Cat wanders into the bathroom, just in time to see Frankie come out of the stall.
Many long, lingering looks pass between them. Expect to see this sentence several times this season.
It looks like Frankie’s about to kiss Cat, but she decides to just tease her a little instead. Which is exactly how you get Cat to stare at you on the dance floor even though another hot lady in a tank top is sitting right next to her.
Sam warns Tess and Fin that the honeymoon phase ends before you know it, but Fin thinks she and Tess are going to live happily ever after. Just in time, she spots some of her football mates across the bar and invites them over. Tess and Cat head to the dance floor — not to dance; just to grumble.
Cat: They are a bit laddy locker-room, aren’t they? Not Fin. She’s great.
Tess: Yeah, I just… I wonder whether it matters that we’re both so different.
Cat doesn’t care about that; she’s worried about how well Frankie and Lexy seem to be getting along. Tess fuels those jealous flames by revealing that Frankie and Lexy already have a history. What would their couple name be, I wonder? Frexy? Lankie? Yeah, definitely Lankie. They go outside to have a smoke, where Frankie immediately confesses that she’s pining for someone.
Lexy: You know what they say. The best way to get over one girl is to get under another.
Do they say that? Maybe. But do you have to say it? I liked you better when you were making morbid/provocative jokes and flirting with Tess.
Ed, who’s also feeling pretty happy/corny, is noticing that various blokes are checking him out. Go for it, Ed! You didn’t specify how you wanted to get laid, exactly.
Meanwhile, Lexy clarifies that she’s not volunteering to be the girl that Frankie gets under. Because Lexy doesn’t “make the same mistake twice.”
Frankie: You’re right; I generally am a mistake.
Stop that. I know you’ve heard it three times already in this episode, but God doesn’t make mistakes. Ricky Martin said so, and I believe him because he was the only thing that got me through the current snooze of a revival of Evita on Broadway.
Lexy asks whether “the cop” is seeing Cat.
Frankie: Yeah, they’re together. Although, I wouldn’t let that put you off. Relationships are just things people do before they fuck someone else.
Whoa. That is too dark for me. Do you really believe that, Frankie? Or are you just trying to shock Lexy and/or prove you won’t be impressed by her bestiality and serial killer jokes?
On the dance floor, Jay and Tess and Ed are jumping and dancing and tripping (in Tess’s case, literally). I know this is required stuff for a bar scene, but it makes me happy anyway. Damn these likeable characters!
Over by the bar, Cat is moping. She thinks Lexy and Frankie have gone home together, so she grabs Sam and they leave. Way to bring down the evening, Cat.
Oh, but it gets worse when they get home.
Sam: I’m ready to hit the hay. I’m getting too old for partying on a school night.
Cat: Hang your towel up in the bathroom on the way, will ya?
She says this in a very vehement way.
I am a rather tidy person too, but I don’t think I’ve ever been quite that offended by a towel on the floor. And of course that’s not what’s really bothering Cat. Sam knows this, but she thinks Cat is still “stressing about that bloody pitch.” So she gives up and goes to bed.
Cat soon retires too, and apologizes for “being a harpy.”
Sam: You were, a bit. Quite a lovable one, though. You’ll be OK, you know? As my dad always says, good things happen to good people.
But she’s not… oh, never mind. Let’s just go to sleep.
Back at Rubies, Fin and her mates are still talking about football. A bored, frustrated Frankie identifies her next victim.
They go back to Frankie’s flat — insert one more herbal tea joke — and I have to turn on the captions to understand what Janice/Gwen Stefani is saying. I feel bad about this, and then I feel disappointed because Janice isn’t saying anything interesting.
Looks like Frankie is a little disappointed too. She just can’t get into this and sends Janice home.
Janice: Christ, one of these days, I’ll actually meet a lesbian who isn’t a total fuck-up.
I hope you do! And I hope she won’t mind if I turn on the captions for her too. I’m so ashamed.
With all that Cat-Sam-Frankie stuff threatening to level Rubies, I sorta failed to notice how drunk Tess was getting. The next morning isn’t kind.
Tess is scared to go to rehearsal, but Frankie assures her she deserves this chance and she’ll “nail it.” Frankie is a good friend. But she’s moping about the bills again, so they decide to ask Lexy to move in. Even though Tess is a little hesitant about the potential for more hookups.
Frankie: Tess, it was one fuck! I fuck a lot of people!
I am praying to Ricky Martin’s god right now that we don’t have an episode where they all talk about how many women they’ve slept with and who’s a “lone star” or a “gold star” and who’s going to start using the new Swedish pronoun. But I don’t think we will, because so far this show doesn’t seem interested in Very Special Episodes. I’m going to get my heart broken, aren’t I?
Frankie teases Tess about possibly being interested in Lexy herself, but Fin shows up just in time to end that particular line of questioning. I like fun little scenes like this one. Maybe someday someone will make a lesbian version of Three’s Company.
(Frankie is standing between two hanging globe lamps that I will henceforth think of as the Leia lamps.)
