Starsweep to the Life Cafe, where Emily meets up with Shauna. Even though like two episodes ago Emily found out that Shauna was Paige’s ex-girlfriend and also cost Shauna her job, they’re cool now I guess. Shauna, who is a professional at scoring bitches, introduces Emily to Olympic gold medalist Missy Franklin. Nice work Shauna.
I’VE HAD SOME FANTASIES THAT STARTED OUT LIKE THIS.
Shauna reveals that she also swims competitively and when she met Missy Franklin at the airport she just knew she had to introduce her to Emily. It never, of course, is explained why Shauna doesn’t invite her ex-girlfriend, Paige, who is also a swimmer to meet Missy Franklin. I feel like in this situation everyone should get to meet Missy Franklin. Including me.
OKAY SO I’LL JUST TAKE THESE OFF AND WE CAN GET STARTED
Starsweep to girltalking-clothingland where Hanna chats with Aria while she packs up everything she owns to stay at Emily’s for like two nights while her mom is out of town.
WELL YOU’VE GOT TO PACK A LOT OF CLOTHES TO COVER UP ALL THE SEX TOYS
Aria is still freaking out about Wilden’s car, but Hanna is so over that. I mean it was like a full week ago. I mean, who has the energy to care about that plot line while Emily is meeting a gold medalist? Besides, it’s not like the GPS tracker will work underwater.
UNLESS IT SPECIFICALLY SAYS “SAFE FOR UNDERWATER PLAY” ON THE PACKAGING
We briefly rejoin the Emily, Shauna and Missy Franklin as they part ways, just in time for this product placement from Apple.
OKAY NOW ONE WITH SHIRTS OFF
Oh and sexy eyes get made. I super hope that Emily dumps Paige for Shauna. Or cheats on Paige with Shauna. Imagine the Shauna Drama! Even though I thought I was all Paily forever, Shauna seems much more confident and is smoking hot. Plus it wouldn’t be a true representation of high school lesbianism if everyone wasn’t dating everyone else’s ex. Oh and then Paige could date Samararara. Perf.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU’RE MISSING
OH I’LL HAVE YOU. MAYBE NOT TODAY, MAYBE NOT TOMORROW. BUT SOON.
Back over at Radley, Spencer chats with her favorite orderly, Lamb. He wants to know why Spencer was asking all about the badges and stuff. Spencer wants to know if he knows MonA and TobAy. He and Spencer talk long into the night. This seems highly unprofessional. He admits there was a problem with the badges and with the internal vistor’s system. They traced it all back to someone on the staff who will probably be Dr. Sullivan or Wren or both.
GOOD YOU’RE GETTING BETTER. NOW THE COMPLETE LESBIAN SIT IS HANDS FLOPPING LIKE MINE, BUT YOU CAN DO OPEN HANDS LIKE THAT IF YOU WANT TOO.
Just before Orderly Lamb leaves, he tells Spencer that she’s staying in what was previously MonA’s room. Spencer looks down and what does she see? The title of this episode!
THIS IS A LITTLE HEAVY HANDED EVEN FOR THIS SHOW
Cue the pastel flashback. Loser Mona sits in church singing a hymn with the lyrics “Will the circle be unbroken?” Nearby, Spencer and Ali, snicker at Mona for singing and not joining them as the oldest looking 15 year olds of all time. Potentially also for wearing her hair in half-pigtails which, admittedly, I rocked balls deep when I was fourteen.
TALKING ‘BOUT MYYY GIIIRRRLL. MY GIRL!
Outside the church, Ali and Spencer stroll off into the small town distances. Ali jokes around about her diary and how she’s writing it for Spencer.
PINKY, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I’M THINKING.
Spencer: Let me see.
Ali: Nope. You’re going to have to wait until after.
Spencer: Until after what?
Ali: Until after I’m dead.
Spencer: Ew, don’t be so gruesome.
Ali:I’m not being gruesome, I’m being mysterious.
Spencer: Forget it. I don’t want to read your stupid diary anyway.
Ali: Yes you do. I’m writing them for you.
Spencer: Them?
Ali: They’re beyond scandalous. You’re gonna need them if you’re gonna carry on after I’m gone
Spencer: Carry on what?
Ali: Carrying on being harassed by some psycho killer muffin man who is out to get you guys!!! Come on! Get with the program!
On the one hand, for once you see why Spencer liked Ali. Ali seems fun and she and Spencer actually seem like friends. It’s a nice change because for a hot minute there I was having trouble understanding why they didn’t all tell Ali to go fuck herself. Still, it wasn’t exactly plot revealing. You would think Spencer would have retrieved this memory, oh I don’t know, when her friend died shortly after it. You would think.
