We have a lot of feelings about the way dating works right now, as we live through a global pandemic. We’re sad and angry and frustrated and horny and NOT horny and, I guess, occasionally happy?
Everyone is juggling so much – here are some things that might be affecting your dating landscape in ways they did not before: fear, anxiety, depression, sheltering in place with roommates, sheltering in place with your parents, having to see your date 24/7, not knowing when you will next be able to hold hands with your date, being split up from your polycule, quarantine, illness, unemployment, having a heightened sex drive, having a non-existent sex drive… the list goes on and on and on and on.
We are living through a very destabilizing time, and dating – something that can be confusing and overwhelming at the best of times – is suddenly a lot harder. Or maybe not! Maybe the past few months have been amazing for your dating life. It’s all quite confusing and hard to keep track of, but we’re doing our best.
Some members of the Autostraddle editorial team gathered to talk about how we feel about dating during the coronavirus pandemic. Here are our thoughts – we’d love to hear yours in the comments.
Comments
This was really good. Thank you!
Laneia that is a sad f’ing story. I hope it gets better.
I’m 6 months into opening a very long marriage. I had been dating a nice person and that fell apart with a quickness after SIP started. Since then I have had zero emotional bandwidth to consider dating, even though it was really fun before. All of your list of things that are overwhelming right now… consider adding to that needing to work with screaming kids around, and lots of poop and snacks and crumbs and wiping things, and no preschool or grandparents or even playgrounds. Hope to get to a little more balance someday because I was really enjoying the open marriage.
Thank you for this
To preface, I live in the Netherlands where social distancing has just come to an end and boat dates aren’t that novel. A couple of weeks ago I met a girl on Tinder, and the first thing she did was ask to borrow the sander I was conveniently using in my profile picture. It actually belongs to my neighbor- I don’t own power tools, but you can bet that if I get the opportunity to borrow one, it is going straight to my tinder profile. So I said no, sorry, but then she asked me out anyway and we went on a BOAT RIDE and scaled a PIER and nearly got in big trouble with a car-carrier ship, and ended up walking through my old neighborhood with one flip flop each, out jeans covered in algae. After that we returned to her houseboat, where she played banjo on the deck and I overshared and we looked at art, and I went home. And then I asked her for her astrological sign, and oh, okay, she’s an Aries. I am NOT a sun sign kind of girl…. I like them so deep and brooding that they make Nancy Downs look chipper, plus, we are a horrible match because I am a libra. She wants to get together again this Friday and take me shopping for a circle saw at the hardware store, where I will convince her to fawn over plants, and then who knows what will happen, but I hope we all find what we are looking for when our respective quarantines lift.
First, wtf is Lex?
Second, I restarted the dating apps last week. I was like, damn, this is going to go on forever, maybe I should figure out how to date remotely? After 1 week, 1 attempt at a zoom date (she never followed up), and this 1 article, I’m absolutely done. Time to shut it all down again.
I hate how awful this is for all of you, but I guess slightly comforted that it’s not just me losing my mind over here in this weird space.
“It feels like dating is all of the bad parts with none of the good parts.” I HAVE LITERALLY ALWAYS FELT THIS WAY WELCOME TO MY FEELS. I mean I’ve fallen into one or two dating situations(which I loved) but every actual attempt has been just the crossroads of uncomfortable *and* unproductive and I’m just gonna go back to A-camp again jesus fucking WEPT
Going through my first breakup just a month before all *this* feels so cruel. I was just starting to get over it all and go out, do things I enjoyed, find myself again, not even date again but maybe?… my best friend told me it’s like I’ve been prescribed wallowing because of quarantine. It isnt fair, it’s making it so much harder to refind my confidence and joy. I have attempted talking to a few people, but it just fizzles after a while. My hope is that maybe in the questionable future when things are safer, it won’t be strange to reach out to those people and be like heyyyy we talked a bit, do you want to try to actually meet each other now and see if there is anything? Cause that seems like the only feasible situation for me.
I barely started seeing two different people before this thing happened and it’s been tough! Super tough. It’s in this weird depressed high commitment phase that is both great and unsatisfying and exhausting. And i’m still on apps trying to ???
Some of these experiences are way too real! For me, for around the past year I’d been slowly feeling my way around casually dating after coming out of a 6-year relationship in 2018. And I was getting good at it! I was good at tinder, getting great at communication, learning a lot about myself and others, and generally just living my best solo polyam life, and then lockdown in the UK came along. I’ve been trying to continue tinder but I just lost motivation with not knowing how long it would be before I can see someone in person, and there’s only so much you can judge the vibe via text.
Called it quits on the dating apps a couple weeks ago, with the belief that if I take the energy I put into them into my existing connections and crushes, I’d feel better and have more time for those I care about. And, pretty surprisingly, it worked! A pal I’d been crushing on since December last year confessed they were crushing on me (actually, in true lesbian/bi stereotype form they admitted that for a while they thought we were already dating while I was clueless) and now I guess we’re dating?? Interested to see how we navigate it with being unable to see each other (and let me tell u the longing is real) but I think it’s easier to keep a connection as people who have already known each other for six months or so, but now finally know we’re into each other. I hope it continues going okay. But also, I’m absolutely slowly gaining the courage and fuck-it energy to message my other crushes
Thank you for this. I feel less alone. I’m so frustrated with dating apps. They are crawling with fake accounts and bots which make it even more fruitless to try. I’ve resigned myself to working on improving other aspects of my life like fitness, career and finances and maybe buying a home. It’s all I have control of right now. I do miss touching someone and the worst time is at night like right now at 4:30am.
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