Welcome to NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday! You’re looking very Shane today.
photo by DeWayne Rogers via facebook.com/flyguychronicles
+ A new study found that women were more likely to orgasm with a relationship partner than a hook-up partner, but that the chance of an orgasm in casual sex increases with repeat encounters. According to Salon:
“While practice may not make perfect, there’s something about learning how a partner’s body works over time. Although only 11 percent of women in first-time hookups reported orgasm, 16 percent of women in second- or third-time hookups with the same person had an orgasm, as did one-third in more regular hookups. […]
Not that orgasm is everything! And yet it does matter to many sexually active adults. The authors note that women were five to six times more likely to enjoy relationship or hookup sex if they had an orgasm.”
+ In related news, xojane has an “It Happened to Me” this week from a (straight) girl who has never had an orgasm, alone or with a partner:
I’ve gotten all of the advice, anyway: just lie down in your bed, or your bathtub and start slowly. Buy a vibrator. Or don’t, just use your hands. Just get comfortable! But the mere thought of masturbation makes me instantly and heart-poundingly uncomfortable, so no matter how much Enya I play or how many lavender candles I light, it is not going to be an “Our Bodies, Ourselves” type of experience for me.
via charmaineolivia.tumblr.com
+ This list of euphemisms for sex from the 1800s includes basket-making, brush, bread and butter, take a flyer, convival society, and pully hawly.
+ Poet Robert Graves published the poem “Advice to Lovers” in 1919. It does not include propositioning your girlfriend with bread and butter in public, but is very pretty.
by keet via retch-a-sketch.tumblr.com/post/23113252921/lazy-queer-summer-wish-fulfillment
+ Actually, Legitimately The Best (Lesbian?) Erotica: “Although I have not read any of the other Best Lesbian Erotica editions, I was delighted by the quality, diversity, and intensity that this book packed into only 175 pages. I expected Best Lesbian Erotica to be the girl-on-girl, femme-y, lacy panty parade that many other stories that are described as “lesbian erotica” are, however this book thoroughly surprised and pleased me.”
+ Nerve has a gallery of vintage porn posters from the 1970s and 80s.
via alternativefemdom.tumblr.com
+ Waiting three months before having sex can lead to a stronger relationship, says a dubious study. According to Amanda Hess in Slate:
“Half-year stretches of celibacy may make a woman more satisfied in a long-term relationship, but they don’t necessarily make her a more satisfied person. This study only surveyed couples who live together or are married, so ignored couples who live apart, women who “leap into bed” without an expectation of commitment, and those who break up when their relationships no longer support their personal needs. […]
When women’s short-term sexual pleasure is perpetually framed in the service of long-term romantic commitment, it’s no surprise that women who invest heavily in that framework end up thinking that the wait was worth it. But making all relationships better—and more equitable—will require more than crossing our legs in perpetuity.”
via lasmujeresrealestienencurvas.tumblr.com
+ In a new book, Katie Roiphe writes about what it’s like to be a dominatrix:
“Sessions are exhausting because you are managing someone else’s fantasy. Alexis describes it as ‘walking on eggshells upon eggshells.’ She watches her subs very closely, for a glance averted, a flicker of an eyelid, tension in shoulders, for the slightest alterations in body posture, for signs that she is going too far or not far enough or in the wrong direction. She is intuiting the fantasy from them, almost drawing it out of their bodies, and she has to be fluid, shifting, perfectly responsive.”
via pinktacolovers.tumblr.com
+ Sex Etc., an online sex-positive and gender- and orientation-inclusive sex ed resource for teens, just relaunched. Its new website has articles on coming out, bisexuality, and a state-by-state guide to queer rights, birth control, abortion, sexing, and more.
via thecollectors.tumblr.com
+ No one ever talks about dental dams because people still define sex as a very specific condom-requiring act. But they’re (obviously) wrong (and not lesbians/queers):
“I kept bumping into the word condom. At first I didn’t think anything of it, but then it got me thinking, why was there no mention of dental dams? After all, you’d have to be pretty creative to use a condom to protect yourself when performing oral sex on a woman.
Oral sex doesn’t mean blowjobs. And yet, in all the articles I read, they all made that assumption. I actually purposefully tried to research disease transmission through oral sex performed on women, and I could find only a handful of articles. It was almost as if nobody had heard the news about eating out. These were doctors and scientists who were completely overlooking a major form of sex.”
via androprospective.tumblr.com
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The condoms/dental dams thing reminded me of when I was doing peer sex ed training and almost all their materials had “Use a condom”. I suggested changing that to “use a barrier method” to be more inclusive (and also because, as the article said, there’s this entire sex move people are forgetting!). What happened was an unusually long and frustrating argument about how that was too long/too complicated and it would be just too hard to change everything yadda yadda yadda. ><
When I was a sex counselor at college we def used the term barrier method. It’s only 4 syllables! Easy peasy ; ) But I never use dental dams because… they’re kinda wack. Like this one character in ‘The Peculiar Kind’ said, if I wanted to lick a flavored rubber thing, I’d get some cellophane and throw koolaid on that shit.
