Feature image by Passions.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ The most successful romantic relationships involve staying positive, communicating well, maintaining external friendships, trying new things, having the amount of sex you both want and not being jerks:
“‘The real issue here, I think, is that couples are not finding enough time for sex,’ said Dr. Smith. ‘I don’t think you can keep forcing more and more activities in people’s lives and still expect them to take the time it takes to have sex, let alone good-quality sex.’
Anthony Lyons, a study co-author and research fellow at La Trobe, said the main lesson from the study is that couples need to learn how to communicate about their sexual needs or their reasons for not wanting sex.
‘Couples need to talk about the frequency of sex,’ Dr. Anthony said in an e-mail. ‘Talking openly about sex and finding a middle ground with regard to frequency appears to be very important for overall sexual and relationship satisfaction.’”
+ Erika Moen’s How To Eat Pussy guide at Oh Joy Sex Toy makes her my absolute hero. (Also see Autostraddle’s guide.)
+ And CrashPad’s video guide to how to fist is the perfect hybrid of sex education and porn. (Also see Autostraddle’s guide.)
+ This comparison of sex to pea mousse is brilliant.
+ Female ejaculation! How does it work?:
“Some people with vulvas involuntarily ejaculate every time or nearly every time they have sex, while others have to employ special techniques to get the job done. And, some don’t squirt at all. If you want to explore squirting, have at it — the research is incredibly fun. But, don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partners. As with all parts of sexuality, it’s not a competition. Some people squirt, some don’t, and that’s all normal — the only thing that matters is that everyone’s having a good time. You should never be made to feel inadequate because you can’t do it. And, conversely, you should never be made to feel weird if you can do it. All that’s needed for super sex is that every participant is genuinely enjoying themselves, and that you’re protecting yourself and your partners by using birth control and/or practicing safer sex.”
+ We should all be talking more about sex.
+ Here are all the types of silicone that sex toys can be made out of, what they mean and how to clean them.
+ This right-handers-only vibrator is either a hilariously brilliant joke or it isn’t.
+ Bitch discusses reconciling feminism and being submissive in bed:
“Your sex lives, orientations, and sexualities are things that you should feel safe to enjoy as you please. That safety and support should be a top feminist priority. But what you do in that safe and delightful bed? That’s none of feminism’s goddamn business. Be healthy, be safe, and be caring to all involved. Including yourself.”
+ After Gloria Steinem discussed her lowered sex drive on her 80th birthday, the Guardian asked women of all ages about their changing libidos.
+ Worrying about money can kill your sex life but kissing for 10 seconds can make you feel better.
+ These apps can help you escape bad dates when you don’t feel like being honest.
+ Faking orgasms can make sex more fun, according to a new study that found that the third reason people fake is “attempting to increase one’s own arousal though faking orgasm,” which follows altruistic deceit or fear and insecurity.
+ Many studies about sex work do not bother to talk to sex workers and that is ridiculous:
“Imagine a study of the alcohol industry which interviewed not a single brewer, wine expert, liquor store owner or drinker, but instead relied solely on the statements of ATF agents, dry-county politicians and members of Alcoholics Anonymous and Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Or how about a report on restaurants which treated the opinions of failed hot dog stand operators as the basis for broad statements about every kind of food business from convenience stores to food trucks to McDonald’s to five-star restaurants?
You’d probably surmise that this sort of research would be biased and one-sided to the point of unreliable. And you’d be correct. But change the topic to sex work, and such methods are not only the norm, they’re accepted uncritically.”
+ In an interview with Jamie Hagan for Bitch, Melissa Gira Grant discusses sex work as about money rather than feelings, activism and more:
“Most of the current dialogue about sex workers actually is not initiated by sex workers.
When people who talk about sex work have no grounding in experience, of course it’s going to go to those things where they believe that they have expertise. Some of those things might be their feelings about the existence of the sex industry.
I was just watching a very odd response go down on Facebook to the Belabored podcast I did yesterday. We spent 45 minutes talking about sex work as work, everything you just stated in your question, and it took about five seconds for some guy to jump in and say, ‘But what about the johns?’ It’s a kind of derailing that I think happens in like every conversation about gender and sexuality pretty much ever!”
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