“Oh Hey! It’s Alyssa” is a biweekly webcomic by Alyssa!
Oh Hey! It’s Alyssa #21: Nothin’ To See Here
A. Andrews
A. is a totally complete incomplete paraplegic and thirty-something hanky-in-the-pocket cartoonist weirdo!
A. has written 69 articles for us.
Awwwww. ❤️
I play the ‘why are they staring’ game all the time. Occasionally I can have fun and laugh with it, or just decide it’s because I look really good and enjoy it. But mostly it’s the worst.
Either way thank you for sharing. I love your comics.
Brilliant. Thank you.
Aw I’m sorry you’re going through that. Both the physical side & the mean ppl side.
I used to feel like ppl were staring all the time when I had worse social anxiety. I’ve come to conclusion that most ppl are too selfish (in a good way) to care enough to stare at strangers & even those who do probably don’t even remember it later in same day. So it’s not worth wasting your energy on.
Unless there were cute girls staring cos your top was see through… Might be worth expanding your energy there…
If people stare I usually try to give my resting bitch-face a break and crank out the BIGGEST smile…unless I’m in a bitchy mood….or I see a cute girl with a see-through top, in that case I wink.
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing
Just stopped by to say thank you, Alyssa. <3 My CP spasms were really horrible today and I felt like every coworker was staring at me, The Token Disabled One.
I got to the bathroom and realized my shirt was inside out.
Great cartoon. The last time the great staring happened to me I’d had a menstrual accident and was wearing a white uniform.
I might have been able to have fulfilled a few people’s fantasies if my top had been see through though.
As a person who lives in a society where people(70% creepy dudes) stare at you even if you are pretty ‘normal’, looking a bit different exponentially increases the amount of stares that you get. The real stare test used to happen during my commute and i used to cope with it by intensely focussing on the types of shoes and legs in front of me, all the while there was this discomfort which was building up at the back somewhere. And one day,all of the BS that was accumulating just came up to the surface, i don’t even remember how exactly it happened, but i decided that it was enough, all i remember is feeling this fiery anger and annoyance which i channeled into a stare match with the first asshole who was looking at me, it was just a blank stare back and the guy was sort of taken aback and then looked away , it was my first stare victory and i felt so fuckin empowered.After that tiny victory ive never looked back, now whenever i feel unwanted eyes on me i just get into battle mode , it mostly makes the starers look away ,but then sometimes youll meet some cocky asshole who is also a stare champion, if it gets too weird i sort of call them out, if i don’t feel up to it then i just do a slow exit from the stare mode, which says ‘go fuck yourself’.I am not a very socially confident person, but i guess dealing with this staring thing has upped my confidence by at least a tiny bit .So i guess the point of this long post is that you can take the fight to the starers and make them sorry. By the way, i love your art.
Most of the time, I’m learning from cis-women (thank you). But, this might be one of those times where I have something to offer other women.
What I’ve learned in my transition is the power of energy and how it alters reality.
I’ve gone out in full make-up with nice outfits. Sometimes I literally roll out of bed and rock random clothes I find laying on the floor. Other times, I may have dinner with my girlfriends 10 min after the gym…
And you know what? I was misgendered and then called “Miss”. I was whistled at and then laughed at. I went potty and left, and then other times was asked to leave.
At first, I racked my brain for any correlations. What exact aspect of the way I look, act, or sound made people treat me differently?
The answer?
None of it.
The only factor that made any sense was the energy I was projecting in each moment. On days I knew I looked good, even if just coming from the gym, the world was my oyster. On days I choose to love myself and cultivate gratitude, people were naturally attracted to my charisma and inner light.
I think a lot of times when we get “looks”, people are assholes. But more often, we are doing it to ourselves. Hold that beautiful head up high and fuck the haters.
Very true, Saga. People are drawn to self-confidence. At the same time, it’s not fair that everyone has to plod on with a stiff upper lip or they get criticized by society.
I agree about the energy you project sometimes affecting people’s responses, but that doesn’t mean “we are doing it to ourselves” when people stare or otherwise harass.
The person staring, being rude to, or harrassing someone who’s having a bad day and not feeling confident is still very much the one in the wrong. I’m happy for you that you’ve found confidence in yourself and been able to use that to change how people view you – I think you’re absolutely right that it makes a big difference, and it is good advice. But that doesn’t mean you were asking for it on the days that people treated you poorly.
To everyone that is struggling with self-esteem, or who gets stared at or harrassed despite their self-love and confidence – you are not the problem! You deserve the same respect from others on your best and your worst days <3
Couldn’t agree more! That wasn’t my intention at all. Just that we can do something about it is all. Nothing we can do to change others, so I try to focus on myself.
I think the OP was just trying to say a lot of the time we are in our own heads and assuming the worst of people’s gazes – not that what we are doing or wearing or how we’re behaving invites unwanted attention.
And I think this can be true. It’s hard not to assume the worst when you’re feeling insecure yourself. I am always incredibly relieved after carrying the weight of so much anxiety to find that all it was was that I goofed up and accidentally wore a sheer top.
I’d probably stare, Alyssa, but only because I have a crush on you and you’re wearing that shirt. :D
Also the fun mental game of is that “freakshow stare or pity stare” then trying to decide which one makes ya the most upset today and at who.
Self or them.