+ Ms. Opinionated has some advice for getting back in touch with your ex, and for being friends with exes generally (not the kind of friends who sleep together), when things ended badly:
“I do not think it is an awful idea for you to get back in touch with this person. I am in friendly touch with just about every person I’ve ever dated—even people who smashed my heart to pieces and left me with nothing but a house full of dog hair and mistrust. […]
“By looking through your possessions and finding incontrovertible evidence that you have a sex life — a somewhat unorthodox one at that — your mom has upset the delicate balance of mutual denial. She violated your privacy; her inability to deal with the consequences of that action is her problem, not yours. Tell her that you expect her to avoid prying in the future, and that you hope she can stop dwelling on what she found. You might also mention, if you feel like it or she asks, that your complicated gender is something you’ll discuss with her when the time is right — for instance, after she’s demonstrated an ability to respect your boundaries and earn your trust. You don’t need to explain anything to her; your private life is private, and as someone who cares about and wants an ongoing relationship with you, she needs to leave it at that.”
+ Rookie’s intro to kink is really good if you want to “get” it but still don’t, or if you want to play but don’t know where to start:
“I remember the very first time I slipped into wrist restraints (more about those in a minute); I was 18 and I thought to myself, Holy crap, this is so hot, AHHHHH, I WANNA DO THIS FOREVER. Engaging in BDSM allows me to feel a tremendous amount of freedom and agency with my sexuality. It makes me feel alive. And it’s incredibly thrilling to explore fantasies about power and pleasure with a partner I trust.
Kink is enjoyed by people of all different sexualities and gender expressions and bodies and religions and ages. Unfortunately, our culture has a nasty habit of shaming sexuality, and female sexuality especially, so it can be difficult to consider kinky desires “normal.” If you’ve ever thought about supplementing your sex life with kink, it is NOT because you are perverted or sexually deviant—it is because kink is hot! It is crazy hot!”
“I have answered the door wearing nothing but Saran Wrap. I have reenacted Ravel’s Boléro scene from 10 (with a girlfriend) and the refrigerator scene from 9 1/2 Weeks (with a boyfriend). Once during a lunch hour, I was the second girl in the world’s fastest threesome; were it scored, it would’ve been to Rimsky-Korsakov’s ‘Flight of the Bumblebee.’ This threesome occurred in one of the seedier midtown hotels, and over time, my memory has layered this hotel with an uncanny sheen. Today, I remember it more or less like a set from Supernatural, minus the demons.
None of these supposedly erotic acts, not one, arose from my own fecund imagination. Every one is entirely lifted from something my partner or I had seen, read, or heard about. I can claim no originality. I am the Jonah Lehrer of sex, a serial plagiarist of stunning bravado and insouciance. So are you.”
+ Friends with benefits is hard because it depends on communication, and people don’t think communication is part of easy situations.
+ And in fact, communication, as well as awareness of your own feelings, introspection, negation, healthy boundaries and more are skills essential to every relationship, even one emphatically defined as not a relationship.
+ It’s okay to be quiet in bed if you are just quiet in bed:
“Before you have sex with someone, tell them that your vocal expressions of pleasure range from extremely subtle to nonexistent. Let them know that the slightest gasp is indicative of wonderful sensations. Give them this insight so that they have a chance to recalibrate their expectations and not only listen more carefully but also pay attention to other sensory cues.”
All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email bren [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.
Autostraddle & ForThem valiantly aim to produce top-tier media and products for queer and trans people overlooked by the mainstream. Join today to support an inclusive, expansive future.
For Them & Autostraddle exist to fill the gap in a world that overlooks queer and trans needs, offering products and media that honor expansive identities and celebrate authentic self-expression.
Autostraddle & ForThem valiantly aim to produce top-tier media and products for queer and trans people overlooked by the mainstream. Join today to support an inclusive, expansive future.
For Them & Autostraddle exist to fill the gap in a world that overlooks queer and trans needs, offering products and media that honor expansive identities and celebrate authentic self-expression.
