I Promise You're Not the Only One: 23 Things to Eat if You Don't Like Potatoes

It’s best to just say it: I don’t like potatoes. I know, I know. I understand why you’re upset. Potatoes are in everything! They’re a backbone of the American diet! Our national identity depends on it! Idaho built a museum in their honor! You know what people do without potatoes? They die!

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from coming out of the anti-potato closet, it’s that folks have strong feelings about their spuds. I face far more skepticism for my aversion to potatoes than my aversion to men. And it’s the one quirk of mine people simply refuse to remember, as if it can’t possibly be true. Every time they offer me a potato chip or french fry, it’s like a well-meaning relative insisting that “you just haven’t met the right guy yet.” Sorry, Aunt Helen, but it’s not a matter of the right guy or the right potato. I just never liked them, not even as a kid. To me, they don’t “taste like nothing” – they taste like potatoes, and potatoes taste bad, and I don’t want them on my plate or in my mouth. Really.

Look, I’m not saying you shouldn’t like potatoes. Most people do, and I know better than to fight any of you on this. But in an attempt to create community among the potato-avoidant and bring us out of hiding once and for all, I humbly offer these recipes. People try to convince me I’m wrong because “potatoes are so versatile!” – like ubiquity makes them taste better – so I’ve categorized this list into types of dishes they tend to dominate. There are alternatives out there, y’all, and potatoes are not the only fruit.

Crispy/Salty Snacks

Spicy Baked Zucchini Fries with Greek Yogurt Dill Dip

Spicy Zucchini Fries via Kitchen Treaty

Homemade Taro Chips

Taro Chips via Table for Two

Beer-Battered Onion Rings

Beer-Battered Onion Rings via Epicurious

Sea Salt and Vinegar Kale Chips

Sea Salt Vinegar Kale Chips via GImme Some Oven

Crispy Roasted Chickpeas

Put just a little lemon juice on these to make it perfect — Put just a bit of lemon juice on these to make ’em perfect.

Savory Roasted Almonds

Savory Roasted Almonds via Sprouted Kitchen

Baked Avocado Fries

There's a bar near my house that makes these and they a) hold together better than you think and b) are delicious — There’s a bar near my house that makes these and they a) hold together better than you think and b) are delicious.

Chocolate-Covered Bacon

Baked Mozzarella Sticks

Baked Mozzarella Sticks via Two Peas and Their Pod

Soups for a Cloudy Day

Roasted Cauliflower Soup

I can personally attest that cauliflower soup is super easy to make and life changing to eat — I can personally confirm that cauliflower soup is both simple to make and life-changing to eat.

Cream of Mushroom Soup

Cream of Mushroom Soup via Allrecipes

Non-Dairy Creamy Vegetable Soup

Non-Dairy Creamy Vegetable Soup via The Healthy Foodie

Tomato Soup

For best results, serve with grilled cheese — Serve with grilled cheese for best results.

Holiday Side Dishes

Celery Root and Sage Mash

Celery Root and Sage Mash via Brit.co

Savory Carrot & Zucchini Pancakes

My dad makes these, he is great and so are they — My dad makes these; he is great and so are they.

Pumpkin Sage Biscuits

Pumpkin Sage Biscuits via Minimalist Baker

Savory Breakfast Support Staff

Sweet Potato Hash Browns

I realize it's a cheap shot to bring sweet potatoes into this, which is why I'm only doing it once, but no, they are NOT the same. I firmly believe that the only reason I haven't lost all my friends over this potato thing is that I do like sweet potatoes, at least — I realize it’s a cheap shot to bring sweet potatoes into this, which is why I’m only doing it once, but no, they are NOT the same. I honestly believe the only reason I haven’t lost all my friends/brunch dates over this potato thing is that at least I like sweet potatoes.

Mixed Mushroom Egg Bakes

Mixed Mushroom Egg Bakes via The Kitchn

Butternut Squash Home Fries

Butternut Squash Home Fries via Connoisseurus Veg

Cookout Sides

Best Macaroni Salad Ever

Best Macaroni Salad Ever via Pioneer Woman

Cauliflower Salad

Cauliflower Salad via Allrecipes

Creamy Coleslaw

Creamy Coleslaw via Serious Eats

PS this one is backed up by SCIENCE.

Grilled Corn on the Cob with Lime Butter

Grilled Corn on the Cob with Lime Butter via Cooking Channel

This concludes my most controversial article to date.

Carrie

Carrie’s body is weird and she’s making that work for her. She lives in DC by way of Los Angeles and has a conflicted relationship with social media, but you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram anyway.