Up in Disco Dude’s lair, When Nurse Ava comes to check on Sara, presumably at least 18 hours later, she asks Sara if she’s an “Earper for life” yet. Sara says she agrees that the second season is when the show really found its footing, and Nurse Ava asks if she’s a WayHaught shipper. It’s hilarious and adorable and it made me as giddy as the time Wynonna Earp and One Day at a Time gave each other on-screen love.
Before Sara and Nurse Ava can get into the Great Willa Debate, Sara pins Nurse Ava with a shiv she made from the remote and tries to threaten her into letting her go. But Nurse Ava says she’s disposable, that Bishop will just replace her with another Nurse Ava after she’s gone, and this shocks Sara into loosening her grip a little.
She tries to reason with Nurse Ava, explain to her that she might have been created by Bishop, but she’s her own person with autonomy, with a soul. He doesn’t control her. But Ava just tells Sara to get back in bed and closes the door behind her.
Back in Northumberland, the painting of Constantine is trying to convince Astra to stop and switch them back, but Astra isn’t hearing it. She was sucked into hell as a scared little kid and had to fight tooth and nail to gain the power she had there. She won’t start from scratch again, she can’t. She wants the shortcuts and she wants them now.
But of course, Crowley has his own goals in mind and has no intention of going back in the painting if he can help it. Before she can begin her next magic lesson, she hears the Legends all clomping into the manor, tired from having to WALK like a REGULAR PERSON all the way from where Mick kicked them off the Waverider to the mansion they couldn’t use Google maps to find. They are all talking over each other and asking her for different things, all while she’s trying to hide the fact that she let a cultist inhabit Constantine’s body while their sorcerer friend is trapped in a painting, so she loses her cool and turns everyone into inanimate objects.
And suddenly it’s a modern-day, low-budget Beauty and the Beast in here. Ava is a binder, Behrad is a candlestick, Zari is a flip phone, Nate is a wheel of cheese, and my favorite note to type on this list: SPOONER IS A FORK.
Crowley convinces Astra that in order to really level up her magic, she needs a soul to sacrifice. At first she’s going to choose one of her soul coins from Hell, considering monsters like Christopher Columbus. She chooses her local racist instead, which I think is a fine plan, but Behrad is worried about what this will do to Astra’s soul.
Having presumably run out of Wynonna episodes, and perhaps being inspired by an Earp sister training montage or two, Sara is doing pushups in her room when Nurse Ava sneaks in, saying Bishop is asleep and she wants to help Sara, even brought her a fuel cell for the spaceship she landed in.
Nurse Ava says she heard what Sara said, really took it to heart, that she has a soul and wants and dreams and opinions, and that Bishop’s plan is idiotic. So they start their jailbreak. Hilariously, without Gary as even a consideration.
At the manor, Astra still has little trinkets in her ear trying to convince them not to steal a random guy’s soul so she gathers them all up and shoves them aside before he can be too suspicious. The neighbor continues to be a monster, so she pulls out the necklace she needs to suck his soul out.
But at the last minute, decides against it. But before she can kick the neighbor out to save his soul, Crowley appears and does the deed for her.
Furious, Astra tries to swap Crowley and Constantine back, but with his newly acquired soul powers, he’s too strong for her level one magic. He calls her a helpless princess again, and then decides to use his new powers to make her one.
Astra starts to sing, largely against her will, but she and the Legends attack, Behrad pulling a Lumiere, Ava flapping around like a book from Pagemaster.
But Crowley is too strong and banishes her to the attic where she fights the urge to keep singing.
Luckily, she’s not alone; she has the cartoon version of the painting of Constantine to keep her company. He tells her about a magic cleansing spell her mother kept on hand in case Constantine ever lost control, like magical Narcan, and Astra realizes it’s probably the song she found earlier.
She said earlier she didn’t know how to read music, but now that she’s looking at it again, she realizes the notes make sense to her. What Crowley didn’t realize was that by turning her into a cartoon princess, he gave her the inherent gift of music.
Spooner uses her fork tines to unlock the attic door and Astra starts to sing.
After a very magical scene that is truly bonkers in a way this show does best, Astra prevails and everything goes back to normal, including getting Crowley back in the painting where he can’t steal any more souls. When the racist neighbor comes to and demands to know who these people who randomly appeared are, Astra calls them her friends and kicks him out of her house.
As the dust settles in the aftermath of the day’s chaos, Astra realizes something; in stripping Crowley’s powers while he was in Constantine’s body, she stripped Constantine’s powers, too. John knew that would happen before he even told her about the song, but he knew it was the only option to save the girl he promised to protect.
The good news is, this means Constantine has to start from scratch, learning and collecting magic from scratch. Like restarting a video game. So this time, he’ll take Astra along on his journey.
When Sara and Nurse Ava get to the ship, Sara soon learns she’s been double-crossed. Nurse Ava’s loyalties still lie with Bishop, and the fuel cell is just Bishop’s nightlight. It turns out Nurse Ava still sees Bishop as a god of sorts, and Bishop just wanted Sara to lead him to the ship she arrived on.
She boasts about yeeting all the aliens in the pods across space and time, but he already has all the DNA he needs. Sara fights her way out while Nurse Ava watches, easily taking down the Ava guards, and ultimately snapping Bishop’s neck. But as she stands over her slain enemy, an unseen source hits Sara with a tranq dart.
When Sara wakes up, back in Bishop’s disco den, he says they went on “quite the adventure” together. He now says that they’re…inseparable. And I worry that he’s linked their lifelines somehow. Maybe he’s as unkillable as she is now.
Next week, the Search for Sara continues!
