It’s a beautiful day in Rosewood, where people go to seek revenge against teenagers on drugs and also sometimes there’s a lot of minors in big, white, virginal wedding dresses. Yay heteronormativity!
Fuck you guys, Imma look fabulous reppin’ this wedding dress in a state that wouldn’t even legally recognize my marriage.
We open and Spencer is walking through the woods wearing a wedding dress. Is she chasing someone or being chased? A is after her. She steps on something. Her eyes go wide! Perfect time to cut away!
def just got stabbed
But wait!
COOKIES!
Hanna is telling the Liars about Paige giving the note to the police. Paige is out of town. Convenient.
The moment you know your Diva Cup just stopped working.
Spencer is sure that the cops will question her. They think that Mrs. DiLaurentis is stalking them? Spencer and Hanna are sure that Jessica is A, but Emily and Aria aren’t as convinced.
Scene direction said, “Brooding glance over the shoulder.” Nailed it.
When Emily and Spence leave, they see that Jason is back in town.
Awkwarddddddd
He ignores the girls and jumps in his convertible. Was he the one listening outside the window? Spencer and Emily chase after him. Or, they try, but Spencer’s car is broken.
There’s a bunch of pictures of a girl with her face cut out in the ignition and it says, “You know me, Spencer. You killed me.” in A’s handwriting. UH WHAT?
Reunited and it feels so good!
Aria’s mother is being a mother and asking her about the hotel charges. She asks Aria about Ezra resigning from Rosewood. Aria’s mom is back! Yay! I missed her. I’m so glad she has a parent again.
You can’t seriously still have a storyline arc in this one. Still?! Really?
Spencer is going to talk to Jason, but Dean, her sober life coach, wants to go with. Dean is obsessed with Spencer’s urine. I don’t think she ends up leaving the house to talk to Jason at all.
Almost looks like Hanna has her hand around the champagne bottle? Mimosas, anyone?
Hanna’s mom is panicking about a the charity bridal show. Weren’t they real estate agents? Hanna tries to warn her mom about trusting Mrs. DiLaurentis.
So then you just use your lips like this. There’s no teeth involved, Paige. No teeth. Like ever.
Paige walks in on Emily and Spencer talking in the bathroom. They start to argue in front of Spencer which is uncomfortable… Apparently Paige didn’t call Emily once while she was away. Emily accuses Paige of telling the police. Paige says she did it to protect her. Emily’s pissed, thinking it’s revenge. Who will protect Ali now?
Saturday? Oooh, can’t do Saturday. I’m busy… uh, pretending I don’t have a neck.
Hanna finds Buzzcut and Buzzcut blows her off. Hanna apologizes for being a flake at dinner. She asks for a do-over date, but Buzzcut says he’s busy. Ouch. Burn.
No, no, no, this will not do. I said IVORY and this is CREAM ugh, why can’t you just get it right?!
Mrs. DiLaurentis is yelling at a person on the phone with Ashley doing busy work nearby. The police roll up and she sends Ashley upstairs.
I didn’t invite you to my pink tulle nightmare, Officer Holbrook.
Officer Holbrook wants to give Jessica an update on the investigation. Mrs. DiLaurentis doesn’t want to talk, wants to just let her daughter rest in peace or some other random lie. Officer Holbrook brings up the fact that in an early family photo, Ali has a fracture in her right arm, but the coroner didn’t mark that the body from Ali’s grave had such an injury. He wants to exhume the body, Jessica says no, but Gabe already has a judge’s order.
Buying clothes for your supposedly dead child: taking that creeptastic to the next level.
Ashley is in Ali’s room and pulls some clothes out of a shopping bag that seem a little young for Jessica, in my opinion. She bought these yesterday?
Oh hey Ashley, I see you’ve found my latest Babeland order. What do you say we try it out together?
Jessica walks in and is so pissed. She’s finally so creeptastic I can kind of see her as A.
fucking mailer daemon, am I right?
Emily is investigating the email address she found on the money. The phone number directs her to an Italian restaurant.
Tempted to take this picture to my hairdresser next time.
Emily sees Jason and asks what happened. Jason thinks Wilden was behind the elevator shaft thing. Jason has really nice hair. Emily asks him what’s up with his mom and Spencer.
Sorry, Mom, I can’t hear you over my extreme shoulder poufs.
Flashback time! Ali and Jessica are arguing about someone trying to hurt her. Jessica asks if it’s Spencer. She gets kind of aggressive. Apparently Jessica really believes Spencer was after Ali.
That awkward feeling when your girlfriend keeps psycho calling your phone when you’re talking to your bestie.
Aria and her mom are chatting and her mom’s phone keeps ringing. Zach is obsessed with her. It’s so weird. Aria seems a little jealous of her mom’s codependent relationship. Finally someone calls out their parents for being pretty damn absent.
I’ve changed a lot, Mom! I only wear shirts on ONE shoulder now!
Aria yells at her about leaving and being out of the country instead of being with her children. Even if it is misdirected anger, whatever, you kind of abandoned your teen kids to go live with a guy in Austria?
