At the office, Jay is looking at pictures of hot ladies and working on his Stanley Tucci impersonation.
They talk about work and pitches and clients and plans, until Cat asks Jay if he’s got something to smoke.
Cat: I don’t mean cigarettes.
Aaaaand that’s why the second season premiered on 4/20!
But hang on a tic: is this the buttoned-up Cat we thought we were getting to know way back in 2010? I guess we might not know her very well yet; after all, 6 episodes does not a full-fledged character make. But toking up at work just doesn’t seem like her style. Jay doesn’t think so either, but accepts her excuse of “I just went to see Frankie.”
So they smoke up on the roof, and before Cat even takes a hit, she gets all blabby and tells Jay that she slept with Frankie just before the Rio thing.
OK. Let’s think about this. Either Cat (1) is really desperate for a confidant and will take whatever she can get; (2) secretly wishes Sam would find out the horrible truth and is therefore telling the loosest-lipped person she knows other than Tess; or (3) got bit by some exotic Brazilian spider of the genus and species Ploticus Advancerarius. My money is on 3.
Cat insists that Sam can’t find out. Oh, Cat: generally, when the goal is to keep a secret, you should slam shut your MacBook or your mouth, not let them flap. And then when Jay tries to understand the whole thing, Cat refuses to talk about it anymore. I’ve heard this is a known effect of the spider bite: you go from Chatty Cathy to Silent Bob in the space of 20 seconds.
Frankie seeks solace in her mother’s bosom. OK, not literally: this isn’t Boardwalk Empire.
Just like Cat did, Frankie’s mom says she hasn’t called because she’s been busy. Also, she reckons her liaison with Frankie’s dad was pretty much a mistake.
A real cat ran by while Frankie and her mum were talking about Cat. It wasn’t a black cat, but this whole relationship is obviously cursed and/or a fairy tale.
Frankie’s mum’s husband comes home then, and Frankie is unceremoniously escorted out the side door. Shoo, black sheep!
Back in the high-stakes world of architectural nonspecificity, Cat and Jay are off their faces. Alistair sees this as a perfect time to tell them that they’ll have to do a Very Important Presentation in just a few short/long/timeless-by-virtue-of-hash hours.
Cat is trying to retain control by repeating nouns and moving verrrry slowly and keeping her face as still as possible, but she’s still really obviously stoned. She and Jay giggle about Volvos or something. The only thing that’s missing is a groovy soundtrack.
I sorta want to put this recap on hold so I can eat some special brownies, but I’ll refrain. See how I sacrifice things for my art?
In an idyllic spot that might be a garden but might just be Scotland generally, Frankie comes upon Buddha Sadie.
Frankie accuses Sadie of arranging to have her rent raised, out of spite or heartbreak. But actually, Sadie is no longer an estate agent, which is probably a good thing considering her kleptomaniac and property-destroying tendencies. Plus her unemployed state seems to have bestowed some profound wisdom upon her:
Sadie: It’s not my fault you’re unhappy, Frankie. Sort yourself out and stop acting like a fucking cock.
I have achieved enlightenment!
Natasha O’Keeffe had an air of “I am a fan favorite, bitches” as she delivered that line. Well done.
At the flat with the ballooning rent, there’s a knock at the door.
Meet Lexy, the perfect potential flatmate. She is a doctor from Australia. She is not a serial killer.
Lexy: I used to dabble, but it was murder getting the bloodstains out of my clothes.
Punny! Now that this Australian accent has been tossed into the mix, I think Lip Service has reached the sexy accent saturation point. Yes, I’m a shallow, easily impressed American. Oooh, speaking of that, let’s not add an American accent to the list anytime soon, OK? Are you listening, Harriet Braun? (And does Ruta Gedmintas really call you “haribo“?! Because that is delightful.)
Lexy has been living with her grandmother. And it seems that serial killer line was apparently just the tip of the droll, witty Lexy iceberg.
Lexy: I wouldn’t mind; it’s just she’s got a lot of pets and I’m trying to kick the whole bestiality thing.
Silly Tess. You’re sharper than that; you were just temporarily dazzled by the whole Sexy package. (I promise this is the last time I’ll call her Sexy. Too easy.)
Lexy likes the flat, and she likes Tess’s country-and-western CDs. Well, OK, I like Johnny Cash’s At Folsom Prison too, but we can’t really let that represent the whole genre, can we? That’s like saying you’re a fan of wrought iron because you like the Eiffel Tower.
But Tess and Lexy sure do have a lot in common, especially compared to the whole awkward footballer scene earlier. Lexy even loves Uncle Vanya.
Lexy: They’re doing it at the Tron, aren’t they?
Tess: Yeah, actually, uh, I’m playing Sonya.
Lexy: (quite impressed) Really?!
Tess: (nodding)
Lexy: That’s so cool!
Genuine smiles all around!
Not quite the reaction you got from Fin, eh, Tess? It is very cool, and I can definitely picture you as Sonya. You might not be as amazing as Mamie Gummer was when she made Maggie Gyllenhaal look like an amateur a few years ago, but I’d still like to see your interpretation.
