Feature image of Valentine by Eva Wǒ. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday were taken by photographer and artist Eva Wǒ and have been used with permission. (See below for more about Eva.) The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ “Ghosting is now an acceptable way to end casual relationships. It’s officially suitable — after a few texts or a mediocre date, at least — to communicate your disinterest for someone through silence.” Maybe you’re bored, maybe you died or maybe they showed up to your date in a baseball hat and your ladyboner melted. Whatever the reason, just never texting a casual date again doesn’t make you a monster:
“‘I think there is real value to ghosting,’ says Ben Michaelis, a clinical psychologist and the author of Your Next Big Thing: 10 Small Steps to Get Moving and Get Happy. ‘At a certain point in a relationship, it is totally unacceptable — but early on, like after a date or hookup that didn’t go well, ghosting is useful. Trying to ‘let someone down easy’ often results in confusion on the part of the person being broken up with, and even drags on relationships that should be ended.’
Ghosting removes ambiguity and saves time. ‘It’s pretty hard to interpret ghosting as anything other than an indication of disinterest,’ Michaelis says, ‘and in this way, it allows the ghoster and ghostee to move on with their lives more quickly.’”
+ Why do you keep going out with basically the same person even when you’re seeing different individual people? Dating a “type” can feel safe because it feels familiar (so maybe try something else):
“[C]ertified sex and relationship coach Myisha Battle […] told me that a lot of our issues with type-casting our partners is that we get warm feelings for things that are familiar — despite the fact that familiar is not always synonymous with good.
‘A lot of our attraction to our partners is due to our unconscious roles we developed in childhood. We are often drawn to partners who feel comfortable to us and have similar values,’ she explained.”
+ In American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus, Lisa Wade examines the current state of college sex culture and the implications for everyone. In an interview at Bitch, she discusses gender, sexual behavior and the performance of hooking up as meaningless: “In practice, sex without care is tricky to pull off. Because everyone knows sex is meaningful, so establishing that any particular interaction is meaningless is a difficult interpersonal task. So, students actually have a pretty elaborate and arguably brutal set of rules for how to perform meaninglessness. Those rules work, often all too well.”
+ At the Establishment, Kotaline Jones writes about embracing being aromantic and asexual.
+ “There’s a nationwide effort to classify all internet-connected devices as porn vending machines.” Legislators in North Dakota behind House Bill 1185, which if it became law would classify anything that connects to the internet, including smart fridges and routers, as “pornographic vending machines” (and not mean it in a good way), are the fucking worst:
“As detailed in House Bill 1185, the law would legally reclassify any “products ‘hat distribute the internet’ as ‘pornographic vending machines.’ This includes, but is not limited to: a cell phone, laptop, computer, Playstation, smart fridge, or internet service provider’s router. In other words, most North Dakotans would suddenly become porn vending machine owners in the eyes of the law.
House Bill 1185 would also require anyone selling internet-connected devices to automatically block ‘obscene sexual performances’ and ‘intimate image[s].’ (According to North Dakota law, what qualifies as an obscene image ‘must be judged with reference to ordinary adults.’) Users of these devices would have the opportunity to deactivate this filter only if they first submit a deactivation request in writing to the manufacturer, meet face-to-face with the manufacturer to verify that they are over 18 years old, and pay a $20 fee.”
+ This week’s NSFW Sunday’s visuals are courtesy of photographer and artist Eva Wǒ, a mixed-race queer femme from rural New Mexico who lives in Philadelphia — where they’ve founded multiple collectives and organized events, and are a current artist in residence at 40th Street AIR Program — and the internet. Check out their portfolio or instagram. On their work, Wǒ notes:
“I am driven by the stories my friends tell me about coming into themselves through their queer and femme identities; especially sex workers, qtpoc, nonbinary folks, amab folks, and fat folks who find strength and liberation in these terms. I aim for my work to be full of joy, vanity, and love for ourselves and each other. What is most satisfying is when I am able to build mutual relationships in which my collaborators feel seen, celebrated, and respected in an affirming environment.”
