Feature image of Chanel of Houston via projectloveyourself via stylelikeu.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
Sara Elise Hardman via the what’s underneath project via stylelikeu
+ In Vanity Fair, Toni Bentley participates in “Hysterical Literature,” the video series where women read their favorite texts at a table until a woman wielding a Magic Wand under it makes them come, and writes about why she did it:
“Why would I do this? Why wouldn’t I do it. “Hysterical Literature” combines my two great, overriding passions—sex and literature. The series juxtaposes the realm of words literally atop the realm of the erotic: each, as it were, finally in true congress with the other. Who would win the inevitable war? Upper body or lower? Logic or lust? Prefrontal cortex or hypothalamus? Or, perhaps, they might actually meld together, literature and sex, Madonna and Whore—for this is the core dichotomy of Cubitt’s experiment—fused as never before. Each video provides a literate, and literal, clitoral monologue that renders the Vagina Monologues merely aspirational. For a woman who has eroticized her immutable shame, “Hysterical Literature” offers both public apotheosis and poetic coalescence—with a strong exhibitionism-voyeurism folie à deux chaser. This was a ride right up my street—though it proved to be more like merging on the Autobahn during rush hour.”
+ Masturbating is great as an end in itself and great as a way to get better at partner sex, too. If you find yourself doing the same things all the time, try something new (and then show a partner how to do it or do it yourself):
“If you have a hard time making the switch to a new technique, there are a few things to try. First, try alternating between your old stand-by and a new technique of your choosing in one or two minute cycles. Try getting yourself right to the edge of orgasm with your usual method, then changing to the new one at the last possible second. Each time you give this a shot, try to lengthen the time you spend with the new technique. Another way to do it is to go cold-turkey on your typical routine. Knowing that you can’t rely on Old Faithful on can give you more motivation to make it work with the new technique.”
+ Porn and sex are different, writes Kitty Stryker.
+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen reviewed the Rosa, a double vibrator.
+ Do not out other kinky people. Do not.
+ At the Hairpin, Lindsay King-Miller discussed asexuality and what it means to “feel queer,” violated consent, confiding in mutual friends about your relationship and more.
via queen sized
+ Someone hung dildos all over Portland.
“Kayko and Terra, shot by Andrew Hsu” via liquor in the front
+ A few ways to keep cool when you’re having sex and it’s hot out include strategic body/fan positioning, shower sex and intentional temperature play.
+ I honestly thought this article was a parody and I’m still not convinced that it’s not and anyway the main reason to read it is to feel so, so glad to be whatever brand of queer you want to be.
via womenofcolor
+ It can be tough to deal with a partner who has depression, especially when depressed-person behaviours can look a lot like failing relationship behaviours. Remember to not take their symptoms personally, find a way to deal with it together, give your partner space and have boundaries. Lifehacker notes:
“Even in a healthy relationship, you can’t make someone else’s emotional well-being your sole responsibility. Depression can tank your partner’s sex drive, make them seem bored with the things you talk about, or take the joy out of things they might otherwise enjoy. Those are certainly problems that need to be dealt with. However, it’s also important to understand that having depression and being unhappy with your relationship are two separate issues. As long as your partner says that you’re not the reason they appear unhappy, take them at their word and try to work on the other issues together.”
There is also a great post at the Toast about mental illness and domesticity.
Cho Han Bit via dailykos
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Thank you thank you thank you for linking the Toast article! I’m always on the lookout for pieces that offer another take on explaining mental illness to someone who’s never experienced it…most of the time, realizing that no matter how many analogies I or other people use, what’s more useful than trying to impart this understanding is to come up with constructive ways to work with it, especially when you’re in close quarters.
Thank you so much for linking to How to Support a Partner Struggling with Depression; I really needed to read this.
“Kayko and Terra” A+++++++++++++++
I CAN’T STOP LOOKING AT IT o m g
I concur. Like a lot.
Thanks for the depression links. I’m at a point of admitting to myself that feeling this fucking miserable and hopeless on a regular basis isn’t just about not liking my job or feeling ugly or feeling like I’m failing at life but it is actually depression. And I’m leaning on my wife a lot bc we are alone together on the other side of the world from our support networks but she has no clue what to say or do and slowly coming to the end of her tether.
