They take their investigation over to Rosewood High school and it is their lucky day! There is a girl at the water fountain who is both wearing a church jacket and carrying a backpack with a flower jacket half-stuffed into it! Spencer is ready to knock the girl out and drug her with truth serum to save time, but Emily intervenes and says she’ll handle it.
Emily: Hello, there! I am Emily Fields.
Jacket Girl: …?
Emily: Emily Fields.
Jacket Girl: …?
Emily: Emily Fields. As in … Emily Fields.
Jacket Girl: Do I know you?
Emily: Do you not know me?
Jacket Girl: I don’t think so?
Emily: Um, okay. Wow. Okay. But do you not suddenly feel, like, super gay and willing to do anything I ask so you can keep standing this close to my hair?
Jacket Girl: Are you the devil in disguise?
Emily: ARE YOU?
Spencer swoops in to try to save the situation, but she barely introduces herself before she starts asking the girl where she got her jacket and was she wearing it on Thanksgiving at the park when she was hiding in a tunnel spying on one of the hundred blonde-haired girls in this town. The jacket girl starts bawling and Ella runs out of her classroom to see what the hell, and isn’t surprised at all to find that it is Spencer making random students cry in the hallway for no reason. Ella tells Spencer and Emily to leave this poor girl alone, and the girl scrambles away with both of her jackets.
Yearbook photo time!
Andrew, appearing out of thin air: Hello, Aria.
Aria: Christ, dude!
Andrew: You smell like the inside of a windowless van. Have you been hanging out with Ezra?
Aria: Not that it’s any of your business, but I asked him to kidnap my brother.
Andrew: Excuse me, it’s common courtesy to ask your boyfriend to kidnap your brother.
Aria: I don’t have a boyfriend?
Andrew: Then you ask the last person you kissed. I am the last person you kissed, am I not? AM I NOT?
Caleb goes to jail to visit Hanna. All he wants to talk about is the murder trial and the law and Mike Montgomery and blah blah whatever will get Hanna out of prison. But she does not want to talk about that because she only gets to see Caleb for a couple of minutes every week and she wants him to describe, in detail, the new flavors over at Lucky Leon’s Cupcakes. She also wants him to back off of Mike because he deserves to live, and Caleb is like, “We all deserve to live! And I am saying that as a person who has maybe died like 15 times since the Civil War!”
At home that night, Aria accosts Ella about how she’s keeping secrets about the girl with the jacket whose name is Kendra (which is the name of the character Bianca Lawson played on Buffy and so therefore Maya is A), but Ella says not everything is Aria’s business, including the fact that Kendra got stoned on Thanksgiving and hid from Jesus in that tunnel in the park for the whole day and night, just wearing her flower jacket and eating Doritos and creeping on Ali D.
Back at the Hastings’, Spencer and Emily drink either tomato juice or marinara sauce and talk about why they can’t talk to Toby about Kendra. It is because Spencer has kissed literally every man who has come within a four-foot radius of her mouth these last few weeks, except for her brother. She calls it “dating” but even Emily is like, “Slow your roll, lezbo, kissing isn’t dating.” Emily does want details, though, because her own personal love life has been pretty quiet since all her girlfriends are in jail or California.
