Once, when I lived with my totally baller friend Batia and was newly vegan, we (well, she) thought about how funny it would be if a band made up of radical vegans was so humorless and vindictive that they rewrote popular songs to avoid even a mention of an animal-derived food product. That band still does not exist, but there are a lot of song titles waiting for them if they ever do. What are your ideas? (Thanks to Laura and Lizz for numbers 7-9.)
1. Murder is Murder (“Meat is Murder,” The Smiths)
2. Agave (“Honey,” Mariah Carey)
3. Cigarettes and Chocolate Silk (“Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk,” Rufus Wainwright)
4. Neutral Soymilk Hotel (Okay, this one is a band and not a song. Sorry.)
5. Peaches and Soy Creamer (“Peaches and Cream,” 112)
6. Veggie Burger in Paradise (“Cheeseburger in Paradise,” Jimmy Buffet)
7. Sorbet (“Ice Cream,” Sarah McLachlan”)
8. Soymilkshake (“Milkshake,” Kelis)
9. I Wish I Was an Oscar Meyer Soy Sausage (“I Wish I Was an Oscar Meyer Weiner”)
10. Tempeh and TVP (“Chicken and Meat,” Das Racist)
11. Slow Like Brown Rice Syrup (“Slow Like Honey,” Fiona Apple)
12. No Almond Milk Today (“No Milk Today,” Herman’s Hermits)
13. Nondairy Queen (“Dairy Queen,” Indigo Girls)
14. Holiday Field Roast (“H.A.M.,” Jay-Z and Kanye West)
15. Faux Fur Coat (“Rabbit Fur Coat,” Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins)