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I totally agree that they really made Jessica’s evilness way over the top to the point where it’s ridiculous. At least with Ezra, you suddenly saw all of his previous behaviour in a new light, but this, it’s not even a matter of perspective or interpretation with Jessica! Yeesh!
And speaking of terrible development – the fact that Spencer went from loathing Dean to suddenly fawning over him because he fucking read to her? Omigod. Veronica nailed it with: “You can read on your own.” It was nice to see some of the moms acting like real moms (I actually cheered when Ella was behind the door. She’s the best mom.)
And the whole wedding thing was just…again, over the top and pointless. There was no *legitimate* development of the plot with the wedding dresses. It pretty much just made me drool over Emily’s dress (THAT CUT, MY GOD!!).
Tangent #3: I’m kind of glad that Emily broke up with Paige – that bathroom scene was super intense, but at the same time I’m pissed off because they obviously set it up so that Paige would be terrible in the end. WHY CAN’T EMILY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND FOR FOREVER LIKE STUPID SPOBY.
I have a feeling that Paige will be back with Emily sooner or later. They have kind of established the permanent romantic partner for each girl, and I don’t see it changing, spin-offs excluded.
I was never into the idea of a relationship that started with an attempted drowining, so I wish they would get Emily a new girlfriend! (Also kick Toby and Ezra to the curb. Hanna has the only decent taste in partners!)
I love these recaps. The Aria caption killed me “I’ve changed a lot, Mom! I only wear shirts on ONE shoulder now!” Haha.
I don’t get why they’ve suddenly made Mrs D so creepy, and how can she be A if she didn’t even know Spencer would be there/wearing that dress? IT DOSENT ADD UP.
Also, Emily’s dress is amaze.
So long Paige! Emily never being allowed a forever…or even for a while non invisible girlfriend reminds me of an article I read, way back when, in DIVA about the death of Tara on Buffy and how TV shows just wouldn’t show a happy, healthy lesbian relationship because of the possible terrifying ramifications…you know like people realising that can happen. We are fully over 10yrs later but it feels like in Liars they haven’t moved on. Then again if she had a functional relationship she would be a total anomaly given all the ridiculousness the other guys have with their various boyfriends.
” TV shows just wouldn’t show a happy, healthy lesbian relationship because of the possible terrifying ramifications…”
No lesbian relationship ever lasted on the history of television.
2014 and still not happening. I trusted Pretty little liars with every inch of my queer heart. The minute i thought i was having prime cuts of steak for dinner, They shoved up crumbs on my face. After all The back story about alison knew closeted paige
and blackmailed her and paige thought emily also knew like, How? Why F up the storyline so poorly.
:( feeling like i had been cheated on, I trusted you Pretty little liars.. trusted you..
Paige did exactly what a sensible girlfriend would do in that situation. What else can anybody do? What else but to seek help from the police. Normal citizens seeks for help. Paige slipping the note in the police car was not even as half sleazy as ezra’s shenanigans. Ezra is a pedophile. He had sex with a minor aria and almost certainly with a minor alison. He’s the real criminal but he can get a pass because of the screaming little girls from twitter who are always “ezra is so hot” “ezra is so sweet”
Respect the lesbian lead and her leading lady. Was i asking for too much pretty little liars? Was i.
Ahhhh I love your captions, they were slaying me! “Police of Rosewood: Crashin’ the hangouts of teen girls since 2010.”… too real, too real. Emily and Hanna in wedding dresses, on the floor next to a bed, gave me some serious gay “Just Married” vibes. I want this movie people!
Also look at the guest book: “mandi line,” above Cece’s name, is the PLL costume designer.
Up a few lines: Lazarus. Pretty sure that is the guy who Jesus raised from the dead, and you know how PLL loves their references! Most obviously could be a reference to Ali, or maybe something else is going on with Cece or Wilden. They did talk about Wilden an awful lot this ep.
I know so many people were on board with Paige and Emily’s relationship, and I was too, but in an earlier episode (I think last season) both of the girls concluded that their relationship was doomed to end when Paige went off to college, so the end has been in sight for quite some time. Also, Emily has way to many straight-girl-crush feelings for Ali that need to be resolved before she can have true love feelings for an actual gay lady.
As far as the Mrs D being A scenario goes, I think we can all agree that it’s ridiculous. The only reason the girls truly suspect it is because Ezra planted the idea. I’m now super confused about whether Ezra is A or just the worst human being on the planet.
I’m hoping that Ali is revealed as being A so that the girls finally give up on trying to rescue her and instead decide to hunt her down and murder her for good. I just hope they double check she’s not just holding her breath before they put her in the ground.
“so the end has been in sight for quite some time” :( still hurts..
“Just take a moment to examine the fashion in this shot. What is going on here?”
Seriously what the hell is happening with that thing around Spencer’s neck?
I swear if this ends up being a fashion choice similar to the girl in “The Green Ribbon”… I’ll totally accept it.