Feature image of Butch Stud and subMissAnn in CrashPadSeries episode 228. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday come from CrashPadSeries.com. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
Nenetl Avril and Verta in Crash Pad Series episode 199
+ Dating apps can feel addictive:
“‘Dating apps are basically slot machines—there’s the promise that you’re going to find something good, and every once in a while you get a little positive reinforcement to keep going,’ says David Greenfield, founder of the Center for Internet and Technology Addiction and a professor of psychiatry at the University of Connecticut School of Medicine. Researchers call it variable ratio reinforcement: The prize is unpredictable in terms of how much, or when, but it’s out there. And as we swipe for a mate—or sex—enough attractive matches and promising texts provide that mini-hit of dopamine to the brain that keeps us coming back for more.”
Valentine and Calico in Crash Pad Series episode 232
+ Why are people into watersports? At the Establishment, Cyd St Vincent, Princess Kali, Nikki Darling and Matthew Lawrence discuss sex work, golden showers, kink, the obvious news-related association here that I am not typing out on purpose and more. Princess Kali says:
“Golden showers and playing with other bodily fluids for sexual purposes are often about confronting taboo. But really, like all kink, it’s a very personal experience and the emotional headspace that happens during piss play isn’t always what’s expected. Piss play is probably most often used in erotic humiliation scenes, as a way of lowering the status of the ‘human toilet.’ But I’ve also known kinksters who enjoyed peeing on each other as a sensual and intimate expression with no humiliation involved at all. If we didn’t have social mores around urination, it wouldn’t be such a powerful taboo to play with.”
Lea Hart and Mona Wales in Crash Pad Series episode 198
+ Here’s what it’s like to be queer and come out as a stripper.
+ Blood tests for herpes can often be wrong, so make sure to talk over whatever result you get with your doctor. And if it turns out it’s a true positive, here’s how a hostage negotiator recommends sharing the news with sexual partners; open with “I have some bad news” and say what’s up immediately, don’t use euphemisms, remember it is your fault, and remember they’re entitled to feel angry or annoyed.
+ If you’re kinky, you’re probably not out to your healthcare providers, and you probably wish you were.
+ Still looking for a gift for yourself or someone else for Valentine’s Day? Check out our color-coded sex toy gift guide, which is probably my opus. Or, stay tuned for Crash Pad Series’s Valentine’s Day sale, which will include 15% off on memberships (check its social media for the coupon).
+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen writes about squirting, noting, “ejaculation is something that almost every body can do! It just works and looks a bit differently depending on which set of junk you have.”
+ Ejaculating dildos: fun as an IVF alternative, fun for play.
+ Sincere compliments are like if your brain is having very tiny sex.
Kitty Stryker and Jetta Rae via Crash Pad Series episode 230
+ Your brain processes sex, drugs and your favorite songs in the same way, according to new research that focuses on music and the opioid system:
“Subjects put on headphones and researchers measured their involuntary movements. The subjects also controlled a sliding scale with which they reported how engrossed they felt in the song from moment to moment. The scale went from 0 to 100—0 presumably representing how one absorbs the soft jazz played at Panera Bread and 100 an experience on par with popping a Queen cassette into the deck of the Mirthmobile.
Although they didn’t know when they were on [opioid-blocker] naltrexone, respondents were much less into the songs while they were. The study concluded that ‘music uses the same reward pathways as food, drug and sexual pleasure.'”
Bianca Stone and Chocolate Chip in Crash Pad Series episode 127
I think that the ejaculating dildo would be a replacement for (or method of?) Intra Uterine Insemination (IUI) or intra cervical insemination. Someone would probably only try IVF after trying other methods first, since IVF is expensive and might not be necessary.
http://itsconceivablenow.com/2011/06/02/insemination-decision-3-ici-iui-or-ivf/
That dating apps are addictive is really interesting and totally fits with my experience. I feel like I need to detox from them sometimes, which I am doing at the moment.
