In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community – they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rory Midhani
Hi friends, I’m not Austen! Usually it is our darling whiskey enthusiast and cocktail mixer extraordinaire who leads you through this regular column, but I requested to take over for a hot second even though I’m a total lightweight because I feel like a genius for whipping up some homemade boozy popsicles last month and I wanted to brag about it. So here we are! It’s not really officially summer anymore (at least not where I am) and the weather isn’t as sweltering as it was in August when I actually made these, but they’re still delicious and I still want to gift this treat to you and your loved ones. The recipe is based on the French 75, a timeless cocktail, so I don’t see why these boozy popsicles can’t be timeless, too. Drunk frozen fun for everyone, all year round!
Let me tell you some things about these popsicles. They are super easy to make yet the end result is very impressive. If you play your cards right and eat them with a cute girl on a rooftop in Brooklyn you will probably end up drunkenly making out while the moon hides behind the clouds in embarrassment because yes, these popsicles will actually get you drunk. There’s not that much booze in them but you’ve gotta eat ’em fast or else they’ll melt, and they’re also delicious so you’ll probably eat a couple of ’em, and next thing you know you’re tipsy and sticky and making out. Boom. Let’s make this scenario happen for you because trust me, it’s really great.
Homemade French 75 Boozy Popsicles
Guaranteed makeout snack.
You Will Need:
This is all you need!
4 oz. of simple syrup
12 oz. of champagne
4 oz. of gin
3 oz. of fresh lemon juice
What The Heck Do You Do:
1. Make the simple syrup! It’s so easy. Equal parts sugar and water. I always do one cup of each and store any syrup I have left over in a sealed jar in the fridge. Austen has addressed making simple syrup before. You can do it.
This is what your simple syrup should NOT look like…wait for the sugar to dissolve! It should be clear.
2. Combine all the ingredients into a container. Mix.
This is your popsicle mixture. It is also a straight up French 75 which is a cocktail that you can drink right away.
3. Pour the drink into popsicle molds. Or an ice cube tray. Or any mold that can be stuck in the freezer. You have options, is what I’m saying, even if you didn’t run out and buy popsicle molds on the first day of summer in a desperate attempt to reclaim your childhood (which can obviously be easily done via boozy homemade popsicles, right?).
The possibilities are endless.
4. Stick your molds, whatever they may be, in the freezer, and leave them alone for a long time. Like 24 hours. It is probably scientifically not necessary to leave them in for a whole day, but 24 hours seems like a safe recommendation, ya know? Also do not ask me how the alcohol manages to freeze, I am not a science major! It’s magic. Actually it’s probably science but this is my story and I’m sticking to it.
Yum.
5. After you’ve filled all your molds with mixture, if you’ve got any left feel free to drink it. It’s a plain old French 75 cocktail and it is so, so good. Oh yeah, and once your boozy homemade popsicles are frozen, you should eat them. Preferably with another human. Ideally on a roof. Makeout session optional, but strongly recommended.
Hero status.
Congratulations, you are a hero or something. Enjoy.
Why aren’t these inside my body literally right now? Omg. I will definitely make these and then my ladyfriend and I can snuggle underneath a blanket and nom them. And then make out, as per the recipe.
i am very pleased with your commitment to following instructions
Mmm these look so good! Might have to set an alarm for June reminding me to look this recipe up again. I bet they’d also be nice if you made them into icecubes and dropped them in cola!
What if you made them into icecubes and then dropped them in the unfrozen French 75? What then? Maybe deliciously cold, not watered-down-by-annoyingly-lame-water-icecubes, fantastic cocktails would occur.
(my boss almost caught me posting this at work, causing me to actually require a strong drink to calm my nerves)
Cocktailception?! We have to go deeper. What if we froze the icecubes, dropped them into unfrozen French 75, then FROZE THAT and dropped it into a PITCHER of unfrozen French 75?!
girl u r crazy
I’ll have to make these for my house warming party! It’s still super hot in Atlanta :/
just make sure everyone eats them really quickly! i don’t want to be responsible for ruining the floors/carpets in your new abode :)
I WANT TO MAKE THESE. wait real talk: do you think i could make a popsicle out of a watermelon basil martini recipe? or is that too much liquor to freeze? vanessa i need you to be my science.
darling laneia. i checked in with the science-y person i am currently dating and she said she thinks you should go for it, and i think you should totally go for it, because when is following your heart ever wrong and anyway if it fails you’ll just have really really really cold watermelon basil martinis and who would complain about a thing like that?!
also if you’re really set on the watermelon but don’t mind the specific alcoholic mixture, this is another recipe i have been dying to try: http://www.loveandoliveoil.com/2011/09/tequila-watermelon-popsicles.html. if you make those let me know how they turn out!
This makes me want to buy popsicle molds immediately.
I can use rum or 80 proof schnapps instead of gin right? I am huge gin fan, but my friends are not. ;-\
totally! the original recipe actually said to choose between gin and cognac, but i love gin so i stuck with that. i bet rum would be super yummy though.
these sound amazing. I live in Australia where it will be summer and super hot soon! so prefect timing.
Also I think it’s the champagne and not magic (unfortunately) that would make them freeze. I once accidentally left a bottle of champagne in the freezer and it exploded everywhere. Which sucked, but now I know science.
YES. I live in Australia too and my first thought was ‘when it’s really hot over Christmas, these boozy popsicles will be EVERYTHING’.
MAGIC IS MY STORY AND I AM STICKING TO IT.
…jk thank you for lending some science-y wisdom to this post. three more cheers for champagne, which continues to be the best at everything it does (which is usually just getting me drunk and happy but in this case also includes being the binding force behind delicious boozy popsicle goodness).