Welcome to Interviews With My Ex-Girlfriend, in which Autostraddle writers get back in touch with their ex-girlfriends to ask them Five Simple Questions:
- How long did we date?
- Why did we break up?
- What did you learn from our relationship?
- What do you miss most about me?
- Would you invite me to your wedding (why/why not)?
Grace (left) and Meg (right), circa 2011. Despite being best friends now, we have zero pictures together. Literally none. That probably says a lot about us.
Grace: Are you ready? Are any of us ready.
Meg: Let’s do this.
Grace: Ok. Five questions. First question: How long were we together, and when?
Meg: We were together from November to the very end of January my sophomore year in college.
Grace: So 2011 to 2012.
Meg: That’s how long we were together. Like together together.
Grace: Right. Why did we break up, to the best of your recollection?
Meg: (laughs)
Grace: Riese and Rachel wrote these questions. It wasn’t me.
Meg: Mhmm, yeah ok. Um. Because I was too busy, and lacrosse season was about to start, so I was just like “we should not be together together,” but I like, said it in a way that made it sound like a mutual decision (laughs) because I’m an asshole and that’s what I do with all my girlfriends.
Grace: It was so funny when that happened, though, because you were like definitely setting it up to be something that we both decided, but it was definitely not. Nobody wants to be the bad guy.
Meg: Yeah, and it’s always like that, like even now, that’s who I am. You know what I mean? I would still do that.
Grace: Right.
Meg: (pause) Sorrrrrrrrrry.
Grace: It’s fine.
Meg: It’s fine, everything’s fine, this is normal.
Grace: (laughing) Oh no, I didn’t read these questions in advance. I should’ve read them before we started.
Meg: (laughs) Is this the first time this interview is being done?
Grace: Yes.
Meg: YES, I’m so happy to be the pioneer! Pioneer ex!
Grace: The third question: What do you miss the most about me?
Meg: Oh, oh god. Oh god. Ok. Um.
Grace: This is the worst because we’re still friends!
Meg: Yeah, but there… you know what I mean… we’re. (sighs) Well. I’d have to say, you kind of pushed me at a time when I needed to be pushed into the queer community, if that makes sense. Like a lot of people I know, especially queer people and other people I’ve dated, they don’t really associate with the community, and you do. That’s like, a large part of who you are. So you kind of pushed me into that, and I guess I miss that connection. (laughs) I think this is the way I want to phrase it, I don’t know. To kind of force yourself to say “yeah, I’m queer and stuff.” Because that’s a thing that the whole community doesn’t do! There’s a lot of gay people who don’t hang out with other gay people, which I think is why we can’t get shit done (in the LGBTQ rights movement).
Grace: Especially in the Midwest.
Meg: Yeah, especially in the Midwest.
Grace: There are the people who hang out with queer people and the “happen to be queer” people.
Meg: Yeah, I’ve even heard other people in the Midwest being like “I hate gay guys,” and I’m like, you ARE a gay guy, and that’s upsetting to hear.
Grace: Remember when you didn’t think white privilege was a thing?
Meg: Look how far we’ve come.
Grace: Yeah, now you’re like, the queen of the gays at Otterbein, calling people out on their second-wave feminism and shit.
Radio: Info desk to building manager
(both laugh)
(We did the interview at The Ohio Union, where I used to work and where Meg was working a shift as an AV technician. I got Meg a job there around April 2012, and she’s worked there off-and-on ever since.)
Meg: (Turns down the radio) This is great, leave this in.
Grace: Question four, we’re getting there.
Meg: We’re doing good so far!
Grace: What about our relationship impacted your later relationships?
Meg: (laughs) YOU don’t have to say anything in this process? It’s all me?
Grace: I mean, I can say something if you, like, set me up to say it. This is an interview with you, weirdo.
Meg: Oh, that’s true. Um. Kind of like, the way I approach relationships, I guess. Like after you, I got much more serious.
Grace: Thanks.
Meg: I know. Sorry you missed out. Whooooooops. It’s fine. No, it’s just like, it changed me as a person, I guess. But every relationship does, I dunno. I just see it as a big stepping-forward into my maturity and a more mature way of thinking. Just because of where I was in my life was all.
Grace: I think we both did a lot of growing up surrounding that relationship. It was a pivotal time. I mean, what, we were both like around 20, 21.
Meg: And I had just freshly come out to my parents. So I was out out.
Grace: Me too!
Meg: Yeah!
