Julie and Brandy Do the Olympics: Qualifying Rounds And Cupcake Butts

WOMEN’S WATER POLO: USA vs HUNGARY

Brandy: I don’t know why they wear those hats. Maybe in case some big Hungarian bitch boxes their ears.

Julie: Now this is like an Olivia pool game Yes. Cauliflower ears.

Julie: They’re like treading water the whole time.

Brandy: It’s like soccer in the water?

Julie: But not with feet.

Brandy: Dumb. There’s an underwater pussy camera!!! And you can get really good labia shots!

Julie: They should keep the camera underwater.

Brandy: And butt crack shots.

Julie: Pooossyy show.

Brandy: Pussy show!

Julie: Water pussy.

Brandy: They look like gross heathens above water, but beneath the water they all look sexy!!!

Julie: I wish they were just standing on the floor. Like if the water was 2 feet deep.

Brandy: This is like Olympic lez porn.

Julie: They’re like water centaurs. Or people mullets. Gross on top. Hot on the bottom

Brandy: Yes! Above water this shit just looks unorganised. It literally looks like someone’s backyard pool with losers playing pool soccer.

Julie: Yeah it really does. Who the hell is that coach? He looks like a weirdo that goes to a public pool and just yells.

Brandy: I can’t believe this is real. They just need to keep showing the puss and the butts or I’m outta here!

Julie: The narrators keep comparing them to the men. Like sorry – go get gay and leave us alone. I would take the hat off if I were sitting on the bench.

Brandy: Maybe it’s a pain to put back on. I wish you were there in the hat and a one piece wrestling around with a Hungarian in the water.

+

+ 

Brandy: Something inside me really takes issue with seeing a man telling women in bathing suits what to do.

Julie: NO shit! I’m so annoyed by this sack talking. And I hate men coaches with female teams across the board. Oh wait I just hate men. Bada ba baaaaaaa. Taptap

Brandy: It’s worse when they’re in bathing suits.

Julie: Ure right

+

+

Brandy: Can you believe this is real?? Like- ladies in bathing suits wresting each other in a pool?

Julie: No. Can you believe they’re taking about pinching and pulling and shit.

Brandy: They aren’t telling any Olympic type stories to endear any of the girls. So all I can do is try and find good-looking ones, but I’m zoning out.

Julie: God this sport is boring.

Brandy: I’m doing laundry. And sadly- that’s more interesting than this game. At least USA is winning. You must be multi-tasking 900 things while you watch this shit. I’m so gassy.

Julie: What are you gassy from today? I’m applying online to Starbucks. This is happening. I mean, not even a callback from fucking Ralph’s!

Brandy: I’m gassy from eating peppers I think. This is so far the boringest Olympic event we’ve watched. I’d rather marry volleyball and have a thousand of it’s babies than ever watch this again. Fuck this. I’d change the channel but Panda is laying on the remote.

Brandy:

Brandy: I feel like runners have got the shortest life spans. I don’t know why. It’s just my instinct. Okay, it’s over. Did we win?

Julie: We won

Brandy: We won. 14-13. I guess that’s a close game, but it was more relaxing than ambien.