Joe Biden Wants To Give Us Gay Marriage For Christmas, Gay People Are Santa

CHRISTMAS MIRACLES:

HELLO it is Christmas weekend, the one time at which my guilt for referencing Christmas explicitly instead of ‘the holidays’ or ‘winter’ or ‘Saturday’ is slightly mitigated. And true to everything that we hope and wish for at this magical or at least candy-filled time of year; there is good news in the world today! Joe Biden wants you to get gay married. Ok, so that’s not exactly what he said. What he said on Good Morning America on Friday was:

“…I think there’s an inevitability for a national consensus on gay marriage. That is my view. But this is the president’s policy, but it is evolving. I think the country’s evolving.”

I think this is something we actually all kind of know, and also where has Joe Biden been? I honestly forgot we had a Vice President. In all seriousness, though, it really does seem like a sign of the times to have the Vice President of the United States say on Good Morning America that he doesn’t even think there’s a question whether gay marriage will be legalized. It’s like the sociopolitical equivalent of your grandma knocking on her neighbor’s door to ask if she can borrow some paint to finish her FUCK THE POLICE protest sign. Like, it’s not necessarily concrete change, but still kind of badass, no?

In other, more awww-inducing news, WHAT IF SANTA WAS REAL AND WAS A GAY COUPLE? I KNOW RIGHT? Here’s the deal:

A New York couple didn’t know what to do when hundreds of hand-written letters addressed to Santa Claus started arriving in their letterbox. The bewildered duo decided to try their best to become Saint Nicholas for as many present-seeking kids as possible.“When I saw the first letter arrive addressed to Santa Claus, I thought, well that’s weird. Then ten more came… 20 more… 50 more… I thought ‘well, there’s something going on here’,” explains Jim.

Intriguing, yes? Good thing the New York Times has a video about it!

Also, have you shared your own personal Christmas miracles in our still-going-on Christmas open thread? It’s also okay if your Christmas miracle is in fact the opposite of a Christmas miracle, it turns out that literally every single lesbian on earth has a racist/sexist/homophobic uncle/grandma/mom/entire family, what are the chances?

GAY PARDON:

Alan Turing more or less won WWII for the Allies by inventing computer science and encryption/decryption; he was also prosecuted by the British government and later committed suicide because he was gay. There’s nothing we can do to change that now, but the British government is doing the next best thing: working to erase the convictions of historic “gay sex offenders.” Gay sex wasn’t decriminalized until 1967 (!!!), so for some it’s still a factor in their employment status and criminal record, but hopefully it soon won’t be. David Cameron was quoted as saying, “We will change the law so that any past convictions for consensual homosexual sexual activities, which have since become lawful, will be treated as spent, and will not be disclosed on a criminal record check when applying for a job. This is a question of justice – and it’s right that we should change the law and wipe the slate clean.”

IRELAND CIVIL UNIONS:

As of January 1st 2011, civil partnerships will be legal in Ireland! Although actual unions won’t take place for a while because couples need to give three months notice to the registrar, it’s still great news!

GAGA:

Lady Gaga was going to give you a Christmas present but I think it got rescheduled to be a New Year’s present. Also I think it’s an image from/for Born This Way. Are you excited? I’m excited. Gaga’s excited.

In other news, Gaga also went Christmas shopping. According to ONTD, she went in THE MOST AMAZING CAR EVER!!! and also the pants she wore were SUPER COOL!!!

LILO:

It’s not really related, but I thought this thing called “All I Want For Christmas: Lindsay Lohan Clean, Sober, and Boobtastic” was kind of funny. It’s nice when someone knows what they want. “Bring her to my home on Christmas morning and I’ll personally see to her bathing, dressing, and binding to the bed until such time as she’s rid of her demons. Seriously, I’ve already purchased the medically recommended sexy silk lace ties for the bedposts. Count on me, St. Nick.”

THE PATRIARCHY:

Also unrelated, also funny, this bizarre article about an imaginary world without men is completely horrifying but also in a way hilarious? Like, maybe don’t read it if you just had to sit through a Christmas dinner tirade about how the bra-burning black immigrant gay Jews are stealing American freedomjobs, but if you didn’t, then feel free to pour yourself another glass of eggnog and enjoy. “How will the female gender continue to perpetuate itself on earth or are the women supposed to go into extinction too? Perhaps the science of cloning would come in very useful in this regard. Of course with the magic which cloning can do, a woman certainly does not need to engage in a time-wasting effort to get the attention of the newest honcho on your street… 90 per cent of the stress women experience can be traced to men. For instance, women would not have to undergo surgery for breast enhancement, facelift, hip reduction, tummy tuck or vagina reconstruction.”

JAMES FRANCO’S GRANDMA:

Tired of hanging out with your grandma? HOW ABOUT JAMES FRANCO’S. YOU’RE WELCOME.

JOHNNY WEIR:

Johnny Weir has a single. Discuss.

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Rachel

Originally from Boston, MA, Rachel now lives in the Midwest. Topics dear to her heart include bisexuality, The X-Files and tacos. Her favorite Ciara video is probably "Ride," but if you're only going to watch one, she recommends "Like A Boy." You can follow her on twitter and instagram.

