed?(Required)
What wakes you up at 2 a.m.?(Required)
Why are you panicked about misplacing your handwritten grocery list somewhere inside the grocery store itself?(Required)
Is everyone mad at you?(Required)
Choose a sink:(Required)
Choose a sinkhole:(Required)
Why are the vibes at this party off?(Required)
Who is the worst dinner guest to imagine?(Required)
You can only have one piece of art in your home for the rest of your life, and it has to be one of the images below. Choose:(Required)
What did you accidentally leave in a cab/Uber/Lyft/etc?(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 989 articles for us.

37 Comments

  1. Those sink photos gave me actual heart anxieties. Luckily I got Magic Mike XXL in the bathtub and the quiz told me I deserved a genuinely cozy result, so now I feel better.

    • Same same.

      Plus I’ve been meaning to watch xxl again after the review of the third film published here last week. Now if only I was still living in that old rental with a glorious clawfoot tub that my tall body actually fit in, instead of the bullshit “standard” tub that I refuse out of spite.

  4. I should watch Misery at my desk. How wonderful. I do absolutely love Kathy Bates in this movie. The second season of Castle Rock about her character was pretty awesome too.

  5. Watching The Hours while lying on the floor sounds…not exactly comforting, but somehow fitting? Which may not be a good sign…*sigh*

  6. Love how people here are stressing about the sinkhole photos and meanwhile I had to quickly scroll past the dirty sinks and just pick one at random so I didn’t have to get anxious looking at them.

    • I chose a sink that looked like people at least had a fun meal before the chaos: pasta sauce, chocolate ice cream, black coffee. :)

    • Oh I was definitely fretting about the dirty sinks. I easily picked a sinkhole that seemed maybe like karmic retribution

  7. mmxxl in the bathtub it is.

    the art had me cracking up. each of those was uniquely horrifying to imagine as the only art i could have for forever.

  10. I will take all of the sinkholes, plz and thank you! Especially the ones destroying humanmade property.

    The correct answer to “Why are the vibes at this party off?” is “Too many men.” This applies to worst dinner guests as well.

  11. As someone who indeed forgot my laptop in a stranger’s car circa 2010, the last question on this quiz sent a shiver of fear through me 😱

  12. Those sinks are all so upsetting and the sinkholes are all somehow soothing. Watching The Hours on the floor does actually sound like a good plan. Watching Grey Gardens and eating random items from the pantry for dinner is an activity I do to feel better (?) and the vibes are similar

  13. Fast Five in the garage is… it’s weirdly, weirdly accurate. Like, I’m not saying I own all of them on Blu-ray, but, well, I own them all on Blu-ray.

  15. I got Stoker in the closet and I feel that this quiz accurately gauged where I’m at, mentally. Interpret that however you wish.

  16. I hate all of those sinks so much!! But honestly I do kinda wanna watch Kill Bill in bed since the first (and only) time I’ve seen that movie was also the first time I ever ate a weed cookie and I don’t remember much of the movie

  18. what a cursed and chaotic quiz! let us leave this energy on sunday and not bring it into the week ahead!

  21. legitimately worried about the lives of all those sinks and the creatures that have to share them

    misery at the desk it is! (omg band name)

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