Mrs. S struts into a bar wearing some kickass boots and a “don’t fuck with me” vibe. She goes into the men’s room and starts fighting with Carlton, who is a big hunk of a Brit.
After their tussle, they start hooking up in the hallway. Turns out they have a history of fighting and fucking. Go Mrs. S, get your swerve on!
While Mrs. S is publicly sexing up Carlton, Sarah breaks into her house to snoop for clues. She is immediately busted by Felix who calls her out for being a shitty thief.
They catch each other up on various clone shenanigans, and Felix describes Cosima and Delphine as “locked in a transgressive lesbian geek spiral bound to end in tears.” Little does he know he just described every lesbian relationship ever in the history of womankind.
Back at rehab, Alison is peeing in a cup in front of Yvonne, the rehab counselor. She also calls it “tinkling” which is SO Alison it’s ridiculous. Yvonne gives her the run-down on rehab rules, i.e. no drugs, no booze, no doing the nasty with other patients. Alison huffily insists she’s never done the nasty but we all saw her in that minivan with Chad sooo….
Alison finds Donnie waiting for her in her bedroom, and tells Yvonne he’s an enabler. She calls him a spy, but Donnie tells her she needs to sober up or she won’t get to see her children.
I feel bad for Alison, but at the same time, she has a legit problem, so she should probably stay in rehab.
Felix and Sarah are searching Mrs. S’s house when they come across some information in an old photo album. Sarah sees a pic of Carlton, who we learn brought Sarah to Mrs. S. He also did 15 years for human smuggling.
Sarah finds an article about six scientists dead in medical lab explosion, two of which are Susan and Ethan Duncan: Rachel’s parents. They are also the couple in the LEDA photo. Sarah surmises that Mrs. S must have known the entire time.
Speaking of, Mrs. S and Carlton are drinking post-hallway sex, and reminiscing. Mrs. S tells him they have to keep the truth from Sarah or a world of shit will unravel… because her life is peachy fucking keen right now?
Sarah decides to break into Rachel’s apartment for some more snooping. She also tells Cosima to research the Duncans. Throughout all this planning, a mysterious figure is hiding in the closet. Is it R. Kelly? Nope, it’s Helena.
So Sarah sneaks her way into Rachel’s fancy pants apartment by pretending to be Rachel yelling at the building employee.
She calls Cosima and Felix and tells them that Rachel’s décor is “straight out of cold bitch digest”, which used to be my favorite magazine until Anna Wintour took over.
Cosima has used the world wide interwebs to find out that the Duncans were brilliant British geneticists who were working on something top secret. Sarah finds a drawerful of VHS tapes, and plays one. The video shows a little Rachel running around with her parents.
Cosima is convinced that Rachel is cruel and soulless because she was raised self aware and must think of herself as a superior clone. Cosima thinks she was raised in a clinical lab-like setting to mold her into the perfect leader. But Sarah is watching the video and seeing what seems to be the opposite. Rachel was raised with love and emotional connections. So why so bitchy?
Before they can get to bottom of Rachel’s douchiness, Daniel walks in and catches Sarah. Turns out Daniel is sleeping with Rachel! He pistol whips Sarah, which means she must be on her 50th concussion by now? Girl needs a CAT scan.
Cal and Kira are waiting for Sarah to return. Cal tells her not to worry, but Kira isn’t worried because she says Sarah is already an angel. So are the clones angel-human hybrids? TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW, CREEPY INTUITIVE CHILD!
Sarah wakes up to find herself zip tied to the shower. Daniel questions her about the LEDA photo, and she spits in his face. Daniel says she’s obviously the dumbest of the clones, but Sarah is smart enough to know that if Daniel is banging Rachel, chances are he’s her monitor.
Daniel starts sharpening a straight razor, which scares Sarah. She is convinced he couldn’t hurt her because she looks just like Rachel, but he assures her it doesn’t matter.
Daniel starts cutting behind Sarah’s ear, and it’s really truly terrifying. Suddenly, he’s distracted by a noise.
Sarah can’t see him, but she hears all sorts of crashing about the apartment. Daniel finally stumbles into view and collapses dead. Right behind him is Helena, holding a bloody knife, covered in blood, and still in that fucking wedding dress.
Sarah starts freaking the fuck out, as she was certain she murdered Helena. Helena tells her that they were meant to be together, and also some weirdos stole her eggs. She nuzzles into Sarah’s breast as Sarah cries hysterically. Hello seestra.
Back at the Prolethian Farm, we find out that Gracie is not dead, so… yay? Helena may be gone, but Hank isn’t angry, because he’s got a viable egg/zygote reproducing under the microscope.
Holy shit, what a crazy episode. Who’s going to carry the baby though? My money is on Gracie.
