Does anyone remember the 90s? It seems like a lost decade oft overlooked. Curious, no one is with me on this, given its proximity and the wackadoodle things we gave the go-ahead to, like 3,500 boy/girl bands packed into a mere decade. Not all boy/girl bands have stood the test of time — sorry 5ive and Dream — but the ones that have leave a bit to the imagination when it comes to queer sensibilities. That’s why I’ve used mine to give us the heroes we’ve always needed.
N*SYNC
Justin – The Superstar (Ellen DeGeneres)
J.C. – Justin’s Sidekick (Portia de Rossi)
Chris K. – The One That Seemed Sort Of Over It (Sara Gilbert)
Joey – The Comedian (Wanda Sykes)
Lance – The Squeaky Clean One (Chely Wright)
BACKSTREET BOYS
Howie – The Quiet Softy (Tracy Chapman)
Nick – The Cute N’ Cocky One (Samira Wily)
AJ – The “Bad Boy” (Ruby Rose)
Kevin – Everyone’s Dad (Jodie Foster)
Brian – The Understated Presence (Tig Notaro)
TLC
Left Eye – The Controversial One (Raven Symone)
T-Boz – Cropped & Cool (Halsey)
Chilli – The Girl Next Door (Patricia Velasquez)
IMMATURE
Batman – The Smooth Dreamboat (AzMarie Livingston)
Romeo – The Shy One With Style (Samantha Ronson)
LDB – The Jokester (Tegan Quin) [LDB doesn’t look like a jokester here or anywhere but I read it in a magazine once.]
Spice Girls
Sporty – The Sporty-In-A-Tailored-Way One (Jackie Warner)
Scary – The Big Personality (Jane Lynch)
Posh – The Aloof One (Cara Delevingne)
Ginger – The Cheeky, Brazen One (Margaret Cho)
Baby – The Adorable One (Faustina “Fuzzy” Agolley)
98 Degrees
Justin – The One That Just Seemed Happy To Be There (Billie Jean King)
Drew – The One With The Hat (Tasha Van Ree)
Nick – The Hunk (Jenny Shimizu)
Jeff – The Harmonizer (The Indigo Girls)
New Kids On The Block
Danny – The One Destined For A Life In Fitness (Jillian Michaels)
Jordan – The Coiffed Cutie (Cameron Esposito)
Joey – The Young Cutie (Ellen Page)
Jonathan – The Sensitive One (Sara Quin)
Donnie – The Wise Guy (Rosie O’Donnell)
