Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ V Magazine ran a gallery of stud-identified people that is almost certainly relevant to your interests. There are only about eight photos, but make sure to check out the videos as well.
V Magazine
+ The Guardian‘s sex issue opens by asking, Is monogamy dead? (Spoiler alert: the answer is “yes.”):
“Long-term monogamous relationships as currently configured aren’t so much fulfilments of love’s young dream as disasters waiting to happen. In such circumstances, mere monogamy surely cannot bear so much weight. […]
Should we adjust our parameters? Should we pursue what relationship counsellors call the poly grail? Does sex matter to the health of a long-term relationship? Is it OK to give it up?
Esther Perel distinguishes between warm and hot relationships. The former involves absolute candour, togetherness, equality and, quite possibly, devising a mutually satisfying rota for picking up the kids from school and cleaning the toilet. The latter involves non-politically correct power plays and, if the book jacket is anything to go by, transgressive shoe fetishism as part of a sustainable sex life. Can one relationship be hot and warm at the same time? It seems, to put it mildly, unlikely. Does good intimacy make for hot sex? asks Perel. Again, unlikely: they don’t sound like different rules, but different sports.”
via cre8tivesilence.tumblr.com
+ In an interview with Sizzler Editions, Rachel Kramer Bussel discusses writing about BDSM, her favourite fetish, and what to read first:
“The inherent power dynamic and often mix of emotions [BDSM] can bring about from the top and the bottom make it ripe for all sorts of stories. I especially want to write more from the top’s perspective, because it can be more challenging to explain sadism than masochism in erotica. I find that’s true in the submissions I get for my anthologies and in my writing, because if you’re describing the submissive or bottom’s point of view, you can accurately share why and how they experience the pain or humiliation or whatever the topic is. You can go into detail about how they eroticize things we’re not taught are ‘erotic,’ but to explore how sadism works psychologically can be trickier. BDSM erotica also allows you to use so many senses and get particularly creative with planning and setup and outrageousness.”
via femmethings.tumblr.com
+ If you have a vagina, it changes shape when you’re aroused. Some other neat stuff happens, too.
+ Nerve has a list of the 13 least appetizing food-vagina metaphors of song. A skittle, sauerkraut, coaco puffs and stew all made the list.
Stella by Jerry Van Krasten
+ At Good Vibrations, Alyssa Royse writes about how to use porn in your sex life:
“Mainstream media – and yes, a lot of mainstream porn – is filled with totally unrealistic messages about body shape and gender roles. However, not only are we not all built the same, we don’t all want the same things. As alienated as some of us feel by mainstream media, we can find a reflection of ourselves in porn.
I will never forget sitting in a seminar with Kelly Shibari, a brilliant and talented porn star whose niche is BBW bondage. She was talking about being a ‘fat’ porn star (their word, not mine) and having a male fan come up to her with gratitude saying that hers was the only porn he and his wife could watch together. Why? Because his wife was also BBW, and watching Kelly perform helped her see herself as beautiful and sexy.
Knowing me, I probably cried when she told that story. In any event, whether it’s a body shape, a kink, a fetish or a fantasy, you will be able to find it reflected to you in the world of porn. And that can go a long ways towards helping you realize that you’re not alone, you’re appreciated and there’s nothing wrong with you.”
via queerfatbutch.tumblr.com
+ Porn is also good for college students. At Jezebel, Katie Baker destroys the new wave of “arguments” against “the porn curriculum” in modern education:
“Um, there’s ‘no academic basis’ for studying pornography? That’s total bullshit. Porn affects economics: it’s a multi-billion dollar industry. Porn affects politics and the law: Los Angeles just voted to require actors to use condoms when filming sex scenes. Ever hear of/see queer and feminist porn? If not, that’s a shame, and why porn affects LGBTQ and gender studies.”
via lesbiansilk.tumblr.com
+ Speaking of porn, the NY Times’ “Room for Debate” column asks, “Should pornography come out of the closet?” The debaters range from very anti-porn to very pro-porn.
+ The Hairpin‘s latest edition of Ask a Queer Chick addresses sleeping and cheating with exes, dating while in a relationship when you want the person you date to have sex with you in front of your boyfriend, straight party crashers and that article we published about what lies beneath your fingernails.
by photographer Lobbiaz
+ Bitch has a helpful round-up of everything you need to know about the Petraeus sex scandal.
+ Students at Flinders University in South Australia are doing a study on sex education in the queer community. You can participate online.
via queerfatbutch.tumblr.com
+ San Francisco might ban nudity in public streets, sidewalks and plazas after the city’s board of supervisors votes November 20:
“Castro resident Desmond Perrotto lamented that the ban is another step toward ‘normalizing our city, which has always stood out for being different.’
One woman disrobed during her testimony in protest, chanting ‘Down with Wiener!’ She was escorted out by sheriff’s deputies for violating the board’s rules.