Nearby, Cat and Sam aren’t having as much fun. Sam’s co-worker is supposed to come over for dinner tonight, but Cat has forgotten all about it. Maybe she told you about it 17 months ago?
Cat recovers nicely and is sweet to Sam. I wish she weren’t pretending.
Tess is nervous about rehearsal, and Fin isn’t helping much. She tries to cheer Tess up with kisses and lovin’, but it’s not what Tess needs right now. Tess mopes out the door, intent on being early to rehearsal.
And she is indeed early. Early enough to curl up on a Chekhovian couch and go to sleep.
By the time the other actors arrive, Tess is slumbering soundly. The director wakes her up, but the damage has been done: the other actors think she’s a drunk. This is mostly because she has a bunch of little bottles sitting on the couch next to her; she got them for free at the club last night. She tries to explain this, but it’s not the sort of thing you can explain. “No, I swear I’m not a terrorist. They were giving away these packets of C-4 at the Army surplus.”
One of the other actors — I’ll bet he’s playing the jolly/conflicted doctor in Vanya — reveals that he always “likes a little tipple” before rehearsal and carries a flask for just that reason. Tess starts to protest, but knows a kind soul when she sees one.
Are we going to get to see the actual rehearsals? My favorite show of all time (or maybe tied with Mad Men) is Slings and Arrows. Can this be the lesbian Slings and Arrows AND the lesbian Three’s Company?!
But it might be more like Smash, because Nora, the actress playing (I assume) Elena, is a lot like Ivy Lynn in attitude and appearance. Terrific.
Everyone introduces themselves, but Tess doesn’t have much to say about her past roles. She ends up telling them that she played a corpse on The Bill.
Her new friend comes to her rescue, but that Nora is definitely going to be trouble. Will this play be more like Chekhov or more like God of Carnage?
Tess goes home, hoping for a little quiet and relaxation. But Fin’s football mates are on their way over. Great first day of rehearsal, right, Tess?
At at her own workplace, all Cat wants to know is whether Frankie and Lexy went home together last night.
Jay: I thought you were happy with Sam.
Cat: I am happy. She’s beautiful and kind and I don’t want to lose her.
As Buffy would say, “you’ve got ‘but’ face.” But? BUT WHAT, CAT???
Jay reminds Cat that Frankie isn’t “the most reliable,” and Cat knows he’s right. But something in her begoniaed brain seems to have gone right past right and wrong and into “why not?”
And at her flat, with no job to distract her, Frankie lies around and broods about Cat. She is fondling a postcard that Cat sent her way back in 2007 (when they were presumably a couple). The postcard has a picture of Sid James on it.
Because she’s a romantic and a ruiner, Frankie scribbles a message on the postcard (“Dear Babs, let’s carry on”) and has it messengered over to Cat at her office. The resultant sweet smile on Cat’s face upsets me way more than a sloppy towel on the bathroom floor ever could.
Cat’s emotions are already all over the place, so why don’t we stir them up a bit more? Alistair, the boss, strolls up to tell Cat and Jay that their hash-hazed pitch was actually successful. However, Cat doesn’t get to manage the account; it’s all Jay’s.
Cat, when are you going to sue your stupid boss? She tells Jay she’s the victim of discrimination, but then she just gets angry and throws some files down and says she doesn’t give a shit anymore.
She does give a shit about one thing, though. So, moth-like, she goes right to her flame. She and Frankie meet somewhere cloudy for a drink.
Cat: I can’t leave Sam.
Frankie: Yeah, you told me that yesterday.
Cat says “oh, right” and goes home to Sam. I WISH. No, this is what happens:
Cat: We could still see each other.
Frankie: (blinking in disbelief)
Cat: If you want me, this is the way you can have me till I’ve worked out what to do.
Frankie: So… I’m supposed to sit on the sidelines while you continue to fuck your wife.
Words like “stupid” and “ludicrous” and “laughable” are not at all sufficient. Somewhere deep down, both Frankie and Cat agree with me. But it doesn’t stop them.
They are actually in a back alley or parking garage or something. Just to drive home the seediness of it all. And there’s an equally unsubtle moment when Frankie encounters Cat’s necklace (the one Sam gave her) and Cat says, “Oh, fuck that. Just fuck me.”
I’m sorry, Team Frankie people, but I’m still confused! I do see more chemistry between them this season, but this is a terrible idea for everyone involved and it’s all going to end in tears. Mostly mine.
Sam is home. Making dinner for her dinner guests. Waiting. I’m starting to think Cat doesn’t deserve you, Sam. Maybe I’ll switch to Team Lexy!
Cat finally comes home, looking guilty and heading for the bathroom to “freshen up” (i.e., de-Frankify herself). She proceeds to drink her way through dinner and then throw it all right back up again. What a charming host you are, Cat.
Sam tries to understand and blames it all on a tough day at work. But she should worry about that look on Cat’s face.
But Sam just says “I know” and holds her tight. Is it still 4/20? Because now I’m the one who needs to get off my face, in order to get over this episode.
And yet I’m sooooo glad this show is back!