NOW LETS GO WATCH THE L WORD AND HUG OUR LEGS IN FRIENDSHIP
When Spencer sees Lamb again, the next morning, he wants to chat even more. He’s kind of a busy bee. He’d had a sudden realization. He says he actually met a one Mr. TobAy Cavanaeuigh back when his mother was a patient. That’s right, big reveal, TobAy’s mom was in a mental hospital before she died. I gotta be honest I’m not really sure what the take away is here. Let’s move on.
UNLESS YOU LIVE IN AMERICA.
Starsweep to Ezra’s Annex where Byron stops by to talk to Ezra. He explains that there aren’t positions open in his department, but he’ll do the best he can to help anyways. Perhaps Ezra can find a job as a dentist or hair stylist or one of the many other jobs he’s completely unqualified to do along with being a college professor.
JUST FARTED.
Starsweep to the hallowed toilet stalls of Rosewood high. Hanna, Spencer and Aria converge in the girl’s bathroom to discuss Aria’s new panache for dressing like a middle aged cougar. They’re also in shock that Spencer was the first to crack. They figured that it would be Emily and the dead girlfriend or Aria and the… the… the… Actually A rarely makes bad shit happen to Aria. Either way Hanna’s not surprised. She saw Spencer’s smart little tush headed for the ground years ago.
REALLY? BECAUSE I HAVEN’T FOUND IT YET.
Mona walks into the bathroom stare at herself in the mirror for a little while and the Liars play their usual dancing around the truth game. Mona says she has no idea where Spencer is, Aria threatens to break Mona’s neck, Mona applies more lip gloss. The usual.
WE’RE BETTER AT IT THAN YOU
Later, Aria is called to the principal’s office. You may remember the school principal from moment such as “earlier this episode” and “actually never seen before then.” I thought for a minute Aria might be in trouble for repeated threatening to nail gun MonA’s face to the wall, but you know as soon as she sits down that this is about Ezra.
YOU UNDERSTAND, OF COURSE, THAT I DON’T BOTHER TO CLOSE THE BLINDS ANYMORE AFTER THE REALIZATION THAT THIS WHOLE TOWN IS BUGGED WITH VIDEO CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES.
The principal asks Aria point blank if she’s “seeing Ezra socially.” You know, like if his penis is socially seeing the inside of her abdomen. Aria, of course, lies her ass off claiming they weren’t together and never were. It’s probably not her best move.
I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH THAT MAN.
Elsewhere, Ashley and Pastor Ted talk about how Ashley is going to some NY conference/job interview for many a job in NY. Adults are boring. Wheeeee
I’M JUST SAYING LET’S MAKE OUR CONVERSATION QUICK BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT OUR PLOTLINE
Time jump to G-d knows when, MonA shows up to Radley under the guise that she is delivering cookies to the staff.
YOU CAN HAVE ONE NIGHT WITH ME OR ONE NIGHT WITH THE COOKIES. YOU PICK BABE.
Spencer isn’t pleased. MonA brings up way back when Spencer busted her for being on the A team. As no one remembers, MonA tried to recruit Spencer for the A team. MonA again invites Spencer to join the team. Spencer doesn’t give a shit, and claims that MonA must need something from her. Like horseback riding lessons or the secret to endlessly shiny hair. MonA reveals that she actually has all of Alison’s diaries on her iPad and even knows that Alison wasn’t pregnant. She’s got all sorts of answers to questions Spencer hasn’t even thought of. Like, “How do you properly clean a Rodeoh?”, or, “Who killed Jenny?” That’s right. MonA even knows who killed Jenny. So yeah. MonA stops by to recruit Spencer for the A Team and assure her that she’s not crazy. That’s the whole thing.
THANK YOU LUNA LOVEGOOD.
Elsewhere, Ashley heads out of town in the dead of night, leaving Hanna at Emily’s house. They’re making an awful big deal of this seeing as no one in Rosewood’s parents are ever around ever. Jeez, you think there would be a whole lot more house parties. Just as Hanna and Emily are walking into the house, Wilden shows up. Hanna decides to look the fate straight in its stupid, B plot line face and confront Wilden.
AND SOMETIMES YOU JUST SAY DUMB STUFF BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT WILL LOOK FUNNY ON TUMBLR LATER
All Wilden wants is his car back. He’s like so over this plot line and he’s hoping he can still score with Ashley eventually. Plus we know Ali wasn’t actually pregnant now so he looks way less suspicious. Too bad Hanna already sunk his car. Oops.