Public nudity is not banned under state law, leaving local municipalities to decide how they want to regulate the practice. Wiener’s proposal would ban nudity on sidewalks, plazas, parklets and public transit, but create an exemption for street fairs, festivals and parades. Violators would face fines of up to $500.”
Marcelle for meinmyplace.com
Disclaimer: All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email our tech director at cee [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.
These images are relavent to my interests.
As a grad student, I am always happy to help other people by filling out surveys. But when I clicked the link and the first, required question is “what is your gender” and there are only two boxes to check for a survey for LGBT people, forget it, I’m not filling out your fucking survey. Do your research.
there is also no option for “queer” under the sexual orientation category (which also combines sexual orientation with categories like transgender and intersex, which is a little problematic).
buh.
worthy topic, but i’m super unimpressed, flinders university students.
I was also ashamed at the simplistic nature of the questions and the limited options in this survey! Was it written by teenagers? Is no one on this research committee GLBTQ?
Hi, I am really sorry that people felt this way, the person I did this survey with and I had no idea that it would upset people. The survey is for an assignment, we are not a research committee, when we presented our topic to our teacher we did not get much support as she classed it as a “risky” subject and thinks we should have chosen something more conservative. We have had no one except each other to bounce our ideas off which is restricting as we have had a short time frame and resources to help us. It is baseline data, it was not meant to be complicated, first rule of thumb “keep it simple stupid” was always kept in mind as it was targeting both the queer community and the straight community. So, I am really sorry that it has offended you guys in this way and I have taken on board your comments for future reference.
Good response Jade. Love ya. You guys are brave to do what you’re doing.
Guys, calm your farms. You made valid points, but not in helpful ways.
I love AS because it is a supportive community. So yeah, let’s keep it that way?
I also thought the survey was very simplistic in nature. I think the big impression I got was that the way the questions were directed made it seem as though safe sex is different in the lgbtq community than it is in the heterosexual community. It’s really not. I was not taught how lesbian sex works in school (I got to figure that one out on my own – and oh what a wonderful experience that was!) but I was taught to be respectful of myself and my partner. If I am a woman, I use an oral contraceptive because frankly I don’t know who is out there that might see me as a feisty piece of ass and jump my bones without my consent. I use my own personal contraceptive as a safety measure against unwanted pregnancy because it’s the responsible thing to do for me. I go with my partner to get tested before we ever engage in sexual activity because that, too, is the responsible thing to do. It’s the same stuff we were taught in school, but I’ve found the way to apply it that works for me.
Flinders represent! And good on you for doing something challenging despite not having support from the teaching staff. I queerify as many assignments as possible.. just cause I can.
I never really thought about the state of monogamy until I ended up single and in my rather queer neighborhood. Browsing on OkCupid (because I look too straight to function irl), it seems like every other queer girl in Boston is either poly or interested in it. I, on the other hand, would rather stay single than to be in a poly relationship because I’m wired for (and am only interested in) monogamy.
So, yeah, I’m a little worried.
I feel the same way. My brain is so monogamous that I can’t even handle having two crushes at once.
Same here! The very few crushes that I’ve had in life have all been at least a couple of years apart from another. I can multi-task in every other part of my life but romance? One at a time, please!
Yes! The idea of being with anyone other than my girlfriend makes me feel really uncomfortable. Like I can’t imagine it? I mean you do you! But the idea that monogamy doesn’t work annoys me because I am basically incapable for being anything other than monogamous (like it took me two years to have sex with my girlfriend do you really think I am capable of having sex with other people udfnriuegru)
i can vouch for this
As someone that tried out poly relationships, I can honestly say that I don’t understand the hype. If that’s what works for someone, that’s great, but I don’t like feeling pressured into something that doesn’t work for me. I’m monogamous, I’ve been with the same woman for a year and a half, we have awesome sex, and I’m happy. Can’t people have resources available for polyamorous folks without bashing monogamy? What’s with all the criticism? I don’t get it.
Preach. The solution to one form of relationships being privileged over another is NOT to try and privilege the other form–I don’t understand why people can’t just say “Hey, some people are monogamous and others are polyamorous! Cool beans!”
As a poly person myself, I agree totally. Neither one is better than the other: it just depends what works best for each individual, and in each relationship. And people can want different things at different stages of their lives, too. I have heard of people going from mono to poly, and also from poly to mono.
The comments about being pushed into poly against one’s better judgement make me sad. Coercion of any kind within a relationship is always wrong.
On “warm” and “hot” relationship: pfffttt, what? Speak for yourself, author! I could never have “non-politically correct power plays” in my relationship if I didn’t also have “candour, togetherness, equality”. I’ve been with my partner for 3 years and the relationship is definitely still warm, hot, and monogamous. I mean, I think there are a multiplicity of ways to have great relationships, but I find it bizarre to think that intimacy and good sex are opposing. Sex means a million different things to different people. In my life, I couldn’t even get undressed in front of someone if I didn’t have intimacy with them, never mind power play. I’m sure that lots of relationships thrive on having separate people for “warm” and “hot”, but I don’t think it’s nearly as unlikely as they’re claiming to have those together in one person.
