You are an ecologically-conscious human who also happens to enjoy orgasms via something other than your / your partner’s hand(s) alone. Would you like for these two worlds to collide in a really slippery sustainably recyclable way? Well here’s a quick list of toys I’ve actually ‘tested’ on myself, so this is very honest and servicey. You are quite welcome.
photo by sophia wallace
Phallic Phthalates
Did you know that a disgusting proportion of sex toys sold in the United States are “for novelty purposes only” and warn – in hard to read print – that they’re not supposed to go anywhere near your ladybits?
Often the same women who use recycled toilet paper, only eat organic unrefined foods and drive a Prius (you know who you are) don’t bother to look into the products they’re putting in their most private parts. Many sex toys are made from phthalates, a cheap and easy to manufacture plastic that is porous and therefore can break down and potentially poison your vadge.
How do you know if your toy has phthalates in it? Babeland says to smell it. Under the Eau de Femme fragrance covering your friend, you’ll too often find a distinct plastic smell, similar to the scent of a newly opened shower curtain.
And if you don’t want phthalates near your privates, you definitely don’t want them seeping into your local water supply. Be eco-conscious when you cleanse your closet of those nasty naughties and use a Sex Toy Recycling Program.
Make New Friends
Remember singing “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold” at Girl Scout camp? Well, I say, ditch the old gold and buy yourself some brand new silver.
I suggest the entire line of NJoy products.
Made from corrosion resistant stainless steel, these beauties are just as lovely on your shelf as they are in your partner. But be warned, they’re as heavy as they look and can be slippery when you have lube all over your hands. My cervix has never forgiven me for the first night I tried the Pure Wand.
More Metal
If you’re looking for something more colorful and less intimidating, try the Little Chroma vibrator. It’s very quiet and completely waterproof, perfect for when your roommate’s home.
I F*cking Love This Toy
No, really. We’re getting married in Canada soon. I hear it’s legal there.
This is what made me ejaculate for the first time. This is what makes single life not only bearable but wonderful.
Made of bamboo, which as a completely renewable resource, The Fling is labeled as a butt plug, but I’ve only used it in my vadge and can’t imagine putting something this big in my butt. But I commend you if you do.
Buy this. Now.
Crank it to Me
Don’t you hate it when you drive your Subaru all the way out to the woods, kick off your Birkenstocks, cuddle up in your Columbia sleeping bag and go to make sweet, sweet love to your mountain mamma just to realize your batteries are in the other Patagonia jacket?
Well fear not, the Earth Angel has you covered. Just crank this baby up and you’re good to go.
Sexier Than a Tan
When that zombie apocalypse the hipsters are always talking about finally comes, you’ll be prepared with this solar-powered vibrator, the Solar Bullet.
And it has a light on the end of it, in case you need help finding your way home.
Further Your Education
For more about pthalates, visit Babeland.com.
For more eco-friendly sex toys, see Good Vibrations’ whole Ecorotic© line.
For more information all around, check out Eco-Sex: Go Green Between the Sheets and Make Your Love Life Sustainable or ask the Sexperts over at Good Vibrations.
OTHER SEX STUFF
Tasmania will be opening an Adult Disneyland: Tasmania is looking to boost its immigrant population and is putting itself on the map for avant-garde art in its latest efforts to lure travelers and settlers alike. The Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) opens this week and aims to be Australia’s first “subversive adult Disneyland,” complete with erotic art installations, intersecting with themes of life and death.
Swan on Swan – Black Swan’s Sexy Tropes: Actually the use of sexuality in Black Swan was one of the reasons I loved it so much. The queer and sexual awakening tropes of sex, death, narcissism, and more had me nodding along to the narrative as a beautiful retelling of Swan Lake, complete with “Rothbart” as Nina’s mother/captor. “
True Stories: Girls Don’t Count “Several hours later, in the back of a yellow cab, Celeste pulled the hand-on-the-upper-thigh maneuver and we made out until we arrived to her apartment. I was back in the cab, on the way home, when I got a text from her: “Come back.” Heady from our make-out, I told the driver to turn around.”
by artuu
Tristan Taormino keynote speech at Oregon State University Modern Sex conference canceled because of “resume and website.” SEX EDUCATOR AND SPEAKER TRISTAN TAORMINO, SET TO GIVE CONFERENCE KEYNOTE, UNINVITED BY OREGON STATE UNIVERSITY BECAUSE OF HER ‘RESUME AND WEBSITE’
Against Sexual Scandal: “Instead, what stories like this really do is to damage the reputation of sex. Whenever there’s a sex scandal, I feel sorry for sex. I felt sorry for sex during the Larry Craig brouhaha last summer. What if he liked being married and procreating and giving anonymous head? What if that was his sexual preference? What if he really was not gay, as he claims, but had sexual desires that seemed incoherent? Some of the response to Craig was like the response to moralists like Jim Bakker, Ted Haggard and now Spitzer–moralists deserve to suffer the same force of negative judgment they wielded on others. Shame on us? Shame on you, ha ha! But lots of the response was sheer homophobia. And all of it was sheer erotophobia.”
i think i just found the perfect Valentine’s Day present.
thank you, Autostraddle
I think I found the perfect Valentine’s Day gift for myself.