LISTEN CAN YOU JUST GET ME MY CAR SO WE CAN WRAP THIS UP? BECAUSE I HAVE A REUNION WITH THE CAST FROM “POPULAR” IN LIKE AN HOUR
Starsweep to Radley, Spencer does some group therapy which seems really inconsistent with a 72 hour evaluation. She sort of talks herself into a tizzy, which is exactly why CBT is way more helpful for type-A anxious women.
MAYBE EVERYONE OUT THERE IS A LIAR. AND MAYBE THIS WHOLE WORLD IS STUPID AND IGNORANT. BUT I’D RATHER BE IN IT. I’D RATHER BE FUCKING IN IT THAN DOWN HERE WITH YOU.
The end of it is a really dramatic zoom in of Spencer face as she hallucinates/imagines talking to the other Liars. In an impressive move of consistency, I think they’re wearing the last outfits Spencer saw them in.
THAT A LESBIAN SLOUCH SIT IF I EVER SAW ONE
I’m impressed. The message seems to be that Spencer is joining the A team. Can’t say I’m disappointed. At least this will mix things up a bit. At the very least Spencer should ask to join the A Team just to find out who Redcoat A is!
AND THEN SPENCER’S A NAME CAN BE SP*A*NKS-HER. GET IT!
In our finally friendly neighborhood A scene we find out that the A Lair is alive and kicking! But now it’s an A-Mobile! I hope it’s also a Food Truck– delicious freshly made lies straight from a truck.
WOULDN’T ALL THIS STUFF BE EASIER TO ACCESS IF IT WERE NEATLY FILED AND CATEGORIZED?
Tune in next week when, hopefully, Emily and Shauna will take a midnight swim and, more realistically, we’ll revisit whatever insipid plot line Caleb’s dad is toting around these days.
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“MonA spies on the girls, I assume to figure out if they know where Spencer is so she can get back to fucking with her.”
That is exactly what I wanna do. Minus “with”.
[Disclaimer: I actually don´t watch or care about the show. I just read the recaps because of … reasons … that are cute pics of why-is-her-crazy-hair-so-pretty-Spencer]
I read a comment somewhere that i agree with now that spencer is in radley. We keep waiting for the girls to finally get the upper hand and be able to fight back but they are just running around and still have no idea what the hell is going on. I also think that if this was the I.D.channel emily’s butt would sooo be in jail, what with her and all her dead girlfriends. I would still go out with her but make sure that people know where I am. And I’m convinced now more than ever that Aria is part of the A team. Her telling Mona where spencer was sealed it for me
I have been waiting for this recap for soooo long! (Okay… maybe it just feels like a long time)
Agreed. Felt like forever!
I’m so glad it’s here! That’s what I meant to say.
You know, I first thought you were trying to have your own artistic voice in writing these recaps but it really just seems as if you resent having to watch the show and write its recaps.You don’t have to over analyze/hero worship the characters/actors but the things you write come off as really disrespectful and condescending. I’m not trying to bash you but if this was written by a heterosexual male on a men’s website a lot of people would be picking up pitchforks. You can be snarky while still being respectful.
i really appreciate that girl interrupted quote i just so happen to have memorized
i have to be honest i’m not as into this show as i used to be — i don’t get the feeling that there’s been an effort to create clues towards a certain end, i feel like there have been so many weird inconsistencies that i don’t really ever expect to learn something new that i wish i’d known all along, but rather something new that is actually brand-new. i’m not sure if that makes sense. the fact that they haven’t learned anything from this so far, like not to go walking through creepy places by themselves, is just dumb!
i don’t want spencer to turn
also i am so confused about paige’s situation atm
I was thinking about midway through this season that as much as I love the show, they really need to start wrapping it up. IF they keep adding more and more plot points it’s gonna be hard to have a satisfying ending.
Then I worried that they WOULDN’T (start wrapping things up) and would milk it for as long as possible, and that seems to be what they are doing. Imo they should do like a half season and end it all, reveal everything, have the girls go on with their lives and have a spin-off where Emily goes to a women’s college and deals with therapy and feelings in a real life way and being a young gay swimmer and moving past the past trauma and figuring out how to live a somewhat normal life.
