Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ Valerie Jean-Charles wrote about shyness around discussing masturbation, sexual pleasure and related topics with other Black women:
“I dropped the ‘M’ word and was met with uncomfortable shifts and lowered gazes. I didn’t understand the big deal—I had only said ‘masturbation’ and yet, three out of my four friends were acting as if I had said something along the lines of, ‘I’m into doing porn.’
That was the first time I realized just how taboo sexual independence, pleasure, and experimentation are within the Black community—especially when it comes to our women. Soon after that happy hour I noticed similar and even stronger reactions to ‘masturbation’ among Black women in other spheres, specifically social media. Guilt, disgust, shame—these were just some of the words women were using to describe their previous attempts and current beliefs around masturbation.”
+ Kitty Stryker wrote about authenticity in porn, performativity and sex, being “so fucking confused about what kind of sex other feminists think I should have in order to be liberated” and more:
“But I’m going to put aside my sarcasm for a minute, because this is a serious issue with serious consequences. There’s been a lot of discussion about “authenticity” in porn and how amazing and valuable and feminist a quality it is, but I call bullshit on that discourse. Indie porn performer Arabelle Raphael made a great point last year by stating that porn is still labor, and as such, it is by its very nature performative. All labor requires some sort of performance, from smiling at customers you dislike to being polite when you hate your boss. Labor in the entertainment field, whether that be acting on stage, screen, or in adult movies, is even more explicitly staged. Activist sex worker Siouxsie Q wrote about how when she was working with a feminist pornographer, the actual, negotiated sex she wanted to have with a real life play partner was considered “too much” to be “authentic” as defined by that director. So who decides, then, what is authentic and what is performative? Are these actually opposite ends of a spectrum?”
+ Stoya discussed what to do when you’re happy with your orgasms but your partners aren’t:
“If you are satisfied with the physical sensations you have during sex, then you are satisfied —regardless of whether you have fireworks hitting you over the head, rolling hills of pleasure, or no orgasm at all. You don’t need to experience satisfaction in anyone’s definition but your own. That said, I’ve heard of, seen, and felt those rolling kinds of orgasm, and in my opinion, they’re super-nifty — both to have and to cause in another person’s body.”
+ Here is how to have sex while being a fat person and/or with a fat person:
“Here’s a thing I know: It really is very hard for a lot of fat people to own their own sexual identities. Part of the messaging fat people receive is one of desexualization. Fat sexual identity is denied to us.
Part of having a healthy and satisfying sex life as a fat person is learning to get over that. Which is so much harder than simply saying, “Get over it.” If you’re into partnered sex, you’re doing it with SOMEONE, and that means you’re taking a risk. Hopefully a small risk but a risk just the same.”
+ It is pretty risky to run a sex-related business.
+ Harvard recently banned all romantic and sexual relationships between students and professors, begging the question, why haven’t all universities and colleges done the same?
+ Emoji users have more sex.
+ Background music can make people feel more attracted to and interested in someone in a romantic situation, according to a recent study:
“Impressions of other character traits, such as openness and friendliness, also got higher ratings with background music.
First conversations are important and often indicate if a couple has a future relationship, the study said. Music affects neurochemical systems in the brain that may enhance the interpersonal impressions formed during those conversations, it said.”
+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen reviewed the Lovelife.
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