At her temp waitressing job, Sadie is yawning. She is both hilarious and striking in her uniform.
As she pushes the cheese cart, she sees Lauren. She drops down to her knees for a moment and takes off her little frilly hat thingie, then marches over to Lauren and confronts her. Lauren claims to have dropped by just to apologize for being rude. (How did she even know Sadie would be there? I think I missed something during their earlier conversation. I get distracted by how similar they look. It’s like a fun-house mirror without the fun.)
Lauren: It’s no excuse, but I am just really, really busy.
Sadie: And yet you took time to come and say sorry in person? So why are you really here?
It’s probably not for the cheese.
Speaking of cheese and things that go with it, Sam and Lexy are at the stuffy wine-tasting thing. A dreary bald guy is offering some tips and instruction; he’s using terms like “voluptuous” and “animal vigor” to talk about wine. Lexy stares at the bald pompous guy and mutters, “that’s why I became a lesbian.” And that’s when it nearly becomes a wine-spitting event for Sam.
The chief wine taster notices the chuckling and calls on Lexy to share her thoughts with the whole class. She identifies some flavors in “the 2007”: “black pepper, cherries, and, uh … twigs!” This makes Sam snicker again. Isn’t it nice to see Sam laugh?
Lexy goes on: “I’m also getting a hint of citrus. And, um … whoo, I don’t know how that found its way in there, but … wet carpet.” This makes Sam chuckle outright and makes the bald man angry. Look how cute they are together!
Oops. Sorry, Cat’s ghost; I shouldn’t say things like that just yet. But you must admit the giggling is pretty great!
At the hotel, Sadie and Lauren are resolving their differences.
Sadie takes her hand away at a particularly sensitive moment and asks Lauren to apologize. Oh, I guess “Sadie” is short for “Sadist.”
This is kinda hot. For one thing, Sadie’s arm motions are fairly realistic, especially when compared to that leg-sawing stuff we kept cringing at last season.
Lauren’s phone rings and she begs Sadie to untie her so she can answer it. Come on, why waste the perfect opportunity to later say, “Sorry, I was tied up”?
Lauren makes some lame apologies to her wife and gets dressed. She mentions a big “schmoozy, corporate” Minus 21 party. Sadie wants to attend, but Lauren assures her she’d find it boring and shouldn’t go. And then Lauren does this wince-inducing thing of offering Sadie money — to “cover the hotel bill,” she says, but it feels sorta like something else. Sadie’s face falls and she nods ruefully to herself. You’re not a sadist, Sadie: I suspect you’re actually a sentimentalist who falls for people quite easily. Aww!
Meanwhile, Sam and Lexy are sitting outside the restaurant/bar/whatever where the wine tasting was held. They’re still laughing and joking and drinking wine.
Sam: (rubbing her smile muscles) Feels like I haven’t used those muscles in a while.
Lexy tells her she shouldn’t feel guilty for having fun. But that’s not what’s making Sam so moody. She explains that she thought Cat was fucking Frankie and now knows she was wrong, but she feels “a little bit shit about it.” Aaaaaack. I feel a little bit shit about having to keep retracing this triangle.
Lexy: Sam, one of the first things most people feel is guilt.
Sam: (playfully) Thank you, doctor; I’m not here for bereavement counseling.
Look! Already they can playfully school each other and set boundaries and show affection without getting clingy! Ermm, I mean, maybe they should go salsa dancing sometime or something.
On that note, Lexy decides to get some professional advice from Sam: what should she do about the “weird stuff” happening at work? She shows Sam the “I KNOW” note and jokes about the “sad” lack of mystery and secrets in her life.
Sam: Is your girlfriend the jealous type?
Lexy: No, I don’t have a girlfriend.
Sam blinks and looks away nervously and finally excuses herself, professing to “need the toilet.” But does she go to the toilet? No, she pauses for a moment, struggling to catch her breath, and then goes right down a flight of stairs under a Fire Exit sign.
Lexy, being smarter than the average seductress, makes her own way out and finds Sam in the throes of an anxiety attack. Lexy snaps into doctor mode and tells Sam to keep breathing into her hands. She’s competent and calm and totally the person you want at your side at a time like this.
Sam’s breathing slows. Lexy asks her whether this has happened before.
Sam: Once or twice.
Lexy: (seeing the concern on Sam’s face) Oh, no, don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.
Sam nods. She looks at Lexy. She looks into Lexy’s eyes. She looks at Lexy’s lips. Back to the eyes.