Also also, this is a major real life spoiler so don’t read this as it might make you mad re: the writers:
There was an interview with Marlene or the writers, can’t remember, where they said they didn’t decide to put Toby on the A team until the beginning of last season….. … .. . That made me lose a little (cougha lotcough) or faith in the writers. I still like the show but these kinds of things you need to plan from the beginning if you’re going that deep. I know that isn’t something afforded when writing for a tv show that’s already ongoing but urgh. It frustrates me. I’ve been a writer (serious writer) for many years and when I come up with plot twists like that, I go all the way back to the beginning of the novel and carefully sculpt it in, instead of lazily scribbling it in in a non-nonsensical way. I’m not trying to say I’m better than anyone here, obviously I don’t have a hit tv show (not sure that I’d want one) but I think what’s happening right now (the show kind of falling apart, becoming more random) is a result of such practices. I’m starting to think it can only go downhill from here if they don’t end it soon. If they are going to turn Spencer they need to keep her “bad,” and not all of a sudden be like SURPRISE SHE WAS JUST SPYING LOL, SHE FIGURED OUT A’S SECRETS WE ARE SO SMART AND CRAFTY …ugh.
really??? UGH! that’s exactly the kind of thing that makes me lose faith in a show. if they created toby to be one thing and then decided mid-series to make him A, that means that nothing about his behavior before that decision could possibly qualify as a clue along the way, which means that paying attention for clues in general is completely pointless which makes pretty much everything irrelevant!
i think they need to wrap up the A thing, truly. It’s just spiraling out of control.
Yes.
Also, it was an interview with Keegan Allen (the guy that plays Toby) that revealed this to me.
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/pretty-little-liars-keegan-allen-410440
yeah i feel like the Toby is A reveal was the last great twist and then everything that has happened since has been random (even by PLL standards). i don’t want the show to end because it’s still generally entertaining and there have been moments of genius but i’m getting bored of the hapless heroines thing. they really need to wrap this A situation up and bring in a new big bad, a la buffy.
When Lamb very first walks in to see Spencer I could have sworn he said ‘Hi, I’m A’ – am I imagining that?????
This was such a frustrating episode to watch. I completely tuned out the end scene because I was so fucking fed up with Spencer acting like her world is over because a boy betrayed her, so I missed the fact that she accepted Mona’s offer. Seriously, that woe-is-me act in group therapy was insulting.
I love that HIPAA is not a thing in Rosewood. Also, that meeting between Aria and the principal would neverrrrrr happen irl. That ish is cray.
I read a few weeks ago that the set they use for the Life Cafe is the same set as Merlots from True Blood. It’s all I can think now. It is barely recognizable but if you look at the entrance that is the giveaway.
I’m not sure what to think anymore (about the various plots). The show is still engaging and entertaining to an extent, but I’m starting to feel the same way (about the show) as I do about a lot of horror movies. Especially zombie movies. Maybe it’s just me but there’s a point where I would just lay down and be like, “I can’t take this anymore, just turn me into a zombie so I am not living in this hell.” Or like when everyone seems evil and there’s just a handful of people fighting to stay alive and running scared all the time. It gets old. If you keep cutting a head off the hydra, and they continue to grow back…well, nice try but you’re gonna have to do something else obviously. THing is, our heroines don’t seem to be doing anything else. Get out of rosewood, become ninjas, idk…I know from a writing perspective that’s going to take away all the tension but who knows, perhaps pretty little ninja liars would be a hit. They start to become one step ahead of A and instead of waiting around to die and continue to be tortured they slowly ninja their way to A (or all the A’s) and are strong female characters that took matters into their own hands bc obvs the corrupt police and non-realistic mental health system in rosewood don’t work.
Also I mean…they could take all their evidence to the FBI and be placed in protective custody until stuff works itself out. As powerful as A is in some ways, there’s no way A could infiltrate something like the FBI and I mean, 2 episodes max and shiz would be locked up and done. This is why I obviously don’t write for teevee.
ALSO it would take the FBI like 20 seconds to figure out where the text messages are being sent from
SECONDING both Pretty Little Ninja Liars and the FBI. I mean, come ON, a crap ton of people have died in this town in a very short amount of time – surely someone is suspicious?
I know I have said this before, but I am also an advocate of bringing in the mystery-solving duo Mary-Kate and Ashley. They have some very effective strategies for crime-solving and evidence analysis that could have easily been implemented by the Liars at any given time during the show.
Ok, hold everything! Are you serious about wanting Emily to dump Paige for/cheat with Shauna Lizz?!
You just broke my heart a little. Paige is my hero. She’s the girl who is self conscious and weird like me. She’s the girl who fucks stuff up and feels things too strongly. Always reading into things too much. She has parents who don’t get her.
Seeing her now, on the other side of that, holding her head up, embracing her strengths, getting the girl, are so freaking important to me I can’t even begin to properly put into words. She’s Batwoman and she’s the most important queer character on the show.
Shauna is “cool”. She’s one of those people who everything comes easy to. Fuck that.
In all seriousness Lizz, I realize that was just an off-hand joke and I’m not actually upset with you or anything. But yeah, I do love Paige.