Interesting rejection of protection coming from a sex ed counselor. But anyways, DDs actually feel amazing, and are just like using a cut up flavored condom, just easier to handle and less slimy. Sometimes I use them with my gf-who needs no protection- just bc of how good they feel. Enjoii
Seriously! So frustrating.
Also, related: At my yearly physical check-up with my general practitioner, before the exam the office gives you a survey form about your health & habits and whatnot (to save the doctor time talking to you in person? idk).
Anyway, one of the sections was ‘Birth Control’ (which is a problematic label in and of itself) and I wrote ‘barrier methods’ because oh hey, condoms are not the only barrier method! and didn’t think anything else of it.
The doctor came in & read through my form thingy and gave me thing giant ‘WTF’ face when she got to the birth control section.
“You mean condoms, right?”
“Well, yes, as well as –”
“OK, that’s fine.”
And then she CROSSED OUT barrier methods on my form and wrote condoms.
I’m still mad.
Gawd, ‘barrier methods’ is 5 syllables. *face palms*
Well, it depends on how you scan it. Barr-i-er or barr-yer (in the same way it can be Rom-e-o or Rom-yo).
You can make a dam out of a condom! Wipe down some scissors with an alcohol wipe. Take a (preferably unlubricated) condom, and cut it to the tip before unrolling it. Unroll and there you go! Much cheaper and easier to find.
I’m a peer sexual wellness educator and this is what we tell people.
In the EU condoms are required to meet certain standards of impermeability, while companies can legally sell any old bit of latex/nitrile and call it a dental dam, so making your own out of a condom may actually be safer. I can’t speak to the situation in the rest of the world.
I have taught people how to do this many times in my life and actually used the method twice. It’s doable but annoying because they’re so small. The second time I gave up halfway through. (It was with someone I was fluid-bonded with already, I just figured if I was doing sex ed I should make sure I had experience to back up what I was preaching.)
oh my god is “fluid-bonded” actually a phrase?
Totally!
To quote wiki:
“Fluid bonding refers to unprotected sex in long-term relationships. The relationships can be either monogamous or polyamorous.[15] This is usually undertaken once medical advice and STI tests have been taken. By anecdotal accounts many couples who intend to become fluid bonded generally only do so when intending to undertake a serious exclusive relationship or even marriage; the method of choice being to undertake a pair of tests separated in time by one year, with either complete abstinence or continuing to use condoms in the intervening time; a practice known as “double-gating”.”
tl;dr: fluid-bonding generally means unprotected sex in some sort of defined relationship.
My local LGBT youth center has a bucket full of condoms but no dental dams. I’ve asked them to get dental dams, but so far every time I’ve gone there, no dental dams. It just makes me feel like lesbian sex safety isn’t taken as seriously.
always thought I was showing a tremendous amount of restraint waiting until the 2nd date for sex. …simply cannot imagine the 3 month deal, does not register with me at all. what about sexting, skype, phone? Is all of that “off limits” too? damn.
Dental dams are a bitch to get a hold of. The LGBT youth thing near me was like we tried to get them but we’d have to order them from the UK and they’re expensive.
Its true! In South Africa some clinics actually tell you off for even asking for them or start just getting insanely homophobic. So some people just go without to avoid the drama.
That last picture is so sweet!
The dental dams thing! My local sexual health clinic don’t carry them and when I asked the receptionist she looked strange at me and said “Dental dams… oh, I think I remember what you mean! Do people still use those, then?”
that quote on being a dominatrix is very well-put
Your hair is well put above your face
Sex with a partner is awesome cause they do know EXACTLY what your about…unless they don’t…and a surprising amount of women don’t speak up. I saw a quote that stated that the best part of sex for women comes after when all the intimacy begins. Personally i am of the school of thought that sex starts long before with the back and forth…
I think dental dams just suck. There are other things you can do to reduce your risk when having sex with a female partner. The first strategy is to stick with manual sex with hook-ups you don’t know. Hands are pretty risk free, but if you insert fingers don’t touch yourself with the same hand. Ask your partners about when they were tested and don’t share vibes, dildos etc unless you use a condom. The risk of HIV through any oral sex is practically zero, so that is one less thing to worry about. Second, if you stay near the clit vs the vaginal opening you are less likely to be exposed to infections. For example, it is very difficult to contract gonorrhea or chlamydia through oral sex because only the cells in the back of your throat are susceptible to those bacterias – so no slurping ;) The main concerns with oral sex are syphilis, herpes and hpv. Fortunately syphilis and herpes are almost only transmittable while there is a sore – so stick to areas you can see and do a visual check for any skin that looks irritated or inflamed. (You can tell the difference between herpes and syphilis because syphilis is a painless sore and herpes is painful). For HPV, you should be screened by your dentist for oral cancer and also get a regular pap smear. HPV is hard to avoid. It can be transmitted through any skin to skin contact. (even under fingernails!) The main thing is to detect HPV early. And get vaccinated!
Dang.
I thought I knew sex ed in 5th grade. I WAS WRONG.