Rachel has written 1141 articles for us.

41 Comments

  2. That song sounds like every other thing out there. Yet people probably will still be gettin’ their grind on to it **sigh**
    That gay Santa couple was sweet. That warmed my desolate heart.

  3. “I honestly forgot we had a Vice President.” me toooo

    & that NYT vid of the gay “elves” is fantastic. I want to go live with them.

  5. I’m really unsatisfied simply because I want to know WHY 500 or so NYC kids think Santa lives in Chelsea. I mean it’s awesome… but WHO gave them Santa’s address? hahaha. I love that they tried to get so many wishes fulfilled though – so sweet :) … and probably more effective for the kids than sending letters to the North Pole…

  6. 1993 homosexuality decriminalised in Ireland.
    2010 civil unions legalised.
    Only 17 years. Auspiciously this is age of consent in Ireland too. Seventeen years to begin maturity.

  7. I honestly forgot Joe Biden existed so much that I thought the whole article was about Joe Lieberman until Rachel said she forgot about Joe Biden.

    Embarrassing too, because I’m from Delaware, and Joe Biden is about the best thing we have. No, I mean really. That’s all we have.

  9. From the article: Women who are so inclined, can pair up as lesbians as many of them are already doing – when there are still men around. The lesbian tendency will by then become fully unleashed.

    Usher’s worst nightmare! “Women have started to become lovers of each other as a result of not having enough men.” Remember that?

    Also, if having a world without wars, rapists and serial killers meant that I would have to do “man’s work” and change a flat “tyre” every now and then, I think that’s a trade off I would make if I could.

      • Do we get special powers when we’re unleashed? I totally claim telekinesis, I’ve been trying to act like I can use the force to move things since I was a kid.

        • oh super powers? okay–can I claim panty dropping?

          whadaya mean that’s not a super power…..??

          okay then, I’ll take x-ray vision, same diff–then maybe I can get a job with the TSA.

        • I can’t go through automatic doors without waving my hand at them like I’m using the Force to open them. It’s a compulsion.

        • hrm, i haven’t even thought about it. i’ll be out of town, but i’m sure there’s something happening! i think Mad Femme Pride is doing something at The Friendly Toast, and that can’t be all? sorry i can’t be more helpful!

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  12. So Joe Biden wants to force the approval of PERVERSION on the people of America? All I can say is ” How Sick is That?”

    Let homosexual perverts do whatever they want in the privacy of their owns dwellings, but forcing approval of ANY perverison on decent moral people is just wrong.

    Any one who has any sense of decency will NOT approve of this; any person who does NOT have a conscience or any sense of decency WILL.

    At the least the people of America DESERVE to be able to vote on whether or not this PERVERSION should have ANY approval or Not!

    Our country has always been based on democracy …… or has that Changed???

    • Well, christians forced the perversions of their priests on innocent children, so why don’t you just let us have our own perversions (that don’t hurt anyone)?

    • bigoted christians really need to come up with a new insult because everytime they say “pervert” i think of merv the perv and then i laugh. actually, you know what? keep fucking that chicken, christians

  13. I find it it extremely insulting that the PERVERSION of homosexuality is linked AT ALL to Christmas. That is the ULTIMATE sickness.

    To HOMOSEXUALS Everywhere, Please leave Christmas and Santa Clause ALONE. Please keep the sickness of your evil perversions out of ALL holidays. Aren’t you all being sick enough???? Merry CHRISTmas (sarcastically).

    • Mmm. This is equal parts sad and hilarious. Good luck with that whole ragingly self-loathing closet case deal you probably have going on. And if it’s not that, I hope whatever sad element of your own inadequacy is causing this pathetic unleashing of misdirected negativity is figured out soon. Really, I do.

      Merry CHRISTmas to you too, hater! You’re a real testament to your “faith.”

    • hmmmm. Hope u don’t read the King James Version of the Bible. He was a big ol’ mo. Just sayin’.

    • The origin of Christmas is based on a pagan holiday. In ancient Babylon, the feast of the Son of Isis (Goddess of Nature) was celebrated on December 25. Raucous partying, gluttonous eating and drinking, and gift-giving were traditions of this feast. It has nothing to do with Jesus birth… I could go on but it would probably be lost on you seeing how your comment shows you have no idea what the bible actually says. But way to spread christ like love.

  14. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m not exactly sure how I feel about James Franco’s grandmother calling me a pussy….

    Oh wait, NVM– I’m turned on. Now that’s what’s up.

  15. I love joe biden, he only really pops out of the woodwork to play with puppies on youtube and go to baseball games and say things like, yall gay marriage might not happen now, but it’ll happen and I’m here for you. and I’ll play with puppies and be adorable and full of support until then.

    • YES to this entire post. Also, in a terrifying hypothetical world, Sarah Palin could have been our VP. Appreciate the Biden.

  16. *sings* All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuu~ (To marry me. On a boat.) I would like the legal right to marry, please and thank you, Santa.
    Actually, all I asked for this year was shoes.
    I got a fanny pack instead. Not even joking.
    So that one failed, but I’m holding out hope on the whole equal-rights thing.

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