I Won’t Jerk Away From Holding Hands With You

Emily walks Maya home, which is sweet but also weird because I though they were smoking pot in Maya’s house to begin with. They’re walking side by side, intentionally touching and bumping in to each other, it’s sweet. Or maybe they’re stoned and clumsy. Or maybe they just had a lot of thoughts about sandwiches and revolutions, as I usually do when smoking pot, and are feeling very smart and on the edge of a spiritual breakthrough.

Maya: I’ve never had a jock friend before. I guess that makes you my first.

“Jock” is probs code for dyke. Anyhow, every time Maya opens her mouth I feel like it’s some sort of innuendo for HOT LESBIAN SEX.

Her Rhythm Broke my Hunger and I Died a Little Less

Emily finally breaks the news to Maya that she’s moved into a dead girl’s bedroom. Maya tries to hit on her comfort her by going in for a super awkward kiss that lands somewhere in between Emily’s mouth and cheek. we’ve all done it. But Maya didn’t jump away and go EW I’M NOT LIKE THAT, which means we’re at least gonna get to second base here, this ain’t The Well of Loneliness.

+
Time for Emily to get her first mysterious note from A!

This Better Not Be Another Spaghetti Dinner Flier

So she unfolds this nice piece of graph paper and reads it. Does she make a handwriting ID? ‘Cause I’m assuming that if this was in someone’s handwriting besides Alison’s, that’d be a red alert right?

Nothing Compares 2 U

KAZAAM! Alison and Emily had one of those special relationships we all love so much where your straight/bicurious best friend makes out with you to improve the level of psychological manipulation she can subject you to within the context of your friendship.

.
So, Alison’s missing dead body was found, which is clearly super creepy, because as far as we all know, Verizon’s wireless coverage doesn’t extend to the afterlife. “Can you hear me now?” Nope, I cannot, because you are are dead.

Jenna shows up at the funeral. We don’t know who she is yet, but the girl’s aren’t excited to see her and look in fact horrified so she must be important.

After the funeral, the detective comes over to let them know that he WILL find out what happened that night because it’s not missing persons anymore, it’s a murder investigation. We hope it includes some lesbian makeouts.

Also, all four girls get another text message from A. Being harassed like this is bringing the foursome back together! The text is the same to all of them: I’m still here, bitches, and I know everything. -A.

+
Maya goes to check how Emily is holding up and finds her chilling on the porch with the latest Sarah Waters novel, which is probs not as good as Tipping the Velvet.

Checking for Whisky Probs

Maya wants to taste her coffee to see if it tastes like pussy, Starbucks, or my personal favorite brand/the only brand I can afford, Cafè Bustello.

Maya: Can I have a sip?
Emily: Sure. Do you want your own?
Maya: I’d rather share yours.

[Recapper #1 Crystal: Can we talk about how they are blatantly hitting on each other even though they have boyfriends?
Recapper #2 Riese: Maybe they’ve already decided that this is the only way to be a lesbian in a town like this — with boyfriends, and secretly? It’s less scary that way, maybe.]

This Better Not Be Another Spaghetti Dinner Flier

Emily is still sad about the funeral and so they share an extended hug, which is when Emily’s mother rolls up. Maya is one of those people who hugs everyone right away (“me too!” – Riese) so she hugs Emily’s Mom like she’s already family, which is maybe appropriate because this relationship is developing at the speed of light. Emily’s mother sympathises with the creepiness of having to live in the dead girl’s house like on The Others and invites Maya to come share Emily’s bed.

Um, for how long exactly? Because Allison isn’t gonna become un-dead and make the Haunted House less haunted. They should just turn it into a Tower of Terror like at Disneyworld.

+

Hey Dude How’s it Going I’m Your Designated Douchehead Jock from Central Casting

Remember how Emily mentioned that she had a boyfriend named Ben? He exists and he’s at her locker, surprising her with a big hetero kiss, which she pulls away from awkwardly, like a lesbo. Now that she doesn’t have Allison to have secret affairs with (since Allison is so good at keeping secrets, it probs felt very safe and private), Emily tells him she’s got to skip their movie date because Maya is staying over that night and instead of being pissed off he’s turned on.