From Lindsay King-Miller’s Hairpin article…
“I don’t think I can define what it means to “feel queer.” I know what queer feels like to me—mostly awesome, occasionally a little scary, sometimes really hot—but there isn’t just one way to feel queer, any more than there’s just one way to be queer.”
Queer is so freaking hot. So hot that we need advice for how to have sex in the heat (thank you for that). ;)
Yesss that sentence tho
I’m still trying to process that butt sex story. What in the world?!
OMG I know right. I can’t even begin??
Real or fake, somebody’s brain typed that out and thought, “yep, nailed it.”
Worst. Clickbait. Ever.
I’m disturbed. CAROLYN why would you do this to us.
I just really wanted everyone to share in the joy and the horror.
It has to be parody. Right? It reads like a plot outline from a terrible sitcom.
Or a NSFW Cathy comic strip.
I remember reading a thing in the Portland Mercury several weeks back where someone was complaining about rich Californians moving in and taking over and thus ruining Portland’s charming oddness by making it phony or flat out killing it for everyone with gentrification and jacking up the rent. Another reader replied by stating if you want to keep Portland weird you need to get out and do it yourself instead of just whining about everything all day. One of their suggestions was hanging dildos from trees. Could this have been the inspiration behind the Acockalypse? Maybe so!
Those pieces about mental health are so relevant for me right now.
Thank you for including them.
I am currently working on getting real help for the first time in the 20 years I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression because I have come to realize that I can’t do it by myself anymore.
It’s been hard on my partner, and these articles are a nice resource to share with her.
<3
Totally agree on how great these articles are, and its very comforting to hear how much they resonate with others also… my girlfriend has a number of mental health challenges which she is working really hard to chip away at. I’m a psychologist so it gets even more messy at times (i often worry i treat her like a client when i try to help, or feel like i “should” know what to do) o_O
All the best with your help seeking :)
Go you!
Thanks for your comment!
It’s nice to know it can be challenging for a professional to navigate in their personal relationships as well as well.
Makes me feel like we are doing things mostly well. :)
Additionally, I just love reading Lindsay King-Miller’s column and I’m so happy you always include it here.
ALSO I really enjoyed that Oh Joy Sex Toy review.
Ah, another reason I’d really love to move to Portland.
Oh, and Carolyn? Truly lovely picture choices. As usual.
One of the suggestions in the “sex without dying in the heat” article was sex swing, and that just made me want a legit swing in my apartment/attempt to figure out if I can do this without violating my lease.
Indoor swings are so do-able. Hammocks are a great thing, too, if you have drop ceilings or can’t drill into and later patch the walls.
Man, top two “having sex in the heat” tips have to be 1)lots of hand-based sex – cause your kinda sweaty and lazy and you barely have to move and 2) glass sex toys. Possibly straight from the fridge if you think that far ahead. Roll em around on your body until they warm up a bit.
If you don’t want to think far ahead, running toys under cold water (or lukewarm water that you make steadily colder if they’re glass) is also a great time.
Loved the articles this week, especially the ones on mental health. As someone who has been struggling with depression, reading them was another voice reassuring me that I’m not a burden, in my process of trying to let my partner help me.
Why is this the first I’m hearing of the Portland dildos? That is clearly high priority news. Also, why can’t that be Portland, ME instead?
This was fucking great, especially the hysterical literature part. Spoke to my little heart. Also, how are you doing this calibre of work right now?! Go you.
The lifehacker piece on depression is so, so relevant right now. My best friend is having a hard time understanding what depression is like for me, and this will be really helpful to share with her. Thank you!
I enjoyed this week’s articles so far. Few more to read.
aGhhhhhh!! I saw “Oh Joy Sex Toy….double vibrator” and for some reason dreamed up in my head that the Rosa was a double dildo w/ double vibrator. Letdown! But still loved the review ;) <3
Being in a triad w/ two folks who have depression = eating up all the articles I can get on relationship health when dealing w/ that sort of thing, so thanks for including that. What I’d really love to see, though, is an article that talks about how to deal with relationship issues when someone’s already in a funk. A lot of articles are about how to be loving and supportive and understand depression as a concept, but how do you deal when your partner’s being shitty and hurting you, and not necessarily on purpose? That’s tricky as eff.