I (as usual) loved this collection of links, but was very disappointed to find an article shaming people with STIs included in the roundup. I’d like to suggest that contracting an STI is not inherently anyone’s “fault’, but a known risk for (most?) sexual activity.
Instead of viewing people who have or are at an increased risk for STIs as a problem, we should instead be focusing on what risk we’re willing to take and holding ourselves accountable for our own health as empowered sex-havers. I appreciate the impulse to provide resources to help partners navigate important conversations that can be difficult by including this link, but would expect Autostraddle to provide content that focuses on negotiating and respecting boundaries (both for yourself as a sex-haver and with (a) partner(s)) that reflect an individual’s openness to and responsibility for specific risk-taking.
“Remember it is your fault” was surprising language to see in this column for sure.
Yup. I also found this language and way of framing STI disclosure pretty disappointing.
Exactly! My preferred approach is a “risk management” approach. Look at what the risks are, determine an acceptable level of risk, use strategies to manage those risks. I haven’t read the article, so I don’t know what it says, but I think the wrong message is “avoid people with STIs”. The right message is honesty, openness, knowledge, informed consent, and personal responsibility.
By my reading, the (intended) message of that piece is absolutely not “avoid people with STIs” or “STIs are bad”; the message is “if you have given someone an STI, remember when you are communicating that to them that the message is not about you and your feelings, it is about them and what you can do to help.” Obviously it takes two (or more) to practice safer sex, and it’s possible to transmit STIs no matter how careful everyone is, but in the face of having that awkward conversation of “hey you need to go get tested because I might have transmitted something to you” saying “well this is your fault too” or “this is everyone’s fault” or “this is no one’s fault” is not going to help the conversation.
The framing of this was terrible, too. The article’s not good, but pairing it with “this is what you should do if you test positive for herpes” (25% of cis American women have HSV-2) is extra shitty. I have herpes and I have given it to someone else. Monogamous straight people almost never get tested for STIs and never ask for test results, so I still don’t think it was “my fault.” I’d never had any symptoms and didn’t know I had it. Years later, an ex-boyfriend who’d had very few sex partners tested positive for it. Vagina-to-penis transmission of HSV-2 isn’t reduced by using condoms. It was a risk we both took choosing to have sex with each other without doing any testing.
The way I disclose to people now is the opposite of what the article says. Don’t start out by framing it as a big deal if you don’t want your prospective partner to treat it as a big deal. Be realistic, be honest, and be willing to be flexible about how and whether you’re going to have sex depending on the transmission risk of different acts and your partner’s level of comfort. And be understanding that most people who haven’t been part of a consciously sexual nonmonogamous community don’t know much about STIs, don’t know their own status, and have completely wonky moralistic ideas about what STIs mean and how to avoid them.
Have some very mixed feelings about the pee play article. On one hand I love you are introducing something I love in a way that isn’t shaming or judgemental. On the other hand I really wish it wasn’t so heavily tied to something I hate (Trump).
Guess I’ll put it out there that if anyone wants to ask me anything about it I’m game.
I’ve never had the chance to try it out, but have always wanted to. I really appreciate your openness and willing to share your experiences with others. I think doing so really helps to de-stigmatize aspects of sexuality which are *common* but also seen by society as negative. :)
Decided to finally setup an actual account >.< So people can ask questions privately if they aren't comfortable doing so in public comments. Guess just some more basic info about pee play, especially if whoever you are interested in playing with is a bit squimish about the idea.
First and foremost in a healthy person pee is completely sterile. If you are healthy there is zero risk of contracting an infection of any kind. In the rare cases someone does have something that can be transmitted through pee the same safer sex precautions for any other fluid apply. If its on unbroken skin you're fine, in eyes/mouth/genitals/open wound there is a risk of transmission.