Grace: All of the happened during that relationship.
Meg: And thinking about that and how it impacted you, and I just kind of left. It’s something that still makes me feel really bad. I was a shitty person at the time, so.
Grace: I mean, I think you made a good call.
Meg: (laughs)
Grace: (laughs) Good job terminating that relationship when you did.
Meg: Oh, you mean terminating that relationship when WE did? I’m just kidding, it was all me.
Grace: Are you ready for the last question?
Meg: Yes.
Grace: Would you, at this juncture, invite me to your wedding? Why or why not?
Meg: (scoffs) Clearly yes. First of all, I would need a sound operator.
Grace: (laughs) You’re the worst.
Meg: I know, I am the worst. I would also need an intern.
(both laugh)
Meg: No, but like I said, I talk openly with you more than anybody else really.
Grace: Aww.
Meg: I know, it’s true.
Grace: You can keep saying nice things about me. This is very good for my ego.
Meg: Really, even though I just ripped on you twice?
Grace: This is why we broke up.
Meg: Shhhh. You’ve become one of my best friends, and I think we’ve both, or at least I’ve — you know what I mean? — we probably could’ve been just friends all along and been fine.
Grace: I’m sure, yeah. I think we made good decisions the whole way through, the entire time we’ve known each other. The relationship made sense at the time.
Meg: It did. It really did.
Grace: We couldn’t do that shit now.
Meg: Oh no.
Grace: That’d be the dumbest thing.
Meg: No, it would be so different.
Grace: But I think it was a good call at the time. I think we both needed that, even though it was short.
Meg: It was short but it was… “heavy” isn’t the word I want. “Dense,” I guess, maybe.
Grace: It was dense.
Meg: A lot of things happened in that short period of time.
Grace: A lot of things rippled out after that, too.
Meg: And our willingness to stay in contact, even if not all the time, we can still revisit that “hi, we’re friends still” thing. (yelling) Whether you want it or not!
Grace: (laughs) Even after we broke up, there wasn’t really a period of time where we weren’t like, friends. There were a couple weeks where we weren’t, like good friends.
Meg: Oh no, I remember those very clearly.
Grace: Do you have anything else you want to add?
Meg: Yes, I would definitely invite you to my wedding. I just want to reiterate that. That’s a stupid question.
Grace: Not for other people.
Meg: That’s true. But then at the same time, do you want to interview about a relationship that went really sour really fast?
Grace: YES.
Adorbs. Just adorbs.
I’m so in awe of people who stay close friends after they break up. Or, as it seems maybe with you two, become even closer as friends. I’ve never left a relationship on bad terms, but I’ve never been able to maintain a close friendship after the break up.
You are super cute together. In a friend way.
Me too! I am so impressed when people stay friends with their exes! And have such wonderful friendships, too.
I love this so much.
This was so sweet! It made me want to go date somebody, break up, and be good friends after it all.
I can’t imagine anyone ever not staying friends with Grace. I mean ITS GRACE!
Love this so much!
Why did we break up?
The lacrosse season.
Amazing.
It’s not the queerest reason to break up, but it’s definitely in the top five, I think.
aw, you never forget the girl who told you about white privilege
I LOVE the ex girlfriend posts. It is so damn adorable every time.
I used to be a “happens to be queer” person and I’m so glad I’m one of the people who hangs out with the queers now!
“Dense.”
“It was dense.”
♥♥♥
Word. Had one or two of those relationships before.
Yay for Grace and Meg and their awesome friendship!
I just have to say 1. this was adorable and 2. My ex-girlfriend’s name is Grace.. and my name is Megan. LOLz. But I will say our relationship did not end nearly as smooth nor are we on talking terms after a year. So, good for you ladies!
I’m not sure I could do this, either as the interviewer or the interviewee. But I looooove reading them, so I really appreciate the courage it must take to do this!
So glad I joined A+. This is seriously becoming one of my favourite articles on AS.
This is so great but it makes me sad that the exes with whom I’ve tried to stay friends are either drifting away (and I’m drifting away from them) or don’t understand what being friends with an ex means (certain boundaries are necessary, etc.). When someone is important enough to date it seems like they should be important enough to stay close to; but at the same time, it doesn’t always work. Anyway, this series is lovely.
This gives me hope that people can be friends after a break-up!
Cute cute cute. These posts are so interesting! This column might be your BEST IDEA EVER after STARTING THE WEBSITE and A-CAMP!
10/10, would recommend.