“Bergner, and the leading sex researchers he interviews, argue that women’s sexuality is not the rational, civilized and balancing force it’s so often made out to be — that it is base, animalistic and ravenous, everything we’ve told ourselves about male sexuality. As one researcher tells Bergner of all the restrictions put on female sexuality: ‘Those barriers are a testament to the power of the drive itself. It’s a pretty incredible testament. Because the drive must be so strong to override all of that.’
‘Women’s desire — its inherent range and innate power — is an underestimated and constrained force, even in our times, when all can seem so sexually inundated, so far beyond restriction,’ he writes. ‘Despite the notions our culture continues to imbue, this force is not, for the most part, sparked or sustained by emotional intimacy and safety.’ In fact, he argues, ‘one of our most comforting assumptions […] that female eros is much better made for monogamy than the male libido, is scarcely more than a fairy tale.’”
+ At Alternet, William Hogeland breaks down exactly why the barriers Bergner discusses exist. Hint: it’s because of the patriarchy:
“The particular kind of discontent demanded of women by civilization is something worse than discontent. It’s dissociation. [UPDATE: I.e., patriarchy is predicated not only on outright suppression but also on an insidious process of female dissociation? OK, maybe we did know this. But I think few have forthrightly connected that idea to the existence of a promiscuous female libido. Once you start thinking of it that way, you realize you may have known it all along — I only now realize I’ve known it since high school (!) — and that’s what makes for an exciting book.] Men are allowed and indeed encouraged to feel the pain of restraining a promiscuous libido often described as naturally almost insurmountable. Men can stay faithful and pat themselves on the back for having inner strength and/or fall off the wagon and feel bad; either way, they know how they feel. But women — according to some of the conclusions I draw from Dan’s book — are not supposed to know they’re restraining a massive force. They have to deny it. Because it’s not only that if they gave in to it, civilization would crumble — it’s that even feeling it would have that effect.”
+ Sailor has advice for anyone new to kink, including being yourself, being polite, negotiating and recognizing that tastes (and people) always evolve:
“No matter what role in kink you ultimately identify with, I’ve found that the best way to find the people, the community, or the experience you’re looking for is to be yourself and present your desires, your fantasies, your limitations, your fears, your triggers… etc as authentically as you’re comfortable presenting it. This is both for your own safety and so that whoever you’re trying to get to know can get to know who you are. Now, this is not to say you should lay out your business to everyone you come across. That puts you at risk, and it can turn people away. What I am saying is if someone (especially a perspective play partner) asks you what you’re into, what your limits are, and related questions, tell that person the truth and don’t be afraid that someone will think you’re weird, or not a hardcore enough player. We’re here to have fun and to feel right in our own skin. What we’re into and what makes us comfortable is what we’re into and what makes us comfortable.”
“I have always admired strong women with a sense of self-determination. I was driven to make a documentary about Lorelei, Donna, and Isis’s stories as women first and porn performers second. All three have performed in porn for over a decade, which takes staying power and courage in the face of judgement by mainstream society. As I came to know Lorelei Lee and Princess Donna years ago, I realized how much their work in porn directly affected their lives. Porn performers are individuals with unique backgrounds, motivations, and experiences, but the common mainstream narrative is that the women who perform in porn are not in control of their lives and their decisions. I wanted to present three complicated portraits that raise important questions, not just about what it means to be a porn performer, but what it means to be a sexually open woman in American society today.”
+ The most-searched-for porn words from around the world include “raincoat (gay)” in Ukraine, “Russian” in Russia, “mature” in Finland, “hidden cam” in South Africa, and more.
“For whatever reason, feminist porn conjures up a lot of images, and few of them are at all correct. Carlyle Jansen, owner of feminist adult store Good For Her and founder of the Feminist Porn Awards explains: ‘People think we’re the Lesbian Porn Awards or the Man Hating Porn Awards; they think feminism is passé. We want women’s, men’s, and trans perspectives; we’re not just looking for what women want.’ Feminist porn is not only open to and enthusiastic about all genders and sexualities, it’s also an expression of a wide variety of desires. Gone are the days of entirely equal and balanced sexual expression in the name of respect — feminist porn gives space for all kinds of power dynamics to be explored by being clear and upfront about communication, negotiation and consent. Feminist porn looks like every other kind of porn out there, and it features even more risqué and transgressive content, it’s just made with sex-positive feminist ideals you can set your watch to.”
All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email bren [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.