Ben: What kind of jammies do you think the new girl wears?
Emily: How would I know?

The lady doth protest too much. We’re hoping it’s something like this:

+

Are You In or Are You Out?

At Emily’s house, Maya claims her side of the bed.

Maya: Do you have a side?
Emily: Sorry?
Maya: Of the bed.
Emily: I kinda sleep in the middle.
Maya: I kinda sleep in the middle too.

Is that code for being bisexual, or for being open to being in the middle of like making out with girls but also having boyfriends?

I’d Spend All Night Losing Sleep

Actually they both sleep on the left, Maya moving over to spoon and Emily taking her hand. It’s sweet and slow, you know this dance — you move one muscle and then another, waiting to see if there’s any resistance along the way, moving another finger or limb to test the waters as you go… and then going for the full on SEXBLAST

JK This is all  interrupted by a text message from her dead friend Allison, or someone pretending to be her dead friend Alison.

.

The next day Ben picks them up for school and he’s a little douchey.

Two Chicks at the Same Time

Ben: So Maya, now that you’ve slept together, you’ve gotten further with Emily than I have.* What should I know?
Maya: Good girls don’t kiss and tell.
Ben: You don’t strike me as a good girl.
Emily: Shut up, Ben.
Ben: So did you guys get much sleep? I wouldn’t have.
Maya: I don’t know about Emily, but I slept like a baby.

*OMG, she’s doing that thing lesbians do where they keep putting off having sex with their boyfriends ’cause they really just don’t want to.

He’s a young man and the thought of these two women sleeping in the same bed makes him hot, and I guess that’s okay it makes me hot too. When Maya reaches out to touch Emily’s shoulder, Emily retaliates by pashing her jock boyfriend in the school parking lot.

I’m pretty sure this means Emily & Maya totally made out last night, right? And she feels guilty?

Straight People Kissing

Ben’s stupid jock friends come and interrupt them by banging on the car’s hood and taking pictures of the kiss on their cell phones which is weird and creepy, really, is this what kids do these days. Emily bolts from the car and is met by Hannah, another girl from the gang.

Hannah: You know, I’ve never thought of you as someone who would be comfortable with PDA.
Emily: Maybe I’m not the person everyone thinks I am.

She’s getting antsy. It’s coming out time.

+

It Was a Queer, Sultry Afternoon

Emily has a heart to heart with her mother, who assures her that everything will get back to normal soon.

Emily: I don’t know what normal feels like anymore. I think there’s something wrong with me.

Her mother suggests that she find closure by reaching out to her girlfriends and that’s maybe part of the problem. It’s good advice, she thinks the four remaining girls need to find a way to say goodbye to Alison/reveal whatever terrible things they have done and they’ll find closure together. But I think Emily wanted to talk about how she thinks she has The Gay. Just a hunch.

+

Also, Random Gay Moment:

Hannah’s friend: This sounds totally gay, but if I saw you struttin’ it in that dress and kicking up those heels then I would think about doing you.

There’s a few flashbacks in Episode 102. One of them perhaps explains ‘The Jenna Thing” — it turns out Alison accidentally firebombed someone’s house once because she claimed a guy across the street was spying on all of them undressing and stuff. I have no idea how this relates to Jenna, you’ll have to watch the show yourself to find out ’cause we don’t have time to recap it all!

Also, there’s this flashback when Alison gave everyone in the group bracelets of their friendship:

Alison asked Emily to help her put the bracelet on and it involved skin contact and sweet secret smiles and this is maybe when she knew, who knows?

+

Are you watching Pretty Little Liars? Do you want to? You should give it a try. Well, you should read a book. This series was based on a series of  books you know. Read a book and then watch Pretty Little Liars!