Pee play of course does not have to include the mouth or tasting it in any way. If you do decide to include tasting or drinking there are a few things to know. As I said above as long as the giver is healthy there is zero risk of infection. If the taste is a worry/problem drinking lots of water will dilute you pee lessening the taste. The clearer your pee is the milder the taste will be. As for drinking as long as you are reasonably hydrated and your liver/kidney function isn't significantly compromised it is completely safe drink pee. If your liver and/or kidneys are compromised drinking should be very limited at most since pee can contain small amounts of various enviromental toxins. For a healthy person with regular function there is no danger and some studies have found evidence that drinking pee and can actually be be good for the body and improve function.
Something else to keep in mind is that you can not store pee. While it's sterile immediately out of the body microbes can start growing in it shortly after leaving the body. Also once exposed to air a chemical reaction starts that causes ammonia to form. Left too long that build up of ammonia can make it toxic. So use it for whatever you want immediately and get rid of whatever is left.
Hi I’m a microbiologist. Pee from someone who is STI-free is not sterile, it’s aseptic. Sterile means completely free of all forms of life (such as microbes), which is not the case with urine. Aseptic means that it generally doesn’t have a high number of harmful microbes (germs) that are likely to cause infection, but for sure there are plenty of microbes hanging out in your urine, similar to how the surface of your skin is aseptic but not sterile.
“If you are healthy there is zero risk of contracting an infection from urine.” –> Not everyone who is immunocompromised is aware that they are immunocompromised.
Also, not everyone who has an STI is aware that they have an STI, so even if a prospective partner is symptom-free, their urine may in fact not be aspectic and can infect others, even immunocompetent partners.
Thank you for the information!
“The study concluded that ‘music uses the same reward pathways as food, drug and sexual pleasure.”
huh. was this not obvious to someone? also breaking- the sky is blue.
Like Kavanaugh, I’m concerned that “remember that it’s your fault” sends a message that is both inaccurate and harmful concerning herpes. “Take responsibility for communication and risk assessment” might get closer to an idea of fair assignment of responsibility without blame or fault entering the conversation inaccurately or irrelevantly.
Strategically, “I have some bad news” might also not be the best way to introduce the subject. I’m HSV2+, and I’ve usually introduced it by saying something like “Let’s talk about sexual health and risk factors” and then introducing what I test negative for, what I am positive for, what my partner is negative/positive for (I’m nonmonogamous) and what steps I take to minimize risk to myself and others.
I do agree with the idea of speaking plainly and avoiding euphemisms, though–definitely important!
I agree – as someone who was recently diagnosed HSV2+ and who has felt a great deal of anxiety about discussing it with potential partners, reading “remember it is your fault” made my heart sink.
Question: why are all the nsfw sunday images from crash pad now?
Too much crashpad me thinks! My idea of NFSW Sunday is porn optional but it now seems compulsory. Missing the eclectic mix of images of different folks and websites. If it is the same next Sunday re crashpad, I will probably sign off for a few a while. Sadly
I use to love this section but now it’s just advertising for crash pad. It’s boring
To the last three anonymous commenters (prob just one troll): I too hate images of beautiful queer women diddling each other!
/s/
Crashpad + Autostraddle = two businesses run by and for gay women supporting one other. Goddess bless.
Not a troll, thank you. And only one of the three commenters. I don’t think it is trolling to say that I prefer the images to be eclectic and not from just one source. I love to see some crashpad but I miss how NSFW Sunday used to be. I have been tuning in for several years now. Great job Autostraddle generally but just giving consumer feedback in what I though was a constructive way. But apparently I am a troll. I will get over this slight on my otherwise perfect character. Happy Valentines
I totally agree with you Variety Tickles!
I miss the NSFW Sunday pictures coming from different sources too. Has there been a decision that everything wiöl be from CrashPad from now on? I love CrashPad pictures in the mix, but not as an only source.
Please ignore the mistakes – smartphone…
NSFW Sundays now feature materials that are used with permission and highlight the work of a photographer/model/affiliate operating in a queer naked-on-the-internet type of space. If you have a suggestion for someone/something you would like to see featured, email me at carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Ah that makes sense thanks Carolyn!