That is, unless I find someone to share that gift with by then.
Reasons for my sanity on a Sunday:
This
oh, and post secret.
but mostly this.
now my weekend is complete.
I am Reading (drooling over) this and watching Sportscenter. Now all I need is someone making me sunday banana pancakes in the kitchen.
I was just thinking about making pancakes. I can do banana but I often make pumpkin.
With chocolate chips.
i skipped church for ihop. so many old people. so many pancakes.
OMG for reals I’ve been craving pancakes all day, almost as much as everything on this page.
Argh I’m jealous of your sportscenter. The cable that was magically coming to my tv for free stopped right as the playoffs began. wtf. The girl/ ass on the bike is good, as is knowledge that there are vibrators with built in lights (?), but not really a substitute.
pancakes AND toys? yes, please!
my first dildo was purchased on a whim and without no prior research and as a broke ass college student. Definitely made from pthalates. initially i’d use condoms with it, but i wasn’t very good about it all the time.
thankfully it was only used for a short time. now, i make sure anything i buy is high-grade silicone, even if it sets me back a few bucks.
i’ll definited keep these options in mind. i’ve been wanting the pure wand for awhile now. the bamboo one looks neat
my bamboo cutting board is awesome. i guess a bamboo sex toy is the next step.
Naturally.
I’m going to try a “Boys Don’t Count” approach. I’ve sort of been living the Heterosexual-Marriage-Rigamarole Doesn’t Count my entire life, but I’m going to incorporate that particular aspect more directly.
sex toy recycling program
i once dated a girl in part because she had made her own solar-powered vibrator. and i’ve never really had an appropriate forum in which to bring up that fact. NOW I DO. thank you, NSFW Sunday.
lesbians are so bleeping handy
Now that’s a keeper.
I’m worried for whoever has that tattoo in the first picture. Awesome idea, but does anyone else agree that the apostrophe is kinda in the wrong spot? Hopefully there is a good reason it says, ” mans’ ” because otherwise that’s one of those things you look at and say… ouch.
I worry for her too. Are those red dots razor burn? I want to give her some aloe.
Totally what I was thinking. Owie.
Hehe.
Autostraddle: you are way too awesome. I love you.
agreed.
Not gonna lie, the whole ‘fear of untested plastic things inside me because I’m cripplingly cancer-phobic’ is pretty much the only reason I don’t have any sex toys. I am loving the stainless steel idea.
Silicone and glass are also good options. I’m a little skeptical of the bamboo…all I can think of is splinters.
I’m all for glass, but be warned that just like steel, it can get very slippery very fast. I still hear that glass-hitting-bone sound and clench my teeth like a pavlovian bitch.
Personally I couldn’t live under the constant threat from pandas.
Silicone is one of the greatest materials in the universe imo.
No splinters at all, that’s the greatest part! It’s sanded down to be smooth and then covered in this oh-so-wonderful all natural lacquer that not only makes it the perfect amount of smooth but also is non-porous and easy to sanitize with a simple soap and water wash. It’s seriously the best feeling texture-wise. No splinters what-so-ever.
yeah, splinters are a good way to totally ruin an orgasm.
First dildo I ever bought was silicone and I’ll never go back!! Solar powered vibe=AWESOME
orgasm + splinters def. brought on involuntary facial twitching and scrunching.
How much did this article cost to produce? I only ask because I REALLY feel as though more research is necessary and would like to be the first to donate to the cause. I would benefit from your further usage, and then reporting (in detail) on, various shapes, sizes and materials, for my educational needs of course.
I hate to be Little Ms. Know It All this week, but… phtalates aren’t plastics. They’re added to plastics to make them more flexible. (Usually polyvinyl chloride, aka PVC, which is a nasty customer on its own.)
More from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phthalate And then I read it and discover that my acid reflux meds probably contain phthalates. AWESOME. -_-
No worries, that just makes your throat more flexible for when you upchuck.
Thanks for the correction and further info. Good luck with the acid reflux pills!
suck my 20 foot solar powered cock, oh ya and lick my totally green solar powered organic cunt
barbie doll