Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ Sugarbutch’s open relationship mini interview series continues with multiple new interviews, such as this one:
“My current relationship is with someone who was generally monogamous before we got together, and I feel like the two of us have been generous and brave together in making up a set of rules and scripts to follow. Building your relationship from the ground up is scary and challenging, and there have been lots of times when our needs, expectations, feelings, and desires have bumped up against each other, or not fit together in any neatly arranged way. Pulling apart the mess of feelings that can happen when that comes up, and figuring out where everyone’s responsibility begins and ends, can feel like playing cats cradle with spiderwebs.”
And this one:
“Being in an open relationship seems so natural to me now. Why wouldn’t I want to share my partner’s love? Why would I want to horde it all to myself and let no one else experience the joy that they have to offer? Also it is sometimes useful to say, ‘Darling, I’m really looking to be alone tonight, would you mind if I asked you to find someone else to cuddle with?’”
+ At Salon, philosopher Alain de Botton encourages us to think about sex more. but smarter, in his new book How to Think More About Sex, which Tracy Clark-Flory describes as “at times a total turn-on, at others disappointing.” From her interview with Alain de Botton:
“… I’ve come up with this theory that it’s really all about loneliness — that overcoming of loneliness is sexy. That’s the reason that certain themes are sexy: they’re connected up with trust and the building of a private world between two lovers. I look at things like oral sex and I go, what is this from an evolutionary psychological perspective? It makes no sense. I think the answer is that psychologically it’s exciting because it’s trust. There’s this really dirty, private side of me, and you’re going to get involved with it, with your mouth, which is the most social and everyday sensory organ. Sexiness is psychological. It’s not bodily, and it’s not just evolutionary.”
+ Forbes has a serious conversation about sex and asset allocation:
“As strange as it may sound initially, research suggests that people are happier and live longer if they:
Have a long and healthy sex life
Build and maintain a strong network of friends
Are generous with time spent serving othersCombined, these activities integrate time and mood, which are two of the most important aspects of risk tolerance.”
+ Kristen Forbes’ “Dream Girl,” in the Rumpus, is about online dating and personas and depression and breakups and laundry:
“I’m presenting my best, and I am bored. I’m growing wary of the narrative, especially the one I tell about myself.
I try to present myself the same in-person as I do on my profile: quirky and charming and a little aloof. As if this tells my whole story. As if comparing myself to a Zooey Deschanel character is all that’s needed to encapsulate who I am: cupcakes and dresses with boots and awkward asides. This is how I’m supposed to present myself. Telling the truth—about my insomnia and depression and inability to feel normal—would be ridiculous.”
+ This year in (talking about) sex included a lot of scandals and slut shaming, consent, and trying to make porn better:
“It was a year of yet more attempts at remaking porn — by making it more ethical, more realistic and more digestible. Then there were other attempts focused on turning everyday people into unwitting porn stars; and that’s not to mention the rise of “cappers,” web creeps who attempt to con young women, and often minors, into flashing their breasts on camera and then distribute the image far and wide. GOP candidates spoke out against porn, threatening to revive obscenity prosecutions and even ban it. Meanwhile, the adult industry continued to resist calls for enforced condom use only to see the passage of a ballot measure requiring rubbers on shoots in Los Angeles.”
+ At Taking Sense Away, a former TSA employee blogs about “the things they ran through the x-ray,” and in particular how she was “intrigued by the irrepressible sexual hunger that compels the passengers of this great nation to bring vibrators, dildos and other assorted sex toys aboard the plane with their carry-on luggage.”
+ The Lingerie Addict has a gallery of the best lingerie of 2012. You’re welcome.
+ If you like Things I Read That I Love and Sex, you’ll like Longform’s Best Sex Stories of 2012.
+ Happy Holigays from Phoenix of Suicide Girls.
+ The Victoria’s Secret Angels attempt to sing “Deck the Halls” while galavanting about in their underclothes.
+ Buying your first vibrator can feel awkward. BlogHer has a few helpful tips if you’re buying in person:
“Be prepared to shop around. While buying online is discrete and you usually get more selection, buying at a local girl-friendly sex toy shop is ideal, as the sales reps can offer help with selection, and turn the vibe on for you, so you can check out the strength.
Test the strength of a vibrator on the tip of your nose (seriously!). Your nose has a similar sensitivity as your clitoris, so if it tickles, that tells you it will work for your clit as well.
Make sure the sales person puts in batteries and tests it for you before you take it home if you purchase in store.”
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