Oh my god, the chemistry between them is off the charts! Lexy realizes they’re having a moment and cuts it short; despite those voluptuous glasses of wine, she’s kept her wits about her. She helps Sam get up and escorts her home.
Back at the flat, Tess is digging up her roller skates. They’re smelly and she’s rusty.
It reminds me of another roller-skating scene.
Tess, do you need a roller derby name? You’re an actress, so might I suggest Peril Streep? Or maybe Bruisin’ Sarandon. Barbara Stabwyck? Sally Yield? Jodie Clocked-her? Yeah, they’re getting worse as I go. Wait: Moan Clawford? OK, I’ll stop.
At a cafe, Sam and Lexy are stopping for coffee after their run. Lexy wonders whether they should’ve run straight to the pub for some hair of the dog before going to work.
Sam: At the hospital and the police station?
These two are heroes. Do you hear me? HEROES.
Sam’s been thinking about Lexy’s stalker thing. She tells Lexy to write everything down, to start collecting evidence.
Lexy asks Sam about her panic attacks: do the people at work know? Of course not. Sam doesn’t want to get stuck back on desk duty. Because she’s a HERO.
A handful of minutes later, Lexy is arriving home. Tess is playing peekaboo, in a couple of ways.
Tess rambles about the roller disco and how she used to be good at it “back in the day” and how it’s a thing now.
Tess: It’s on tonight.
Lexy: Yeah, sounds cool.
Tess: Brilliant.
Oh, Tess. That’s all it takes? Your roller derby name is Meg (or Jennifer) Silly. Or Sigourney Believer. Or Awkward Channing. I can’t stop!
Lexy is more interested in Sadie’s sexcapades.
Lexy: How’d it go with the Minus 21 editor?
Sadie: Pretty good.
Lexy: You fucked her again, didn’t you?
Sadie: It was hardly a chore.
Whoa. Look how lovely Sadie is with her bangs tucked into a towel and without raccoon makeup! That is a gorgeous face.
At the hospital, Bea asks Lexy how her “non-date” was. They arrange to go to Lexy’s place later.
Lexy: (to Declan) See? Non-jealous non-girlfriend.
And non-subtle stalker culprit.
At rehearsal, Tess and Hugh rehearse their respective personal dramas. Could we see some Chekhov once in a while? Because that would be refreshing.
Nora arrives and starts bossing everyone and handing out insincere compliments. That’s more Albee than Chekhov.
At her crappy temp job, Sadie is being quizzed on cheeses. She doesn’t know much of anything, so the head waiter dude castigates her for taking a perfectly good job away from the zillions of “cheese enthusiasts” out there.
Sadie claims she needs the loo and scurries off. By “I need the loo,” she means “I’m going to snort coke in the loo.” And the coke does improve her job performance: as she shows a table of diners the cheese board, she rattles off cheese characteristics and history like she’s reciting her own sexual conquests.
The cheese-eaters she’s talking to are very interested in her wares. They ask her when she gets off and don’t take no for an answer, so she tries to spell it out for them.
Sadie: Thanks, but I’m seeing my girlfriend later.
Cheesehead: Oh, really? Well, your girlfriend is welcome to join us too. Only if she’s as hot as you are.
Why can’t men like that ever say something original?
Sadie: She’s really hot. She’s just not interested in wankers. Oh, sorry! I meant bankers.
See, now that’s original! Or at least badass.
The moment of truth is here: Sam is sorting through Cat’s stuff. Oh, wait; it’s not the moment of truth. It’s just a tease. Sam throws out the piece of wood that says FA + CM. Hang on — are you totally sure Sadie’s not a vampire? Because you may need a stake at some point, and you’ve just thrown out a perfectly good one.
Elsewhere, Ed and Tess are having some sort of meal. Tess is trying to be positive about Nora and Ed’s little fling.
Ed: Nora’s got this friend, Meg. We’re seeing her later. She’s gay and she’s fit and … Nora and I think you’d be perfect together.
Tess says she’s busy tonight. When Ed presses her, she says she’s going on a girls’ night out with Lexy. She drinks her cup of So There and That’ll Show You.
In the hospital cafeteria queue, Lexy and Declan are trying to figure out once and for all whether Sex-ray is gay. Lexy thinks the guy’s perfectly pressed shirt, productized hair, and low-calorie beverage choice are all firm evidence.
Declan: I need proof.
Lexy: So just go and ask him if he owns the Glee box set.
Wait: what are we proving again? Poor taste? Tendency toward ill-advised late-night purchases? Masochism? A past lobotomy?
