I have not written a NSFW Sunday. We have this queer porn star who was supposed to write something but hasn’t turned it in yet. I really like Laneia’s post about cashews and feel like maybe you should just read that instead of having sex.

Or you could masturbate, like other Americans. This is how America masturbates. One thing you can learn from that article is that Americans masturbate a lot.

I almost want to dedicate this entire post to debating the relative hotness of the opening sex scene of Lip Service (Frankie/Shane and the model, in the studio) and the closing sex scene of Lip Service (Frankie/Shane aggressively shoving pretty much her entire body into some chick’s vadge as though there’s something lodged in the girl’s throat that needs to be pulled out through her vaginal canal.) IDK. Lesbians these days.

Here’s a photograph:

OPEN LETTER TO THE INTERNET:

You know what annoys me? How these websites that focus on gathering all the sex news in the world and throwing it up somewhere always manage to include gay stuff that has nothing to do with sex. What does DADT have to do with anything discussed on World Sex News Daily? Like vibrator, viagra, masturbation, two penises, sexy drama, escort/pimp situation, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

Look people, these are the stories I have to work with when we put this shit together for you:

A Louisville man is facing public intoxication charges after police said they found him walking down South Third Street with an 18-inch sex toy in his pants.

That’s it, that’s the only example I need. Guess the rest. Wait sorry, one more:

Why women like to cuddle after sex: A new study confirms that women like to cuddle after sex, whereas men like to drink, smoke, or do it again.

To be honest I don’t know what that means for you people. Anyhow wanna get laid? Here’s some Halloween costumes guaranteed to get you laid or your money back.

ADVICE

Someone just asked me this on formspring, do you have advice for this person:

Yesterday I messed around with this girl who is bi but who hasn’t slept with anyone before. I didn’t get her off (altho it was through clothes) I have massive anxiety about being her first time. I don’t think i’m any good in bed. :(

I think you shouldn’t be anxious, and it takes time to feel confident in bed, and you don’t always get somebody off. Ladies?

Here’s another photo:

JIZ LEE

Wanna see a video staring our porncrush Jiz Lee? It’s not like a real porn, it’s just her talking and being Jiz Lee:

The message is that You are a Queer Porn Star (Yes YOU!).

ACTUAL ART

Here’s some art: Nue York is like actual art I swear. It’s a girl and she’s naked in places you don’t expect someone to be naked. The pictures are nice.

Here’s another nice photo by a real photographer whose name is Cortney Andrews:

SEXY TUMBLR ALERT

Here are all the girl-on-girl parts of a tumblr called “Glitter Muff.” That’s a funny name, right?

SEX LIVES OF PORN STARS

Has anyone ever wondered about the sex lives of porn stars? That’s not a rhetorical question. If you have, this Slate.com article exists to inform you.

DUKE FUCK LIST

Everyone’s been talking about the Duke Fuck List:

Duke is in an uproar about a highly detailed “fuck list” that a recent female graduate made — in PowerPoint, complete with penis-size evaluations and dirty talk transcripts. We’ve got that document, and spoke exclusively to the now-contrite author.

Unfortunately she doesn’t fuck any girls. Maybe there’ll be a copycat Power Pointer at Smith one day. This girl doesn’t go to Smith but maybe she does:

Here’s another photo that I like:

GIA

This is what happens if you have sex with Gia:

INFERNO

In closing, some words from Eileen Myles’ Inferno, which we are reading in our book club:

“There’s a moment in a woman’s life when she discovers she can have sex with as many people as she wants. Suddenly everyone is a potential partner. That’s when men get in the act which is why lesbianism isn’t really a thing it’s just this unbridled lust. It’s like god. If writers are the only people, I mean the last ones who have lives lesbians are the only people who have sex.”