Also, Lexy, as I’m sure you know, Sonya’s love interest in Vanya is a doctor. Maybe you can run lines with Tess, just so she can get the feel of things.
Tess: I bought a selection of tea the other day, so that when we have guests, I can say, “Do you want a cup of tea? We have a selection.” Um… do you want one?
Lexy: Oh, only if you have a selection.
It’s all going far too swimmingly. Surely doom is on the horizon.
Back at Smiley Face Office, Cat is trying to sober up. She tries splashing cold water on her face and wonders whether there’s a tea one can drink. I’ll bet Tess has that in her selection!
Cat: Fffaaahhhkk.
Actually, I’m not sure you can really say Fffaaahhhkk when you have Cat’s lovely accent. It’s more like Ffffuuuoohhkk.
Jay is not helping Cat at all, except in the sense of making everything seem extra hilarious.
And then they really have to do this presentation. They’re still a little giggly, and Jay has the munchies, but Cat mostly seems serene and philosophical. She tries to remember the name of “those lovely orange-pink flowers,” the ones with the different color on the edges so it seems “like someone’s drawn it on with pen.”
Suddenly Cat remembers what those flowers are called: begonias.
From now on, whenever I have an a-ha moment, I’m going to call it a begonias moment.
Cat turns the presentation over to Jay, who’s too busy munching and tells the clients, “If you don’t go for this pitch, we might starve to death!” — which causes Cat to do a spit take that is somehow not as funny as the begonias moment.
The flatmate interview is still going swimmingly. Tess asks Lexy whether she’s got any “pets or kids or wives” to worry about, but nope, Lexy is “footloose and fancy-free.” Aaaaand cue Frankie.
I’m sure you don’t need the explanation, really, but it’s refreshing that Frankie is straightforward about it:
Frankie: We hooked up, and I was a bit of a cock and left without saying goodbye. But if it’s any consolation, I’m often a cock, so it really isn’t personal.
If you close your eyes while Frankie’s saying that, you’ll think you’re listening to the dulcet tones of Lena Headey. They even look a bit alike.
OMG, Frankie’s a Lannister! This explains so much.
Lexy tries to make a hasty exit, but Tess doesn’t let her and pleads with Frankie to apologize. And you know what, Frankie does!
Lexy: Ah, fuck it. Life’s too short to bear a grudge.
Hooray! Lexy’s even going to go to Rubies with them tonight. Tess is delighted. She’s slightly less delighted when Fin comes in; Tess forgets her manners and wanders off, leaving Fin to introduce herself as “Tess’s girlfriend.” Uh-oh.
Cat and Sam are getting ready for gay disco night. Once again I’m sad that this doesn’t involve flared jumpsuits or platform shoes. But it does involve a new look for Sam.
Cat: I like you with a bit of eye makeup. It suits you.
Hmm. I’m not sure about the eye makeup. But please say the word “suit” in every episode, Cat, because it reminds me of Helen Stewart.
Cat is knackered and doesn’t want to go out. Funny: all this time, I thought “knackered” meant “exhausted,” but now I know it means “terrified I’m going to shag Frankie right there on the dance floor.”
Sam: That last thing you need is to sit around brooding about that bloody pitch. A couple of drinks will do you good.
So close! You’re only off by one consonant, Sam.
And then we’re all at Rubies, toasting Ed’s great success. Ed is still dismayed that he’s celebrating at a gay bar, where he can’t get laid. But Jay says he can find the ladies anywhere, if he has the “three C’s.” Fin doesn’t know what those are. Frankie does! “Cocky, confident, and charming.” Sam and Cat have opposite reactions to this notion.
Sam: Alternatively, Ed, you could just try being friendly and see if you have anything in common.
Frankie: Oh, yeah, if you wanna send people to sleep.
Sam: (with a steely stare) Yeah? It worked for me.
Lexy senses the tension in the room. Even the emotionless robot in Ed’s sci-fi novel can sense it. So Jay changes the subject to Lexy, who works in A & E at a hospital (accident and emergency, aka an ER.) Turns out Sam spent a lot of time there when she was training.
Lexy seems more than a little interested in Sam. Why doesn’t Cat care?
As usual, Jay knows how to turn the party up a notch: he’s brought some coke with him. Lexy and Frankie are totally up for it, but Ed tries (and fails) to resist. So they all go into a stall together.
Ed: What if something goes wrong?
Lexy uses her doctor-ness to assure him that he’ll be fine. But I don’t know, Ed: right before watching this, I caught part of an episode of Locked Up Abroad in which this upstanding former soldier found himself smuggling hash into the UK. Something definitely went wrong there. He was OK, because he was a black belt, but I’m guessing you’re not.
Ed: If I die, tell my parents it was peer pressure.
Is it wrong of me to sometimes want Ed to end up with Tess after all? He’s such a sweet little Eeyore.