Lexy squeezes in next to Sex-ray in the cafeteria line. She chats with him about Morocco (because Moroccan tagine is on the menu). He says he’s been to Morocco, with his sister, not his wife, because he’s gay. Well, that was way too easy and totally anticlimactic.
Back at the hotel, Sadie gets a text from Lauren, asking if they can meet. Sadie says, “Only if you’ve read the article,” and before we can see what Lauren says in reply, Sadie’s mean boss yells at her for answering her phone at work and not wearing her hat and not being nice to that table of bankers.
Sadie: You know what? You can take your hat, and your cheese, and your stupid poncey job, and stuff it up your tight little arse.
And that’s the end of Sadie the waitress. She stops on the way out to sneak some pricey cheese into her handbag. (Plus a knife, just for klepto giggles.)
At the police station, Sam has come to collect Cat’s things. Now is the time to summon all your police-ly bravery, Sam.
In a weird juxtaposition of deep feeling and shallow fun, we cut to Sadie, who is waiting for Lauren. Oh, actually, it’s not so shallow: Sadie tells Lauren the truth about her money woes and lack of prospects. So Lauren tells her to go to that swanky party she shooed her away from earlier, so that Sadie might make some useful contacts.
Sadie: So you don’t mind me coming now?
Lauren: No. I’d like us both to come.
Careful, Lauren. Sadie’s possibly smitten.
In an empty room at the police station, Sam goes through Cat’s things. Yep, there’s the bracelet, with its F/C inscription. This causes Sam to commence the most justified panic attack in the history of problematic relationships.
Cut back to Sadie and Lauren, where cash is changing hands again. Sadie doesn’t want to take more than the price of the room, even though Lauren tries to insist. Sadie, why don’t you complain about this money thing? Or at least demand more or something?
Sadie mentions the party again and wonders whether there’s a dress code. Lauren says it doesn’t matter and rushes out.
We’re back in an equally empty but apparently different room at the police station, where Sam is frantically trying to get something, anything, off Cat’s cracked-up phone and a computer full of surveillance images. Doomy music plays in the background.
That really is a weird batch of scenes to watch in succession: Sex! Death! Infidelity! Cheese!
At Sadie and Lexy and Tess’s flat (what should we call it? TeLeSa? LeTeSa? TriSexA?), Lexy pours Tess a glass of wine. Tess talks excitedly about their imminent roller disco evening, but Lexy has other plans: Bea’s coming over, remember? Also, Lexy has no recollection of ever agreeing to any kind of roller disco at all.
Tess pretends she was already planning to go out with Ed and Nora and Nora’s “well-fit” friend.
Lexy: Cool. Well, maybe we’ll both be getting some tonight.
Lexy, are you just playing innocent, or are you really not picking up Tess’s vibes? I don’t know. I think you mean well, but you’re probably not going to be able to avoid hurting her.
Tess goes right to her room and mopes a little next to her skates. Dear Universe: Give Tess a fucking break!
Now we’re at the Minus 21 editor/journalist/important-people party. Sadie arrives and grabs the first glass of wine she sees. I guess these people look successful or arty or whatever. They mostly look snobby — especially Lauren, when she turns away and doesn’t return Sadie’s wave.
Back at the flat, Lexy reveals that Bea has canceled. Tess scrambles to revive the roller disco plans, but Lexy’s not really interested in that. Tess suggests a quiet night in. Tess! Stop! Lexy’s just not that into you, OK?
Lexy: That’s very sweet, Tess, but I’m fine, really. Just go out. Have fun. Might meet the woman of your dreams.
A pat on the head wouldn’t’ve felt much different to Tess.
Just when it seemed like that was going to be a bittersweet but largely inconsequential scene, the phone rings. HE’S CALLING AGAIN. HE KNOWS.
Voice on the phone: Hello. This is the Highland Bank calling. Am I speaking to Lexy Price?
Lexy: Yep, but I’m kind of busy right now.
She’s busy trying to hold all the peppers!
Voice on the phone: This won’t take a moment, Miss Price. There have been some unusual transactions on your card. If I can just take you through security?
Lexy: Yeah.
Voice on the phone: Can you confirm that your full address is 16 Birchmore Street, Glasgow?
Lexy: Uh-huh. Yeah, but it’s 14. What are the transactions? (after a pause) Hello? (after a longer pause) Who is this?
She hangs up the phone and sits down, trying to get her bearings. Lexy! You just gave somebody your address over the phone! Oh, what am I saying: I’d probably do the same thing. We’re all victims of the information age. But hey, what were you going to make with all those peppers? All this intrigue is making me hungry.
