Calling all Homoganjas! Let’s talk about anything and everything Marijuana related, from legalization to pop culture to how to make your own bong using a box of Diva cups and a broken lamp.
Whether you’re a newbie who doesn’t know a blunt from a joint, or you’re planning your gay dream wedding to Mary Jane, this column is for you. Puff, Puff, Pass.
Homoganjas, like the famous Christmas carol says, “there’s no place like home for the holidays”. What the song fails to mention is that there is also no place for the weed you brought with you to your parents’ house. Truly, the holidays are a wonderful time to reunite with old friends and family, but oftentimes that is difficult to do without a little herbal assistance. And while some of us are blessed with laid-back, former hippy parents who enjoy a family smoke-up, the vast majority of smokers find themselves having to constantly sneak away from their family for a bud break. It’s like high school all over again, only the weed is more expensive and you’ve stopped coughing…as much.
So in the spirit of the holidays, let’s look at some great ways to hide your stash from your loved ones! Because while you love your family to pieces, sometimes you need a nice green buffer from those weirdos.
In terms of traveling with weed: dear readers, I DO NOT endorse air travel with weed. Plenty of people do it and never get caught. Maybe you are one of them. I give you mad props. But in the interest of keeping yourself out of jail, PLEASE do not bring your marijuana in the vicinity of federal agents! I mean, obvs you do you, I’m not your mom (OR AM I?!?) but please be thoughtful about this. I mean, look what happened to this lady, and she was only smuggling drug money!
So be smart and be safe. Unless you’re traveling on Amtrak, where you could wear a glitter top hat with LED lights that spell “homoganja” and no one would bat an eyelash.*
Deodorant
Deodorant is a great place to keep your stash, especially Secret brand if you love wordplay! All you need to do is crank out the deodorant until you can pull the block out (use gloves or a paper towel, that stuff gets everywhere). Wash out the inside, then insert your bag of weed. Cap that shit and you are good to go! Strong enough for a man, pH balanced for a stoner.
Highlighter
This is a fun, small portable stash holder that’s fairly simple to make. All you need is a pair of pliers and a highlighter, and you’re good to go! The first thing you do is take your pliers and pull out the back of the highlighter aka the white part. Once that’s off, remove the ink cartridge and rinse out the empty tube. Again, gloves will be good here, unless you want to look like a Simpsons character. Then pack your stash and you’re done! What’s next? High puns. High puns all day every day.
Stainless Steel Water Bottle
Chances are you have one of these already. They are BPA-free, lightweight, and endlessly reusable. Not to mention they come in cute colors! The big giveaway with marijuana is usually the smell, so any sort of container with a strong seal is a plus. And these bottles are so ubiquitous that you’ll be hiding your stash in plain sight. Sometimes the best solutions are the simplest.
Vitamins
Your stash box needs to be air-tight and opaque for optimal sneakiness. Vitamin pill bottles are a great example of this, plus your family will think that you are finally turning things around and taking care of yourself. Look at you, responsible adult-shaped person who’s getting enough zinc! You’re ready to take on the world.
Edibles
Edibles (especially smaller candies like Cheeba Chews and the like) are a great way to get high in plain sight. But be careful: you don’t want to go down as the idiot who accidentally roofied grandma/Jimmy Jr./Sparky with misplaced snacks. Because that shame will linger.
Another clever use of covert edibles is to mix it in with drug-free snacks. For example, a girl on my Birthright Israel trip (Jewiest sentence opener ever) baked some pot brownies, then crumbled them up into some trail mix. No one knew about it…until she passed out somewhere over the Atlantic ocean on the way to the Promised Land. So ya know, remember your tolerance, kids.
Stash Cans
If you’re not one for DIY, there are a myriad of different stash cans you can buy. From soda cans to lighters to shaving cream to WD-40 (hey butches hey!) there is almost nothing that hasn’t been copied and repurposed as a stash can. When I die, I think I’ll just have myself taxidermied and converted into a human stash can. You can add an audio tape of me telling pussy jokes and just leave me on A-Camp mountain like a scarecrow. I’m cool with it.
Where do you stash your weed when you head home for the holidays? Or where do you stash it at work? Do you really have 20 cans of beets or are those all stash cans? Holla at me, homoganjas!
*I’m exaggerating, don’t wear that on a train y’all, be smart and buy herb when you get home.
feature image via shutterstock.com
