Calling all Homoganjas! Let’s talk about anything and everything Marijuana related, from legalization to pop culture to how to make your own bong using a box of Diva cups and a broken lamp.
Whether you’re a newbie who doesn’t know a blunt from a joint, or you’re planning your gay dream wedding to Mary Jane, this column is for you. Puff, Puff, Pass.
Header by Rory Midhani
You guys, let’s talk about strains. Strong strains, weak strains, strains that climb on rocks. For the novice smoker, the strain of their weed is not something that is normally taken into consideration. They are more concerned with what’s available, what’s cheap, and what they can get a lot of. This leads to copious amounts of “schwag,” a low-grade cheap form of marijuana. Schwag is basically the marijuana equivalent of Charles Shaw wine, aka “Two Buck Chuck.” Not that there’s anything wrong with Chuck. In college, I drank PLENTY of Chuck (I even mixed it with vodka once. It did not turn out well.) It’s cheap and it gets the job done.
But eventually, you get tired of drinking something that tastes like malt vinegar left in an old shoe. So you start spending some money. You sample different flavors and vintages. You even figure out what wines go best with a filet mignon or a seafood entrée. You develop standards. This is a good thing, as no self respecting adult should subject themselves to Chuck or any other similar beverages (with the exception of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill. I might be a connoisseur, but I’m not a monster.)
The same theory applies to marijuana. You want to get high, but what kind of high are you after? Are you looking for an uplifting, energizing high to help you complete your novel/Orange is the New Black fan fiction? Or do you want a heavier, more soporific high to glue your ass to the couch while you mainline Bomb Girls on Netflix? Or are you looking for something in between? This brings us to the two main strains of cannabis available today: Cannabis Sativa and Cannabis Indica.
Cannabis Sativa:
Sativa is a form of cannabis that creates a more stimulating, head-based high. It is considered a more energetic, invigorating strain that appeals to artists and highly functioning potheads alike. This is due to a higher content of THC (aka tetrahydrocannabinol) the main psychoactive chemical in marijuana. Now buckle your seatbelts, because it’s about to get scientific! According to Live Science:
“THC relieves pain, but it doesn’t bind to the same receptors in the brain as opioids such as heroine, morphine and other drugs derived from the poppy plant. THC stimulates cells in the brain to release dopamine, creating euphoria.”
You may recognize dopamine as the “happy” chemical, or the primary material from which they make A-Camp. Because of this, sativa is a strain often recommended for depression and fatigue.
You Should Smoke Sativa if:
– You want to be high but you still have shit to do.
– You are completing the great gay American novel.
– You are going to any sort of concert or festival.
– You are about to play any sort of dance-based video game.
– You found some old glow sticks in your freezer.
– You are about to do some serious data entry.
Cannabis Indica:
Indica is a heavier, more sedative strain of cannabis. This strain creates more of a body high, and is recommended for people with insomnia, anxiety, and chronic pain. Indica is what you smoke when you want to spend the day parked on the couch watching Netflix and intermittently napping (aka best day ever). This is due to less THC and more CBD (cannabidiol) a chemical with substantially less psychoactive effects than THC. Oh, and here’s a fun fact about CBD: it could possibly stop cancer cells from growing! Maybe the government should fund some of this research and testing…HAHA, just kidding they can’t do anything.
You Should Smoke Indica if:
– You want to be high and you have NOTHING to do.
– You just got the complete Daria DVD box set.
– You’re stressed out about the government shut-down.
– You are playing an RPG.
– You’re going to sleep.
– You didn’t go to A-Camp (cheer up, there’s always next year!)
Cannabis Hybrids:
Cannabis hybrids exist because God loves you and wants you to be happy. Hybrids are great for a combination head and body high, and depending on your preference you can enjoy a Sativa-based blend, an Indica-based blend, or an even 50/50 split. Hybrids are quickly becoming a popular choice for both recreational stoners and medical marijuana users. Consider hybrids the Reese’s of the cannabis industry. Two great tastes that taste great together.
You Should Smoke Hybrids if:
– You enjoy smoking marijuana.
– You enjoy making good life choices.
What do y’all like to smoke? Any strains you are partial to? Share in the comments! I’m currently in a Girl Scout Cookies phase and loving it.