I agree with everything you said! I’ve been in a monogamous relationship with my girlfriend for a year and a half, and we still have amazing sex almost every day. Outside of the bedroom, we have a completely equal partnership, but inside, we’re into fairly intense BDSM among many other lovely kinky things. I think that what really matters is an open-minded attitude toward sex, and being with someone who is a good match for you sexually. The intimacy and equality of our relationship is what gives us the trust that we need to let ourselves go sexually.
Side note, I’m tired of seeing so many articles that are trying to get naturally monogamous people to jump on the poly bandwagon, or trying to point out how monogamy is somehow inferior to polyamory. If poly relationships work for you, that’s great, but they don’t work for me. I’ve tried it out, and it was awful for me, especially when I compare it to a good monogamous relationship. Stop shoving it down my throat. Heh, interesting choice of words there.
Word, homes.
I’ve been with my wife for over a decade now and our sex is still plenty hot, thankyouverymuch.
Same here. I’ve been with one of my partners twenty-two years now. Very warm, supportive, totally open and egalitarian relationship. Also damn hot.
Sadly I had a girlfriend (now ex, surprise surprise) who refused to have hot, kinky sex with me because she “loved” me too much. She used this as a pretext to beg for an open relationship, because she couldn’t have “all” the kinds of sex that she wanted with me.
Rather than turn me on to the idea of having different roles for different people in some kind of polyamorous scheduling nightmare (’cause if you work forty hours a week and have a brother or sister and a mom and a dad and college friends and work friends and volunteer friends and hobbies, do you really have time for three sex partners, too? Really?), it basically solidified in my mind how forced the whole thing felt. The only person putting barriers up was her, not her “boring” monogamous girlfriend who was more than willing to play more than one typecast role in her life and in bed.
Puhleeze. I’m fine with some people being poly, and I get that in the straight world monogamy is par for course and so the “alternative” side needs some love and press, but as a queer person who essentially lives in a self-created alternative world, theoretically for my own safety and sanity, I’m really sick of hearing about polyamory and nonmonogamy over and over and over again. It’s getting to the point where I feel worried for my future romantic life – will I ever find anyone who is like me? As if being gay wasn’t hard enough, now my pool is dwindled even further…:/
Oh God WHY did you have to remind me of the fingernails nightmare article, instant cold shower on my libido (and appetite). I’ve only read it once a long time ago but it’s branded in my brain for life.
I don’t think I’ve read the finger nails article… should I just…not?
Don’t read it unless you have brain bleach standing by. But file your nails and always wash your hands.
omg I clicked on the link and realized I HAVE read it and that there is a very good reason why my brain had so nicely blocked it out of my memory!!! D:
READ IT. Read it right now. Just do it. You’ll always wonder otherwise…..
You NEED to read it, it’s like the lesbian version of the “you will get chlamydia and die” Mean Girls sex talk, except real life and not a funny joke.
After you read it, you sort of have a bonding experience every time you talk to someone else who has read it because of the mutual horror.
Oh dear, it was all so sexy and then the fingernails article came back.
That fingernail article just reminded me that I REALLY need to trim my fingernails. I’ll just go do that now.
MORE CAUTIONARY TALES: Trimming your nails can ALSO be dangerous. As I was cutting them, a piece of SHARP nail flew into my eye. It HURT, and I had to wash it out. So remember kids, be safe, and be safe about being safe.
fingernail article PTSD forever and ever.
The “pornography and the politics of representation” senior english seminar that i took was the most enlightening class i had in my entire undergraduate experience. to end the study of porn simply because of its content would be ludicrous. there are intelligent ways to discuss this topic and anyone who thinks otherwise isn’t looking deeply enough.
The images in this post (as a group) are probably my favorite of all of the NSFW Sundays so far. Thumbs up.
On the subject of porn….can someone PLEASEEE make some legit lesbian cougar porn. The stuff I come across online is terrible…shitty dialog with annoying squeals and the “cougar” usually looks just as young as the “cub” (is that what you refer the younger one as?). I’m guessing this is because female porn stars have a short shelf life? Idk….this fantasy has been long running in my head and I wish someone would make some good stuff along the lines of Crashpad. Something involving an androgynous Gender Studies or Women’s Studies professor….or a social activist/slam poet. I know someone can make this happen. I’m tired of acting shit out in my head.
Yummy Studs and Kink.Can this day get any better?
I want to go to there.
God, I just love Krista so much for that article. Not because it’s enjoyable necessarily, but because it comes up more than the Taylor Swift article where Riese rips someone a new one. That, and she happens to write one of my favorite blogs evar.